[written 10.13.05]1
The tears flow like rain,
silent,
cold,
unnoticed,
staining your shirt.
(making the blood stains run...)2
A numb embrace,
no feeling behind the words.
Left struggling,
I speak,
gasping for shallow air.3
My heart,
skipping beats.
A love,
so strong,
(You're still standing on my chest...)4
The room,
a blur through the screams.
I see your face,
a hinted smile,
unsaid words left echoing in the dark.5
The lights,
put out.
(I can't see you anymore...)6
Maybe it's the blood in my eyes?7
My halted breath,
begging you not to stop.8
Author notes
A poem I wrote. No real meaning, although it's been 'translated' into many different thoughts. Nearly a year old now. Pretty dark, anyway.
Please let me know what you liked/disliked about it.
Comments
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I have to give you kudos no matter if it's dark or not. It was a well written piece. You keep the reader's attention completely. I think you did a fantastic job with this one.
Ted E
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Dear sweet Amanda, yes, it was dark, but poetry isn't meant to always be pretty and fluffy, to me it's an expression of what's churning around inside your mind when you just happened to put pen to paper. I loved the thought process that you used with this, and how to didn't use sugary words. It makes it seem harsher, which I'm assuming it was meant to me.
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Interesting...Yes I'd say this was dark. I don't like to rate poetry but I felt that it didn't flow. I had to reread some phrases to make sure I understood what was being said.
I thought it was a great piece though.
Good job
~Syren~
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