UNTITLED (for now) - Part 4

The sun had long since risen when the alarm clock in Sea Scout bunker C went off with it's usual annoying tediousness. The shrill beeping heightened until a series of not-so-well aimed and one well aimed pillow silenced it with a clatter as it hit the floor.1

Now lacking pillows, the residents of SSBC were loudly complaining about anything and everything; from the cold tile floor to the crack in the ceiling that had yet to be replastered. Slowly getting dressed, they rearranged their bunkhouse to resemble the neat and orderly place it was supposed to. 2

Trooping out and heading out onto the docks, no one noticed one of their order was missing, simply because it was so ordinary for him to be absent early in the morning, they no longer noticed or cared. He was always calmy sitting on the steps, awaiting their departure, and joined them on the way to morning chores and breakfast. 3

This morning was no different. There he was, deep red t-shirt and green gray shorts, nochalantly reclining on the stair. Hopping up silently and seamlessly joining the queue, he was immediately included in the flow of conversation, making it impossible to discern him as the loner he was monemts before.4

Author notes

Hmm... can't think of anything, other than to renew my plea for editing help!

Critique, please! I need some editing help!

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Comments


  • me alone
    August 25, 2006

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    I really like this jessica. The whole thing, you word things really well and make it interesting. Still don't see how this all fits togther. You gotta do that soon.
    The only thing I have to say is so far the story is really really jumpy. It goes from here to easy cupcake and I don't see how it fits togther. Though some of my favorite books are written like this. IE tamora peirce circle of magic. But just warning.
    Otherwise it seems amazing and I think once you connect it all I will love it and not care that it jumps.