love waits

you've been in a total state of detachment for the last few days.  i can understand.  if it was me, i'd be doing the same thing.  in fact, im surprised at how well you're coping, but then again, no one ever knows how they're going to react in a situation like this.  you're looking at the paper, but i can tell you're not actually reading anything.  looking up, glancing at your face, i see your eyes are wet again.  i wish i could do something to take away all the pain and loneliness you're feeling.  so many times we've talked about this hypothetically happening, almost jokingly saying what we'd do in that crazy if-then scenario.1

the scenario has come true, i cant believe it myself.  it happened so fast, i didnt even notice it until it was too late.  i dont remember much, least of all anything that happened immediately afterwards.  but the first thing i do remember is thinking of you, and wondering where you were.  i found you, i dont know how.  you looked straight through me, like you didnt even see me.  thats when i knew.  things were never going to be the same again.  2

even now, its only been a few days, but i still cant get used to you not being able to see me.  also im wondering if this happens to everybody when they 'cross over' if thats what you really want to call it.  i dont know what to call it, i dont feel dead.  as far as i know, there was no white light or anything waiting for me.  the most frustrating part is not being able to comfort you.  i've tried to put my transparent arms around you, but everytime i do, you just cry harder.  maybe it would be better if i left.3

lost in my own thoughts, i see you stand up and head for the kitchen.  you take out your favorite coffee mug, the one i gave you, the one that says, "world's best lover."  but even holding that small reminder of me puts you over the edge, and with shaking hands, you drop the mug and it shatters agains the sink.4

i follow you as you run to our bedroom, squeezing in close behind you as you slam the door shut.  throwing yourself on top of our bed, you bury your head in a pillow, but i can hear the heart-breaking howl coming from your muffled head.  unable to resist, i throw myself on top of you, trying anything i can think of to make you feel better.  its killing me all over again to see you like this.  your sobs begin to slow and im hoping its because you can finally feel my presence.  maybe you do, you pick up the picture by our bed.  its my favorite, that time at the beach, remember?  5

you reach out to touch my face behind the glass, and i can tell you're staring into my eyes, like looking at me would bring me back.  if you only knew how close i already was. slowly you place our picture back on the nightstand, and with a determined look on your face, you walk towards the front door, keys in hand.  i should have known, your usual way to destress; a ride.6

i climb in beside you, almost forgetting that i dont need a seatbelt anymore.  you start the car and drive off, heading north, toward the lake.  our place.7

driving along, i notice you've started crying again.  the road is winding, with blind curves, and not a lot of room to move.  you were upset, dont think it was your fault.  there's no way you could have seen that crazy semi screeching around the bend in the road.8

i know its impossible, but i swear i could feel the impact.  of course, i didnt, but for a moment i could feel the shattering glass, the crunching steel.  suddenly i was watching it all happen.  standing a few yards away, i saw your last moments.  i heard your screams of pain and terror, and my heart broke knowing how much pain you were in, but taking comfort in the fact that it was, only momentary.  9

i waited, for what seems like hours, but for what im sure was only a moment or two.  i didnt see you at first, barely visible, but so was i in the beginning. you looked so confused, and i laughed to myself, you always did look so cute when you didnt know what was going on.  you looked up.  i will never forget that look on your face when you finally saw me, like if you could you'd die of shock. 10

slowly you walked toward me, and suddenly i was doing something i thought i never would again.  i was crying.  crying for a life you've just missed out on, and for an eternity together i can't wait to begin.  we embraced, and i felt you, colder than you've ever been, but both of us warmed by the eternal love in our hearts.11

i can hear the sirens of police and ambulance behind us.  i wish they could see this the way i see it.  i wish they could see that not all endings are sad.  some are filled with joy too.  12

walking down the road, hand in hand, i feel more alive than i ever did while i needed oxygen.  and that white light everybody's always talking about began to shine.  and i realized something.  it was just waiting for me to be complete.  you completed me, it was waiting for you.  love never dies, although sometimes it has to wait for fate to take its hand, and lead two souls to eternity.13