Thoughts of the overthinker

Prologue1

I sat there sleepy eyed looking at a ticking clock thinking about what had happened in my life since last summer. I was a senior in high school now, so were my friends. I was still together with my boyfriend. And so was Sara. We all lived in the same houses. We all still liked the same music and art and books. So in a sense nothing had really changed…but it had and we all knew it. 2

We were no longer the kids that we had been. No longer the naive babes that were sure that all in the world was the way that it was told to us through our parents, grandparents, older siblings, and teachers. We had experience. Some experiences were not ones to brag about and none to be happy about but they were nonetheless, experiences that could help us. 3

Looking at an old picture that we had took from a friend’s party I figured we had changed in physical ways too. Us girls looked more sophisticated and regal. The boys well they were different all right. They didn’t always laugh at the things that we learned in health class and science. They paid attention to more things that were around them rather than being engulfed in their wild obsessions with well boyish things and acted more like the men that we girls always knew were inside them. 4

But for some reason I felt that we had some more growing up to do. Like what we saw now was only half of what could be. That feeling scared me, "ugh more change to deal with,” I thought aloud to myself. I didn’t want anymore change. We had gone through enough change already. Hell, I had gone through enough change already. But I knew it wouldn’t stop. It would never stop that’s just how life went.5

I had many times been accused of over thinking and thinking a little too much for a girl of only 17. They would say “Nicole you are a girl way passed your years but for now just be 17 and not 47,” then I would laugh and say that I would stop thinking if the world was helpful enough to hand us all a layout of our lives to follow. Until then I would think all I want and nothing (except that maybe) would stop me. 6

Chapter 17

I sat on a bench overlooking a vast ocean, with nothing but the sea and sand around me. Some would think that I was on an island but I was not. I didn’t know were I was only that I was alone. I felt tired but could not sleep. I felt sad but could not cry. I felt hungry but could not eat. I did nothing. Suddenly I felt a warm hand on my shoulder. I turned around and there was Adam looking at me smiling. When he saw that I could not stand to great him he bent down wrapped his strong arms around me and lifted me up. He carried me away into a forest that I had only realized that moment. We soon came to a brook lined with huge rocks. He stopped at one and gently laid me down upon it before lying down next to me. He looked deep into my eyes and said,” Nicole I love you. I have loved you even more since we started really seeing each other. I know now that I want to spend the rest of my life with you.” 8

He slowly stood up took something out of his pocket and knelt down on one knee…9

“NICOLE WAKE UP OR YOUR GOING TO BE LATE.”10

I groaned why didn’t my mom just shake me awake like normal parents. 11

“OK MOM, BUT IM DRIVING”12

“OK HUN JUST COME DOWN WHEN YOUR READY I WANT TO SEE MY BABY GOING OFF FOR HER SENIOR YEAR” 13

I groaned again I’m 17 stop treating me like I’m 6. 14

I looked down at the foot of the bed. Onyx my little black Affenpincher was still sleeping. This is not fair, I thought, why do you still sleep?15

“How can you put up with mom, onyx?” The little pup picked up his head and yawned. 16

“There we go baby is up” I kissed him on his snout and he sneezed. He was so cute. He was my baby I took care of him and he loved me. He was the only one I could truly turn to. Even though he couldn’t talk back I knew he was listening. He was a smart dog. Slowly I got out of my bed and picked out some thing to wear. 17

A tight brown tee shirt and low-rise jeans found themselves on me. Still sleepy I picked up my bag and turned off the lights in my room. Onyx pranced after me. 18

“Oh you look Adorable Nikki,” mom said when I walked down the steps. I rolled my eyes again. 19

“What its not everyday that your littlest baby starts her last year of high school!” I was sure she saw me. 20

It was true; I was the youngest of 3 kids. My older sister Karen (now 24) was in law school. She was getting married in just a few months to her soul mate Jake Carlyle. She was a great sister, and was very smart. She was now going to Harvard law and had to move away. I only saw her a few times a month.21

My brother, Brock, was an amazing Football player. He was a football star in High School and got picked up to play for the Rutgers Scarlet Knights so he was only 3 years older than me and we were pretty close. But having a brother that played collage ball and was the former star quarterback at your high school did get annoying. I saw his picture on bulletins and in the trophy case in the main foyer. And I can’t even remember how many guys wanted to go out with me for the sole reason that my brother was a football star. It was really hard to find a guy that liked me for well…me. But I did and his name was Adam he didn’t really care that my brother was Brock Goldstein. He liked me for being me. Besides he was a baseball fan. 22

After grabbing a warm waffle I walked out to my car. It was my turn to drive. 23

Since all of us had cars we could have easily driven to school ourselves but we liked to be with each other so we each had our own designated days to drive to school. We had figured that over the summer. Today I had to pick everyone up. First was Sara. I pulled into her driveway and honked my horn. Her dad’s car was gone and her mom was up cooking as always. She came running out first to get her dog Emma who had run out at the sound of the honk. Then she came out with her stuff and climbed into the car, next to me.24

“Ello love” she said with a fake British accent. 25

“Hey Sar,” I replied. While we drove we turned on our favorite radio station and sang all the words to all of our favorite songs. Sara was one of my very best friends. I had known her since sixth grade. 26

I also had a very best friend named Sasha. She was next on the pick up list. I had known her for practically all my life and I loved her like a sister. 27

When I pulled into her driveway she was running out and hitting her brother I guess he took something of hers again. Sara and I started laughing. He was 19 and still lived at home he went to school at the state collage. She was out of breath and laughing when she got into the car.28

“I HATE my brother,” she laughed.29

Next was Sara’s Boyfriend John. They had been going out since sixth grade and were still very much in love. What Sara didn’t know was that he was planning on an engagement when they graduated high school. I introduced them in middle school and was constantly thanked by each one of them. 30

He came out still combing his hair. Making it perfect. Sara laughed when he came into the car, “You’re such a pre- Madonna.” He laughed a mock laugh and kissed her.31

My Adam was next. I had known him forever as an annoying kid in my classes that liked to tease me. But soon I came to know his gentle, sweet side. He was the greatest. 32

This time I decided to go out to get him myself. 33

When he opened the door he surprised me he picked me up so I was eye level with him (he was much taller than me) and kissed me. As he put me down I said, “Well aren’t we in a good mood today.”34

“Who wouldn’t be when their beautiful girlfriend comes to pick them up for school.”35

I walked into my Homeroom class and sat down. The teacher saw me and smiled. 36

“Ah Miss Goldstein, I was wondering when if I would see you in my classes I remember when I had your sister and your brother.”37

Great he had my brother. Would this ever end? I smiled an uneasy smile back and grabbed a seat by a friend who had motioned for me to sit down next to her. 38

The day went by quite fast. Soon I found myself sitting in front of the school with Adam, Sara, Sasha, and John. Rather I was lying on grass in front of the school. Laughing about our day so far made me think about the fact that we were all seniors. It was the same feeling I felt when I had just come to middle school. I felt older. This time it was over, nothing but collage and future ahead of us. 39

I didn’t have enough time to think before the bell rang and every student was filling into the cramped high school for another two classes. Sara grunted, “it’s the first day and I’m already sick of it.”40

“Oh come on Sara,” I said, “watch your going to snap your fingers and it’s going to be graduation and we are all going to be off to collage.” She snapped her fingers as if to mock me41

“Nope, not today,” 42

“Oh you know what I mean idiot,” I smacked her on the back of her head. 43

Chapter 244

The rest of the week went by like the first day, boring but quick. To celebrate the fact that we had gotten through our first week of our last year of high school we all went out to a dinner and a movie.45

The movie was not quite what we had expected. It was a dull 1 hour and 15 minutes worth of bad writing and poor acting. We didn’t care though we were just happy to hang out with each other at a time other than 6 in the morning. 46

Slowly though, we sank into a steady algorithm of school year life. Wake up, drive to school, sit through classes that we knew didn’t matter, come home, do homework and sleep. It was like watching a hamster on its wheel. Running in the same direction, once in a while stopping to take a breather and then start running again.47

We were all like little trained hamsters running on our little wheels, eventually stopping to go out with our friends or to go on vacations, then just climb right back on our wheels to start running again. I thought of this as I was lying in bed staring at my ceiling because I couldn’t get myself to sleep. My eyelids were heavy and drooping but my restless mind would not let me sleep. 48

Eventually I got to sleep and the next day (a Saturday) I went to the pet shop.49

I got a hamster and named it Al.50

When I came home my mom asked no questions and immediately started to fuss over the thing. I could tell she liked him. Onyx even fell to a liking with the animal. He was a brown hamster with a little white spot on its forehead. He was the cutest.51

In his cage Al had a green wheel and a hanging water bottle. 52

I wondered how long it would take until he started to run on it. How long it would take to start that “Al”gorithm of running breaking and running again. It took him five minutes after we had put him back into his cage and put food in his system. Just watching him made me feel as if he knew exactly how I felt about normal boring life. But for him being a simple animal it didn’t matter if his life was exciting or not. If he had food water and a place to live he was content. 53

Was I asking too much of my life was Food, Water, and Shelter all I really needed and the rest were just fillers like the subjects in school that you had to take, not because you needed them but because they burned up time.54

I fell asleep thinking about life and hamsters only to be woken up by a brisk knock on my door.55

“Who is it,” I said sheepishly. 56

“Your worst nightmare”57

“Come in Brock.” My brother was home.58

“Heard you got a hamster,” He climbed up on my bed next to me and took Al from his cage. He layed down next to me and dropped Al next to us. 59

“Yeah, isn’t he the cutest,” I replied after a long loud yawn.60

“What’s his name?”61

“Al”62

“Al?” He turned to me, “why Al?”63

“I don’t know he reminds me of my life, long boring like an algorithm.”64

“Oh come on Nikki how do you know that Al is boring, don’t judge a book by its cover.” He said picking Al up and making a sad pose with him. 65

“ No its not that,” I sighed. He ended up pushing my thoughts out of me. So I told him the lot of them. 66

“Nicole Ann Goldstein, has anyone ever told you that you think to much?” He scolded me.67

“Yes Mr. Sir,” I joked.68

“Well stop,” he said placing Al gently back into his cage.69

He winked at me as he dramatically waltzed out of my bedroom. 70