His vacant glower skidded over the tattered pieces of my clothes. I could feel every raking glare rip across my skin. The musty scent of mold and unwashed filthy filled my nostrils making me heave harder. The tears dripped off my burning flesh as I flushed bright red with embarrassment. I lowered my eyes from the officer and stared at the scarred and battered table.1
“He attacked me. I got off work and was walking to my car. It was around midnight.” I softly started.2
“Ma’am, are you sure it was him? It was dark and it’s still not to late if you made a mistake. Start at the very beginning and tell me again what happened.”3
“I told you twice already. It was him, John Lavile, why would I make this up? I locked the door to the Vet Clinic and walked out of the gate towards my car. He ran up behind me and pushed me to the ground. I screamed but he shoved my face into the gravel and pressed the knife to my neck. Then he bite my shoulder and I grabbed my pepper spray and sprayed him. He jumped back, I turned, the floods lights turned on, and I saw his face. He panicked and ran. Can’t you people take some type of sample out of the bite? DNA or some crap like that?” I ground my teeth together, lying was hard business but they didn’t believe the bits I was telling them so why would they believe that he didn’t run but instead turned into a damn wolf and tried to attack me again.4
“Ma’am, Mr. Lavile is a prominent business man. Why the hell would he want to attack anyone much less you?” the officer sneered.5
My ginger-colored eyes narrowed to slits. He was getting nasty and I had been nothing but the polite victim. 6
Author notes
Just a random thing I started writing...
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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Huh, this is pretty good. Fast-paced, engaging, interesting. It developed the character and backstory fast. The beginning was a lovely hook with brilliant imagery and some great concrete descriptions. I noticed a type at "Then he bite" but other than that I have zero nit-picks with this piece. It's great.
I hope you continue it. Cheers for the read and good luck writing!
Nocturne
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its not finished!!! U must finish this or..or...um...I'll go and... finish it for u!!! (i dont know)
Anyway, I thought that this was a brilliant beginning. I want to know why the officer was treating her like that. That is why you must finish it! anywya, I'll quit my ballabering. LOL
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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ummm.....incomplete
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Not bad. One question...why would the officer talk to your character that way? What was his motive for treating someone like that so early in the story?
That's the only problem I had with it and it's not really a problem just an eyebrow lifter.
~Brooke~ -
Great
This is detailed, has a good amount of realistic thought and dialog. The only problem I have is that I wish it was longer. I think it's awesome. Just wondering one thing, is your werewolf contagious, like will the main character turn?
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 5, characters: 4.
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Thanks! It will be longer I promise lmao! This is just the start. I am hoping it will someday turn into a book *crosses finger*
It is contagious and she is quite pissed about it. Well I could say how she knows but you will have to wait until the rest comes
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You used very good description and have a strong beginning.
I just find it a little bit awkward on how someone who worked in the the Vet Clinic would have pepper spray, but it's fine the way you have it.
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seems to be a bug
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umm I work at a Vet Clinic and I carry Pepper Spray. I have one bottle in my purse a small mini one on my keys and one in my car. (they came in a pack on the site I got them from). When you have to walk to you car in at anywhere from 8 to 10 or later in the pitch black by yourself you need something to protect yourself just in case.
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umm I work at a Vet Clinic and I carry Pepper Spray. I have one bottle in my purse a small mini one on my keys and one in my car. (they came in a pack on the site I got them from). When you have to walk to you car in at anywhere from 8 to 10 or later in the pitch black by yourself you need something to protect yourself just in case.
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