Thinking of You

I was thinking of you today. Remembering all the things we'd been through together... and it doesn't help that you were in my dream last night. I asked you, "Why?" and you said, "I wanted to see people's reaction."1

Death had always been a joke to you. I guess it's your final prank that you leave me alone, with only the wall to talk to about life. Remember that one night that you came over and we stayed up until four o' clock in the morning talking about babies? You didn't want any, but you still couldn't talk me out of naming one after you.2

I miss you. In all the ways that I never thought I would. I miss seeing your muddy footprints in the hallway, and I miss coming into the bathroom and seeing your towels all over the floor, and I especially miss realizing WAY too late that there's no more toilet paper in the holder. You always got a kick out of me screaming at you for that.3

My favorite memory is that time when we burned all the pictures and letters from our ex's together. The smoke detector went off, but we were too busy laughing to care... and I'm pretty sure that we were a little beyond tipsy. 4

I hate how no one knows about you. I mean, once you were gone, I had to leave. You were my best and closest friend, and I couldn't stand the looks that people were giving me in town. Like I was to be pitied, or like they were scared of me... was I going to be the next one?5

You would dance with me in the rain. It was raining yesterday, and I immediately remembered that day when we were on your trampoline making rain angels. You always told me you would take me somewhere to see the snow.6

I don't cry anymore, but it's tempting. It's an emotion that's always right there, on the tip of everything. You were so perfect in everyway... and at your funeral, I whispered to your casket that you were everything I wanted and nothing I deserved.7