I awake seeing white walls surround me. I know this place well it seems. I get up out of my chair and see my sister laying there on the hospitial bed, only it doesnt look like my sister. She has blood red hair, transparent skin, and purple lips. IV's are in her arms. I walk down to the edge of the bed and pick up a clipboard.1
Violent Convulsions 2
Head Trama 3
Internarl Nose Bleeds 4
I gasped as I read. I didnt want this to be my sister.5
"She should wake up soon" said a doctor from behind me. I turned.6
"Really?" I asked. He nodded. I sat back down in the chair and seized my sisters hand. I sat there holding her hand wanting her to wake up. Hours passed, I didnt eat or drink anything. I saw her turn her head, and open up her eyes. 7
"Hey" she said in a breath.8
"Hey" I replied.9
"Sara, So much time has been lost" she sighed.10
"No its only the beginning" I said.11
"Sara Im old" she said looking out her window down upon the crowded cities filled with horn blowing and yelling.12
"You're not old" I said. She let out a small chuckle.13
" Sara I've seen so much, felt so much, wanted so much, needed so much, and lived so little." she said. 14
" What do you mean lived so little?"15
" I've spent so much time wasting away on nothing, that no one can give that back to me" she said, tears coming to her eyes.16
" Arisu you havent wasted any time at all, because you've touched the lives of so many"17
" Name some"18
" Well me for example" she chuckled at this.19
" How?" she asked.20
"You made me into such a better person. Often times I'd think what would have happened if your dad didnt leave and I would have never been born, and my downfall of it all would be that I would have never met you"21
" Your just saying that"22
" No I mean it." I said.23
" When I die I want you to know I love you Sara. You've been the best sister"24
" I havent you have. You've always been the best, even when you didnt know it. Without you I wouldnt know who I am or what I have become. I love you so much, you cant die."25
" Well you know its a part of life, but Im happy" I rose slightly from my chair and hugged my sister. I didnt want to let go as I felt her arms go around me, and in a instant I heart a flatline come. Tears flowed from my eyes. And I kissed the top of her head, and told her that I loved her.
Author notes
This is for my sister, the beginning was a dream, well the part I remembered the rest Is what I mean.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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With only a few minor spellings, I would say this is good. One problem I have is to add some history between Sara and her sister. What were they like then? How was the family before? Details are what makes a great story. You got the idea down, but now you just need to add the parts that will make the story even more special. Keep on trying and I can't wait to read more of your writing!
beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 3, ending: 3, dialog: 3, characters: 4.
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