The house was in total disarray as I walked in the door after picking up my eldest, Shelbie, from ice skating practice. The baby and my husband were smack dab in the middle of the mess, tossing soft blocks at each other.1
“Derrick,” I yelled over the sound of the theme song to Dora the Explorer. He didn’t hear me so I yelled louder, “Derrick Owen Turner.”2
That got his attention. But, as he turned towards me, Ryelee threw one last block, nailing him on the side of the head.3
“Ohhh,” he groaned, clutching his head in mock pain, falling over on his side, sending the stuffed animals flying.4
Ryelee giggled, throwing her plump hands up to her mouth. She stood up on shaky chubby legs and jumped on my husband laughing loudly.5
Shelbie, who hates to be left out of anything, bounded across the cluttered floor. Her red hair streaming behind her, to fling herself on them both.6
I just stood at the door with my arms loaded with dinner, an ice skating bag, and a gallon of milk shaking my disheveled hair and smiling as the laughter rose another decimal.7
This is my Tuesday nights. Goddess help us all.8
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Author notes
Threw this together when I walked in on my husband sitting behind a wall of stuffed animals and building blocks and my youngest daughter throwing hard wooden blocks at him.
In a list
A contest entry
- Make Me Laugh by silkwing.
100 points, ended October 4, 2006, 8 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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this is really sweet
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AWWW
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Really Sweet
Your children are adorable! Thank you for entering -
I can only imagine you walking in on this.. it would've been quite the sight, I'm sure. Very cute - loved the description of Ryelee: "throwing her plump hands up to her mouth. She stood up on shaky chubby legs and jumped on my husband laughing loudly." I can totally picture it.. I bet it was fun to watch.
Well done, as usual
Bec -
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Thanks for reading and commenting. My family is always throwing those situations at me. And at the time they are not funny but looking back they are. Hope your writing is going well.
Thanks again.
~Syren~
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Haha, that was cute. Sounds like my weekends at my sister's house, except a little more happy and a little less loud
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Thanks for reading. My house is always like that.
Thanks again for reading.
~Syren~
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How cute
I love family stories...and especially those that are cute. I think that I would make these changes:
But [,] as he turned towards me [,] Ryelee threw one last block [dash] nailing him on the side of the head.
clutching his head, [no comma] in mock pain,
Ryelee giggled [,] throwing her plump hands up to her mouth.
I would also suggest that you change certain structures about this...such as not starting a sentence with any coordinating conjunctions where a comma before them would suffice or drifting from different tenses.
All in all, this was very cute.
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Hey thanks
Thanks for reading and commenting. I will make the corrections immediately. Life is always throwing these little experiences out at me. Who knew children are so fun. lol
~Syren~
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hahaha that's adorable.. some corrections
Explore = Explorer
towards me the baby threw one last comma after me
I'd like to be able to identify with the kids but you don't name them it's just "oldest" and "the baby" I hope you expand on this it's great!
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You are so right
You are so right. I should have put names on the kids. And I think I will. I just wrote in a general sense. Thanks for the corrections will get on them.
Thanks again for reading and commenting.
~Brooke~
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That was a very cute story. I liked it. Good work. Good luck in the contest. I think you've got a good chance, but being just a reader, that's only my opinion. Keep on writing. God Bless!
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Thanks
Thanks for reading it. Children are very funny and when you put an overworked, exhausted parent in the mix things can't help but become even more hilarious. Thanks for reading.
~Syren~
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Awwwww it's a mommy story. I like it thanks for sharing
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Thanks
I always see funny things in my children but I just haven't written them down. And then one night I was so tired and my husband wasn't doing what he was supposed to (which isn't a surprise). And I just could not write this one.
~Syren~
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