Chapter 21
“The body of a young woman was found drain dry today near the old DeBose Park around five twenty this afternoon. Authorities are not releasing the woman’s identity until the family has been notified. Please stay tuned to PSC 57 for more information.” came a monotone voice from a television in a store window James had just passed. 2
The rain had began to pour around him about an hour before; but that didn’t bother him. He was calm for the moment and in a fairly pleasant mood. The rain was coming down with the fury of hell as if god knew what he did. The storm had forced most of the people to seek shelter. James continued his walking as if it was a bright clear day. A thought made him pause and laugh. “God” he thought “do you know what I did?” Lightning sudden cracked loudly around him. The response made him laugh. “You left me long ago” he muttered softly to himself even though the storm made it impossible to hear him.3
A few more hours passed James had become soaked to the bone from the downpour and ended up under a large old willow in DeBose Park. He sat under the cover of its long green curtain just listening to the rain around him. This was one of the few places he felt safe. James had a home but at times this place felt more so then the cold, dark place he’d go to lay his head. He brushed his wet hair out of his eyes stared straight ahead at something only he could see. “I’m sorry” he muttered “I’m so sorry.” he said again tears coming to his eyes. The images in his mind started to play again. There she was dressed in a simple blue dress. She’d snuck off to see him yet again... how many times had it been in the past month? Six? Nine? he could remember that all he could remember was her sweet smile and kind eyes. She’d been the only one that hadn’t been afraid of him. She’d been his only true friend. “Selene.” the tears began falling down his cheeks now. He didn’t seem to notice as the scenes began to play again. 4
The moon was high in the sky with a few clouds making the silver beams play hide and seek. They were curled up under the willow happily enjoying each others company. Selene had sneaked out of her father’s home again to see him. James up to that point hadn’t asked or understood why she risked so much to come see him; but he appreciated her company more then she probably knew. She’d given him someone to confided in. A support of sorts. Selene had given his soul peace. 5
Selene sat up after a few minutes and had looked at him with a look in her eyes he’d never seen before. “Can I ask you something?” her voice was soft and cool. It had reminded him of soft breeze that relaxes you. 6
He tilted his head a little and looked at her. “Of course dear” he’d answered wanting to know what she was going to ask his curiosity peaked.7
She’d been quiet for a few minutes seeming to weight whatever she was going to say. Slowly she opened her mouth and spoke. “How long has it been since we’ve seen each other?” 8
“It’s only been...” he paused to think “seven hours since...why?” he’d watched as Selene’s cheeks turned a light pink. 9
“It...it feels like it’s been longer then that to me. It feels like it’s been seven hundred years.” The response had been to laugh. He hadn’t meant it in a harmful way but she seemed to take it as such and turned quiet. James frowned as he watched her turn her head away from him he could see he’d caused her pain and immediately felt guilty for it.10
They sat there for a few minutes in an uncomfortable silence. “I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings Selene, I didn’t intend to.” he waited to see what her reply would be.11
Giving him a tiny hint of her normally happy smile she turned back around to face him. “How do you feel about me?” she had that odd look in her eyes again. It kind of unnerved him a little. 12
“I...You are a very special person to me. I’ve never known anyone like you. You give me the support I’ve been missing. You‘re my best friend.” seeing the blush had returned he’d stopped. “Is there anything else?”13
“Do you love me?” the blush had gotten dark making her pale skin glow a little her eyes were on the ground now a habit she did when she was embarrassed about something.14
He had given her an odd look not knowing exactly what she had meant but he’d answered as best he could. “Yes,” he replied thinking as he spoke. “you are like family to me. You’ve been with me through everything. I could never repay you for the kindness you’ve shown me. I’ll always be thankful for your friendship.”15
She sat there the silence around them having grown a little uncomfortable for her; still she’d lifted her head and given him one of her trademark smiles and stood up. “Thank you Gabriel. I need to get home before Papa gets up. He’s already starting to question where I’ve been.” 16
He’d stood as well seeing the sun start to come up. “I need to get home myself.” He walked over to her and wrapped his arms around her in a hug. “I love you.” he said softly. That had always been their parting words so either would have a reason to smile and know someone in the world really cared about them.17
“I love you too, Gab” she said softly returning the hug she held onto him for a little longer then normal before letting go and starting home...That was the last time he saw her.
“The body of a young woman was found drain dry today near the old DeBose Park around five twenty this afternoon. Authorities are not releasing the woman’s identity until the family has been notified. Please stay tuned to PSC 57 for more information.” came a monotone voice from a television in a store window James had just passed. 2
The rain had began to pour around him about an hour before; but that didn’t bother him. He was calm for the moment and in a fairly pleasant mood. The rain was coming down with the fury of hell as if god knew what he did. The storm had forced most of the people to seek shelter. James continued his walking as if it was a bright clear day. A thought made him pause and laugh. “God” he thought “do you know what I did?” Lightning sudden cracked loudly around him. The response made him laugh. “You left me long ago” he muttered softly to himself even though the storm made it impossible to hear him.3
A few more hours passed James had become soaked to the bone from the downpour and ended up under a large old willow in DeBose Park. He sat under the cover of its long green curtain just listening to the rain around him. This was one of the few places he felt safe. James had a home but at times this place felt more so then the cold, dark place he’d go to lay his head. He brushed his wet hair out of his eyes stared straight ahead at something only he could see. “I’m sorry” he muttered “I’m so sorry.” he said again tears coming to his eyes. The images in his mind started to play again. There she was dressed in a simple blue dress. She’d snuck off to see him yet again... how many times had it been in the past month? Six? Nine? he could remember that all he could remember was her sweet smile and kind eyes. She’d been the only one that hadn’t been afraid of him. She’d been his only true friend. “Selene.” the tears began falling down his cheeks now. He didn’t seem to notice as the scenes began to play again. 4
The moon was high in the sky with a few clouds making the silver beams play hide and seek. They were curled up under the willow happily enjoying each others company. Selene had sneaked out of her father’s home again to see him. James up to that point hadn’t asked or understood why she risked so much to come see him; but he appreciated her company more then she probably knew. She’d given him someone to confided in. A support of sorts. Selene had given his soul peace. 5
Selene sat up after a few minutes and had looked at him with a look in her eyes he’d never seen before. “Can I ask you something?” her voice was soft and cool. It had reminded him of soft breeze that relaxes you. 6
He tilted his head a little and looked at her. “Of course dear” he’d answered wanting to know what she was going to ask his curiosity peaked.7
She’d been quiet for a few minutes seeming to weight whatever she was going to say. Slowly she opened her mouth and spoke. “How long has it been since we’ve seen each other?” 8
“It’s only been...” he paused to think “seven hours since...why?” he’d watched as Selene’s cheeks turned a light pink. 9
“It...it feels like it’s been longer then that to me. It feels like it’s been seven hundred years.” The response had been to laugh. He hadn’t meant it in a harmful way but she seemed to take it as such and turned quiet. James frowned as he watched her turn her head away from him he could see he’d caused her pain and immediately felt guilty for it.10
They sat there for a few minutes in an uncomfortable silence. “I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings Selene, I didn’t intend to.” he waited to see what her reply would be.11
Giving him a tiny hint of her normally happy smile she turned back around to face him. “How do you feel about me?” she had that odd look in her eyes again. It kind of unnerved him a little. 12
“I...You are a very special person to me. I’ve never known anyone like you. You give me the support I’ve been missing. You‘re my best friend.” seeing the blush had returned he’d stopped. “Is there anything else?”13
“Do you love me?” the blush had gotten dark making her pale skin glow a little her eyes were on the ground now a habit she did when she was embarrassed about something.14
He had given her an odd look not knowing exactly what she had meant but he’d answered as best he could. “Yes,” he replied thinking as he spoke. “you are like family to me. You’ve been with me through everything. I could never repay you for the kindness you’ve shown me. I’ll always be thankful for your friendship.”15
She sat there the silence around them having grown a little uncomfortable for her; still she’d lifted her head and given him one of her trademark smiles and stood up. “Thank you Gabriel. I need to get home before Papa gets up. He’s already starting to question where I’ve been.” 16
He’d stood as well seeing the sun start to come up. “I need to get home myself.” He walked over to her and wrapped his arms around her in a hug. “I love you.” he said softly. That had always been their parting words so either would have a reason to smile and know someone in the world really cared about them.17
“I love you too, Gab” she said softly returning the hug she held onto him for a little longer then normal before letting go and starting home...That was the last time he saw her.
Author notes
Chapter 2 *hides from freakouts*
A contest entry
- CALLING ALL SAPS!! by Seachelle.
225 points, ended April 20, 2008, 18 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Blood on the Moon: From Vampires to Werewolves by H.A.Johnson.
500 points, ended June 24, 2008, 20 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Vampires Are Real? by ShadowKat.
150 points, ended January 19, 12 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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Wow.....
He only loves her as a friend? What is wrong with him? Doesn't he realize that she loves him more than that!!!!!!??????? OMG!!!!!!

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WoW! Durian quite the editor LOL
! Its sound good and can't wait for more


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I am definately intrigued by this story, am enjoying it very much! I find now that i am curious about what is going to go down and i love how descriptive you are.
Here are a few grammar suggestions. You have quite a few run-ons and punctuation mistakes, but easily fixed.
p1: 'drain dry' should be 'drained dry'.
p4: comma after curtain and eyes then break for new dialogue.
p6: comma after course and answered.
P8: comma after minutes.
P12: Comma after smile, capitalize she after dialogue.
P14: Comma after dark and little and ground. In fact, you should concider breaking this entire sentence up into separates. It's a run-on the way it is.
P17: Comma after well and words.
P18: Comma after softly and normal.
Some of your paragraphs are a bit long too. Perhaps try breaking them into smaller sections...just to help the reader along.
Again, very well done! I am looking forward to the next part! Durian.

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Great dialogue!

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"You left me long ago." That's so sad.
'She'd given him someone to confided in.' You meant 'confide' right? A few little problems with tense, but nothing major.
Gabriel is the main character, with whom we're usually supposed to sympathise. But for some reason I find myself disliking him. Perhaps it's just because he attacked poor Mellisa in the last chapter... I'm sure I'll grow to like him though ^^
On to the next chapter! -
awwwww this was so sweet i love it!
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ive soooo read this before... long ago some time. so strange!
anywho- 'The response had been to laugh.'- i think it would work better as 'his response had been to laugh.'
good background and emotional chapter. and so much more in love with the real name. -
Awwww...it's nice to see some of the background to Gab's dispear. It's good that you can pull a reader into the story, I know that I'm enjoying the characters that you've put into play. I can't wait to see what happens to Selene or what happened exactly. heh


beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Great and Innovative
I was right away drawn to the story when I first clicked on it. It was very interesting and kept me reading to the very end. Just make sure you don't mix up your verb tenses like in the beginning, "drain dry" is probably supposed to be "drained dry". If you're writing another chapter, I'll be happy to read it. This story is uubersome cool and I hope you write more to it!

beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 3, characters: 4.
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Nice ending there. "That was the last time he saw her." is a great hook for flipping the page to the next chapter...soon as there is one...no pressure!


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You have a few spelling errors here and there, but that's okay. Otherwise: GREAT!!! *freaks out* lol. No, really, it's very good and I wait somewhat patiently for chapter 3.

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Damn this is good...SO chapter three tomorrow right? j/k She can't die...i hate dying people...I mean I don't like when people die...and...Well anyway this is great.
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