Emptiness.1
Her heart feels empty. The room seems empty. For all she knows, the universe is devoid of everything but her and the room she's in. She couldn't care less.2
3
She loved him; truly, deeply, madly loved that man. For some insane reason, he loved her, too. They loved one another with that love that happens once in a century. With one another, they were truly happy.4
Then the world found out. No one knew if it was that he was too old or that she was too young, but they all said it was wrong. Their innocent infatuation became a crime, and suddenly their business was everyone's business. 5
With their romance taboo, they had no choice but to go their sperate ways. In the begining, he called her every night. They met in secret when they could manage it, but one can only lurk in the shadows for so long.6
He promised to wait.7
Every night, she would lie in bed with her arms wrapped so tightly around a pillow that she would pretend was him. She dreamed of the time that seemed to be creeping farther and farther away: the time when they could be together again.8
During one of many late night phone calls, she asked what reason he had left to stick around and wait for her. He said he loved her, and that was reason enough for him.9
Then life happened.
Betrayal happened.10
They thought it was best not to see each other, not until she was older.11
12
Now she's alone in her room. 13
He has his own image to protect, but hers has shattered. He friends have abandoned her, calling her a liar and a slut and an ignorant, naive little girl.14
Oh happy dagger, fill the void;
drive the emptiness away.15
Author notes
A bit of angst is coming out in this story. It's quite personal, but I tried to distance myself from it a bit to make it a better read.
Anywho, give me feedback and I'm eternally grateful.
Please tell me what you think of this piece.
Comments
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blackpanther412
DON'T STOP!
This has the makings of a good story. There are gramatical and punctuation errors in here, but nothing too major. The way you presented it was very nice, adding mystery and a kind of whispered story. Very nice. I would definetely add more visual or thought process detail to make it better. Doing this will polish it up nicely. I am glad to have read this work. It was very nice!
Jacob Williams
beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 4, characters: 3.
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He friends have abandoned her.14
it should be 'her' yes? if is is may want to fix it. other then that i am sorry it happened, but it is a really good beginning to a story, looking forward to reading more.
beginning: 2, language: 4, plot: 3, ending: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 4.
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Don't distance yourself from it, it makes it disconnected. Keep your heart in the story and it brings it to life. Good write. I'd like to see where this goes .
xXxChristinaxXx
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