Poopy

I was calmly eating my Crispy Caesar sandwich from my secret-indulgence, McDicks (AKA McDonalds, if you want to be specific) when my sister announced from the bathroom that she didn't think the toilet would flush.1

In a very composed and polite voice, I told her to shut up whilst I ate.2

Then I heard a flushing sound and a shrill scream.3

"Kayli! The water's rising!"4

I slowly made my way to the bathroom where my sister had trapped herself in the bathtub, keeping her eyes fixed on the toiler, which was quite full with brown water. I looked at her extremely concerned expression and smiled.5

"Should I try to flush it again?" she asked, reaching for the flusher. I shrugged, wanting to see this.6

She pressed down the lever and the water immediately splashed onto the linoleum. My eyes went back and forth from the advancing wave of chunky brown water and my sister's absolutely PRICELESS face.7

She screeched bloody murder at the cascade of water coming from our toilet bowl and began to sob.8

"Kayli! We're going to be in sooo much trouble!"9

"We'll be fine. We're going to clean this up and it'll be no problem."10

She continued to cry.11

"What's the matter?" I asked, laughing out loud now.12

"I'm stuck! I can't get out!" she sobbed as the water completely covered the floor, about a half centimeter deep and populated with tons of little floaters. She continued to sob, "What do we do? Kayli, what do we do?"13

At this point I'm doubled over, trying to grab towels from under the sink without stepping into the murky liquid while laughing so hard I can't catch my breath. I throw down a towel, still folded up, and it soaks through almost immediately. 14

I see a better way and hop onto the sink as my laughter subsides. I have to reach under my legs to get the towels, but I manage to reach about fifteen of them, only nearly falling into the stinky abyss twice, before the ground is nearly covered in terrycloth and the water is being sucked up faster than dirt with a vaccuum.15

Now that the water problem has been stopped, I turn my attentions to my now-teary but smiling little sister. Carefully, I reached deep under the sink and pull out the scale and the stool, creating two stepping stones for her to use to escape her porcelin prison.16

Once she's out of the tub, she begins to laugh too. We quickly print up an official-looking "Out Of Order" sign and tape it to the door as we wait for the towels to do the dirty work.17

We then tie plastic bags to our hands (I double-bagged mine. No chances.), and grab a garbage bag in which to store the soaking wet, smelly towels. As we grab the first of the towels, the extreme wetness of it somehow flicks up into my face. I scream, "I got the poopy on me," making my sister nearly crap herself again in laughter. I am, in the meantime, frantically wiping my face on the shoulder of my sweater, trying to get this stuff off me.18

After the traumatizing event, I made my sister pick up the towels. Alas, when she threw them in the bag, they got me again and I hollered once again, "The poopy!"19

After my sister stopped laughing, I made her hold the bag whilst I VERY CAREFULLY placed the towels into the black plastic bag. 20

"I can feel the wetness on my socks," my sister said rather uncomfortably.21

I calmly reminded her what she was probably standing in and she jumped away, screaming,22

"I stepped in the poopy!"23

After much effort and laughter, we bagged all the towels and I hauled the EXTREMELY heavy bag downstair to the washer, where we successfully stuffed all the towels in without touching them. (One did fall out, causing me to shriek once more, but Naomi grabbed it with a bagged hand and instantly tossed it back into the dryer.)24

After the hard work was done, I left Naomi to the fun, fun task of spraying the entire bathroom with disinfectant and mopping it up, whilst I became the plumber and, with much macho manliness, successfully plunged the toilet. I even pulled my pants halfway down my butt to let my sister have the full effect of my "plumb-ness". 25

Much to my happiness, I am glad to announce that the toilet upstairs in my house is working once more and is open to whomever may need it, but may God have mercy on your soul if you flood it.26