As Mel laid the card on the table she read over it one last time, making sure she had remembered everything. It said:1
Dear Mr. & Mrs. Mardow,2
Thank you for your generous gift consisting of:3
$500 in cash4
2 ATM cards5
Sincerely,6
Robyn Hoode7
Once she was sure that she had included everything, Mel crossed over to the window. She probably would have heard a car pulling into the drive, but it never hurt to check. No burglar wanted to open the door only to find herself staring at the person whose home she had just looted. It would be disastrous, especially for a burglar with Robyn Hoode's reputation. The last thing Mel needed was to miss her first day of college because she had been arrested. It would be horrible for her reputation. Of all the Robyn Hoodes that had come before her only one had ever been arrested for any length of time.8
Once she was certain that no one would see her walking out the front door of a house that obviously did not belong to her Mel stepped out onto the Mardows front porch. Quickly she used her lock picks to secure the door behind her. After all, she thought, it would be horrible for some criminal to come strolling up and find the front door unlocked. 9
Her first stop was the nearest ATM machine where she withdrew the maximum amount from each account. Well, that's what they got for writing the pin numbers down and leaving them laying about. Rich people, Mel thought, can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em. She stuffed the bills into her pocket and headed for home. It was a long walk from this ritzy neighborhood to her cheap apartment, but she had done a good night's work. It meant that she could buy food and who knows, maybe the bills would even be paid on time this month.10
Author notes
I guess technically this is an introduction, but prologue just sounds better (to me anyway). Mel is one of a series of burglars who call themselves Robyn Hoode. The first one appeared around the 16th century and Mel is the latest one.
~Cly~
A contest entry
- Editor's Corner-Prologues verses Introductions by TheLittleOne-Paul.
100 points, ended October 13, 2006, 11 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Yay! Cly, that was astronomical! Mel is an awesome character...with a great sense of humor, too. Good job, as usual, my friend! (:.
The Phantom of the Night (and definitely not the Opera)
NT
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THE POWER OF A GOOD INTRODUCTION TO YOUR STORY!
It appears that you are beginning to develop an understanding of what an Introduction is suppose to be and how to effectively use one in your stories.
I think you will find in your future postings that if you make it a point of including an Introduction for all of your submissions (IE-if you do not already do so), you will attract a lot more people to reading and reviewing your submissions(IE-that's one of the major goals for posting,right?). The use of an introduction in your submissions will reach out there and grab the members, presenting them with an exciting and powerful attention grabber, making them want to click on your story and read it(which of course is what we all want).
Let me make a few points on your submission.
(1.) When constructing an Introduction, every sentence we use is important to the final story. Each sentence must contribute to conveying the plot of the storyline. If they do not, they weaken the the Introduction and the story.
> Now that you have written the first draft of your Introduction go back over it. Look at each and every sentence you used and ask yourself (a.) Do I need this sentence to explain my story or my plot or can I leave it out?, (b.) Can I say what I am saying in a shorter/clearer/more consise way and still be able to explain my story. Then rewrite your Introduction and make it even better.
(2.) You have accomplished the main goal of the Introduction in that you have managed to summarize part of your stoyline down to one good sized paragraph while still conveying to the reader what your entire storyline might be all about.
> This is very good for your attempt at writing an Itroduction. A lot of writers find it hard to do what you have done here. Good Job!
(3.) You have also managed to do what all good Introductions must do. That is your Introduction has reached out there and grabbed the interest and excitment of your readers. Your Introduction has shown your potential readers that you have an interesting exciting story to offer them and they will respond with a loud call to want to read your story.
> This is very good for your up and comming story. You already have readers standing in line to read your story and you have not even finished it yet. Can you now see the power of using the Introduction in your writing? Good Job!
Now let me comment on your Introduction.
> I like the unique twisted storyline you have chosen for your story. This is a very nice approach to a well used story idea with a fresh usage. Nice idea. I wish I had thought of it.
> This is a nice little action scene that grabs the reader's interest level right off the bat. The flow of the character through the scene is well executed and works very well. I like the use of the card from the robber at the start to set the stage for the scene backgroud. Very nice technique here. This is a good little creative trick that I have not seen before. It workd very well and it is inovative. Good work. Even better creative thinking.
Just a couple points of interest about the scene:
> Why would she bothe to stop and lock the front door of a house she just got finished robbing? This little detail did not seem to fit or make sense.
> It is not all that clear from the beginning as to where the scene is actually taking place. After reading the scene for a second time and watching for this particul point I was able to deduced from what the story told me and how the story unfolded that this was in fact taking place within the actual house that was being robbed. I think you have to clean up this little point in order not to detract from the totally effective impact you have created here.
This is a very well written and highly effective Introduction to your story. Thank you for sharing this with us and for helping to show the other members of the group how to write an effective Introduction.
Very nice writing.
Paul
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