MUGD -- Chapter 4 (shopping spree)

Eric ran as fast as his legs would carry him - or perhaps faster.1

Dan looked at me, and I was so confused that I couldn’t even allow myself to look at his face; let alone his eyes.2

“Girl,” said Chad, after noticing Dan couldn’t bring himself to explain. “He broke the second rule of conduct.”3

My jaw dropped; I was aware of it, but couldn’t control it. “Eric had - has feelings for me?”4

“This is one of those things that your parents don’t need to know about,” said Brad.5

“Try to forget this happened,” said Dan.6

“How could I forget this?” I asked. “Eric likes me! He has feelings for me!”7

“Don’t be flattered too much,” said Dan. “It’s only Eric.”8

“Flattered?” I repeated. “This is not flattering! This is downright disgusting! A guy? Me? Eew!”9

I could have sworn I saw Dan give The Guyz (now a duo, no longer a trio) a “that’s-my-girl” look.10

The lack of Eric’s presence in L.S.P.P. felt awkward for a few weeks - in addition to two years, and the awkwardness only ended then because --11

“Monica!”12

It was a Tuesday, near the end of summer break, and I had just turned eleven.13

“What, Mom?” I asked after I swallowed my scrambled eggs.14

“There’s a letter from… Cabot’s Academy for the Talented and Bright, addressed to you.”15

Dan spit out his milk and snatched the envelope from Mom’s hands. Try as she might to hand on to it, she was no match for Dan’s newly buffed biceps.16

“For real?” said Dan, who began ripping open the envelope. “You got in!”17

“In?” I repeated. “I didn’t apply for this. I’ve never even heard of Cabot’s Academy.”18

Everyone looked at Dan.19

“I just wanted to see what would happen,” he explained. “And she is bright. And she did get it.”20

“Are you going to let me read that?” I asked Dan, who handed me the letter. I read it through, double-checked the unbelievable parts, and then laid it on the table. “It says it’s a boarding school where geniuses, musicians, pop stars, actresses, authors, and inventors have been discovered, beginning ten years ago when William Cabot started the school. To this day, he is still in charge of the academy. I don’t know what Dan’s told them about me, but they must be convinced because I’ve got a scholarship!”21

“A full one?” Mom asked.22

“Pretty much,” I answered. “It only covers board, but that’s the majority of expenses. We have to wear uniforms and we get to come home for spring summer, and Christmas break.”23

“You can’t come home on the weekends?” asked Mom.24

I shook my head. “That’d be too expensive for me to fly from Alabama to New York City every week.”25

“New York city?” Mom was speechless. Dan on the other hand…26

“Isn’t that a little high-crime? I mean, it’s New York! New York, New York!”27

“You didn’t do much research before sending in my application, did you?” I asked. 28

“Sure, I did!” said Dan. “I researched all the people who were discovered there! Yeah, they’re making it big, but do you really want to go to New York?”29

I sighed. “I’ll sleep on it and talk to Dad tomorrow.”30

Dan and I went up to my room, and we had our own little conference there. Dan started it.31

“New York?” he said.32

“New York.” I know he wasn’t going to make this easy.33

“But I can’t protect you if you’re in New York,” Dan said.34

Of course; ‘protect‘: the first P in L.S.P.P.35

“Maybe the best way for me to go to New York,” I said. “It’d also be safer for you too, mind.”36

“Come again?37

“It’d be safer for you because Dad couldn’t--”38

“I mean, how is it safer for you?”39

“Yes, how is this safe, Monica?” Dad asked.40

“Thanks to you guys, I have a good head on my shoulders.” I figured it would be best to start out with a compliment. “I know better than to get mixed up in the wrong crowd. It’s a highly sophisticated school, and I think I can do well there.”41

“Highly sophisticated?” Dad repeated. “What does that mean?”42

“In contrast with public school, Cabot’s Academy has rules; thousands of them.” This argument was going faster than I had planned… but was it in my favor? “The rules concern the way we talk, act, dress, eat, and live! It’s wonderful!”43

“I think we’d miss you too much,” said Mom.44

“Mom, I’m eleven, not five,” I said. “And I’m sure none of you will complain about the absence of my parading around my good grades.”45

My family was speechless, and I was certain that this was in the bag. “The schoolwork in public school is too easy for me. I’ll actually be challenged at Cabot’s.”46

Dan wrinkled his nose. Mom looked at Dad to try and guess what he was thinking. Dad looked at Dan and an “I-am-so-good” smile planted itself across his face.47

“It sounds like a very nice school,” said Dad. “You’re mother and I will have to discuss it, but I think it’s a fine idea.”48

Mom and Dad went into their bedroom, and Dan and I listened at the door. I heard the words “Monica”, “freak”, “bad influence”, “good idea”, “bad idea”, “vacation”, “wonderful school”, “New York city”, and “John Cabot”. Silence followed, so Dan and I walked back into the living room.49

“What was that about John Cabot?” Dan asked. “How does that guy from history, right? - relate to this school, other than the fact that the school’s name is ’Cabot Academy’?”50

“He doesn’t,” I replied. “The owner of the school is William Cabot.”51

“Oh,” said Dan. “When does term start, again?”52

“August 23rd, same as everywhere else.” I replied.53

“You do know that that’s about three week’s away, right?” said Dan.54

“I do now.” I sighed. I wished my parents would just hurry up and say “yes”. I could hardly imagine a school where the people were bright, like me, and I could have friends who were my age, and wouldn’t envy my intelligence.55

“Ahem.”56

Mom and Dad had entered the room so subtly that I hadn’t even heard them.57

“Have you decided?” I was so excited I couldn’t stand the suspense.58

“I gotta get to work,” said Dad.59

“Can’t you come in late?” I asked. “It’s not like you’re going to fire yourself.”60

“Well, no-”61

“Are you going to le me go?” I asked.62

Dad nodded.63

“Alright!” I screamed.64

“But only for one year,” said Mom.65

I stared at her. Why would she make me go back to public school? What would be the point of going to Cabot’s if I was going to have to quit? Gingers weren’t quitters.66

Mom seemed to comprehend my stare. “Oh, Monica, I didn’t mean you’d have to quit; not necessarily. Well, you might… It’ll be a trial period, OK? I mean, you may not like it there, or we may disagree with something there… if you get my meaning.”67

“You’re actually going to let me go?” I thought I’d be speechless, but I managed. “No way! You guys, this is great! Oh my gosh, I am so far behind schedule! There’s - there’s shopping to do; lots of shopping, and then I have to pack it all! Mom, can we start right now?”68

Dad gave Mom a “you’re-not-going-to-get-so-excited-that-you-start-getting-ready-right-now” look.69

“You can manage in the restaurant without me, right?” said Mom.70

I was gaping, I could have sworn I saw Dan’s eyes widen, and I thought I had seen Dad’s eyes narrow. I had never seen Mom get excited about shopping.71

“Uh, yeah, sure.” Dad seemed at a complete loss for anything else to say.72

“Thanks, Robert,” said Mom. “I’ll only be a moment, Monica, just let me get my purse…”73

“Uh-huh.” I finally managed to close my mouth. “I’ll wait by the car.” I left the house and leaned on Mom’s car. A million questions were zipping around on the highway that is my brain:74

What freak were Mom and Dad talking about while I was eavesdropping? And why didn’t it take days for them to decide to send me to Cabot’s?75

Are they trying to get rid of me? And why was Mom so excited about back-to-school shopping?76

“Honey if you don’t get in the car, we’re never going to get everything you need and be back in time for supper.” So wrapped up in my thoughts, I hadn’t heard Mom come out and get in the Cadillac.77

“Er, right,” I got in the backseat of the Cadillac and buckled up. I could see Mom in her rear-view mirror. She was smiling, but why? Then, something occurred to me. “Mom, where are we going to find uniforms? None of the stores in town are going to carry them.”78

“Monica, we’re not shopping in town. No, we’re going to the mall!” 79

The word “mall” echoed in my head; perhaps I was searching for its definition, for it had been so long - years, in fact - since I had been there. “But Mom, the nearest… mall… is nearly an hour away.”80

Mom’s smile was broader than I had ever seen it; so broad, in fact she had dimples on either side of her mouth. “Special times call for special trips,” she said.81

“But with gas prices at 2.79 per gallon-”82

“Now, now,” she said. “It’s not your job to worry about the budget.”83

Amen, to that, I thought to myself. My school supplies were going to cost a bundle. I couldn’t afford to even think bout our budget.84

“Now, let’s see…” Somehow, Mom seemed unable to keep quiet. As if the silence was getting to her. “We’ll have to get your uniform, like you said… We have to get your books, don’t we? Or are they going to provide them? Did it say?”85

“They provide them,” I said.86

Mom nodded. “OK, and we’ll drop by Bob*Mart on the way home. Sound good?” Bob*Mart was the local department store.87

“Um, yeah,” I said. “But what for?”88

“Oh, you know, just the necessities.”89

I wondered if Mom was only buttering me up, so it would be an even bigger blow when she decided to ground m me for not washing Aunt Julie’s dog.90

The car-ride to the mall was long, and I knew this, so I tried to go to sleep; no success whatsoever, whether it was because Mom was unable to keep the silence, or because I was simply excited by all the recent news, but in any event, I stayed awake the whole time.91

In that time, Mom talked more than I’d ever heard her talk before. She talked about everything, starting with, “I saw on the cover of this magazine…” going on to say, “and the other day at the restaurant…”, and ending with “so how’s school been?”92

“Um, alright, I guess.” For some reason or other, I didn’t feel like opening up to Mom: telling her how I sat at the Social Rejects’ table every day; how I was teased, mocked, and excluded because of my intelligence; how even the nerds swore my brains were impossible - that I was wired! “The school hasn’t changed much. I get along with most all of my classmates, I’m pretty popular, and the other kids admire my brilliance.”93

“Then, why, may I ask, is Cabot’s any better than ________________?”94

“It just is, Mom,” I replied. “I’ve just got that feeling; you know the one when you just know that you know that you know that you know that you’re doing what’s right.”95

Mom laughed, but said nothing -- which was exactly what I was going for.96

We arrived at the mall, where a massive crowd swarmed. What was the special occasion?97

Perhaps because she noticed my wide eyes and open mouth, Mom said, “Think we can handle that?”98

“You mean we’re shopping with that?” I asked. Mom was always crowdaphobic. 99

Mom laughed.100

I got out of the car. “Is it always this crowded?”101

“Pretty much,” Mom replied.102

I took a deep breath and analyzed the crowd; it was like a test on a subject I hadn’t yet taken. To pass the test, I had to examine the questions - or in this case, people - and use logic to answer them.103

Mom and I crossed the parking lot, and opened the doors to the mall, where the crowd was even bigger! Noting everyone’s careless attempts to enter stores and make their purchase (some of which succeeded, others who did not), I chose my strategy. I weaved, bobbed, zigzagged and ran. If you have ever been to a mall before, I don’t have to tell you I got trampled by the stampede.104

“Monica.” Mom put her hands firmly on my shoulders. “This-” she gestured all around her, “- is a mall. People shop here for fun.”105

“Mm-hmm.” I nodded, absorbing information like a dry sponge about this foreign land. “OK.”106

“So lay off the robo-mode.”107

“What?108

“Monica, this isn’t exam day at Harvard.”109

“I - huh?” I couldn’t understand… was she telling me to chill out?110

“Shopping is a leisure activity, not a test.” Was Mom getting frustrated? “You don’t have to think, you just-”111

“But if we don’t think, we’d end up buying something really expensive, and-”112

“You don’t have to think, but only to a certain extent. Relax and follow my lead.”113

I nodded. After all, if I couldn’t survive a trip to the mall, how would I make it at Cabot’s?114

For a few minutes, I enjoyed the silence - although it wasn’t really silence because the crowd of people was unnecessarily loud. Though at the time, I couldn’t grasp why, Mom broke the silence again.115

“I can’t believe this is the first time I’ve taken you to the mall since you were two! Do you remember? Hmm, I guess you wouldn’t, huh? Since you’re going to school in New York now, I guess we won’t have many more trips like this, will we?”116

Then, I understood - I was sure I did. Many people have a mental list (actually, some people put it to paper, but…) of “things to do before you die”, but for Mom, it was more like a list of “things to do before Monica moves out”. Or maybe she had both lists? Maybe this was the mother-daughter shopping spree on her list. Why had I never seen this side of my mom before? And why did she have to show me this side of her three weeks before I went to New York? I felt guilty for leaving. “Um, let’s get shopping, Mom.” It was all I could do to keep my voice from cracking. I was determined to make this day great, for Mom’s sake… and my own.117

We walked through the mall together, and she laughed as she showed me “the blind man” technique: you walk straight for your destination, turning, never, and trampling anyone in your path. Many others, Mom pointed out, were using “the bump”, commonly known as a dance move, but also a push-people-around shopping technique. Mom was enjoying herself, and though I hated shopping, I had to admit, that for some strange reason, I was, too.118

“Ah, there it is.” Mom pointed to a shop where, according to the mannequins’ outfits, uniform-type clothing was sold.119

We walked in. “Enough blind walk,” Mom laughed as my newly-learned “blind man’s walk” let me straight into a shelf.120

“Ouch.” I rubbed my head, for I could feel a goose egg growing. But if it hurt so terribly, then why was I laughing?121

“The changing rooms are right over there, Monica,” Mom said. “You go on in. I’ll bring you some clothes to try on.”122

“Okay,” I said, and I walked over to the changing rooms, where a woman behind the desk stared at my face. She didn’t look very friendly.123

“How many?”124

I blinked in confusion. “Um, about eleven.” She was referring to my age, right?125

The woman smiled an ugly, sarcastic smile. “Funny.”126

“Is that a problem, ma’am?”127

“Six is the limit, young lady,” the woman replied.128

A girl stepped out of a stall - though I could hardly call her a girl; she looked about twenty.129

“But she’s a LOT older that six!” This shopping thing was so complicated… how did people find the fun?130

I heard a nervous/excited laugh from behind me. “Four, please,” said Mom.131

The woman unlocked a stall that the about-twenty-year-old had just come out of.132

“What was she talking about?” I asked as Mom gave me an outfit to try on, and I stepped inside the stall, locking the door behind me. “Four? Six is the limit? I mean, she wasn’t talking about age; I’ve established that.”133

“Items, Monica.” Mom spoke as though it were obvious. Was I really that naïve? Or was Mom just really good at this shopping thing?134

I looked at the shirt and skirt Mom had asked me to try on. Both were red. After staring at them for a couple minutes, I started to put them on, but then I looked at the skirt more closely. I wasn’t searching for specific details; I was looking for the tag, for if what I had read in books was accurate (it usually was), the skirt should have been much longer than this. The skirt Mom had given me looked like little more than the miniskirts that The Pops were petitioning the school to allow in the dress code.135

I opened the stall door and looked Mom square in the eyes. “You think you’re really funny, don’t you?”136

Mom laughed, but only for a second. “It was just a joke.”137

I rolled my eyes. If Mom was like this just because I was going to New York, what would she be like when…?138

“There should work much better,” said Mom.139

For whatever reason, Mom seemed to be amused. I, on the other hand, was a little annoyed. But I wasn’t about to tell Mom that, so I forced a smile.140

Mom handed me a larger outfit, and I went into the stall to try it on.141

The red skirt ended in the middle of my knee, the pleats folded perfectly. It wasn’t took tight, and it wasn’t falling down. The red shirt was warm, its white collar was comfortable, and its tag wasn’t itch. It wasn’t baggy, and it wasn’t so tight that I felt like I’d rip a seam; it was perfect. I no longer had to force a smile; it flowed naturally.142

As I studied my reflection in the stall’s mirror, I felt more confident about going to Cabot’s. It was as though every insult that had been thrown at me had become a sincere compliment; as though all my troubles had melted away. I was, in every way, ready for Cabot’s Academy.143

“Monica, how’s it fit?”144

Mom’s voice shook me from my thoughts, and I opened the stall door.145

“Wonderful,” said Mom. “But it’s missing a tie.”146

“A tie?” I repeated. I sighed heavily. “Fine, but if we do that, then we have to buy another book.”147

“What?”148

“You know that I don’t know hot to-”149

“-how to tie a tie, you’re right,” said Mom. “You know what? We‘ll make Robert teach you.”150

“Robert?” I repeated. “Oh, you mean Dad, right. I haven’t heard you use Dad’s name in so long. ‘Cause I don’t ever hear you guys’ conversations - not that I try to, but then sometimes it’s so intriguing… I’m going to just shut myself up not, if you don’t mind.”151

Lucky for me, Mom didn’t really comprehend what I was saying; she was skimming the list she had brought. “You change, and I’ll go get the tie,” she said. “Blue and white stripes…”152

I sighed and quickly changed back into my clothes.153

By the time I had finished changing, Mom was already back with four duplicates of the uniform I had just taken off, along with five ties, and five rolls of blue tube socks.154

“Come on,” Mom beckoned. “I need the outfit you were wearing; your uniform. I got to check out or we won’t have time to go everywhere else we need to go.”155

“Alright, okay.” I handed her the uniform, and as the cashier rung it all up, I was adding it all up in my head:156

Uhirt = $10.00157

+ 10% tax158

$11.00159

+ Uskirt = $12.00 (10%)160

$24.20161

x 5162

$121.00163

+ tube socks = $4.99 (10%)164

$5.49165

x 5166

$27.55167

$148.55168

+ blue&white tie = $7.80 (10%)169

$8.58170

x 5171

42.90172

Grand Total = $191.44173

I could not believe that nearly two-hundred dollars had gone out of Mom’s wallet to pay for my uniform.174

And we still had all the rest of my supplies left to buy. I saw my allowances, birthday presents, and Christmas presents for the next two years floating away.175

We went to the next store; spent MORE money. We went to another store and spent money there, too. Then, we went out to eat; there went more money. And even after that, when I was sure that Mom would be paying off loans long after I graduated Cabot’s, Mom insisted we go by Bob*Mart.176

I sighed. Dan had called me stubborn before, and after Mom had bought new stuff (like my toothbrush, pajamas, hairbrush, etc.) to replace my older ones - which worked just fine, mind you - after I had begged her not to, I realized from which parent I had inherited the gene.177