In the land of Lournda, before it was known as such, a race beyond mortals inhabited the Barrens when they were still part of Greater Lournda's land, before the divide. Our ancestors then lived in small villages, this is the story of one of those tribes.1
A raiding party ran through the town, torching the huts, setting them ablaze and choking the inhabitants until they had to run out, only to be caught by the Nasferti who awaited in the streets. The Nasferti were a bold race, taller and stronger than we mortals, and as implied imortal. What did they need of mortals? Why hunt them down? It was for our blood.2
They carried the survivors of the attack back with them and thrust them into large holding chambers divided by gender, males in one and females in another, with a third left for mating. The Nasferti controlled breeding between those they captured to ensure the best offspring to be used as food and to later replace the old breeders. 3
Not everyone was used for breeding, usually the most attractive females, who were generally tribe royalty, were used with as many males as possible. While less attractive women and children were served for the raiding party to dine on the night after their plunder.4
As the others were carted away screaming or dead, the princess of the most recent conquest was thrust into the breeding chamber. Along with her, the eldest of the males, who stood nearly as tall as a Nasferti if age and poor diet hadn't made him slump in posture. A Nasferti guard joined them to insure mating.5
The princess was forced onto the ground on her knees and the guard stripped her of her crude clothing of animal skins. The old man was permitted his clothes and knew better than to disobey the guard. He whispered, "I'm sorry," to the princess as he had done countless times.6
He thrust his barely unflacid penis firmly into her tight inexperienced vagina and fell with his body laying ontop of hers. He withdrew and thrust again, deeper into her, tears that once would stream down his eyes now dried and bitter, inhuman after years of abuse. He gently reach around her and stroked her hanging breast, cupping it in his withered old hand.7
He thrust in and out of her repeatedly until finally he could feel her cum around him. At least her body accepted what was happening, but as the old man thrust a mighty blow he both came and fell hard atop her. After several minutes of motionless the guard struck the old man in the shoulder, knocking him out of the princess, dead and limp on the ground.8
The guard snorted and dragged the man away, summoning the next in line, a young strapping buck who was relatively new to the herd. The man positioned himself, nude, behind the princess and slipped himself into her, eased by the dead man's cum. He didn't appologize as the old man had, he rode her furiously. He thrust deep and hard into the princess pulling semen and juices out along with himself breifly.9
The man reach down to the princess' sole and gripped lightly with his fingertips. He dragged his fingers up and down her foot as he began to slide in and out of her again, gripping her foot tightly in his hand as he felt her convulse around his throbbing shaft. He pulled her foot out and grabbed at her toes as he thrust one last mighty time, unleashing his ejaculate deep into her cunt.10
The guard picked the man up and took him back to his pen, grabbing the next in line. The princess' vagina was already swollen and red, but she had a long night ahead of her. With luck in eight to nine months she would bring 1 to 3 new head of cattle to the farm with enough milk to feed them. Princesses of the modern era have a much better position now that the Nasferti have been hunted to extinction.
A contest entry
- Erotically Enticing by IvoryRose.
240 points, ended December 3, 2006, 7 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Just Enter The Contest!!! by xxRainbowDawnxx.
100 points, ended January 2, 2007, 32 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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Oh the poor princess... Though I bet she knew better than to fight the herd but ouch, I'm so glad they are extinct
. Lovely imagery (I mean good, not as in enjoyable). Full of pictures and mostly of emotion... Thanks for entering my contest and good luck.
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Well....
It's interesting to say the least. It doesn't really strike me as a piece of erotica, more just sex. I like the plot, it's intriguing. The story however is not erotic. Honestly in order to truly be erotic it needs more description, more detail. It needs to draw the reader into the moment. Make the reader see and feel the story. I have no connection with any of the characters. It's just like seeing something on a tv at the store. I don't connect with any of them, I don't know what they're feeling really, or how they think. It doesn't draw out any really emotional response. Instead it just shows me a list of events that are taking place. It has potential.
Thank you for your entry. If you make any changes, be sure to let me know.
Kat -
BDSM Erotica
I wouldn't call this erotica in the traditional sense. Perhaps to someone who has an interest in captivity, forced sex or humiliation. It is very interesting and has a lot of scope for further expansion.
The description is well done for it's intention, and I see the scene well. Transition from exposition to intimate scene is smooth, and all needed information is in place, even if some extra information isn't presented. Further details to the nature of blood/immortality might be interesting, but isn't required for the piece as a whole.
There is an interesting "Nosferatu" relation to the name of the "Nasferti", and I wonder if your reference is the 1920's film or the White Wolf RPG "Masquerade", or just a simple coincidence. Again, extra information about certain details about the tribe could add to the story as a whole and give the setting and situation more flavor.
-Kevin
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Perception Verses Cows
In my opnion this is a well designed,developed, and executed chapter for a larger work. The overall story/plot lines were well presented and supportive of the story theme. The strucutre, flow, and pace of the story were well in tune with each other and resulted in a good read that flowed forward at a nice reading pace.
The total lack of regard and respect for the captives by the Nasferti comes across very well by demonstrating this through their reference to the captives as mear cattle or farm aminals in how they manage them and use them as a food source.I would suggest two points that might help to clarify this impression in the readers mind. First give the captive tribes people names or at least a tribe name, so they can be readily distinguished from the Nasferti. Second you want to consider actually coming right out in the story and stating the thinking of the Nasferti towards their captives. This may eliminate a lot of readers thinking the end of the story is talking about cows instead of how the captives are preceived by their captors.
This story demonstrates a good application of erotica in support of a good story/plot line. Very nice approach and technique.
Paul -
I think u have some kind of unnaturel oppsesion with herd animals, although u could have used more discription {the cow one had more then this one, which is worrying}.
I think, if u want 2 win friends & influence people u need 2, if writing erotica, u need 2 stick 2 ur own species {unless ur secretly a cow then write about homosapians, lol}.
ne way this was a rockin story.
luv mebeginning: 3, language: 4, plot: 5, ending: 4, characters: 4.
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I enjoyed this, very male orientated isn't it? (grin). As to the intro being slow, I don't think so as part of a longer work, as it explains where we are. Maybe the first paragraph is not so neccessary if you really needed to shorten it, although if you add more, it is better left in.
I too was a little confused about the cows at the end. Apart from these point I think it's sexy.
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The Nasferti controlled breeding between those they captured to ensure the best offspring to be used as food and to later replace the old breeders. Does this sound like they are eaten first, then used to breed? Sorry I am a newbe, but I thought it may be confusing
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OMG! You are gross! I am going to be sick. Just the last part got to me. you really are a good writer... and to disterbing hope you do explaine why they think their in a herd..
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Ok that messed me up right at the end I thought it had to deal with cows. You might want to try to clarify that just a little bit more. I surprisingly liked the story but felt it lacked details. I'd like to know more about where they are and what this whole thing is about. I find it confusing that they would think that having a woman with several different men would actually produce offspring when in actual fact the complete opposite is true.
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