The smell of flames and the smell of humanity melting away was throughout the entire world. The sky was black, smoke arose in the air, buildings were destroyed and crumbled, and trees and everything else living on this planet no longer existed. In flames. Cars were blown up and every human being on this planet were dead, killed by the detonation- the huge atomic bomb that ended the world. I was the only survivor of this all, I was all alone.
Honestly, I don't know how I survived that explosion. I was out in the open like everyone else was, I was supposed to die. But maybe, after all I was prosperous. There wasn't even any warning, except for a blinding light in the sky. When things began to blow up, I covered myself with my arms, but that didn't do anything to protect me. How did I live?
My name was Ashyln Gregoletto and was 19 yrs., a female student at a college at Dover-Foxcroft, Maine. I lived with my mother and that was basically it.
I had woke up with a terrible headache. I was lying on the ground. The ground had broken glass everywhere on it. People were lying dead on the ground and everywhere all over the world. Their skin was melting, it was a horrible smell and sight. All I could remember was standing in line to see a movie with my boyfriend Jason. Next thing I knew, there was a blinding light in the black smoked air and then, BOOM!, the end of the world. The end of LIFE! Everything had been detonated. Why was I the only lucky one?
When I realized what had happened, I looked around and gasped. I saw Jason lying on the ground next to me, all bloody and melted. That’s when I lost it. I began to cry-Jason was dead. My world completely shattered. There was nothing left to live for in this world.
“Je-Jesus.” I cried. I stood up and walked around town. With every movement, my right leg hurt. My leg felt stiff, hurt, and asleep. I had to drag it along with me as I walked. Blood. Blood onto the cracked, black cement ground. There was something stuck/jabbed in my right ankle, not my leg. Blood was on the bottom of my faded, torn, blue jeans. And just as I was about to stop walking, I tripped over something, twisted my ankle, and fell hard onto the ground.
To protect myself from my head smashing against the hard ground, I put my hands down flat on the ground. The shattered glass cut the palms of my hands. Bloody glass was now in my palms.
“Ow.” I cried. My hands and body trembled as I carefully pulled the glass out and as I did, dark red blood oozed out onto my jeans. I groaned in pain and lifted up my right pant leg. Then, I took the piece of glass out of my leg. After that, I tried to stand up without using my hands. Again, I took a glance at everything surrounding me. Staring at everything was a disgrace.
The ground I once called my home is now a barren wasteland of what used to be Dover-Foxcroft, Maine. I figured that my birthplace Brunswick, Maine is in hell like this. In fact, the whole world was. Why was I the only one to live through this explosion?
For some reason, I figured that the world wouldn’t go back to normal if I cried over it or not. Nothing could be changed. Years ago, I had heard people talk about the end of the world one day, so could this be it? I hope not because I’m scared and I’m not strong enough. I don’t feel safe, I feel recluse and cold.
While I’m walking now, I remember that Trivium song “DETONATION”. It’s kind of like what’s happening now to me, but a little different. The song goes:
THAT'S THE SOUND OF HUMANITY MELTING AWAY
SAY GOODBYE TO THE END OF DAYS
FIRE RAINS DOWN ON THE AMERICAN DREAM
WATCH ALL YOUR LIVES IN DISGRACE
EACH WILL DIG THEIR OWN GRAVES
AND BURY THEMSELVES IN THOSE FAILURES
IT'S OUR BOMBS WE'VE MASTERMINDED LIGHTING THE SKIES
HIDEOUS MISFIRES MANY DIE
THOSE WHO SURVIVE SOON WILL SUFFOCATE
BY THE POISON WE CREATE
EACH WILL DIG THEIR OWN GRAVES
AND BURY THEMSELVES IN THOSE FAILURES
DETONATION, DETONATION
WHEN CIVILIZATION CRUMBLES MAN WILL TURN ON ONE
ANOTHER KILLING TRUTH
THE DARKEST OF ALL TIMES WILL COME TO BE
THROUGH OUR SELFISH KILLER INSTINCTS
AND NOW THE GROUND WE CALL OUR HOME
IS BUT A BARREN WASTELAND
THE ONLY SOUND DROWNING YOUR CRIES THE DETONATION
IT SEEMS WE'RE RUNNING OUT OF TIME
ALL GOOD AS DEAD JUST STAND IN LINE
IT SEEMS WE'RE RUNNING OUT OF TIME
ALL GOOD AS DEAD JUST STAND IN LINE
AND NOW THE GROUND WE CALL OUR HOME
IS BUT A BARREN WASTELAND
THE ONLY SOUND DROWNING YOUR CRIES IS THE DETONATION
I walk down the road (in the middle of it). The palms of my hands hurt and are bloody. Pain is throbbing in my head, my right ankle and leg hurts, and I don’t know what’s in store for me. Is this my destiny? To live all alone in the world?
I stop when I come a across a coffee shop that Jason and I used to go to. We met there three years ago. I had spilled coffee all over me and he helped me clean up.
FLASHBACK:
I was sitting down at a table at the coffee shop. I was drinking my coffee. There were these little kids running around the place. One of them accidentally knocked into my table and my coffee cup fell over and the coffee fell onto my lap.
“Need some help?” some 17 yr old boy asked me.
“Sure.” I said as I looked at him and smiled.
“I’m Jason,” The boy said. “and 17.” He got a few napkins and helped me clean myself up.
“I’m Ashlyn. I’m 17 too.” I said. The moment I saw Jason and how cute he was, I knew that we were meant to be together.
I come back to reality and stare at the coffee shop. The place is an ignominy. The glass windows were shattered, the roof collapsed in, the whole entire brick building was crushed. I saw dead bodies inside, the non-lucky ones. One of the best moments ever. The coffee shop is gone. I thought.
When it becomes nighttime, I grow tired and decide that I want to sleep. I lie on the ground and try to sleep. I cut myself underneath the shattered glass. Even though I can’t withstand the pain, I dealt with it. Maybe tomorrow will be better.
During that night while I was sleeping, I had a dream. In my dream, whole world was still like it is now, only that Jason is here with me, but alive. I see him, he’s standing on the other side of the street. I run over to him and see that his face is all cut up.
“I’m so glad you’re alive! Everything is a nightmare!” I cry as I wrap my arms around him. He hugs me back before assuring me,
“Ashlyn, everything’s going to be alright. At least we’re here together.”
“But what if you weren’t here?” I ask Jason as I let go of him. Jason looks at me and states,
“You have to be strong.”
I begin to cry as I tell him that I can’t. That’s when Jason fades away.
“No! Don’t go! I need you!” I yell. “No!”
The very next morning when I woke up, there was a terrible stench of melted bodies. It was more than horrendous. I got up and began to walk. I suddenly tripped over something and I broke my right ankle. I fell to the ground, smashing the left side of my face against the cement that had shattered glass on it. The left side of my face was badly cut and blood gushed out, and luckily, no glass was jabbed into my face.
As soon as I touched the left side of my face, I flinched from the pain. Ow. I thought. That’s when I realized that I had a hole in my jeans and a cut on my left leg was cut open. Badly cut open. I reached into my pocket and I was pleased to see that I still had black thread and a needle in my pocket.
I sat back down, rolled up my pant leg up to my knee where the open cut was. I took the black thread and the needle and then, I tightened up and became nervous. This would hurt MORE than A LOT. I stitched up my open cut. Tears rolled down my face as I yelled out in pain while I stitched my cut. Too much pain.
Ten minutes later, I rolled down my pant leg and stopped crying. I literally told myself to pull myself together. What would Jason think if he was still alive with me? WHAT WOULD HE SAY?!
I cried again. One reason was because I want Jason back, the second reason is, I’m the only survivor, and the third reason is because my ankle is broken. Suddenly, there was another blinding light in the sky. The only sound drowning my cries is the detonation.
AND NOW THE GROUND WE CALL OUR HOME
IS BUT A BARREN WASTELAND
THE ONLY SOUND DROWNING YOUR CRIES IS THE DETONATION
Author notes
This is about the end of the world and what happened afterwards. I was inspired to write this from the Trivium song "Detonation". I hope this is alright for the contest I recently entered it in.
The lyrics of "Detonation" were taken from Trivium's new album THE CRUSADE.
A contest entry
- After the End by roars-in-public.
388 points, ended July 6, 2007, 32 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Once upon a time...isn't how this contest begins. by lovely nightmare.
400 points, ended August 13, 2007, 18 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
-
This is a very good basis for a story, although it needs alot of revision. You switch tenses through the story, going from present tense to past tense. There are some things you point at that should just be implied -- for example, you don't need the "Flashback:" when you talk about how Ashlyn met Jason. Just start the sentene with "I had been sitting there" or "it was a day three years ago" or whatever. There is a sentence wehre you say I was walking down the road (the middle of it). It is much easier to just say "I was walking down the middle of the road". Also, I don't think you need to put the ENTIRE song in your story -- it just takes up alot of space and I personally didn't feel the need to read it. You can refer to it, and maybe put a few lines here or there, but don't put the whole song there in one block form. Overall, good start, thank you for entering!
-
Creepy
This has the bleak, terrorized feel of the end of the world. A sequel might be nice. You could explain some of the things that seem impossible. Why did she live? How could she possibly know whether or not there's no one else left on the plant? this is a promising start, but you would have to veer off into the supernatural to tie up these loose ends
Best wishes in the contest.
beginning: 4, language: 2, plot: 2, ending: 3, characters: 3.
-
Ohmy.
this got me so sad - what's the point of being alive if there's no one else out there? And she lost her love, her home... omg x.x Just to imagine that happening to me makes me dizzy...
I wouldn't want the world to end, I wouldn't want it to end like this... and I certainly wouldn't want to experience this terrible thing that Ashyln just did
The song lyrics being integrated in the story itself had a nice effect
(I'm not familiar with the song, though) I also like how Ash remembered the "good times."
IF ever you'd make a sequel to this, I'd love to read it. Thank you for this read, even if it was along the tones of being depressing (it WAS the point
)
-
I agree with the other comments about mixing tenses, and some of the bits feeling a bit forced, but overall you've got a great little story here. There's a lot of emotion in it - pain & confusion especially.
Good stuff October - worthy of a re-write, or possibly even a collaboration with someone.
Thanks for sharing again,
Cheers.
GoNE.
-
Wow… that sucks. Of course, If we’re all gonna die, it will indubitably be by our own hands.
She's lost everything she loves... the only thing left to do is survive - but what for?
Yes – I already want to know more. You should continue, you should.
I am honoured to have you enter the contest.
I will listen to that song. -
Wow. That was really good. Ashlyn was the only remaining creature on Earth. How can she be the only survivor? The answer is God. It was miracle.
You could've continued. I mean, when I read it, I thought it was going to be a chapter story. So, do you think that this...detonation thing is going to exsist in the future? If it does, then I'm packing my bags, and move to Mars!
Wow, stitching an open cut was so the Middle Ages. I bet that probably hurt like Hell. I'm trying to imagine what it would be like if I had to stitch an open cut on my knee...Yeah....ow...
Good job. How come I didn't come up with this? -
-
i might continue it.
-
-
This is amazing and very well written. It created a very clear "picture" of the scenes happening throughout the story. The flow was great and there was a really meaningful tone to it. Continue to do what you do best!
beginning: 4, language: 3, plot: 3, ending: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 4.
-
-
Thanks.
-
-
This is really good. I really enjoyed reading this story. It was well written and I was able to picture the whole thing in my head. Great work. Keep it up. God Bless!
-
Good story! I would love a bit more back ground though. If you choose to update it send me am IM and i will get to it. Good job!
Penny x x x
And remember your my little sis, and Im nothing like your brother!
lol
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
-
I LOVED THIS!!! so does she die at the end?? a little confused at that but great story. gj!
-
Well done
Good job. This was a wonderful story. I liked your idead... yet...
You should be more careful with your tenses, I agree with Lady of Cyanide.
Well done.
xoxoxox
beginning: 3, language: 3, plot: 4, ending: 3, dialog: 3, characters: 3.
-
there is much missing information, how did she survive if she was out in the open like everyone else? Even if she was shielded by Jason she still would most likely have died. Why was there no warning of what was happening.
You keep repeating the word "detonation" is it possible to use different words in those instances?
I think this can be turned into a very interesting story. Just take the other comments for what they are. A way to help improve your writing. Good luck in the contest. -
-
i added some info about how she survived, and she didn't really know how she survived. there wasn't even a warning except for a blinding light in the sky, but that says it in paragraph 5. she was the lucky one. The main character was meant to die in the second detonation.
-
-
cool
-
awesome
the story was awesome I have to say. It's sad and the main character (I think) doesn't want to move on, she just wants her boyfriend back and wants the world the way it was but she can't change anything aout it. -
The story line is really good. I like how you describe how life would be if you were the only one alive. I also really admire the mystery you put into your main character. Some parts seem like you've lost interest and pushed the ideas out so maybe go through with a revision. Over all I loved it!!!! Let me know if your going to add more to the story.
Adding your comment:
1 - 20 of 20
