monster MONSTER - final copy?

There’s a big old mansion on the top of a hill close by. On the darkest of the dark nights, you can hear sounds coming from within its walls. No one lives there now, and no one has ever dared to enter since. Some people used to say that it is haunted, but who really makes those scary noises? No one knows. 1

I’m going on a quest to reveal the secret of the scary house and I need you to help me, do you dare to enter?2


This is the story of a big scary mansion,
Nobody knows just what is inside.
Nobody ever dares enter,
They say something is trying to hide.
Screaming & crying - something alive!3

But nobody knows what it is.
No one wants to find out.
Except me.

Can you help me reveal the secret of this scary house?4

If you will, then follow closely,
I am sure there are many monsters to see.
Be careful not to wander too far!5


As we approach the large door, it swings wide open on its own. It is far too dark to see inside, not without our torch. Best keep hold of it! 6


**********************************************************************************7

8

The old wooden door smells like the woods,
It looms over our curious heads.
This marbled floor is so dusty and dark,
Avoid all those spider webs!9

Dark shadows disguise the colour of walls,
No paintings are visible in here.
We only see when the torch flickers on,
The things that lie quite near.

***10

Shine that torchlight deep into the hall,
Be careful of where you tread.
Look, there are two rows of closed doors,
They seem painted deep red! 11


Try this door so we can see if they open,
Be ready to face the worst!
As the handle turns with a loud creek,
We fall into dark headfirst!12

***13

One must hold something worth finding,
We should split up to explore.
We will try each one that we pass by,
Then look a little bit more!14

This one holds nothing but a bad smell,
Quickly cover your nose!
Did you hear that sound just now?
That door over there glows!15

***16

The thing lurking in the room is not afraid,
We must be careful here!
The noise comes back. It is getting loud.
We may get a fright I fear!17

Each breath we hold as you reach to open it.
We stare, as it is unhinged.
The monsters defensively blows at our face!
Hair by the flame now singed! 18

***19

We escape with haste by way of stairs,
Oh my, how close that was!
We were lucky to escape that thing,
Did you see the size of his claws?20

Walking the stairs to the second floor,
Silence struggles to fill in space.
We find a stairwell that leads to the attic,
Where no light can be traced.21

***22

Within the dim structure of the roof,
Sheets disguise its hoards.
Where the windows once swung open
Now nailed shut with boards.23

The shapes of mysterious white items,
Seem to have fallen from one.
There's a long box lying in the centre,
Where could it have come from?24

Suddenly the box lid begins to move,
No way should it do that!
What looked like a rich male human?
Transforms into a bat!25

***26

Behind the place we stand together,
There's a door with more stairs.
We take the chance to make escape
We make our way through there.27

Climbing upward in the spiral passage,
We pant with all our might.
In single file we walk into the tower,
Ghosts and ghouls give fright!28

Shapes of white and grey float past,
Watch out here they come!
We must all try to keep on moving,
The fun has just begun!29

***30


We have seen so many rooms up here,
We make our way back down.
We walk right through the kitchen,
Where we hear another sound!31

Then we can see a bandaged figure,
No face looks back our way.
It appears the mummy may be asleep,
Best we don't decide to stay!32

***33

There's a door ajar quite close to us,
Let's see where it will lead.
We step into a massive garden of black,
Theres movement in the weeds!34

Such little men roam through the grass,
They heard us coming out.
Those little imps can't keep the pace,
We run far from their shouts.35

***36

We strive to escape the mini monsters,
Then see the cellar hatch.
This time we found an escaspe route,
No padlocks on the latch.37

Smells of aging damp hang in the air,
The floor creaks under foot.
Two silhouettes appear in the gloom,
With clothes as black as soot.38

They look to us with their sharp noses,
Their hats point up so high.
We choose to make our get away,
Or at least to try!39

The cellar door had been left open,
We tumble through it fast.
The events we saw in that mansion,
No doubt will always last.40

41

***

Author notes

The completed story for collaberation. Might still need a little bit of tweaking, but close to the final result.
Warren Jerzyszek holds at least half the rights to use this story. Thanks to you!

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Comments


  • Oblivion Kitty God silver member
    October 30, 2006

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    Wonderful

    I throughouly enjoyed this li'l tale and thought you did very well - thus why I enjoyed it. You are a talented writer and should post more of your work so I can read it!

    beginning: 3, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 4, characters: 3.


  • bewareofcarrots
    October 29, 2006

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    Both of you have done a great job with this.. I've been reading through poems recently and so often find things that have forced rhymes and rhythms that don't work. This renews my faith in the use of rhyming - it's not obvious that you're trying to rhyme, it just helps add to the flow. If that makes any kind of sense..

    The only suggestion I have for this is gramatically.. I'd suggest taking out the comma in line 21 after "where" - I don't think it's necessary there.

    Great work - lots of fun to read


    Becca


    • thirdlight
      October 29, 2006
      Edit | Reply

      thanks

      thank you so much. this comment means a lot. It was quite hard to keep the ryhming up, but on perusal - I found the flow let me know if it wasn't right. Glad you enjoyed the piece, makes it all worthwhile.

      thanks for pointing that out, off to correct it.

      thanks
      happy writing
      Rise