Bitter [Part 5]

I got home from work to a phone call from Ryan. “How was your weekend?” he asked immediately.1

He sounded like he was in a good mood, so I reciprocated. “It was good. How was yours?” My mind, of course, was thinking, How many girls?2

He talked about it, not mentioning any females, so I didn’t ask. “So what did I do that last night to make you mad at me?”3

“What?”4

“I was drunk. I’m sorry for whatever it was I did. I just know I didn’t handle the situation right.”5

Well, thank God he knew! Saved me a lot of hassle. I explained and he apologized again. Then he pushed, “Have you started your period yet?”6

“No.”7

“How can you be so calm about it?”8

There wasn’t much thought into answering that one. “I just don’t want to think about it. I’ve taken three tests; you know that. All were negative.”9

“I would still want to take another.”10

“I might.”11

We saw each other that night, too, but I was already drunk by the time he showed up to Amber’s. The gang was smoking hookah and drinking beer and rum by the pool. We didn’t talk in front of everyone, so I pulled him inside with me when I went to bed.12

We went to Amber’s room and I sat on the bed, staring at him. “You’re too drunk for this,” he said.13

“I know, but we need to talk.”14

I found out that yes, he did hook up while at the lake, but no, they did not have sex. I let it slide because of the last bit.15

Out of the blue, he told me, “I couldn’t even sleep the first night because of you.” 16

My ego shot through the roof and I smiled. “You know I care about you a lot, right?”17

“I care, too. I don’t know why though, with you trying to hook up with my guy friend every night.”18

The smile vanished. “I’m sorry. It shouldn’t have happened, and it wouldn’t have if the girls hadn’t put the thought in my head.” Wow, that was a mouthful. My head spun after even saying it. Damn rum.19

He shook his head and gave me one of those unreadable looks—had I slurred? Then he sat next to me on the bed. “I don’t know.”20

“I only kissed girls while you were gone,” I admitted.21

“Good for you.” Sarcasm? Probably. 22

Oh, boy. My head spun again. “Yeah…so I care.”23

“I don’t get what you want.”24

I got frustrated at that and laid back on the bed. Closed my eyes in frustration and tried to think of something coherent.25

When I opened my eyes, it was to sunrise. Oops.26

Amber was next to me in bed, still deep asleep. I could feel the acid in my stomach rebelling against movement and every time I felt that sensation, my mind was going frantic with the thought I was pregnant.27

I went in the bathroom and vomited. I scared myself even more after that. When Amber woke up, I told her my plan and took the day off work.28

Then I went to the doctors and took a real pregnancy test.29

I was frantic after that. The hours before the results were in the system took eternity and I tried to sleep it off—but couldn’t. I smoked like a chimney. I took a long shower.30

Finally, I got the call.31

“The pregnancy test you took today was a negative.”32

“Oh, thank God.”33

The girl on the other end of the phone laughed.34

All I wanted to do was call Ryan and tell him the good news, but he didn’t answer. So when he finally called back, I made small talk first.35

“Sorry about last night…I was pretty drunk.”36

He laughed. “That’s alright.”37

“Well, I have good news…”38

“What?”39

I was stoned and high off life. “I went to the doctors today.”40

“You’re not pregnant?”41

He was happy. He invited me over and then we went back to Amber’s house to swim. When we were alone in the pool, we started roughhousing until I ended up with my legs around his waist and arms around his neck. Smiling.42

That was when I started accepting the emotions I felt. I kissed him, and he kissed me back—but the way he kissed me spoke of more. It was that sort of closed mouth, hand at the nape of my neck, type of kiss.43

In all of my eighteen years, I hadn’t been kissed like that. I dated a guy for two and a half years without it, and chased boys and broke hearts for two years afterwards—when I met Ryan.44

We stayed together all day. We parked my xB that night and it felt like the old times—I didn’t leave until 2:30.45

The next day I couldn’t stop that grin, and I didn’t really want to try, either. I wasn’t sure if it were the endorphins or just the fact of a good moment in life, but I was happy. Things were actually looking good.46