Infatuation

She stands there,encircled in my arms so tense.Her body will not relax the way that I know that it can.Her arms are still crossed on her chest, not holding me, hugging me close.1

She leans away a little, and we talk for a moment.Her head is tilted in such a way that if she were mine, if she was not promised to another I would take my chances and kiss her now. But I can do no such thing and so I release her,before my need for intimacy overrules my brain. But the effort leaves me drained for a moment. Then we are talking once more and soon I forget all about what might have been,focusing on what is now and about what I already have. 2

She lends me some of the CD's that she listens to, mainly to widen my horizons but also to see if there is something there that could help me write again. 3

I sit there on the warm carpeted floor and listen, entranced as the music soars and fills the room with its power. I make some kind of remark and she punches my arm lightly,laughing as she does so. 4

She challenges me to an arm wrestle, and so we both lie down on the floor and raise our right hands up. I try to give her at least a chance, not really trying all too hard to beat her.But the look that she gave me showed her scorn of my tactics, and so I beat her, first with one arm, and then the other. Her arm hurts after the second battle, and it allows me a precious moment of physical contact.5

I try to draw it out, but she whirls away quickly, but the atmosphere becomes more relaxed, the laughs are not as forced.6

I have no idea what I am supposed to do. She is promised to someone else and yet I care about her as much as I once cared for the girl who saved my life before taking her own. She is beyond my reach and yet that only makes me feel for her even more. To me she stands for complete freedom and relaxation.She is what I have been looking for and yet I cant have her. I am tired, torn by duty and my feelings for her.7

But soon I must make my descision about what I will do. I promised her that I would not interfere with her relationship and I will not make any advances on her. Yet my heart yearns to claim her as my own, but my word binds me with shackles stronger than steel.
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It isnt finished, i kind of ran out of steam here