“LOOK, TANE! STARS!”
I glance quickly skyward, burying my hands deeper into my coat pockets. Biting prairie winds force me deeper into my jacket.
“So what?” I say; all I want to do is to get to Mag’s house fast. It’s too cold to be worrying about some far off points in the sky.
“They’re beautiful... Tane, just look!”
I look; the stars appear the same – miniscule meaningless pinpoints set in a deep black dome. I look toward him just to say there’s nothing special about them and I realize he’s forgotten his jacket.
“You idiot!” I shout at him, “What are you doing without a coat on?”
He ignores me, attention fully focused on the faraway pinpoints. I touch his arm – it is cold and stiff – he is only wearing a t-shirt.
“Here –”
I pull him towards me and take my left arm from its confines within the sleeve. I pull my coat around his shoulder and we share each others’ warmth – or more precisely, I lend him some of mine.
“Tane.”
He sounds stressed this time, and I’m tempted to ignore him until his icy fingers probe the back of my neck.
“Ah! What – I don’t wanna freeze to death, let’s just go to –”
“Quiet. Look.”
I glance up again.
“Look, this is –”
“No – you look.”
I sigh impatiently, realizing that if I don’t humor him I will be standing out here forever.
“Tane… just think. Do you know what’s out there? You can’t… You don’t know how many people… beings live somewhere past those stars…”
“Come on.”
“I don’t know how to explain it, but… this feeling of not knowing…”
I hurry him along before he has a chance to speak again.
He stumbles as he walks, holding his vision constantly skyward. I call him stupid under my breath – he gazes, spellbound, at the stars while his form shivers with the cold. I doubt he notices – he is so caught up in his little starlight fantasies I don’t think he even knows he is freezing.
A sigh heavy with irritation passes my lips.
~
Now, twenty years later, he is no longer with me. I sit in the middle of a frozen prairie, scoured by biting winds, and write; my hand numb and leaden in the growing cold.
I write – I remember and I look up at the stars.
I know.
A contest entry
- I WANT A GOOD CLIFFHANGER!! by Taylor Renee.
145 points, ended April 16, 2007, 74 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Short Shorts by Delfishie.
175 points, ended April 7, 2007, 15 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Starstruck [stories] by sodancewithsoda.
300 points, ended May 17, 2007, 7 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - I Want to Want More by Kitzwa.
225 points, ended November 25, 2007, 31 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
-
I wouldn't really call that a cliffhanger ending. It was very sweet though, and exellently written. A fine piece of work.
-
Okay, SW just ate my comment for this x.x
Sometimes, short is not a bad thing when it comes to writing something. ^_^ Making a piece longer would detract the meaning, or completely screw up the impact for the reader
I love Tane's friend, and how optimistic he is. His point of view, and his belief on stars, are things that I find easy to agree with and also believe. ^_^ It is also realistic to have completely 2 different people being friends, and I guess the magic of friendship comes and just changes us, during AND after that person is with us
Thank you so much for entering and good luck with the contest ^_^
-
Very sweet, romantic and beautiful. Imagery was placed well and I think it was written very well. Good luck in your contest!
~Kevan~ -
very nice
This was a sweet story, very romantic and heartfelt. I really got into your characters. Tane is...a boy? Is this a gblt fic? Or did I completely misread that?
Either way, though, I really enjoyed this. Good job. -
-
Thank you for reading and reviewing... Reviews make me happyhappy, yes?
and as for that gender thing...? I'm, well... not sure. I intended to give one a name and one a gender, so they exist as they are...
I always tend to imagine Tane as a guy, though, so if you want to go by that...
-
-
this was terrific. i loved it. great work, you did amazing imagery and im feeling like crying right now. is it true? or did you just write it?
great
<3
Tay
-
Very good work.
I did enjoy this piece of work. The pacing was very good holding me intersested from the start throught to conclusion.
Once again very well structured piece of work.
All the best.
jsdk -
i like this story its my sort of type i like the kinds were there are twists and alternative endings. This story was discrribing the awe and wonder of the stars vividly.
MIKEY -
I think they are very realistic. Sometimes what attracts us the most is the unknown. When we have no way of knowing we can see a beautiful picture as well as a mystery. Take a painting for example. We don't know exactly what the painter's feelings are, but we still like to sit and just look on, finding hidden picture while our minds are overcome with complex thoughts that block out everything else. And sometimes, when we don't wonder, we get puzzled or learn the hard way until we see the mystery as well. ssl.
-
Good work!
This is a really good story. Well written. Thanks for the read. I enjoyed it. Keep it up!
plot: 3, dialog: 4.
-
This was very interesting. I do wish though that there was more to it. I just get a feeling like it needs more. It's very good though. I did enjoy reading it. I really did. This looks like a start to something great. Keep on writing. God Bless!
-
Interesting
I like the story, but I'm not entirely sure where it leads. It sounds like the main character comes to believe that there is life beyond Earth, but I'm not certain if she believes that the other was taken by them or what. Also, "the other" needs a name...
The structure as good and the story wonderful, but there are many details that are lacking. With a little more work, you could having soemthing astonishing here.
beginning: 3, language: 4, plot: 3, ending: 3, dialog: 4, characters: 2.
-
-
Yup.
Oh, hai, hai. This thing is meant to be somewhat obsecure, though. It's wierd, ne?
I tried to assign one a gender and one a name - so you have one nameless guy with a gender and one genderless guy with a name.
It really doesn't lead anyhwere... It leads where you want it to go. It's like a sci-fi intro or something.
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 13 of 13
