Under The Rug

Two weeks passed and it happend again that muse had been causing trouble for 3 years this time he knocked over the lamp.Mr gus thought it was time to get that mouse away so he picked up the chair and when he was about to hit it it ran under the couch.Mr gus thought he'd never get it out his house.But then he had a plan he traped the mouse so it would'nt get away,little did he know that there was a whole in the floor.So when the exterminators came the said he must of crawled in the whole.Mrgus said dont worry ill get it and he ment that the next day he got it and whoo its gone.But not really the mother and her 305 babys came along he yelled not again.1

Author notes

short sumary mr gus has a mouse that is causing troble how will he get rid of it find out and read the storyn make prditions and connetions

A contest entry

who are the character

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have 0. (?) (Line numbers)
    Ratings:

Comments


  • TheLittleOne-Paul
    November 22, 2006

    Edit | Reply

    305 is a lot of babies

    Hi dayday;

    Hello and welcome to SW! If you ever need anything just come talk to me. If you need help immediately please feel free to instant message me.

    Now for your story! I think you have a good story started here. There seems to be a good theme to your story. It looks like you have a good story idea that has a lot of potential to be developed further. There does seem to be a need to use more descriptive information and detailing to help to better tell your story and give the reader more information to make the reader more excited about your story.

    I think you demonstrate a natural knack for writing and your story seems to flow nicely and can be read by the reader at a nice reading pace. You should make as much use as you can of spelling and grammar software on your personal computer system to always make your stories look polished and professional and to ensure there are no spelling or grammar problems in your stories.

    It is always a good idea for new members to consider writing a story to be submitted into the New Members Monthly Writing Contest. This contest is featured on the front page of the site which is seen by all members when they login to the site. While this is usually restricted to the month during which you joined, if you put in the effort to write a story for the contest and you do not meet this requirement I would be glad to make a special exception to allow you to make an entry into this contest. Just send me an instant message and I am sure we can get you into the contest.

    Good work and again welcome to SW!

    Paul


  • Mel-the-Believer
    October 6, 2006

    Edit | Reply
    Not bad, you did have some grammatical and spelling errors, other than that though it was good. I'm a little stumped though, what show or movie is this based on? Thanks for entering. Good luck. God Bless!