From outer space, it looked just like a barren landscape. Nothing would have appeared to be able to live there. But if you landed, it was a different kettle of chiscas. It was the lushest landscape ever, with no sign of any contamination. Many non-sentinent animals lived here, including but not limited to chiscas. chiscas are small, round and were covered in waterproof fur, which was very nutrious, but chisca catchers lived a well paid and perilous life, as many predators lived in all waters, even puddles formed by precipitation. Then there were the intelligent inhabitants. The Rotarians were a form of plant, like a tree, and covered with many growths that could act as limbs etc. Psiochs, a telepathic race that felt the need to remain with nature and leave it as it is. The Alturians felt the need for technology, the way of the future. They were the ones who developed the atmosphere to disguise the planets true form. Life here is well balanced, and despite their differences, everyone gets along with everyone else. Until aliens landed and ruined life.1
The first problem was, with no hostilities on the planet, there were no weapons, except maybe the Psiochs powers. Then their pods caused extreme polution. This affected the enviroment, especially the Rotarians. Then they started fighting each sentinent race. It wasn't fair, as they were invisible. It was clear they wanted the planet. And in the end, they won... This was a tragic loss to the universe. But like life normally on a planet, it is like putting your finger in the water, and pulling it out. That is how much of a hole you leave.
A contest entry
- 100% Sci-Fi! by beyondsonic.
150 points, ended December 3, 2006, 4 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think. Do you think it will win the contest?
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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I can see this one as a half hour show. It's, again I'm repeating myself, original. It's fresh. I'm tired of reading the same ole type of things.
Congrats on that gold trophy!
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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A good sketch.
It is the spine of a good idea. I sense you enjoy starving us for more. Always blame the aliens. The visitors. We should pass a law that would make all alien spacecraft park in a reserved spot. We should even have alien handicapped parking as I am sure some of them are handicapped.
Life here is like sticking ya finger in a pie...ya Moma is gonna find out and either way send ya to ya room three light years away or tell ya daddy...who may or may not be Darth Vader.
I will be going through the rest of ya stories. It is good to read a young man from OZ. Who when he is not writing is silly, when I am not writing or silly; I am normally goofy.
beginning: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, characters: 5.
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Opps.. forgot to applaude lol
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Nice!
The only flaws I can see is you capitalized chiscas when they were introduced, and the second-to-last sentince in line 1 should probably be is paste tense. Never the less, a very nice write and I enjoyed it! You have a bit of animal discription, culture, war, etc... I like it! -
HERE WE GO! nice ending. i thought it was gonna suck when u said it wasnt fair they were invisible. but fantastic. But like life normally on a planet, it is like putting your finger in the water, and pulling it out. That is how much of a hole you leave. good qoute and good job. keep it up
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Aww
Aww this is sad, all 3 of the races get whiped out. I would like to see more of the battle. Like how they armed themselves against the aliens. I just want to see the main facets of the war against them. I think you have good detail everywhere else but in that area it leaves me wanting more. This is cool and I would like to see more of it.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 4, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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good work but I wold like more detail! a back ground of all, you know? If you edit it and add more just give me another yell, I will look it over.
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