I am dying. Now that I think on it, that's not so odd. How many people, all around the world, die every moment? No, the odd part is that it was an accident. Sort of.1
I had been sitting in my room, feeling sorry for myself, and wanting my razor. This was a common activity for me; I have... had, all too soon... Dysthymia, Chronic Depression, and I knew it. Just because my parents are blind, I don't have to be.23
This isn't how it was supposed to be, I thought, my mind numb. I was supposed to be a writer. I was supposed to be a teacher, tending to other brilliant, budding authors. I was supposed to be a dancer. What went wrong? What went wrong? I went wrong. I don't have the talent to be an author, and because of that, I should never be trusted with other authors. I can't dance, not the way I want to, because I was born into this awful body with its short, stubby legs.45
There's no room for imperfection in a ballerina.67
I crossed the room, permeated by the eternal twilight that rested there. Underneath my dresser, I found what I was looking for. It was a knife, but not one many have ever seen the likes of, first hand. 89
It was twice the length of my hand, and the tip was sharp enough to slice through skin. The double edges were like it's flimsier cousins, the razors, but so much more solid. It was the work of a master smith, from long ago. My lips curved in a smile that was not terribly pleasant.
1011
"My tourniquet," I murmured in response to the song that had just begun playing on my computer. Evanescence; Tourniquet. As the song played, my eyes glazed over, and my heart felt the lyrics.1213
I tried to kill the pain
But only brought more, so much more
I lay dying, and I'm pouring
Crimson regret and betrayal.1415
Betrayal. I hadn't been betrayed by anyone, save for my own body. There was no tragedy in my life. 1617
Am I too lost to be saved?
Am I too lost?1819
Yes. That was why I had to do it. If I went on living, nothing would change. I'd just grow up to be an ant, striving to accomplish something, but completely unable to make an impact. Just an ant, and not even a happy one.2021
My God, my tourniquet
Return to me salvation
My God, my tourniquet
Return to me salvation!2223
Yes, I had to do it. I brought the razor-sharp knife to my throat, intending to slit it, then moved it up to rest against my eye. Faster that way, and far more sure. I hesitated, my resolve weakening. 2425
Sighing, getting up to walk across the floor, with every intention of just putting it away, I heard a piteous mewing. Nani, my cat, tangled with my legs, and, knife still in my hand, I tripped on both her and her water bowl. I slipped. 2627
As I threw my hands out to catch myself, they slipped on the water, and the heavy, falling body that once belonged to me fell upon the flailing knife. It buried it's sharp self into my throat, and even though I had played the coward, I knew this was how it was meant to be. 2829
I know this is how it was meant to be. Even now, as my last breath rattles away, and I can hear my cat's mournful voice, even as I am horrified at what I have done to my family and friends, I find peace.3031
Christ, Tourniquet
My suicide...
32
Author notes
For God's sake, all you lawyers out there, I do not own the song mentioned in the story. Kinda wish I did, but that's Amy Lee's work.
And in case you were wondering, I'm not about to kill myself.
A contest entry
- Commit Suicide by .
200 points, ended November 14, 2006, 15 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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mild.
It was good. Dont get me wrong I injoyed reading it, but it lacks true feeling. You can tell you are upset at how you are, but not enough to want to end your life. Suicide has its own tone to it. This however doesnt seem to have that tone. Which is good, it lets the readers (who understand the real pain) relax and finish the sotry without wanting to aid you to your sences.
Try talking more about how you have let yourself down. You say a few things about it and how no one else has hurt you, which is a good start. But you need more. Try to waver, you love your family and your friends, you dont want to hurt them. But you just aren't happy with who you are. That needs to be abit more clear.
It is a good start.
Great job hun.
-Poem.
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Keep this in confidence, please, but this was actually a partly true story. I remember exactly how I felt - numb - at the time, and I remember very clearly that I never wavered. I think the difference here is that you're used to reading about abrupt suicides made in the height of emotion, not those that were a long time in the planning.
I didn't choose the emotions I felt at the time - to be precise, the lack of emotion. My depression always manifested as a sort of melancholy, silent lethargy, and that was what I tried to portray in the story. Self-pity, and the sense of being tired of all the fuss life brings. >.< Kind of hard to believe that was me. Ick.
Sooo..... I apologize, but I won't take your advice here, because I'm justifying the way I wrote it with personal experience, while I got the impression that you were basing it off of other stories you'd read. Probably not true, with my luck, but whatever.
*glomps* Thank you for taking the time to read it!
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For one,I love that song.It was also a great choice of song for a suicide story.It was also great that you didn't stray away form the words of the song and made sure that they didn't collide.I see that alot.I think you did great on this!!!
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Thank you! But it does need a bit of work, if I ever get around to it. There's too much song and not enough story.
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Wowo this was good I love the song
Great work
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Damn I love that song. I love to give something helpful in this comment but since i'm finding nothing wrong with it... I'll just have to say I loved it and be done with it.
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absolutely wonderful story. A well deserved first place. You have an amazing knack for drawing the reader in. Well done
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Nice, creative, and delightfully twisted. . .right up my alley. This is a nice write and I love the bittersweet/dark outlook. Keep it up.
And by the way, Evanescence is my favorite band! Hell yes! I LOVE AMY LEE!!! Rock on to you for supporting Evanescence!
Roxy -
Well I'm glad you're not going to kill yourself, that would be very upsetting. And I'd miss out on more stores like this from you! That'd make me sad cause this is a good story. I liked it!! It was very depressing, though, but it was supposed to be so you did very well. I hope you win the contest, or at least get second place!! ^__^
~Kaelynn~
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 4, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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This is one of my favorite songs so when I saw the title and songfic under it I had to click.
Wow! You are very talented.
"permeated by the eternal twilight that rested there" I think that is my favorite line out of the whole story. It really reaches out to grab you and I could see the picture in my mind.
Very original *clap* Good luck in the contest (personally I think you should win)
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, characters: 5.
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very intersting....and good....parts of it sound almost like a song (and, no, i am not talking about the evenescence song)...it is a good story.....
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i like it. its like she talked bout killin herself then she decided not too. but then she kills her self accidentally.. good story
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This is great! Punctuation errors and grammatical errors seem nonexistent. I love the way the death played out. I appreciate you giving credit to the author of the song. I do not know it, but it was the right thing to do. This story is simple, believable, and able to draw the reader in. Good job! Thanks for entering the contest and good luck!
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i knew it was coming !!!
nevertheless it is a flashback writing style,you hv managed to build the "oh it's coming, it's coming" feeling..and ZAP..I KILLED MYSELF..accidently..nice plot though...a flashback story with a pyramid writing style..well done !
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