The Tradition of my Life-Ch. 4

The cold flesh of my enraged fist meets his blood saturated face. I bring it back and then punch him again. This time he doesn’t fight back, his body totters and then falls over into a heap on the ground. Reaching two fingers down I check for a pulse and then throw my head to the side successfully as I find it. He may not be dead, but he won’t mess with me again. I lavish in the feeling of standing up for myself and then I see Nadia running my way. She looks down at Garret, lying broken on the ground, and then throws her arms around me and kisses me square on the lips. It’s the most amazing feeling ever and I squeeze her beautiful body closer to mine as she deepens the kiss. Taking my hand she leads me into her house and down the hall to the beautiful green hues of her bedroom. 1

And then I wake up.2

Again.3

I bloody hate these dreams. 4

I throw my legs over the edge of my faded plaid couch and walk down the hall to my kitchen, hoping to god I have a beer in there. I stop before I reach the kitchen, and stare at my reflection in the cracked mirror hung on the wall. My scruffy brown hair hangs loosely in my hazel eyes, reminding me I need a hair cut. My smallish nose sits sadly behind the plastic brace, and I sigh as I think of my dream. If only I wasn’t wearing this stupid thing and he was. If only she loved me, and not him. If only..5

I hobble sadly into the kitchen and triumphantly yank out the last beer in my fridge, when the annoying ring of my phone sounds loudly.6

“Coming” I say to no one in particular as I reach for the handset lying on the chipped linoleum counter. 7

“I’m sorry” comes a gruff voice from the receiver. 8

“Excuse me” I reply, completely confused and frankly, not in the mood for some bloddy prank call. 9

“I said I’m sorry” the voice coughs roughly, and then returns to the receiver. And then I know who it is. 10

“She put you up to this, didn’t she? Hand the damned phone to Nadia” I slide the receiver down to my shoulder slowly, and exhale. The anger that has suddenly consumed me courses through my veins. I feel my face reddening, and try once again to breath out the outburst that is seeping up my throat. I pull the receiver up again and wait for her sweet voice to come on. Hoping it will calm me down enough. The last thing I want to do is yell at her, but she had no right to do this. 11

“Hello?” the voice is weak and I can tell she’s scared.12

“Nadia. Oho Nadia. You had no right. No right at all, to just play God. To bat your beautiful eyelashes at him and make him apologize. I don’t need your god damned charity! Okay? I can make it on my own!” And then I do something I am really going to regret later. I slam the handset down, hard, into the receiver. And I pick it up and I slam it again, and then I scream. I scream a scream that’s wanted to burst forth from me for the past few days. The relief that follows is almost as good as if I’d just shot up with something, and then the sweet relief turns to sweet regret. 13

“Fuck” I whisper. 14

I pick up the receiver quickly and my fingers fly through her number. 15

“I’m sorry” I say as soon as I hear the click, not caring who it was that picked it up. 16

“Listen here, you bloody bastard, stay away from my god damn girl, or else” 17

Oh joy, it’s Garret.18

“Garret, please just give the phone to Nadia.” I plead with the ogre, not caring now what he has to say. Only wanting to be back in Nadia’s good graces. 19

“No” 20

This is bloody great. 21

“Hey, mate, please. Just let me talk to her” I try going the nice route, hoping I can out smart the bastard. 22

“No. Sorry, mate. She left. Didn’t say where, just left” he doesn’t sound bloody sorry. 23

“Ya, thanks” and then I throw the set down and run down my faded white hall to my shabby living room to find my Wal-Mart special shoes. 24

No wonder she’s with Garret.25

In my car beat up car ten minutes later, I am cruising the streets, trying my best to read her mind. When I’m about to give up and call her house again, hoping beyond hope that she’s returned, I spot her. She is sitting on the swings, at our park.26

The faded blue swings creak slowly as she drags her feet lazily through the few rocks left after years and years of children. I sit in my car for a second, remembering all the times we used to come here as kids. When things got to rough with my parents, dad was yelling again, or mom was threatening to leave. I’d just walk out the door, two blocks from my house and she’d already be there, waiting for me. She always knew me better than I knew myself. 27

“Hey” I whisper as I take a seat on a swing beside her. It moans in pain as I begin to pump my legs, a terrible effort to fly just as I used to long ago. She looks up at me through teary eyes and then looks back down at the ground again. “I’m sorry, Nad” 28

Suddenly she throws her delicate arms around my neck and squeezes tight. I respond quickly pulling her close and breathing in deeply the amazing smell she carries. “Me too” she whispers. And then I can feel the small droplets dampening my shoulder but all I can do is pull her closer and let her cry. 29

Her slightly sweaty body makes a sucking sound as her chest reaches mine and then leaves with every breath. The feeling is driving me crazy and all I want to do is hold her close and never let the feeling of her flesh on mine, go. 30

“Nad..” I whisper softly several minutes later, as the tears have slowly subsided. “I.. I love you” 31

She pulls away for a second and turns her beautiful gaze to me, staring curiously. 32

And then she kisses me. 33

And I have died. 34