Girls

1

I see him smiling from a distance. I catch his blue eyes looking at me. I quickly turn away but I steal a glance every now an again. My names Ashley. I’m 18 and have, nothing better to do other than look at David Johnson. He is the heartthrob of our school, every girl wants to go out with him. His amazing looks and his kindness. I wish I still had him in my arms but I gave him up and now I’ve lost him forever. I sit on the bench in our school courtyard and wait for my best friend Michelle. I have been known to be a bit of a liar but not what I did. Now it’s just Michelle and I. I’m in year 12 and almost about to welcome myself into the real world. I sit in the warm winters sun and wait for Michelle. It cannot possibly take her that long to get a book but when Trent’s around god knows how long it will take. I suppose I should tell you what happened between David and I.


I was fifteen at the time and in year nine. I had met David for the first time. He was new to the school and I was the popular girl. I first noticed his sparkling blue eyes and his sun bleached blonde hair. My job was to show him around the school. Over six months we got to know each other and we became good friends. After about a year, he asked me out on a date. My first date with a guy…I know I’m lame. Anyway, he took me to this sad chick flick. Who knew that a guy like David would like a chick flick? After that, we became closer until he asked me out. After at least a year, I screwed up. I was caught with Michael. I was kissing Michael at one of the schools socials. It ruined it for me. One day I was popular with a cute boyfriend and then the next I was a nobody. So that’s how I became the girl sitting on the bench at school.


David was with Kara. They had to of been going out, the way she was all over him, but then she would do anything to look good. By now, I was getting sick of looking like an idiot and started walking home. I got my phone out and quickly told Michelle that I was going home. I walked down the back streets to avoid human contact. I just wasn’t that person anymore. I walked past the old cinema, which had “mysteriously” burned down. Everyone knows it was the Thompson brothers. I slowly walked to my run-down house. My brother was at home watching our sad excuse for a TV.
“Hi freak” I had always called my brother that. I had never used his real name Luke. I think it was something that I had done all my life.
“Muh” was his way of saying “hello my very kind loving sister” yeah right. I walked into our dingy kitchen and opened the fridge to see if mum had bought anything for dinner, as usual it was going to be take away. Mum worked during a nighttime as a nurse, but me being in a private Steiner school she couldn’t afford much more. I had a job and I’d pay for the food.
“What do you want for dinner Luke?”
“Pigs balls”
“Ha, Ha your so funny”
“I don’t really care I’m busy”
“Watching TV. It’s out of Joey's pizza or pasta”
“Pasta, with pigs balls” my brother had a thing at the moment with the words pig’s balls.
I called up the family takeaway place, ordered two spaghetti bolognaises, and a vegetarian dish for me. I hated meat and thought it was cruel to eat meat, but then again that was one of my dumb opinions. I then went to my room and got out my homework. Trig, how fun. I sat looking at my page for at least twenty minutes before Luke started screaming at me for some money. I got up from my desk and walked down our hallway and back into the lounge room. “Gimme a minute you…freak”
“Stop calling me a freak”
“Ok” I looked around for a minute and found fifty sitting on the bench. I handed the fifty to the delivery guy and got the change. I grab the meals out of his hands and slammed the door. I hate human contact. I walk into the lounge room and give Luke his meal and then I put mums in the fridge. I go back to my room and eat my dinner. I get back to doing my homework then to bed. It’s the same thing for me every night. Homework dinner, homework then bed. Pretty interesting huh?


2
I walked into the kitchen. To my surprise mum was up.
“Bit early for you mum”
“No not really” I walked to the fridge and grab some fruit
“That’s not going to sustain you for the day”
“Keeps me happy mum, and isn’t that all I’m supposed to care about” I walked out of the kitchen and into the lounge. I picked up my bag and walked out. Another day of school. Another day of humiliation. I walked the same way as I did when I can home. No stoping just straight to school. I walk into the front entrance and go to my locker where I dump my stuff. I go and sit on the normal bench that I always go and sit on. My life’s boring huh? Oh well as long as I’m happy. It seemed to be my favorite saying. I sit and wait. That’s all I do in my life. What is it about this school that I hate so much? Is it the people? Who knows? I sit on the bench for a little while longer before I walk to my locker for something to do. When I reach my locker, I find that David is standing looking at my locker.
“What do you want David”
“Oh nothing…it’s just well…what are you doing this weekend?”
“Nothing to concern you” I quickly turn around and head back to my seat and sit back down. I see Michelle walking or more like strutting towards me. She is tall and has long blonde hair.
“Sorry I’m late Ash”
“That’s fine”
“You look like you’ve seen a ghost”
“Well…David just…well I think asked me out”
“You’re joking me”
“No” she stared at me for quite sometime. We then walked to the lockers, first to hers then mine. As I approached my locker, I saw David was still standing there waiting.
“So what are you doing this weekend?” I thought I had better answer him, maybe just maybe we could be friends, but then again I wasn’t the person for human contact
“Um…nothing much. Why do you ask?”
“Well there’s this party and…well…um do you wanna come with me?” I had to think about. I wasn’t sure after all this time that he was going to talk to me and at what cost.
“Ok. When and Where?”
“The hut on Saturday” well at least it gave me time to think being Tuesday I could think of a perfect excuse to get out of it, or maybe just maybe get something to wear.
“Ok. I’ll call you. Do you have the same number as before?”
“Yes” I opened my locker and smiled at myself, even though I wasn’t sure of what I was doing or even getting myself into. The bell then rang and we went to class, first lesson math. Math seemed to go for years, I wanted to get out of there. All lesson I thought about David. After all this time, does he want to be friends or something more? Who knows? The bell went and so did first period then second until it came to me free period.


The perfect time to become a girl again. I wanted to go to the party and make some more friends. So I went shopping. I had just enough money to buy a skirt and a nice top, and then back to school. The day seemed to speed up after that. I went back to my usual spot after school and waited do Michelle. This time she turned up.
“Why aren’t you with Trent?”
“He went home early”
“Ok” I picked up my bag and we left school. Instead of taking the back streets we went though the shopping centre and then to my house. We went straight to my room. When we got in. I didn’t even notice Luke but who would?
“So where did you go third period?”
“Shopping”
“WHAT!”
“Yeah so”
“Well it’s just you never used to go shopping”
“Well I had to get something to go the party in” I got out my new skirt. Which was on the short side and was denim and my white shirt
“Wow a bit on the short side”
“Well I like it” we sat and talked for a while then Michelle went home. So, it was just my brother and I. I didn’t realize that it was 9:00 when I decided to get some dinner.
“Luke what do you want for dinner?”
“I’ve already had dinner”
“What did you get?”
“Nothing mum had bought some pizza’s”
“Where from?”
“The shops, where else” I went and checked out the fridge, it was full. She had even brought tofu for me. I got out some vegetables and the tofu. I chucked it all in the pan and made myself a stir-fry. I then went back to my room and followed my usual routine.


3
The week seemed to speed up after David invited me to the party. I felt like I had let go of the old me and was creating someone different. It was Friday and the night before the party. I had just finished work at a burger joint and was heading home. I stoped along the way and found this great top but I didn’t have any money so I kept on walking. I wasn’t quite sure if what I was doing and if it was the right thing. I went home, dumped my stuff, and then went to the park where I cleared my thoughts. I sat there for a while and then went down to the hut to see what was going on. There wasn’t much action early Friday night but I had to do something with my time. My head was spinning all I could think about was David. I had to do something to clear my thoughts. I went home and stole some beer out of your fridge. I went back to the park and drank the bottle. I wasn’t working so I got some money out of mums bag and went to the bottle shop and got something stronger. I gave the guy at the desk his cash and left. I went for a walk and drank. It cleared my head but Saturday was going to be worse. I went home and got some sleep. The morning was the worse I had ever had. I went and got my haircut and coloured and then went shopping again. I had changed and I knew it. Michelle called me at least six times but I blew her off. I was just about ready to go. With my bag and keys, I stepped out side but Michelle was outside in tears.
“What happened?”
“Well Trent broke up with me and you haven’t answered your phone all day”
“Well I’m sorry” it was another one of her teenage dramas. I sat on the step and let her talk but then I had to go. I was running late. Stupid Michelle. I arrived with about a minute to spare and looked to see where everyone was, but it was just David. He had organised a picnic. I walked over to David and stared into his blue eyes
“Hello Ashley. You look beautiful”
“Hi. Thanks” I sat on the rug next to him. The hut was a hut it had one wall and a beautiful view of the beach. He had made a nice meal, which looked like a vegetarian pizza and a bottle of red wine. He had also made dessert, which looked like my favourite. Chocolate cake.
“Looks nice” I was starting to worry about why David had asked me out here. We sat in silence. It was a warm winters night and there was no cloud in the sky.
“How have you been Ashley?”
“I’m fine and you”
“Well I’m ok. Look I know you don’t want to be here but just here me out”
“I’m listening”
“Well do you want to go…out again?” What do I say? Why does he want to go back out?
“I’ll have to think about it” we ate our dinner and talked. He took me for a walk along the beach, but I hardly noticed what was happening around me. All I could think about is what he said. Was he genuine? I guess I could give it a try.
“David do you really love me”
“What! Yes of cause I do. Why do you ask?”
“Well I’m just not sure that’s all”
“Well I’m always waiting” What does he mean. He must still love me. That’s when passion grabbed me and pulled me in. That’s when I knew I wanted him. All I wanted to do is kiss him and hold him close to my heart.
“Yes David I want to go out with you”
“What made you change your mind?”
“I just well love you and that’s what changed my mind” he stroked my check and pulled me closer his soft lips touching mine. Our tongues dancing on the moonlight. I pulled him in close I never wanted this moment to stop. It felt like we where connected. After about five minutes, we came up for air. After all this time he still had the softest kiss. We walked back to the hut and packed up. I went down to the shoreline to think about all that had happened. David and I were back together, we had kissed. This was all going to fast I had to stop and think that was all. When I was with David there was no world it was just use. What did I really want? I knew I didn’t want to get hurt again and I knew that I loved him so what was wrong with me. David arms where around my neck and he was kissing my neck. The softest kiss that caused this mess. I knew that there was no turning back.
“David you do know I am sorry for everything I did”
“Yeah of course I do. That was in the past. Lets go”
“Ok where to?”
“My house. No ones home.”
“Ok” I got into my car and followed him to his house. It was better looking then mine. It wasn’t a mansion but it was just big enough for his family. I parked the car on the curb and followed in. I couldn’t remember the last time I was in his house. I forgot how nice it was. The walls where white with some nice pictures hanging up. I followed him into the kitchen where I helped him unpack. Was this what I wanted. Well I had to wait and see.


4
I stayed at his house until about midnight and returned to my house. Nothing happened all the action was at the beach. We sat and talked. When I got up Michelle was in my room looking at my photos.
“**** Michelle you scared me”
“Sorry your brother let me in”
“No problem” I got out of bed and put my dressing gown. I sat on the end of my bed remembering about last night
“You feeling better now Michelle?”
“Mm I guess. What happened last night? I want all the details.”
“Oh nothing much”
“Sure”
“You wont hate me will you if I tell you”
“No of course I won’t”
“Where going back out”
“And…”
“We hooked up”
“Oh my god. Good going girl” I walked into the kitchen and poured myself some juice. I walked into to the lounge and turned on the TV. I switched it to Video Hits and listened to the top forty. Michelle sat on the lounge opposite me.
“So Ash what are we doing today”
“Well…I’m not blowing you off but me and David are going shopping and then to the dock of the carnival”
“Ok. Well I’ll let you get ready”
“Ok. I’ll cya tomorrow” Michelle walked out the door and slammed it. I knew she had the ****s at me. I went and had a shower and got dressed. I put on my white skirt and my pink shirt. I would have never worn it before but I felt like a change. David came and picked me up. We went to the shopping centre and then to Monk. David always wore clothes from Monk. I had always liked their tops but never had enough money. He took me to the dock it was the winter carnival. They had some great bands and food. He took me to the ferries wheel. I always loved it up there, especially with the man I loved. The ferries wheel stoped at the top. You could see so far out to sea. It was perfect. After that, we went back home. The day went so fast. He came to my house.
“Do you know Ash?”
“Do I know what?”
“I missed you so much”
“So did I” nothing much had happened since Saturday but we were just starting out again. We sat on my bed. There wasn’t much to talk about. All I could think about was what was going to happen on Monday. Would people find out about us? Would they make fun of me? Who knows?
“David”
“Yeah babe”
“Does anyone know that were back together?”
“I’m not sure why?”
“No reason” he grabbed my hand and kissed it. I pulled him close. Another moment that I didn’t want to end. We laid down next to each other and kissed. His tongue stroking mine. These were the moments that I would I would die for. He pulled me in. we were one again. BANG the door flung open. A tall broad shoulder man stood blocking the door. It was dad.
“Babe I’m going” David picked his bag up off the ground and kissed me on the fore head
“I think you should” dad said in one of his drunken angry tones.
“Love ya David”
“Yeah me to” David got out of there as quickly as possible. Dad slammed the door behind him
“You know to well Ashley NO boys are allowed in here”
“Well you’re a guy so piss off” in a spilt second my face was stinging. He slapped me as hard as he could.
“You NEVER talk to me like that” I knew I didn’t have any credit and dad wouldn’t let me out of here until he was finished
“Sorry”
“Good. Now give your daddy a kiss”
“No thanks I’m right”
“KISS ME NOW”
“NO” I tried to run out of my room but dad wouldn’t let me. He hit me again. I had to get out of there, but how? He was the only thing in my road. He grabbed my by my arm. I could tell the alcohol on his breath. He started to kiss me. His tongue went in my mouth. The rough actions of his tongue against mine. He just wouldn’t give up. He pushed me on to the bed but I tried to fight back. He unbuttoned my shirt. His hands went over my breasts. Enough was enough. With one great sing of my arm I punched him. I had punched my father. He fell back. I got up and ran out of there. I buttoned up my shirt and ran outside. I ran to David’s house. Tears running down my face I knocked on his door. He opened the door. I threw my arms around him. I was never going to let him go.
“What did he do to you Ash?”
“…He…He…slapped me”
“It’s more then that”
“I don’t want to talk about it” he led me into his lounge room. I sat on the sofa. The tears were still running down my face. I wanted my father dead. David came back with a cold glass of water. He sat next to me and stroked my cheek.
“What happened? Babe I won’t tell any one. I promise” I took a deep breath in, I had to tell someone anyone
“He…he…he tried to rape me” I burst out in to tears. One word caused me to cry just one word. My own flesh and blood. My father had tried to rape me. David kissed my hand. I felt better just sitting with David. I was no longer sacred. David made me feel safe with him.
“David can I stay here? I feel a bit scared to go home”
“Yeah sure no problem”
“thanks. I might go and have a shower”
“Ok. I’ll get you a towel”
“Thanks” I followed David upstairs and got the towel off him. I went into his bathroom and ran myself a hot bath. I got into the relaxing warmth of the bath. I relaxed and look at my body. My breast were sore from were my father grabbed them. He was going to pay for what he did. I washed and dried myself before I went to bed. David slept in the lounge while I slept in his bed. As I laid in bed, I started to think about mum. I hope she is ok.

5
It was about 2:00 when mum called. Yo could tell that she was scared.
“Mum where are you”
“At a hotel. Are you ok?”
“Mm I’m…I’m fine”
“You don’t sound fine”
“I’m just worried about you. Is Luke alright?”
“Yes he’s fine. Where are you staying?”
“David’s. He said it’s ok”
“Well I’ll drop your uniform over in the morning”
“Ok. Love you mum”
“Me to. Please don’t go back home, not while your fathers there”
“Ok” I got up out of David’s bed and went down stairs. David had pulled put the futon. I hopped in to bed with David. His body was warm. I tried not to wake him but it failed
“You right.”
“Mm, mum called. She must of just gotten home were she found dad”
“Where is she staying?”
“A hotel”
“Ok” David rolled over and I put my arms around him. He always made me feel better when I was near him.

I woke up first to the sound of knocking. I hope it wasn’t dad. I got up and went to the kitchen were I grabbed a knife. I slowly approached the door and unlocked it. I grasped the knife behind my back. I was ready to pounce. When I opened the door, I was greeted with a friendly smile. It was mum.
“Sorry to come over so early”
“Oh. No problem”
“I hope you weren’t in bed”
“Um no I just…I thought you were dad”
“Oh”
“Come through” I guided mum in to the kitchen.
“Heres your uniform”
“Thanks mum”
“Look i'm not going to stay long”
“Ok”
“I’ve left Luke by himself” while mum was talking in slipped the knife back into the draw
“Oh”
“You’re not talking to much. Why?”
“I’m…I’m…mum why is dad back?”
“I’m not sure…did he…?”
“NO”
“Ok only asking. Anyway I have to go”
“Ok” I followed mum out of the kitchen and then out of the house. She gave me a kiss on the cheek and then walked away. I got in to bed with David for another five minutes. I wish I could tell mum, but then she might go to the cops.

School was ok. It was made very public by someone that David and I were an item. I didn’t want to find out. I keep my head low until Michelle turned up.
“Hey how are you”
“Fine”
“Just fine, not perfect”
“Yeah I’m just fine”
“What’s wrong with ya”
“Nothing”
“Sure. What’s wrong?”
“NOTHING, I’m fine”
“Snappy”
“Look I just had a bad weekend that’s it”
“No action with David”
“NO it wasn’t anything like that. Can we drop it?”
“Yeah like David dropped his pants with you. Hey everyone Ash had a big…”
“Shut the fuck up now”
“Have it your way. BITCH” she pushed me to far. She had it coming. In a spilt, second she was on the ground with a bleeding nose and in tears.
“What did you do that for?”
“Cause you wouldn’t shut your big mouth”
“Fine. You want to know something.”
“Yeah What?”
“You used to be nice, and now you’re this big bitch. Just cause your going out with David”
“Look I want to tell you why I’m like this but I can’t cause you won’t listen”
“Me not listen. Bullshit you’re the one who doesn’t listen”
“Well I’m so sorry. Look at lots happened this weekend do you wanna catch a coffee after school”
“As long as you won’t punch me again”
“I won’t. I promise” I helped Michelle up and took her to the bathroom. I didn’t really feel like talking too much cause I had to do that over coffee. Michelle washed her face and put some more mascara.
“You were to much of that shit”
“Point”
“Well…don’t worry”
“Oh I’m worried” we started laughing I knew it would always make her laugh.
“Hey Ash lets skip fourth period”
“Why”
“Cause its P.E”
“Mm…ok” we snuck out of the toilets and then out the door. We walked down the main street until we found a little café.
“I never knew that this was here”
“Well Ash you’ve had your head in a box for like…ages”
“Well… Whatever” we sat at the back of the café and Michelle pulled out a box of cigarettes and gave me one. Mum always called these death sticks. I occasionally smoked but it wasn’t a habit. Michelle on the other hand had a problem.
“So what did you want to tell me?”
“Well…Dads back”
“Is that all? Is that the reason why you punched me?”
“No of courses not”
“Well then spill”
“Dad…Dad” I lowered my voice before I told her. I had to push the words out.
“Well…”
“Dad…raped me”
“WHAT”
“Shhh. He tried to rape me. That’s all”
“That’s all. Oh my god are you kidding me”
“No. Look I wish that we just don’t talk about it”
“Did you call the cops?”
“No need to involve then”
“Yes he should be locked up and then shot”
“Look I knew this was a bad idea talking about it”
“”HE TRIED TO…”
“Shut up”
“Well I think it would be good if you at least talked about it”
“No need to. Look I might go”
“When the going gets tough you piss of to David boy” I picked my bag up and walked out. There was no need to listen to that. There was still about fifteen minutes until P.E finished so I walked to my house and stood out side. Dad hadn’t left and by the looks of it, he had moved in for good. I walked around the back and climbed into my back window. I knew I couldn’t go for to long with the same clothes. I packed a small bag full and then I was back out of the window. I made sure that no one could see me. I ran around the front and then back to school. I stashed my stuff in my locker where no one would find it and went off to fifth period. Photography. When I finish school, I wanna become a photographer or chef. The day was over before I knew it and I was back at David’s house. I never knew how hard it is with out mum by my side. She was staying in a hotel and I was staying with David. Having dad back was that bad. Ok maybe it was but I have become closer to David.