Sometimes the cold hard truth is just too much. Sometimes I like a little lie, one that is warm and fuzzy and comforts me. A little white lie, that’s all I need right now. Somebody just come and whisper the words into my ear and make me believe that it will be okay. Softly let the words roll off your tongue and slip past your lips, don’t let me hear the shooting anymore. But when you say it, say it with conviction.1
And then he does.2
It’s not a whisper though. He’s full out yelling. He’s cursing and he’s yelling and I believe him. As if there isn’t enough attention in our direction, he’s throwing out “fucks” like they were fastballs. He would tell you it was more like a screwball, but I still believe him. He’s telling me we get silence. He’s telling me we get time and sleep and that I get a bed. He’s telling me that I’ve cheated death one more time and that all the Harvard businessmen are just boys. He’s telling me that I’ll get a nurse in a white outfit that will take care of me. But all he is saying is “They’re fucking dead Walt! The mother fuckers are dead.” And I believe him.3
Author notes
Not finished, but I gotta save it somewhere
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Your first paragragh was smooth, but the last one was at a whole other speed! Make it flow...
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I know this is a rough draft. And, I do want to see the finished product. However,you need to make the character real, the person needs to be dimensional in all aspects. You have a good start and I would definitely keep writing.
beginning: 1, language: 1, plot: 2, ending: 3, dialog: 1, characters: 1.
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pretty cool
i like it cause it leaves my wondering what happend to this boy or person? I got a bit confused at the end with all the other stuff like harvard businessmen and dead walt. you should explain a bit more but without messing up the atmosphere of the story.
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