Wormy Pimple

The earth shifted, and a huge crack made its way doe North Ave. No one seemed to care, a crack in the asphault, no biggie. 1

It was only when 6 year old Tony B. started to scream and shout that the people started to take notice.2

Tony had been playing with his sister, Balieh. "A spot of the earth began to swell like a pimple. I exploded, sending little creatures everywhere! They had Wings like bats, but the heads where like little hyenas. A horrid laugh, like nails streaming dow a chalk board, filled the air and Balieh fell to the ground. I wanted to run to her, but there was something blocking my way. Every time I would move, a shriek spilt the air. I saw the creatures swarm around Balieh. She screamed and tried to move, be the creature started to grow. They exploded into millions of tiny worms, which grabbed my sister and started to eat her squirming body alive. They burrowed into the skin, and a crack like this one moved down her body, turning the skin green and maggoty" Tony told "EarthWide News"3

He was taken by police for attempted murder for no reason. There was no proof. But Balieh was found alive, except for her voice, which was old, and worn, like someone with larungitus. 4

But every night, people see Tony, hanged for lieing and attemped murder, playing with an old, worm eaten corpse.5

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Comments


  • Jargo Oberan
    October 24, 2006
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    This is just so random and gotesque that it doesn't evoke a reaction. The short length doesn't help. There are many unanswered questions raised; ranging from 'how normal is this' to 'Why did the police arrest Tony'.


  • Kokaze
    October 20, 2006

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    Poor

    Spelling needs work. The plot is just origional to earn a good score, but I'm not so sure on how it was carried out. -.-' I understand that there's only so much you can get into 300 words, but honestly... what you had was skimpy, and you didn't have enough. Detail! Characters! Setting!

    beginning: 2, language: 2, plot: 4, ending: 3, dialog: 1, characters: 1.