Bitter [Part 7]

Now that Christina is covered, let’s learn the story of my ex-boyfriend in the shortest version possible.1

I was thirteen when I met him. He was five years and three months older. When I was fourteen, we became exclusive. That day was August 27th, 2002, the day before my first day in high school.2

I thought it was love. We were with each other as often as possible and he knew everything about me. After eleven months, I gave him my virginity at the age of fifteen. I stayed with him another year and then left him.3

When I think back on it, I wonder if I even really knew what love was. I still don’t know whether or not that emotion I experienced was love. But it was the sort of feeling where I wanted to spend my life with one single person and share everything I was with them.4

Christina and I resumed our friendship. After a few months, I wanted to party and get drunk and play with my girls, to actually be a sixteen year old without any reservations. He didn’t like it. Instead of supporting me and trusting me, he would constantly guilt-trip me and made me feel ashamed of who I was. 5

I realized I was bi; he worried that a girl would steal me.6

Yet, despite the loathing I felt towards the possessiveness, I stayed with him.7

It was my mom who pushed me.8

All she had to do to get me to split up with the boy I thought I was in love with was ask, “How are the two of you doing?”9

I cried. I told her. And she said, “Maybe you should talk to him.”10

Before this, I had given him chances to shape up. So that was it. I broke up with him two days before his twenty-second birthday. On his birthday, I called him—I had already rebounded but wanted to end on good terms.11

We never went back to good terms. I tried to talk to him the following August 27th—as a sort of closure movement, you know? But his girlfriend called me a whore and wouldn’t let me speak to him.12

I never really wanted to talk to him after that.13

Another year went by and he faded into a distant memory.14

It was August 27th, 2006 that I remembered him. Ryan and I were alone in my backseat. I was emotional; shocked yet relieved. My period had finally started.15

I couldn’t stop looking at Ryan, though. I had been like that all night, trying to stare at him without noticing and getting caught more than half the time. He would reach over and grab my thigh, hand, or forearm just to let me know he noticed—with that little secret smile.16

I knew I was in trouble.17

I was doing it again, laying my head back and staring at him.18

“What?” he asked me finally.19

“I like you, a lot,” I said, ducking my head away. I was nervous, maybe even a little scared.20

He just got that big grin and kissed me. “I like you, too.”21

He wrapped me up and treated me like something precious and I indulged in that, basked myself in it for as long as I could. 22

“It’s weird,” I explained. “I don’t usually get attached…and I’m definitely getting attached.”23

His face brushed against my cheek and I could feel the warmth just radiating off of him. “Should we make it official?”24

I thought about it first. “Do you want to?”25

“Are you asking me?” he shot back.26

“I think so.”27

“Sure.”28

I snorted. “Sure?”29

“I mean, yes.”30

It didn’t hit me for a good ten minutes before I realized that Ryan and I made it official on August 27th, 2006. Was that wrong? I didn’t know.31

But I did start noticing a lot of other similarities between my infamous ex and my new beau. For starters, both had the same middle name. I won’t give away these names because it would be a hassle since I’ve changed all names anyway.32

And then the first three letters of their last name were the exact same, too.33

And their initials.34

Everything else was different, thank God. Well…except for the attraction to the same woman.35

I felt strange about it but tried to grasp and move on.36

When Ryan left I watched him and couldn’t help but wonder if I had made a mistake by making everything between us, official.37