The castle which had stood for so long undisturbed and unconquered was now feeling the strain of rebellion. Men had killed guards and were now going to kill the king.1
"Do not shoot him!" the queen shouted.2
"Who should I shoot? If I shoot you, he will fight. I will kill him, and then I will kill you"3
The man took his rifle and shot the king and queen. An era had ended, and the young princesses would not reign.4
Princess Valla, the child of fairytales and monarchy took her first steps towards her scientific tutor. She struggled towards him, away from her usual resting place of fairy tales. When she got there, he gazed happily at the girl.5
"You are the true magic!" her tutor said. At that moment the door creaked open and the ghostly shadow of the maid stood in the doorway.6
"Hurry! There has been murder. The master and mistress are dead - I fear for the young miss. Take her to your cottage" she said. The tutor picked up the child and rode with her until they reached his cottage. It looked so small, but to the child's eyes it was a place of magic. Little did she know that her tutor had vowed to replace her fear of the supernatural with the wonder of science.7
Please tell me what you think? Is the chapter long enough?
Comments
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man does that ever wet the appitite! you really need to put more on! keep going!
you might what to explain the title.
gove a bit more detail. keep goin gbut decribe the cahacters and their realaionts a bit better. help teh reader to feel as though they are watching this happening in front of them. -
Much too short. Only three paragraphs.
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Is this a little better? I know, not much longer
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Thanks, what should I do? Give a more vivid account of the tutor's house, take the action from another angle (like a prologue), make the dialogue longer or something else? (It's ok if you don't answer .)
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