Nothing To Loose1
Sitting here,2
Away from the world,3
Secluded from fun,4
No parties for me,5
Just come home and exist.6
I have no life,7
Nobody invites me,8
Sometimes I wonder if they ever,9
Notice me,10
Just sitting here.11
With no life,12
And few friends,13
What is there to strive for,14
Live to exist,15
And Exist to live,16
Just existing.17
Alone,18
Quiet,19
Wasting away,20
I am a waste.21
A waste of life,22
When I have no life to waste,23
While others go about,24
With whatever they do,25
I hang out at Wal-Mart,26
With no smile,27
Just a frown.28
I think I’m cool,29
But that’s not a fact,30
Just here in a small town,31
Nothing to do,32
Nothing to see,33
Just sitting here,34
Alone,35
Just me.36
Depression and Pain,37
The only ones who visit,38
The blade sooths me,39
When no one else cares.40
My phone grows with rust,41
My keyboard dies with wear,42
My chair has formed to me,43
My car doesn’t move,44
It has nowhere to go.45
Like an angel,46
I fell from the top,47
Fate will not free me,48
From a life of distress.49
Climbing back up,50
Will take far too long,51
Far too much energy,52
And I still might not make it.53
The will to try,54
Is gone and past,55
I had my chance,56
I’m lost in my mind.57
Cries of the past,58
Wail in the night,59
But I only see,60
My room with delight.61
The anguish of it all,62
Is far too much,63
I’ll end it all now,64
No one will fuss.65
By: Andrew Orem66
A contest entry
- Impress me! by QueenWolf.
350 points, ended January 14, 2007, 14 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Morbidity [well, anything really] by Dirty and Broken.
700 points, ended February 5, 2007, 15 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - write me an emo story by Fluffykins.
325 points, ended February 12, 2007, 13 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Options! by Taylor Renee.
175 points, ended March 22, 2008, 15 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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=]
Overall I liked and you just spoke on behalf of me. The Wal-Mart/Smile/Frown lines kind of took me out of the "I'm very into this" mood for a sec though
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Well, the layout of the poem itself annoyed me, and, while, it seems to speak to some, it's words were just too bland for me.
But, I think, if you worked on it a little bit, or wrote something else with...I don't know, more depth to it, it would delight souls all around.
However, I'm not putting it down, I'm sure it helped you get your emotions out. -
yeah...know what ya mean in this poem. I knew exactly what you were talking about. It started off as kind of stating facts, then it went into the soulful rythem. I loved it.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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okay, i didn't want prewritten story's but i forgot to unclick it, so if you would could you enter anouther story to relace this one?
if not, i will judge you based on this one, but i would like it better if you could write a new one.
thank you -
Wow...you've written a very emotional poem, fantastic work! I can sadly relate to alot of it...GREAT STUFF!
Shady Lane
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It was very depressing which I suppose is the point of the poem. It was nicely written and showed a lot of pain and emotion. Great job! I enjoyed it very much!
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TO DARK FOR ME. A hard read especially for me. Not my cup of tea.
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This is...sad in an emo sort of way. I tend to stray away from the cliche pain, cutting, pity me poems. You have a nice way of making it all flow together, though.
-Ethan -
ok i think your story is sad and depressing but i like it.
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hmmm...the idea is good and the majority of the poem is good but in the middle it gets really repetative and toward the nd it get's kinda...i don't know...dead, as if it is lacking feeling.....
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Terrific piece. It sounds more like a poem than a story. It very heartfelt and I feel the depressing emotions flowing from the words.
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very moving. congrats
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Really good poem. Sad, but good.
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Um...not really a story...and I think you mean "Nothing to Lose"...getting the title right is important. On the plus side this reminded me of that song from Aladdin at one point, you know: "gotta eat to live, gotta live to eat" (hums the rest)...
But other than that, real emo. Yeah. Real emo. -
um not a story, but in the poetry sense this is very good, it is really long though keep writing and goodluck in the contest
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not quite what I was looking for but you have a sad poem here, I can feel your emotion in it.
A great use of wording, Thank you for entering my contest. Good luck.
Penny x x x
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