That morning i awoke in fear, fear of what was happening, and why i was not aloud to know what it was, that was causing my sister such pain. I stood in the doorway, in fear, not knowing, not understanding. Standing there i watched as she cryed next to my mother's bed. Tears streamed down her face as she turned to me and screamed for me to "get out". I stood there bawling my eyes out, overwhelmed with confusion. As i stood on the outside of the bedroom door, i cryed. I listened to the sounds of my sister inside, crying as well, and yelling for my mom to wake up. "Mom, mom, wake up" she yelled continuously. Suddenly she ran out of the room, complete panic washed over me, for i could see the fear in her pale face. She ran to the phone in a frantic panic,she quickly dialed numbers into the phone. She then ran quickly back into the room, and say once again next to the bed where i mother lay. Soon men with a stretcher rushed into the house, they quickly went up to mom's room. I stood there, watching, crying, not knowing what was happening nor what would happen next. They carried her down out of her room. I asked "where are you taking her, what's wrong with her", as i cryed. I didn't know any more than what i could see, and what i saw was my mom on a stretcher, fading, dying... slowly drifting farther and farther away from life... Suddenly she gasped. Trying to breathe. She gasped more, insisting she needed her ventalin. The men soon rushed her out of the house, and into the ambulance, where she was put on more machines then what they had already put her on, to help her breathe. Without them, she would fade farther away. I watched from the porch as they drove away. Watching and listening to the sirens, i cryed. I asked "where is mom going"... i got only the response i could see, that she was going to the hospital. I was told she would be alright. In my heart i feared that she wouldn't. I saw her fading into darkness, right before my eyes. I counted the days after that morning, waiting to see if she would return, wondering when i would see her. Two weeks later she returned home. We greeted her warmly, lovingly she hugged me. As i stood there and cried once again, i cried tears of happiness, thanking God for not taking my mummy away from me. I still could not understand. All i knew was that my mummy had returned, and was safe at home once again.1
Author notes
this is about something that happened when i was 10. I cant explain the rest of it, because i will most definately be writing a continuation to this, so that readers can grasp the whole of it... but at this moment i cannot put into words what is in my mind, and it hurts to write about.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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lose the word 'one' make it That morning.... check your capitalizations lose the 'in fear' when she's at the doorway.. We already know she's afraid. Easiest way to get out of it is to combine the 2 sentences "I stood in the doorway, watching, not knowing or understanding why my sister cried next to my mother's bed.
check your spelling over "cried", you've got a lot of fragmented sentences too. I was goin to critique this and then i wasn't sure if it was a personal story or not so i'm just going to give suggestions. If you'd like more in depth stuff feel free to let me know
I'm sorry for the pain you went through at that age.

