She's back™! And off to fight EVL™ for good this time...

Hello fair maidens, today I come from a land, a land of sweets and chocolate desires, to tell you a deeply emotionally crazily unsettling story about Svarnia, the Yiddish---
Wait. Who are you all? For that matter, who am I? What are we doing? STEVEJOE, IS IT SUPERNIGHTMANGIRLYEAH!™ TIME!?!? I THOUGHT SHE WAS DISCONTINU...I guess not.1

Hello fair maidens, today I come from a land, a land of pudding and superhero battles, to remind you to take your fortified Goop Viiiiiitamins of POWAH™!™, so that my manager won't kill me and we can continue to have these stories. Please? Anyways, let's start off our story with a re-cap, if you will. I don't even remember what the **CENSORED BY THE COMMUNIST GOVERNMENT** is going on! 2

The last we heard, our heroes (SUPERNIGHTMANGIRLYEAH!™, Eugenette™ and CHIEF BADGER PANAMA TUMBLEWEED™) were trapped by the EVL™est EVL™ person EVL™ everEVL™, Evlclown™ in an old people's home, likely never to escape or watch daytime television ever again. Evlclown™ had found their super-weaknesses™: giving BADGER PANAMA TUMBLEWEED™ POLLUTION KRYPTONITE™, the only thing people from her planet CAPTAIN-PLANET-HE’S-A-HERO-GONNA-TAKE-POLLUTION-DOWN-TO-ZERO™ are forcelessly helpless against? And what about Eugenette™, being dripped on with nacho cheese and being FORCED to play UNO against her will? Will Evlclown™ succeed in his plan to woo her? Finally, what about SUPERNIGHTMANGIRLYEAH!™'s rice pudding injection? Who will save our heroes from their eminent demise of demiseyness?3

Well, as we discovered last chapter, there are some heroes with…er…amazing!dazzling!fortifying! ™ powers, who had worked alongside SUPERNIGHTMANGIRLYEAH!™'s team in THE COW CAVE™, without letting the other team know. Their leader, Green Knight!!!™, has the amazing powers of **KEPT FROM YOU BECAUSE YOU ONLY PASSED THE THIRD GRADE** and his signature move is **KEPT FROM YOU BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T EAT YOUR PEAS** and he loves **DON'T TELL, IT'S A SECRET!! SHHHHHSHHHHH!!**. What I can tell you is, he holds SUPERNIGHTMANGIRLYEAH!™ and her posse™ in the highest esteem. His second teammate, CHOCO-LAKE RAIN BOWS™, was raised by Amish Chinese immigrants, but she is really from planet PLAN A-SQUARED B-SQAURED C AND PICNICS™, the next door neighbors of planet CAPTAIN-PLANET-HE’S-A-HERO-GONNA-TAKE-POLLUTION-DOWN-TO-ZERO™, and they wanted to save her from the encroaching EVL™ that was creepifying on them. She is actually half chocolate ice-cream mixed with leprechaun rainbows™, which is special in its own special way. The third and final member of the group is...
Well, you'll find out sooner or later...ish.
The last time we saw this new group of heroes, they were on their way to the Old People's Home, to save everyone, and win the esteem of SUPERNIGHTMANGIRLYEAH!™, who right now is taking a quick potty break. And so will we. Be back in five...4


"I hate this!" yelled Orange Pudding™, "I get NO screentime, and everyone's history has already been introduced! This is the most STUPEDEST™ thing I have ever done. Hey, Evlclown™? I QUIT." And with a huff and a puff, Orange Pudding™ was no longer employed by Evlclown™, even though he does give GREAT dental. As Orange Pudding™'s outcry of outrange echoed throughout the Old People's Hall of EVL™, Evlclown™ realized that good help was really hard to find these days, and he would have to put up a lot of signs of hireness™ and monies™ to get a new henchman that could not ONLY be EVL™, but also make a mean crème brulee.5

Fast forward three hours...6

The door opened in one swooshing™ motion, as in the dark damp corridor, a figure, shrouded in mystery, was shivering with excitement. This figure was both and neither male and female, and the figure had a habit of screAMING THINGS IN ALL CAPS ALL THE TIME. Evlclown™ came running to see what was the matter, and he saw that his add had actually worked.
"Thanks so much for getting here so quickly! Y'see, I have all these superheroes trapped…one is infected and spouts all of her secrets, the other only wants to eat rice pudding, and I'm playing UNO with the last one. She's quite good, and technically crafty. So, go cook us some cheese fondue, okay? Have fun in there!!" Evlclown™ skipped away to play UNO with the gracefulness of a wounded hippo as the new hired help™ went to see what was brewing in the kitchen (both literally and figuratively).7

"Riiice. Mmm. Rice isp soh ghood! Iii louve ricep! Rice. Rice. Rice!!" ate SUPERNIGHTMANGIRLYEAH!™, as she devoured every bowl of rice pudding in Evlclown™'s fridge, even though every drop was sucking her powers dryer and dryer. The hired help™ looked around, and sure enough, stirring a heaping vat of Chaheeeeesezy Fondue™ was CHIEF BADGER PANAMA TUMBLEWEED™. "I can't stir this, it hurts my arms. Once, I ate cheese, and I didn't notice there was this brown--thing--on--my--cheese, and I ate it, and it tasted so much better...oh! Once, I threw up a bean. It tickled my esophagus™. Oh!Oh! And, in third grade, I had the biggest crush on--" The hired help™ put a hand over CHIEF BADGER PANAMA TUMBLEWEED™ cheese-stirring mouth, and took out a syringe that looked not at all EVL™. She quickly jabbed CHIEF BADGER PANAMA TUMBLEWEED™ with it, and CHIEF BADGER PANAMA TUMBLEWEED™ drifted to the ground like a pile of bricks. The hired help™ laughed silently to hiserself, and went to see what could be done with SUPERNIGHTMANGIRLYEAH!™.8

Meanwhile, in Evlclown™'s room, Eugenette™ was beating EVL™ to the ground, at least at UNO.
"Ha-HA! Evlclown™, you totally SUCK at UNO. Why'd you want me to play? I mean, at first you were a pretty hard competitor, getting all those WILD DRAW FOUR™ cards, but you'd always choose the same color: red. WHY is that? WHY?!?" Eugenette™ was puzzled beyond her careful logical reasoning, but Evlclown™ just reflected her an EVL™ smile, and put down his last card. "UNO."
There was silence in the world, as EVL™ had finally triumphed over good, at least at UNO. Eugenette™ was stunned beyond her pretty pink ponies could comprehend. He had tricked her. He had tricked her! She, Eugenette™ had been tricked! She had been--yeah. Evlclown™ got up and did a victory lap around the room to the sounds of Hips Don't Lie (Shakira ft. Wyclef Jean), as Eugenette™ stared like a telephone receiver. She rummaged through his cards, the cards in the pile, even her cards…trying to find some kind of way this was a joke, trying to undo the hurt he had caused in her life. All this time, she thought of him as good, as honorable, as noble, as a strong person who would save her when the time came. She realized now that he was EVL™, through and through, and they would never work out, and she didn't want them to, anyways.
She HATED cheese.
As Evlclown™ danced like a Colombian, Eugenette™ grabbed her shoes, and walked out of his life (and the secrified™ door).9

In the other room, The hired help™ was wasting no time contemplating, and was trying to convince a rice pudding-ladled SUPERNIGHTMANGIRLYEAH!™ that she really hated rice pudding, and it was all a fiendish joke put on by Evlclown™. "PLEASE! SUPERNIGHTMANGIRLYEAH!™, YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THIS IS DOING TO YOU! YOU'RE A SPECIAL PERSON, AND YOU DO SO MANY THINGS THAT SAVE NOT ONLY PEOPLE, BUT PUDDING! THE WORLD NEEDS YOU AND YOUR TEAM!! PLEASE, SNAP OUT OF IT! ...PLEASE!?!" The hired help™ was helpless against Evlclown™'s ways...the only way SUPERNIGHTMANGIRLYEAH!™ could ever be saved was if all of the superheroes lent her their powers. She couldn't do it alone.
Suddenly, there was a large enigma. And the door opened. 10

In the doorway, stood SUPERNIGHTMANGIRLYEAH!™'s hope, Green Knight!!!™ and CHOCO-LAKE RAINBOWS™, standing in SUPERNIGHTMANGIRLYEAH!™'s hope. At that exact moment, Eugenette™ strode like a bumblebee out of EVL™'s clutches, and CHIEF BADGER PANAMA TUMBLEWEED™ awoke from her POLLUTION KRYPTONITE™-less sleep. All of the heroes starred at each other.
"WHO ARE YOU!??!" they all screamed at each other.
"I'm Eugenette™, able to turn myself into a blimp!"
"I'm CHOCO-LAKE RAINBOWS™, able to…um, well…I'm an alien made out of leprechaun rainbows™ and chocolate ice-cream…"
"I'm Green Knight!!!™, with the power of mideval literature™!"
"I'm CHIEF BADGER PANAMA TUMBLEWEED™, and I can lie again! YES!! ...oh yeah, and I'm secretly trained in the art of HIYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-I-KICK-YO-BOOTY™!"
I'm the narrator™, who tells the story! I have the secret power of...oh. Never mind.11

As our heroes got down to finally introducing themselves, they noticed the bravest and bestest superhero of them all had not spoken. She was instead lying on the ground like a humpback turtle, awaiting rescue.
"Is that SUPERNIGHTMANGIRLYEAH!™?" asked Eugenette™, in a timid voice.
"Yeah. I--I don't know what happened. This hired help™, they stuck something in me...and I felt all better and stuff. But...SUPERNIGHTMANGIRLYEAH!™...I don't think there was anything they could stick in her. I--I don't think they can save her, Eugenette™. I don't..." as CHIEF BADGER PANAMA TUMBLEWEED™ burst into tears on Eugenette™'s sweater, Green Knight!!!™ put a look of intense concentration on his face and consulted with CHOCO-LAKE RAINBOWS™.
"This is bad, CHOCO-LAKE™."
"I know, Green™. We came all this way, and for what? She's...can't we do something? Isn't there someone we can call? A doctor? A pudding specialist? Someone?"
"I don't think so, CHOCO-LAKE™. I wish I had learned more! I wish I knew how to save her!"
Interrupting the crying and conversationing that was going on, was MarriedNiece Yem™, who leaned over the fallen hero with tears in his eyes. He bent down, and suddenly started yelling in her ear. 12

"What're you doing!??! You'll hurt her precious eardrums!!" said Eugenette™.
"I know what I'm doing, whippergingersnapper™! She's lived in my back yard longer than even I lived in my backyard. I know her better than anyone else, and we've never even spoken...she was my Santa Clause…except she stole pudding instead of giving presents…Just trust me, okay?" MarriedNiece Yem™ and all the others waited with baseball breath to see if anything would happen. The Chaheeeeesezy Fondue™ started to bubble and hiss, and still they waited. They heard Evlclown™ still dancing, but this time to Maneater (Nelly Furtado), and still they waited. They waited for almost three minutes, and STILL they waited. Finally, SUPERNIGHTMANGIRLYEAH!™ popped up like burnt toast.13

'W-what happened? I felt like...a normal girl. I ate...rice pudding? Yeech. How--how'd I get saved? And…wait, who ARE all of you?" SUPERNIGHTMANGIRLYEAH!™ was crushed by the weight of everyone's happy hearts, who smooshed her to tiny pieces, even MarriedNiece Yem™. After a brief recap of what had happened, SUPERNIGHTMANGIRLYEAH!™ freed MarriedNiece Yem™ and Lady AnairO™, sending them on their merry hiker's way to their houses of freedom™. After she her hand had fallen off from all the waving, she gathered her assembly of posse™ness together, and started to form a plan.14

"Okay, team, since we're all together now, and no one has any injuries that I know of, I'm thinking we should attack Evlclown™ at his weakest point, mainly being at the--yes CHOCO-LAKE RAINBOWS™?"
"Um, can I go use the small gurrrl alien™ bathroom please? I've been holding it since, well, a while, and I really, really, REALLY need to go."
SUPERNIGHTMANGIRLYEAH!™ pointed her in the direction of the bathroom, and continued with the plan planning.
"So, he's at his weakest at night, right? So, I say we wait 'till the cover of nightfall--"
"But SUPERNIGHTMANGIRLYEAH!™", rudely interrupted Green Knight!!!™, "We're in his house. There's no cover because at night he turns his lights on…"
"As I was saying, we'll SNEAK OUT and THEN have the cover of night, and then sneak back in and attack him when he's weakest! Sound like a good plan?"
--"Why yes, SUPERNIGHTMANGIRLYEAH!™, it sounds like a most excellent plan."15

"Why thank you---what?!?!" SUPERNIGHTMANGIRLYEAH!™ and her posse™ turned around to see Evlclown™ and CHOCO-LAKE RAINBOWS™ walking out of the corridor together, with linked arms, chatting like two catholic schoolgirls.
"Is this part of the plan?" asked CHIEF BADGER PANAMA TUMBLEWEED™.
"I don't think so, TUMBLEWEED™." Said Eugenette™.
Green Knight!!!™ was so taken aback that his partner had become EVL™, he fainted….which didn't really help the odds that much.
"Yes, yes, yes. I, CHOCO-LAKE RAINBOWS™ was EVL™ all along. I only sided with pitiful Green Knight!!!™ to gain access to all SUPERNIGHTMANGIRLYEAH!™ knowledge, so I could help Evlclown™ rid the world of you superheroes. You all are really pitiful, especially you, Eugenette™! Didn't you realize Evlclown™'s feelings for you were non-lethal and lies? He only did that to distract you!!"
Evlclown™ looked at CHOCO-LAKE RAINBOWS™. "I did?"
"Yes, you did Evlclown™! Plus, you actually pretended you liked cheese, when in fact you hate it!!"
Evlclown™ pondered this a bit. "No, actually, I really do love cheese. Especially that Chaheeeeesezy Fondue™ stuff. I can't live without it!!"
"Anyways, what I am saying is, Eugenette™, prepare to battle. Prepare to defend your honor in a battle of wits and superpowered chocolate attacks with moxie-strength™!"
CHOCO-LAKE RAINBOWS™ grabbed Eugenette™ by the shoes, and dragged her over to the EVL™y liscenced BAAAAAAATTTLLLLLE AaaaaaaAAAAARENAAAAAA!! ™.
"This is DEFINETLY not good." Obviously stated SUPERNIGHTMANGIRLYEAH!™16

What will happen to our hero, SUPERNIGHTMANGIRLYEAH!™ and her posse? Will Eugenette™ beat CHOCO-LAKE RAINBOWS™ in the EVL™y liscenced BAAAAAAATTTLLLLLE AaaaaaaAAAAARENAAAAAA!! ™?!?! What is up with the hired help™ figure? Is there romance in the future for BADGER PANAMA TUMBLEWEED™ and Green Knight!!! ™, who has fainted at a most unacceptable time? And what of EVL™? Will good triumph or will this be one of those unhappily ending stories?17

You'll just have to tune into...THE NEXT CHAPTER!!
(in 3D Technicolor)18

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~~end of chapter 4~~20