~Every now and then I get a little lost
My strings all get tangled, my wires all get crossed
Every now and then I'm right up on the edge
Dangling my toes out over the ledge
I just thank God you're here~
"Johnny, baby, please stay with me. Come on." Bobby Jo cried as she shook her boyfriend. He'd been shot and was losing conciesness fast. It all happened because he gotten into some trouble with some gang. He hadn't told Bobby Jo, he knew she'd disapprove. He'd known she would because he was always pulling stuff like this, risking his own life.
~'Cause when I'm a bullet shot out of a gun
'Cause when I'm a firecracker comin' undone
Or when I'm a fugitive ready to run, all wild-eyed and crazy
No matter where my reckless soul takes me
Baby you save me~
"Come back you...!" Bobby Jo screamed at the men who'd shot her man. She screamed and cursed at them to come back, to take care of what they did. They didn't come back, they didn't even turn around as they ran. Bobby Jo looked down at her hands, only to see his blood, she got some sense then. She pulled out his cell phone and called 911.
~It's hard lovin' a man that's got a gypsy soul
I don't know how you do it, I'm not sure how you know
The perfect thing to say to save me from myself
You're the angel that moves me like nobody else
And I thank God you do~
The sirens were a wonderful sound to her ears as she continued to hold Johnny and apply pressure to the wound. With the arm that was under him she used that hand through his messy brown hair. No matter what he did she'd be there for him. She knew he get it straight one of these days, he just needed a little pushing and she do that for him.
~'Cause when I'm a bullet shot out of a gun
When I'm a firecracker coming undone
When I'm a fugitive ready to run, all wild-eyed and crazy
No matter where my reckless soul takes me
Baby you save me~
The whole moving him into the back was a blur for her. She got in and sat next to him. There was no way she was going to leave him alone. The EMTs did what they could to clean up the wound and gave him an IV. She felt the would be alright.
~I know I don't tell you nearly enough
That I couldn't live one day without your love~
Johnny hurt all over, especially his upper right side. The last thing he remembered was walking down the alley way and then them. He'd meant to pay them he really had, but he hadn't gotten the money on time. He hadn't expected them to really track him down and try to kill him. Opening his eyes he saw a pair of hazel ones looking down on him.
~When I'm a ship tossed around on the waves
Up on a highwire that's ready to break
When I've had just about all I can take
Baby you, baby you save me~
"Johnny, oh, Johnny, you're awake." Bobby Jo said with love and affection. She looked tired and that's when he realized she'd been there the entire time. He knew that if it wasn't for her he'd be dead right about now.
"Thank you." he said with a raspy voice as he looked up at her with his green-blue eyes.
"Anytime." She replied and they sat there in a comfortable silence until he fell back to sleep, knowing she was the one and she'd never let him go, no matter what.
~When I'm a bullet shot out of a gun
When I'm a firecracker coming undone
When I'm a fugitive ready to run, all wild-eyed and crazy
No matter where my reckless soul takes me
Baby you save me~
Author notes
The song "You Save Me" is by Kenny Chesney #5
A contest entry
- Singing Stories by tearsofsadness.
950 points, ended August 27, 2006, 7 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Comment Contest by Rebel Rebel.
400 points, ended January 10, 2007, 10 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Options by Pray For Me.
170 points, ended March 31, 2007, 30 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
-
Thanks for entering my contest. Great story. It all flowed smoothly. Very emotional. Great job and keep writing.
October -
It was great. A good poetic story blend all in one. It read smoothly an was very emotional. Great job.
-
Great song choice!!!
Wah, you won bronze, yay for you!!!
I like song you chose, because I thought it helped set the mood for the short story itself. I love Bobby Jo, her reaction to everything that happened is perhaps what a person in that situation would also be doing.
Now, I write stories too and I find it incredibly difficult to relate it and make it go well with a poem or a song... so yeah, great job!!! Thank you for this
-
Very emotional piece. I like the poem at the beginning it sort of compliments the story.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
-
Bravo
I liked the way that you used a blend of poetry and story writing at the same time. Your writing is sad but it is made sadder by the way you use poetry in your story. Tres Bien! -
Wow.
This was really good, I enjoyed reading it, keep up the good work!
Rae.
-
cool congrats in the contest
-
Wow! sad and poetic all in one. I was lost at first but singing stories was a cool idea and you did well with it!
-
good
felt like it should be a song before I realised what it was -
I like the way that the song is incorporated right into the story, and how it is told in parts, going from the lines of the song to your own rendition. It's dramatic, powerful, and very well-written. Good job and congratulations on your trophy. Good luck in the next contest.
-
Great story.
And welcome to the Comment Contest.
Let us be patient and see what Comments come ya way in the period of the next ten days.
Ya might want to set down on the invite idea and tell all ya friends to come and read ya story and leave an indepth Comment.
You might want to add a Reward to get more viewers. And for sure with some extra points ya might even want to Feature this story.
The best of Commenting to you. -
wow this is really good, i loved it. its very emotional, sad. i really enjoyed reading it. great discriptions, keep up the good work, great job really!
-
Awsomeness
Putting poetry and Stories together there. You did a great job. Awsome stuff =]
Keep it up.
-
try doing this again because I forgot to do the clap thing on my comment
-
"consciousness"
"she felt the would be alright" is confusing
now i understand the whole song thing because honestly throughout it, I didn't see the point. Now that Iknow why it was done I think you worked this well. You could have used more detailing though. "where he was shot, what they look like. the area where they are," that sort of thing. overall good story. -
wah!
It's so sad! it was so amazingly depressing and dramatic! the dialogue you gave to the girl was very realistic to what a real girl would say to a situation like that. It was very nicely made! great job!
Adding your comment:
1 - 16 of 16
