There was something mysterious, I could feel it in the air. Misty fog covered the tree branches that hung black raining their leaves. Wind howled outside screaming its fury, trying to burst inside and sweep me off my feet. I slouched down further, not wanting to be taken away.1
Everything was always in shadow, light had disappeared and could not be found. Each day was dull and bitter. Even if the sun managed to peek its way through the clouds which hung grey and heavy, still it would not warm the damp earth. But I had grown immune to darkness, it had coloured my days for so long it seemed nothing was to change, happiness was gone from our lives forever. I didn't want to see it again, my insides were full of darkness. The weather and I were bonded together, when it howled wind it screamed my fury, when it rained it cried my tears.
Author notes
just an introduction. as for the plot...it will come in good time.
A contest entry
- The Broken Heart by Pray For Me.
150 points, ended November 24, 2006, 14 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
what do you think I could do to improve as a young author and how does this story effect you?
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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It's a good introduction, by any means. I like how details are offered so that the reader can better picture the story's surroundings.
Watch your grammar. Almost every sentence has a comma splice, which is where two independent clauses are joined with a comm. Beside of that, it's perfect. Good work. -
It was very good and a nice intro. You did a good job.
I loved the story and thought it was very good.
Thanks for enerting my contest and good luck!
~~October~~ -
You've made a very imaginative introduction and a good plot. I love how you said the weather and you where bonded together..very good lines. The best of luck to you in completing the story.
Kari
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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I am pathetic! I will fail english because my spelling is a horror *high pitched scream*
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Good start. Saturated with mood and emotion. Very poetic. Like it a lot. Applauds.
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para 1 brunches instead of branches.
I like the personification of the weather -
thanks for being open & honest cannonfire (I spelt your name right!) spelling was never my strong point i just love to creative write! fixed my errors. cheers
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Spelling!!!
The descriptions are wonderful but the spelling is awful! Use spellcheck and it will make it so much easier to read through for people. i.e. furry (means fur coated!) fury (means anger which is what is needed!) peak (is a mountain) peek (a sly look) anyway if you use spellcheck it will help. It is a great short intro and I look forward to more.beginning: 3, language: 2, plot: 3, ending: 3, characters: 3.
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