My Story About Thanksgiving.1
by pixelpretty2
written Nov. 7-063
I could see the white picket fence and the dogwood trees blooming in the yard as we drove down the long driveway to mother's house. Yes it was that time once again.
In my mind's eye, I began to take a walk down memory lane, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath as my mind wondered back in time for a minute as I considered thanksgiving days gone by.4
Thanksgiving was the one day of the year that our entire family came from all over the world to be together. 5
They would eat all they could hold, laugh a lot, tell a few lies, cry tears of joy, and play cards until well past midnight. This had been our tradition for as long as I could remember.6
I remember how dinner always started promptly at three pm, and of course all the younger cousins were going to be fashionably late. This gave them the big opportunity to make a grand entrance and show off their new outfit at the same time.7
Before dinner, and after all the meeting and greeting was done, we would all join hands and make a big circle throughout the house, and then each person would tell a small little something about why they were thankful for the day. And the house was filled with joy and happiness and fun.8
There was uncle Bud who was sure to be good and drunk by six pm, and he was like a comedian by then. He was funny drunk, not crazy drunk. And once he told a few jokes he would retire to the den with all the other fellows and nod during the football game.. 9
There was cousin Joyce who smoked like a chimmney while talking 100 words a minute.10
There was Martha Jean and all her 10 kids, who would run through the house and be sure not to stop until they broke something.11
There was aunt Connie who had her video camera rolling the whole time and caught everybody doing everything under the sun, and then played the tape she made last year over and over on rewind for hours at a time.12
And we knew better than to say we didn't want to watch it, because that would just make her show it over and over even more. While explaining the importance of family togetherness and all that such like.13
Yes, we were a crazy but happy bunch on this one day out of each year. We seemed to be able to catch up on the whole year of happens in each other's lives on this one day as well. Thanksgiving day for us should really be called family reunion day. 14
Aunt Brenda would always do the turkeys, about six or seven, if I recall correctly. The table was spread with a feast fit for a king, and we even had food left over to share with the fire station workers down the street.15
Now I open my eyes and see Uncle Bud standing at my car door, waving with one hand and a drink in the other. And that's when I fully know, I'm home for thanksgiving.16
Author notes
November contest entry
A contest entry
- Contest: New Members Contest - October/November 2006 by SW Greeters.
275 points, ended November 25, 2006, 7 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Very nice write. It reminds me a lot of the show, The Walton's. How John-Boy would sum up the whole adventure in a few words, but that's what sticks with you more than the show....that make sense? I recall similar Thanxgivings and my uncle was Buddy.....hm....you aren't really my sister are you?
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, characters: 5.
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good
Lol..Wow could I see everything happening in my mind with this story. Very imaginative and creative. Thanks for sharing and the best of luck to you in the contest
Kari
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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In paragraph 5 "My mind wondered back in time" makes a nice play on words, but did you intend --wandered-- instead?
I love number 7, it made me smile
In 8 you need to capitalize your O in Our. and the T in Thanksgiving. Again capiltalize the first letter in 11.
I think you could combine number 12 and 13 and leave off one instance of "there was".
This is a very fun write that captures a lot of those holiday gatherings. There are a few places that you might want to consider combining shorter paragraphs that only have a couple of sentences just for ease of reading purposes.
You have very few typos and in all honesty they do not interfere badly with your stories content. They are noticeable, but not overwhelming. Good job
I enjoyed reading it.beginning: 5, language: 4, plot: 3, ending: 5, dialog: 3, characters: 4.
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I"m wondering if you could word either paragraph 5 or 6 differently because they're saying basically the same thing.
This had been our for as long as I could remember.8 this sentence is awkward unless you meant to add the word tradition after our
this reminds me of past Thanksgivings in my home, the insanity, the craziness and the overall stress of the day. I enjoyed this and good luck
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thanks for the pointers and the well wishes:)
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One of our future new writers
Your contest entry meets the criteria set down for the entrance requirements.
You wrote and entered a story about Thanksgiving and some of the special meaning behind this holiday from your family’s perspective. In your particular case the wonderful gift of having a loving and caring family to make the holiday meaningful for you and memorable for years to come. This approach is good and very unique.
Keep in mind for your future contest admissions, that most contests are set-up with specific areas that the host of the contest is trying to encourage the development of and if your submission does not at least appear to meet these requirements you may get bounced from the contest. Take this opportunity to consider reading the SW Greeters Group Information column on Contests for further guidance and participation in contests on the site.
Now let me give you some of my own personal impressions on your story.
> This is a well constructed and well executed story. The story idea and theme sets the story apart from others despite the common theme driving the contest. I really liked the approach of conveying the story theme through the supporting family cast of characters. It allows for the establishing of a great deal of family background and need to know information for the story, in a bright and interesting way. Nice work here. Nice approach. Very Well executed.
> The use of the flashback/back-story technique is designed and executed very nicely in the story. (Although I would recheck her entering into the flashback. There is the impression that she does it twice because you repeated the same sort of sentence at the start. One of these two sentences is probably unnecessary). You got the reader in and out of the flashback very smoothly and it worked well in setting the stage for telling the story. Good execution. Good technique.
> The ending of the story is very good. It was well designed and set in harmony with the design of the overall storyline. I like how the spade work for the ending was set in setting the uncle character without the reader even picking-up on this fact. We know we have come to the natural conclusion of the story when the uncle appears at the car window. The reader immediately relates to the scene and the character and is almost ready to get out of the car with you and go into the house to join in the celebrations. Just having me say that should tell you that you have got all of the major components of the story in place and working for you the way they should. This is a very nice display of your talents and the use of the tools of your craft.
In my humble opinion it would appear that you have a brilliant future as a writer.
Paul
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thanks so much, I appreciate your kind and helpful words.
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