Standing there, I felt like my heart was being torn apart. Memories cam flooding back to me as the soothing smell of sea salt swept over me. Memories of times we'd spent together, walking, holding hands, saying goodbye as he left each day. But most vividly, I remembered yesterday's goodbye. It had been just as heartfelt and gentle as the rest, but there was something inside it. It wasn't something you could see or touch, but the way I felt when his eyes held me in their gaze, the way he turned to look back as he walked to town. He was smiling, as always, and he looked as happy as ever. 1
I suppose I had known deep inside my conscience that someday soon I would lose him, would say my final goodbye, share my last kiss. I suppose maybe he knew too, because he seemed to linger longer in our embrace, and he touched my cheek softly before whispering his last words,"Goodbye, my only, my heart, my love".2
Author notes
this was from a story starter in my english class, and i enjoyed writing it and apparently my class liked it too.for all of those who dont get it, the point is for the reader to make his/her own assumptions as to how the story ends. heres a challenge : who can find the alliteration, and tell me what line its in?
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Wow. This was excellent jackie! your getting quite good at the poetry writing and i hope to see more of the good writing soon! lol. see ya!
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Great write, very emotional...quite sad actually. I found it very descirptive...very detailed, good job. Great structure as well. Again, great write. Keep writing, I'll keep reading.
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ok, bobby, the point is for the reader to make his/her own assumptions as to how the story ends. i left it hanging so you can make your own ending and have the story go the way you like it.
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This touched me and I don't know why. I can just feel the emotion in it. Great write. Keep up the good work.
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Hey jackie this poem/story thing was really really good!!!! it was confusing though because we (the reader) are left to not know what the hell is going on!!! all we know is that he is leaving her or something.... yea.... what story starter was this though????? Because i think we have the same English teacher!!!! oh and is an alliteration a sentance where most of the words start with the same letter???? because that what i think it is but i don't know if it is right!!! because here is what i think the alliteration is.....
soothing smell of sea salt swept
well truels awesome write!!!!!!!!!!!!
bobby
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i think you shoud put in the more recent one though, that one is better. this one is so old!
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i know the aliteration!!!
the soothing smell of sea salt swept over me!!
like i said in english i like this story! -
i really like this. so many things could be happening at the end here. as you said, its supposed to leave u thinking, and it most certainly serves its purpose. I really love the second paragraph like ALOT. especially the sentence-- I suppose maybe he knew too, because he seemed to linger longer in our embrace, and he touched my cheek softly before whispering his last words,"Goodbye, my only, my heart, my love".
those were perfect,
much love.
chelsea-o's
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