All These Things I Hate

Once more I said goodbye to my boyfriend. Tears stream down my face as I wave to him as he drives away in his black car. Matt (my boyfriend) drives away and before he had promised me that he wasn't going to leave anymore. I wished I didn't believed him. He always lies and it's not supposed to be like this. I loved Matt with all my heart and he was never there for me. The only thing he had ever gave me was a kiss on the lips a few times. That was it. I hate when Matt lies, sometimes he does more than that... he hits me once in a while.

Matt drives away and part of me wants to be with him, the other is glad he's gone so he can't hit me anymore. Maybe that's why I have bruises on me. Even though he abuses me, I still love him. I also know that Matt loves me, but he doesn't want to admitt it. He's not showing his emotions.

I walk back into the house. For the first time in months, I feel safe. It's because Matt isn't here. That's actually good thing. I'm free.

About five minutes later, the phone rings and I answer it. Guess who's on the other line? My boyfriend is. He tells me that he's coming back home, he wants to be with me, spend some "special" time alone with me. When Matt means "special" time, I mean by him hitting me and screaming at me. Other times, he'd do things to me that he shouldn't be doing (I'm not even going to describe it because it's so obscene).

"I'll be home in a few. Don't you leave on me or I'm going to send you to the hospital." Matt continued to say on the phone. When he means by he's going to send me to the hospital, he means that he's going to beat me so much that I have to go to the hospital to get help.

"Don't worry Matt, I promise I won't leave you." I reply to Matt after I hesitate about what I was going to say to him.

"I know you won't." Matt states.

When Matt gets home, that's when hell begins, but not at first. Matt is tall and handsome. He had long black hair up to his shoulders, he had a beard, and he dressed in black mostly. His eyes were a hazel color. And as for me, I was his scared, little girlfriend. I had long brown hair, my eyes were brown, I was 5'3", and I also wore black almost all the time. Matt was muscular and I wasn't. He was 23 years old and I was 17 years old. We have been together ever since I was 15. I never even tried to break up with him or tried to leave him. If I did then, there was a painful conseqenece and I would be beaten. Even to this day I'm terrified of him, but I also love him.

There's a reason to why my boyfriends abuses me. When we met I thought he was so nice and as a matter of fact he was at first and hell, he was hot. He still is (I think that was one of the reason why I'm still here with him). As the months went by, I think that Matt only wanted to be with me and the abuse started when I looked at this boy and I flirted with him. Matt must of saw it happen and he flipped out. When I went back to his house after I attended school, he beat me, yelling at me for doing what I did. He said that if he couldn't have me, then no one could and he also said that I was all his and no one else could have me or love me. That's the reason why he beats me.

The second reason why I'm thrashed relentless is because he gets drunk. His drunkenness turns him into more of a monster and he is violent than ever. That's why I never left him. I am too frightened to do anything without his permission, because I'm not allowed to do anything without his permission.

Matt lies to me all the time. Like when he leaves for a couple days and when he comes back, he'll promise me that he won't leave anymore, but he does. During those times, he seems calm, paitent, nice, and sweet. He'll even take care of me. Also during those times, Matt tells me that he loves me and promises me that he'll never hit me again. I know that when he tells me that he'll never raise a hand to me ever again, he's lying. Now you know why he lies and why I'm in an abusive relationship?

My life is terrible.

Matt shoves me onto the bedroom pushes me onto the bed and sits on top of me. He holds down my arms and forces me to make out with him. I refuse to and he slaps my face hard. He then orders me to make out with him and this time I obey him. After that, I am forced to get him a beer and let him get drunk. While he gets drunk, I begin to feel fear rise inside of me. Matt is the man I love or onced loved, but now, I don't know what to think of him.

When Matt gets drunk, he becomes violent than ever. He pushes me back on the bed and takes out a chain. He ties one of my hands to the bed post and then he pounds me relentless. I begin to cry. Matt punches me in the face and screams at me to stop crying. All I am in is tragedy. No one can stop it, not even my boyfriend. I can't take this anymore. I want to leave Matt and I want him to love me. Is that too much to ask?