It began on a night like all nights. Timothy closed his eyes and saw the image for the first time. It was a blurry image but still quite a frightening one. Tim opened his eyes and his face seemed pale. He closed his eyes again and the image was gone. "A scary image", Tim thought to himself, "but nevertheless, it must be the hour". Half an hour later Tim was already asleep in his bed, all alone in his apartment. Sleeping alone wasn't an unusual thing for Timothy, who has always preferred his work over friends and family. Now in his 43rd year of life, he was asleep in his bed before the next day of work. Like all the nights before this special one.1
A month passed and Timothy has already forgotten the image. Tim was on his way to a client, stuck in a traffic jam. It was noon and the sun kept hitting Tim's head. It was a slow drive and Tim kept on and on, when suddenly, while blinking his eyes, Tim saw it again. The image was there again, an image of a bearded man, who was holding something. But it wasn't the image that has startled Tim, but rather the eyes. Tim wasn't sure what was familiar about them, but couldn't bring himself to keep watcing the image. Tim was so startled by the image and decided to call in sick and go straight home. 2
The next appearance of the image came to Tim in his dreams, a few days later. This time, the image was a bit blurry, but Tim recognized it and awoke immediately finding himself lying in his bed soaked in sweat. Tim was so frightened, he couldn't get himself to sleep again that night. However, the image wouldn't let him off its enchanting grip and Tim find out that whenever he closed his eyes, the image was there in all its glory.3
Tim's condition started to deteriorate. He couldn't concentrate, continuously thinking about the image. He also couldn't talk to anyone about the image, fearing that they might think he was going crazy. However, that fear became true anyway, as Tim became edgy and aggressive. Day by day, he stopped functioning professionally and socially. Until after a few days, he stopped going to work and stayed at home. 4
Tim found himself all alone in his apartment, with no one he could call and talk about that frightening image of a bearded man with frightening eyes. The lack of sleep and food, Tim was receiving began taking their toll on Tim. He stopped functioning almost completely, staying entire days in his bed with the lights on. 5
Life seemed to Tim like a collection of flashes and he seemed to have lost all touch with reality. His entire life concentrated now around a bearded man – a mysterious bearded man with frightening eyes. That man has ruined Tim's life and brought him to the edge of madness. With so many questions and only an image to haunt him, Tim passed one day after another.6
It was on Saturday when Tim finally came to his senses. He decided to force himself to close his eyes and stare at the image until he figured the truth behind it. Tim found himself starring at the blurry image and tried to concentrate on the details of the horrific image.7
A glimpse caught his mind, as he noticed the bearded man holding some sort of a metallic object next to his head. Tim hasn't noticed it before, but a small black metal object was pointed to the bearded man's head. It was a gun. Moreover, It was Tim's gun. 8
Tim opened his eyes with a distinct understanding of the only solution to his problem. He slowly walked to the living room, step by step, as he kept thinking about how near was the solution to his problem. Finally arriving at the cabinet, Tim opened it and retrieved his gun. He picked up a box of bullets, took only one and loaded it into the chamber of the gun. He slowly pointed the gun to his head, smiled and then fired.9
The cops arrived at the apartment an hour later and burst open the door. All they found on the floor was an old man holding a gun. Just an old bearded man with a gun.
A contest entry
- Mr. Not So Right by Forbidden Romance.
300 points, ended November 22, 2006, 8 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - interested? by LostSoulOfRage.
300 points, ended November 22, 2006, 18 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Intruige and Mystery by Icewolf.
110 points, ended November 23, 2006, 8 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Falling Over The Cliff by Lukkieight.
350 points, ended November 30, 2006, 7 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - anything by LostSoulOfRage.
600 points, ended December 4, 2006, 9 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - write me an emo story by Fluffykins.
325 points, ended February 12, 2007, 13 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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okay thnx for entering,
alright, very good. but i agree with lukkieght u do kinda say image to much. but other than that this is really good. good luck. great job -
2-watcing (watching.)
Every other word was image. You could have said things like "the thing that haunted his dreams, day and night." "that picture in his mind." Something more suspensive. Yeah, I get it was an image, thank you for making that clear. I like where you were going with this, but he was only 43 he wasn't quite old (at least I dont think so). I like where you're going with this, but work on it a little bit. Good luck in my contest./ -
Well done! Good job building up to the climax, and injecting a lot of suspense into your story. The ending wasn't a mind-twister, nor was it totally unexpected, but still qualifies, since it wasn't immediately obvious. I liked the concept that you had, that, rather than an external conflict, as was initially hinted at, it was an internal one. Excellent job with that.
On the more technical side, you missed a few things here and there, for example, this is a fragment:
"Until after a few days, he stopped going to work and stayed at home."
Basically just a few minor things that could easily be corrected with a few proofreads.
I would have like a more extensive vocabulary, using different words give the story a dynamic feel to it, which would have been great for this one.
This story meets my requirements, so, good luck in my contest, and thanks for entering -
first tnx for entering the contest.
okay this is a very good story, kind of confussing, hard to follow at one point but then it all made sense in the end so.
this is really good tho. i love it. good luck and keep up the great work. good job.
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This is good.
Umm...I had a slightly hard time following but it might just me me. Thanks for entering. 
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Welcome to SW, I am pleased to meat your writing, kenny is right in away you have a great story. I love it. If you ever need help with anything all you have to do is message me. Or if you need help in a hurry press on my name and grab my msn or yahoo! looking forward to more of your writing!
Penny
beginning: 5, language: 3, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Good...
The story's good. You have used too repetitive words though, making the story a bit annoying sometimes, such as 'image', you have written everywhere. You could have replaced it with 'picture' some times. It would be less monotonous.
Overall, the story's good. A nice debut. The flow is smooth and the storyline interesting.
Wish you good writing!
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