Prologue:1
It's dark. The only sound is of snoring in the next room. A girl sleeps on a bed almost too small for her. The bed next to hers is empty, save a pile of folded clothes awaiting hibernation in the already bloated dresser. The closet to her right is almost full of clothes on one side, and barren on the other. The mirror leaning against the bed adjacent to hers, reflects a shadow passing by the window. A cloud rolling across the bloated moon?2
A hand passes through the window frame. A person, dressed all in black, swings through the open window on the frame above and lands with barely a whisper on the plush carpet next to the girl's bed. The girls, barely 17, rolls over to face her dark intruder, as though sensing his prescence. The man, his pale hair forming a kind of halo around his dark form, stretches his hand forward to touch the girl's face. 3
He lovingly caresses her pale skin, his face pensieve. He makes up his mind and gently moves her head, so that it faced the wall, away from him. Her pale neck leared up at him, daring him to make his move. He leans forward, and places his hand on her shoulder. He gently places his lips on her neck, and unbares his fangs, glowing as if from a light of their own. He places them on her neck, and bites down.4
The girl sits up with a flash,, breathing hard and rubbing her neck. She looks around and sees that her room is empty,then at her window, closed, and locked. She checks her nightstand and reads her bright green alarm clock. Six-thirty. she sighs, "Well, since I'm already up, I might as well get ready for school". She throws off her covers and gets out of her bed. She looks out her window at the setting moon, rubbing her already irritated neck. "What a weird dream," She breathes, almost in a daze.5
Chapter 1:6
In a crowded and almost deafening cafeteria, two girls sit alone, secluded from the others, talking. The girl, closest to the wall, looks at her friend. Her lips are moving, but she couldn't really hear her. She shakes her head, as though getting rid of cobwebs, "I'm sorry, what were you saying Alex?"7
Alex looks at her strangely, "What's up with you today, Nyx? You've been spacing out all day. Even in English, and that's your favorite class!" She shakes her head in a disapproving way, "Well, what I was saying, is that there's this new guy in school, and he's gotta be the most gorgeous goth, to ever grace this god-forsaken ball of dirt," she smiled. 8
Nyx groaned, "What else is new? Yuo've been talking about him all week. Do you even know his name?"9
Alex looked down guiltily, "No... but I was going to talk to him after school today. He's always behind the school waiting for a ride. I was kind of hoping you would come with." 10
Nyx stared at her, "No, that's okay. Besides, I have things to do after school today, and I thought you already had a boyfriend." She looked at her accusingly.11
Alex frowned, "Yes, I am quite aware that I have a boyfriend, but there's no harm in just talking to him. In plus, Mark would freak out if he saw me talking to a guy by myself. You know how he is, and with you there, I have an excuse," She pouted, "Please!"12
"Fine, but I'm only agreeing because I hate to see people beg. And you're lucky I'm a nice person," Nyx tried to look cross.13
Adrianna nodded, acting serious, "Yes, m'am!" she saluted her, giggling, and ran out of the cafetria before Nyx could change her mind. She watched her go shaking her head.14
A bell rang and Nyx got slowly up from the table, being careful, so as to not bump into the crowd fleeing from the room. She picked up her stuff, and made her way to the door, watching others pass by her as though in warp speed. By the time she got to the door, the cafeteria was completely empty, save the two lunch ladies, cleaning up. As Nyx reached the double doors, they opened up towards her. A guy, about her age, and dressed all in black, save his hair which was stark white, stepped out in front of them. He glanced upward, and met Nyx's eyes. They stared for what seemed like hours, and she passed out, unconcious.15
Chapter 2:16
Nyx's eyes open to a pair of eyes, looming in front of her. They are an intense green, glowing as if from a light of their own. "Are you okay?" the eyes lean back a little and she sees a slightly familiar face, "you've been out cold for a couple of hours."17
Nyx sits up, holding her head.
Author notes
I wrote this last year, when I was in that, OOOOO... vampires!, phase. I kind of edited it already, but am planning to do it again, because it still needs to be fixed. So I can use all the critiques I can get. Please be HONEST. Also I'm not quite done with it, so please be patient! 
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
the only thing i can see that need more is description of the characters... mainly the two girls we have no idea what they look like.... but yea i really like the story so far.. i am anxious for more when ever u type it!

