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Hello my name is Martin I am sinking into a world I never been before. I am scared can someone help me I don’t know what’s happening. I am trapped in a dark world GOD I wish I Knew where I am this place I am in is so very lonely. Where the hell am I, stuck in a place with no one there to comfort you in the times of need where are you my family? Where are you my friends? Scared and helpless someone come for me please. I am walking here in the shadows were no one is seen no one is noticed! I am walking in the shadows alone waiting for day I am noticed till the day someone sees me again! I never tough the loneliness could swallow me and take me away! I am trap in a cage! I can’t get out of here I want to get of loneliness out please someone end this dream some wake me up from this dream please I don’t like this place I finally give up please some one help me get out I don’t want to be completely swallow in the loneliness and lost in the shadows! Please someone send for me before I am completely lost in this world some one please wake me up! I don’t want to be forgotten, I don’t want to be invisible to everyone and this world I want to get out of this dark lonely world I want to be seen please help me get out I don’t want to be swallowed by the shadows of loneliness and darkness I am getting weaker and weaker the longer I stay here please anyone anybody help me break free from this world! This is too much for me someone help me! OGOD someone save me from this lonely hell of mine. How can you stand there without noticing me disappearing into nothingness? How can you not yell for help as I die slowly? Do you not care? Well do you give a damn that these things are devouring me? How can you stand above me as I die? Do you not care? How can you stand there have you no shame for killing your one true friend? Your true friend who has gone trough everything with and for you? The friend who tries to protect you from all harm? Is this what you pay me back with my death? My demise? The only thing I never told you was that I love you well you never know that now that I am dead!2
"martin wake up please wake up why did you try and take your life"3
"i am sorry Larysa but i am so sleepy i am sorry i just can't go on"4
"martin stay with me don't go stay awake don't go we all love you and need you here by us"5
martin stops breathing and his eyes close slowly6
and Larysa is left with a fading dead corpse or so she thought7
martin awoke serval days later in the hospital all his friends and family crying because he almost didn't make8
so the moral is everyone will miss you if you leave so try to stay as long as you can.9
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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full stop after scared
questionmark after help me?
Where the hell am I is a question then start a new sentence.... Stuck
full stop after times of need
Where are you should start a new paragraph
comma after helpless
I am walking should start a new paragraph
use 'til or until not "till"
i think you meant trapped.
exclaimation point after out of here.
I want to should start a new paragraph
full stop after loneliness out
comma after please
"up" isn't necessary."soeone wake me from this dream" fullstop after dream
the next few lines are repetitive and unnecessary
comma after send for me
Please, someone send should start a new paragraph
comma after weaker and weaker
full stop after stay here
how can you should start a new paragraph
your true friend should start a new paragraph
Martin need a capital and a comma after.
full stop after wake up
comma after please
full stop after wake up
questionmark after your life
capitals for "I"
comma after Larysa
full stop after sleepy
full stop after go on
comma again after Martin
coma after with me
full stop after don't go
"Stay awake!"
comma after don't go
full stop after by us
capital for martin.
comma after close
full stop after slowly
"and" isn't necessary
comma after fading
full stop after thought
Martin woke several
comma after later
comma after hospital
comma after crying
insert it after make then full stop
"so" is not necessary when discussing the moral.
full stop after "if you leave.
it feels disconnected throughout the whole thing until the end. is there a better way to describe what you're trying to say? Let the reader identify with the characters.
It's a good idea and a good start
welcome to storywrite
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