Once there was a boy named Jak. He had a sister named Jak. In fact, his whole family was named Jak. And while we're on the subject, everyone in this world was named Jak. It was a confusing world.
One day Jak (the boy Jak) and Jak (the sister Jak) set out to find Jak (the Emperor Jak) and find out a way to distinguish between Jaks (the collective populace Jaks). They were also curious where Jaks (baby Jaks) came from.
Jak (Jak and Jak's mother Jak) packed them both brown bag lunches of Jakmeat (incidentally, animals were called Jaks as well) sandwiches and Jakmilk. She didn't worry about them because she knew they would be helped by many Jaks (distant relative and suspicious stranger Jaks) along the way.
Jak (boy) and Jak (sister) travelled through many strange towns (such as Jaktown, Jaktown, and Jaktown) that were also vaguely similar to their own. And curiously enough, in each town they were joined by two other Jaks also searching for Jak (the Emperor Jak). They merrily continued on, often confusing Jak (any Jak) with Jak (any other Jak), but happy that they would soon solve this dilemma.
At last they came to Mount Jak, a dormant volcano that housed the Royal Palace of Jakingham, which in turn housed Jak (the Emperor Jak). The Jaks (the merry band of question quest Jaks) encircled the summit and gazed down into the volcano, but discovered that there were no stairs. But Jak (the first boy Jak) had an idea. By forming a chain of Jaks (all of the above Jaks) they could lower one Jak (the lucky Jak) to the palace door.
Unfortunately, while seeming like a good idea in theory, it proved otherwise when put into practice. Rather than distributing their weight equally as Jak (idea Jak) expected, the chain merely put an enormous strain on Jak (Jak at the top of the chain), which he was unable to contend with. They all dropped into the lava moat where each and every Jak (all the Jak children) burned slowly (because there were so many of them that the lava was overtaxed) and painfully (because lava is freaking hot). The lava felt humiliated for being so unprepared and decided to compensate with an eruption of manhood and power (and lava because this was a literal eruption, not just a literary metaphor).
The lava spewed up and over the Jakingham Palace, incinerating Jak (the Emperor Jak) and Jaks (the servant Jaks). It flowed outward, smothering Jaktown, obliterating Jaktown, and lightly crisping Jaktown. Many of the Jaks (all the Jaks) were burnt beyond recognition (which only compounded their name problem) and died (which further compounded their problems in general). The lava, satisfied, relaxed and slurped everything back into Mount Jak, where it spent the remainder of eternity fossilizing them and attempting to organize them by name.
Author notes
Name your children Jak. Now.
A contest entry
- Calling your inner child by SageSyren.
1050 points, ended December 6, 2006, 8 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - blah..... by LostSoulOfRage.
300 points, ended January 6, 2007, 18 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - For Children by silkwing.
170 points, ended January 11, 2007, 13 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Short and Sweet! by tacobell4me08.
305 points, ended February 16, 2007, 19 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Make me laugh! by LittleKt.
225 points, ended April 29, 2007, 7 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Children's Stories by Delfishie.
350 points, ended August 31, 2007, 15 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Childrens Playground by abba12.
190 points, ended October 23, 2007, 19 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Entertain me. by iCats.
350 points, ended October 29, 17 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what Jak (you) thinks
Comments
1 - 30 of 30
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Hey.
Firstly thanks for entering Jak
This is really confusing but so funny. It's just what i needed to cheer me up and make me giggle and get funny looks from my work mates. So thanks.
It's very creative and i bet you even confused yourself writing this.
Thanks for entering and best of luck.
Staci
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lmao, i needed a good laugh, thank you!
well done hehe. i read the first two paragraphs and thought 'WTF?!?!'
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Jak(h)ilarous! You've got your 'which Jak is doing what' rather clear! Enjoyed the read!
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Holy crap, that was hilarious. Never dissapointed with these stories of yours. But I reserve the right to name my children Jacqueline. Thank you.
lol, good luck in the contest there.
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If you spell it with a 'k', I'm willing to compromise. Jakeline. See? Doesn't it have a nice sound to it?
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It does indeed. Compromise affirmed.
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Jakolicious
As confusing as this story was you did a great job and I could actually follow it. I have the same problem as the Jaks at home except we have a house full of Jims.
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lmaoooooo that was reeally good- luv the idea of every1 b-in Jaks- really original- luv ur style!
beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 5.
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This is scary
What a world that must be...
Hehe, well written, and kinda random
Good luck in the contests
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 2, characters: 5.
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LOL! Funny, random, and rather strange. Very nice.
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Weird!
All the Jaks and the Jaktowns were burned by the lava and then sucked back itno the valcano? Everything was named Jak. Yep, this is a strange tale. Thanks for entering our contest.
Andy
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OW.
Children's Contest entry...I'm 11, and so I'll tell you at the standpoint of being a child, I swear this was probably the hardest story I've ever read- so many Jaks gives you a headache! It was pretty good, but I don't think a lot of CHILDREN could follow this. -
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It just needs illustrations, that's all.
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BWAH!
HAH! That was so cute! The entire premise is so absurd that I was smiling the entire time I read it.
I have no idea what age group this would best be aimed towards, because of the whole 'burning alive slowly' thing, but I know I would have liked it when I was a kid. (Of course, I was a very weird kid).
Good job! -
i thought it was pretty funny! its a cute story, but i think it got a little confussing because everyone had the same name
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lol this is funny can i put it on mi ipod? cuz i get bored on subways and i want stuff 2 read... and while were on the subject, i love your play thingie (how satan got his groove back) and i wanna use it for arts night, buut with a few changes cuz little kids will be there... can i use it? thhhhnnnnxxx!!!! lol
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Uhhh sure, put it on your ipod. If you want to use the play, send me a private message with the details.
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I disagree. I don't think its confusing. Of couse I know exactly what youre talking about.
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I couldn't get through the first 2 paragraphs. It is a little too confusing for me. I think there are too many jak's. I like the idea but there might be a better way to utilize the jak name without making it too confusing. If you find out a way to do that I will reconsider this story, because I think you havwe a good thing going.
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This story was confusing at times. There was to many Jaks. You might wanna change it to just one Jak. That might make it easier to follow. Other than that, it was good. It was like a normal person going on an adventure. those stories are my favorites.
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But...if there was only one Jak, there'd be no story.
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Very Intersting
Thank you for entering the contest, this is an entertaining as well as amusing read. I am not overly crazy about your resolution, it seems a bit abrupt. I see that you have entered this in a few contests, which is quite all right, but I wonder if you are interested in giving it a re-read and prehaps a re-write.
I would like to read a few more specified adventures of Jak and his sister before their demise as well as. Also the lava is suddenly given a personality at the end of the story it might be interesting for the lava to have some thoughts on the children before they attempt to climb in maybe building up a little anticipation in the reader. May expanding on the lava's emotions as it burns the children and village as well as embellishing it's frustration while trying to organize the Jaks, (how would he even begin to attempt that) might be funny as well. Over all pretty good.
Thanks Again,
Amy -
thnx for entering my contest,
this is a very cute story, i like it. kinda confussing though. but very funny. good luck!
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You just have to remember which Jak is which. Which isn't easy. Hence the parantheticals.
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Thank you for entering my contest. This was cute and confusing. I'll let you know soon.
Thanks again.
~Brooke~ -
Holy Jak.- That was pretty freiken hilarious. It was overly amusing! Good Job!
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This was totally inspired! Not in a Gargamel kind of way, but in a Marklar way. Reminds me of that quote:
"I got news for you pal. You're in charge of two things right now: Jak and shiz. And Jak left town."
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Jak(Raising) Jak(the) Jak(bar)
Jak(This) Jak(is) Jak(really) Jak(funny) Jak(!) Jak(Your) Jak(best) Jak(work) Jak(yet) Jak(!) Jak(Everyone) Jak(Died) Jak(plus) Jak(it) Jak(had) Jak(a) Jak(crazy) Jaked Jak(up) Jak(vocabulary) Jak(!) Jak(Great) Jak(write) Jak(!)
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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2 AM
Jak (you) has no idea how funny this was at 2 AM when Jak (me) was writing it.
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hehe
awww its funny.
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