Cardinal

Cardinal.1

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Disclaimer: Sherlock Holmes, Dr Watson, and even Lestrade I’m afraid aren’t mine. I’ve simply taken to borrowing them for a while, as they are obviously Arthur Conan Doyle’s creations. Any other characters thrown in, however, I take full responsibility for.3

M/M slash fanfiction, Adults only - please do not read if you are under 18 or do not feel comfortable with *explicit* male/male sexual material, you have been warned...any who do choose to read it do so of their own choice, thank you.4

K.5

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Chapter 17

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“They don’t even have an inkling, do they?”9

“Excuse me? What was that?” 10

“Look at them all. I suppose in some obscure fashion, one could find it humorous.”11

“I’m afraid I don’t follow.” 12

“I shouldn’t worry; neither do they.” Holmes turned back to his window, observing the oblivious individuals who ambled past on their way. 13

I merely gave a silent chuckle and went back to my newspaper. A stray thought occurred to me and I suddenly looked up and over to my friend by the window. “Holmes, you really should...”14

“I fear your complaint shall have to wait.”15

“And why is...”16

The clattering of footsteps on the stairs answered my question.17

Holmes strode over to the door and swung it open to reveal a somewhat out of breath Lestrade. He blinked at the form of Sherlock Holmes, ready and waiting for his visit, before moving hesitantly into the room, holding his hat as he turned back to address us both. However, Holmes, as ever, was quicker with his question.18

“Good evening, Inspector! And how may I be of assistance?”19

I noted the way that Lestrade shuffled slightly from one foot to the other, just as Holmes must have observed.20

“Well, it’s a slightly...awkward matter.”21

“Why don’t you sit down?” I asked gently, trying to put the obviously nervous man at ease.22

“No. No, thank you, I am quite alright.” 23

“Then perhaps if you explained?” Holmes said brusquely as he made his way to his chair and eased himself down. Once comfortable he was ready to listen to Lestrade's appeal.24

“Of course,” Lestrade replied but then stopped. He appeared to be in some quandary as to how to begin, but he finally took a breath and began with a rush of words. “If you came across a murder victim, cause of death obvious, the surrounding area clear except for one item tainted with the blood of the said victim, however, that item belonging to a different person, who is known to have been with the victim a few hours before the discovery of his body, what would you make of it?”25

Holmes blinked as if confused, taking a moment to make sense of the stream of words before answering quickly and smoothly. “I would consider it a very valid indicator as to where to start my inquiries. But surely that is not the dilemma you wish to discuss with me?”26

“Well...” Lestrade hesitated, before meeting his eyes with defeat. “In a way it is. You see...the item in question is a cuff-link, and there is no doubt that it is yours. I have seen you wear it on many occasions. And it has been said by three separate witnesses that you were with the deceased mere hours before he was found.”27

“And his name?” Holmes asked coolly, allowing no emotion or reaction to reach his pale features.28

“James Wilkinson.”29

Holmes’ eyes pressed shut for a moment, but they flickered open again so swiftly that the significance of the gesture was lost on Lestrade. “I see.” There was a somewhat awkward silence in the usually warm and familiar room. In my shock and confusion I could find no words to offer my friend, and Lestrade appeared to be in a state of similar loss. It seemed like a long time, although I suspect in reality it was only a few moments, before Holmes spoke again. “In that case, I shall leave immediately to start my inquiries.”30

“Actually Holmes,” Lestrade hastily intervened before Holmes had even moved from his chair. “I cannot allow that.” Holmes frost filled glare hit him hard and Lestrade gave me a quick glance. However, I can only imagine that my expression was nothing but incredulous, he would not find the support he needed to go on from myself. He somehow managed to look back evenly at Holmes. “You see, there are some who are saying that the cuff-link and sightings are evidence enough to have you arrested.”31

Holmes jumped to his feet, colour finally returning to his pale features, but only with anger. “That is absolutely outrageous, man!” he snapped, his figure straightening to its full height.32

“I know, I know,” Lestrade attempted to be as placating as possible. “And that is why I have persuaded them to give me some time to follow my own investigations. However, my request was allowed only under the condition that you would remain here. Can you assure me that you will not leave this house?”33

“You have my word,” Holmes replied quietly, clearly displeased at the situation, but all too aware he had little choice. 34

Lestrade nodded. Had it been anyone other than Holmes, Lestrade would not have been as trusting, but it appeared that more had grown between the two than I previously had thought. “Then if you’ll excuse me, I can expect a busy day tomorrow. Good night, Holmes, Watson,” Lestrade said with a nod to each of us. However, when he reached the door, he turned back to look a little awkwardly at Holmes. “Even though you did not commit the crime, witnesses have made it clear that you knew the man. I am sorry for your loss.” And with that he left, shutting the door behind him and making his own way out.35

Holmes collapsed back down into his chair and an unnerving silence ensued. I shifted awkwardly in my own chair, opening my mouth to say something, but I almost immediately snapped it shut again. A moment later my mouth opened a second time, but again, words failed me. 36

I finally pushed myself decisively out of my chair and went and poured us both a drink. I stood in front of Holmes with his glass held out to him, but he made no move to retrieve it.37

“Holmes?” I asked softly, and with no small amount of concern.38

He finally looked up at me and took the glass without a word.39

I settled back down into my chair, that is, I got as settled as I could in the situation. The silence dragged on as I sipped at my drink. I finally worked up enough courage, or at least had had enough to drink, to allow me to speak. “So who was this James Wilkinson?”40

“A man who is no concern of yours,” Holmes snapped in that sharp tone of his that I had long ago learned to hate. I tried to ignore the fact that the words stung as if I had been physically struck.41

“I am sorry, Holmes, I was only...”42

“Curious? Interested? Prying?” he said, jumping from his chair and taking a step toward me.43

“That is not fair...” I said with mild surprise, rising from my own chair to meet his eyes with determination that I had meant no such wrong.44

“Isn’t it? I am sorry, Doctor, but you shall have to find your inane gossip for your scribbling elsewhere.” 45

I moved so I was only inches away from him. It is rare that when someone hurts me in such a way with words that I do not retaliate in some way. However this time, I managed to restrain myself to a reply, I admit, of harsh tones. “I am sorry Holmes, it appears I have touched onto a sensitive subject, perhaps it was foolish of me to venture on to it, after all, you have only just heard of his death. However, anything I have asked I have done so out of concern for your welfare, not for my own incentive, a suggestion I find highly offensive.”46

“Oh believe me Watson, not nearly as offensive as being accused of murder.”47

My expression softened then, as I knew that, of course, he was right. I placed my hands on his shoulders in what I hoped was a reassuring fashion and softened my tone. “I realise that, my friend, and I will do whatever is necessary to prove them wrong. We will get to the bottom of all this. I promise.”48

Holmes glanced at one of my hands on his shoulder with confusion and then back up at me. Our eyes locked and I was aware that he was searching mine for something. He finally laid his hands on mine and gently put them back down to my sides. I remember thinking it an odd action but I didn’t say anything. To my astonishment, colour started to appear on his cheeks.49

“Thank you,” he practically stammered. “I...Er...Goodnight.” He moved off in an almost clumsy fashion to his room, so unlike his usual confident elegance. 50

I shook my head with concern at his odd behaviour, but at the time, I naively put it down to the day’s events.51

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Chapter 2:53

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When Holmes appeared in the morning, he seemed his normal self, if that is at all possible, however 'seemed' was the correct term as there were little details that betrayed his troubled mind.55

“There is only one possible course of action,” Holmes stated over breakfast, or at least, over his untouched plate of food that he had almost instantly pushed away.56

“And what is that?” I asked expectantly, watching him with worried eyes.57

“I would have thought that was evident, Watson. I cannot leave these rooms, you, however, can. You will carry out my investigations for me.” He never took his attentive eyes off me as he explained. “I have composed a list of people that you should pay a visit on. And there is a letter for Lestrade.”58

My shock must have been evident to him before I had even opened my mouth to speak. “I couldn’t possibly!”59

“And why not? You know my methods, and you are an intelligent man.”60

“But surely...”61

Holmes’ voice softened as he held an elegant hand up to halt my speech. “It is the only way, Watson. You must serve as my eyes and ears, and if possible you must start this very morning.”62

“But I cannot just...” leave all my other responsibilities is what I was going to say, but the statement was left incomplete, because I knew that I would. I thought back to the previous night, I had promised him that I would do anything to help him. And of course I would. So instead, I simply nodded, reached out and took the list of names and envelope, and went to fetch my hat and coat. 63

As I went to leave, Holmes called out to me, twisting in his chair so he could look at me properly. “Watson.”64

I turned to face him questioningly, a slight frown already etched into my brow. 65

He gave me the barest of smiles, the first smile that I had seen on his features since he had received the unpleasant news the previous day. “Thank you.”66

I produced a warm smile to show that he was always welcome, and went on my way.67

***68

My first task was to call on Lestrade and see what he had come up with, and to get some more details. I cannot deny that I was nervous; it was the first time I would be playing the part of a detective without Holmes’ guidance.69

Lestrade welcomed me with a regretful smile. “I thought I might be seeing you today. I’m afraid there’s not a lot to tell, though.”70

“This is from Holmes.” I gave him the envelope, which he opened and read. I tried to hide my curiosity, even as I watched him while he read. When he had finished I took a seat, retrieving my pocket book and pencil. “Why don’t you start with how he was killed?”71

He nodded briskly. “Bludgeoned on the back of the head with a blunt instrument of some kind, probably a metal pipe of some sorts.”72

“So attacked from behind then. How was he found?”73

“Reflecting just that,” Lestrade motioned with his hand, “sprawled out on his front on the floor of his bedroom. No sign of a forced entry into his flat, or anything else unusual.” He paused for a moment. “Except for Holmes’ cuff-link held in his right hand.”74

“Held in his hand?” I repeated with surprise.75

“Yes, I’m afraid so.”76

“There is no doubt that it is his?” I asked, hoping that he would contradict me.77

“No doubt at all. It is from the pair that you brought him a few months ago. I commented on them and he told me they were a gift from you.”78

“I see what you mean,” I replied glumly. I knew the ones he meant, a rather rare and distinctive pair. I remembered talking to a jeweller friend of mine, looking for a present for Holmes. He found them out for me especially and I had thought them perfect for him. A unique gift for an extraordinary friend. 79

“And the witnesses?” I asked, hoping for some better news to take back to Holmes.80

“All good friends of the deceased, three all together. Two say they saw Holmes and Wilkinson walking together about five hours before his body was discovered. The other fellow says he saw the pair going into his rooms about three hours before the body was found. One thing in his favour is that Wilkinson hadn’t been dead for long when we got there. Holmes in this letter says that he left at approximately half past eight in the evening. That gives an hour and a half for someone else to have been and gone before the body was discovered at about ten. However, as there is no one to verify that, it still doesn’t look good.”81

“Do they not say anything else?”82

“Like I said, they’re friends of Wilkinson. They’re being rather tight lipped about it. Understandable really. Sometimes a man’s reputation is all that will remain after death.”83

I must confess I was more than a little confused. The confusion on my features seemed to bring about some kind of realisation for Lestrade.84

“Oh...sorry. I see,” he muttered, unsure of himself. He suddenly rose from his seat, “Well that’s about all I can tell you for the moment.” He was eager to bring the meeting to an end.85

“Thank you for your help,” I said, unsure what Lestrade was anxious about. I rose from my chair and headed for the door, hurrying to get back to Holmes.86

***87

I walked into our sitting room, chilled to the bone as I brushed snow from my coat with a numb hand.88

“I have had a call from two police constables,” Holmes informed me, before I had even ventured more than a few steps toward him. 89

I looked over to where he stood by the fire with a sympathetic smile. “Questioning you no doubt,” I said as I made my way over to my seat.90

“Yes. And damned incompetent they were too. A child could have done a better job.” He made no effort to hide the indignation in his voice. “And they refused to tell me anything. Me!”91

There was no point in commenting when he was in such a mood so I changed the subject, unfortunately it was not much better. Holmes listened as I repeated everything Lestrade had said. When I had finished he sprang from his chair and began to pace the room with unusual fervour.92

“This whole mess is ridiculous!” He was taking his most superior tone now; that was never a good sign. “To think that if I committed a murder I would be foolish enough to leave an item of mine at the scene of the crime!”93

He abruptly stopped in front of his window, but just as quickly changed his mind and started to pace again. He continued his rant with renewed fervour, and I made no move to stop him. 94

“James was left handed, not right. I cannot believe that has been overlooked.” My mind was just beginning to work on the relevance of that statement before Holmes continued. “And has it not occurred to anyone that if I was supposed to have hit him from behind, it would have been quite impossible for him to get hold of my cuff-link before falling unconscious to the floor! In which case he must have either been holding it before hand or it was planted there, either way it does not incriminate me!”95

“Yes, you’re quite right Holmes,” I whispered, grasping his point with renewed hope.96

“Of course I am right.” Holmes waved a dismissive hand with annoyance, as if it was a never changing fact of life.97

I shook my head and stood up. I put a restraining hand on his arm to stop his incessant pacing and then guided him down into a chair, moving behind him so that I could put my hands on his shoulders. I started to massage and almost instantly I felt some of his tension fall away, relaxing at my slightest touch.98

“That is very good, Watson,” he said quietly, almost reluctant in the soft confession.99

I smiled warmly at that, pleased to be able to do something to ease him, even if it was small. “I am glad, but unfortunately you shall have to wait till tonight for me to finish it. I haven’t even started on your list yet, and it is nearly midday.”100

“But surely you will stay for lunch?” Holmes looked up at me with a slight frown, and if he was a child I would have half expected a pout at his tone.101

“No, I’m fine. I must push on,” I replied, giving him a friendly tap on his shoulders as I stopped massaging. “I will see you later, Holmes.” 102

Steeling myself against the cold, I went to visit the first name on my list.103

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Chapter 3:105

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The third person on the list was a Robert Kingsley. I still shivered as I moved into Mr. Kingsley's main room, and I prayed I would have better luck with him than I had with the previous two.107

“Won’t you sit down?” Robert asked with an exceptionally charming smile. It seemed natural with his handsome face. Delicate features, yet still handsome rather than pretty. However, his eyes were his most compelling feature, a hazel colour that seemed to be several shades all at once, and only shone all the more for being set against dark chestnut coloured hair.108

I accepted his offer gladly and chose a chair close to the fire. I tried to relax and let the heat treat my throbbing shoulder.109

“Dr. Watson, you say?” Robert asked softly, moving to join me by the fire.110

“Yes, Dr. John Watson,” I assured, wondering at the thoughtfulness in his tone.111

“Oh yes, of course! You’re Mr. Holmes’ friend!” 112

“Er...yes. You’re right,” I replied with mild surprise, trying to work out how on earth he knew that.113

“He talks about you an awful lot,” Robert said with a fond smile that reached his intelligent eyes. 114

“Actually, I am here on his behalf. It is about James Wilkinson,” I said quickly, trying to give the impression I knew more about the relationship between them than I actually did.115

“On his behalf? Why hasn’t he come himself?” his smile started to fade. “Where is Holmes? And where is my brother?” his quick eyes widened and he was looking decidedly panicked as he rose from his seat.116

“Your brother? Who is he?” I asked with concern, reaching a hand up to try and encourage him to calm and retake his seat.117

“James is my brother. Where’s James?” he turned to look at me with worried eyes.118

“James?” I mumbled back to myself. I checked the list of names again, and there he was, Robert Kingsley - not Wilkinson. “I didn’t know he was your brother.”119

“His parents died when he was young, my father took him in. Where is he? If Holmes is not able to make it in person then something must be wrong.”120

I rose from my chair and placed a calming hand on his arm. It appeared that he hadn’t been informed of his brother’s death, and even though I did not feel it my place to let him know, I had been burdened many times with this duty throughout my career, and I knew that I had to tell him. “I am sorry, Robert. James is dead.” I spoke as softly as possible to try and take the edge from the words, however I knew better than to hope it would. 121

For a few moments, all that could be heard was the cracking of the fire as he slid back down into his seat, his eyes wide and unseeing as he seemed to try and take the news in. “Murdered I take it.”122

I was a little surprised at the statement, of the certainty in his voice. “Yes,” I replied simply, not allowing myself to indulge in my curiosities.123

“So where is Holmes?” he asked quietly, a troubled frown forming on his flushed features.124

“He is at home, he sends his apologies for not being able to come in person.”125

His quick eyes searched mine, his own narrowed as he worked it out. “They think it’s him don’t they. They think Holmes did it.”126

“They found his cuff-link at the scene of the crime.” I decided I might as well be completely forthright with him now.127

“That’s nonsense!” I could see anger in those eyes, making them seem darker. “A cuff-link means nothing, he probably accidentally left it with him days ago. Holmes would never do anything like that to him, he cared about James too much.”128

The last statement caught me off guard. The way he had said it suggested a very close friendship, and a part of my brain was pressing that he meant even more than that, but I pushed it away. “I don’t believe he is a murderer either, that is why I am here, to make some inquiries for him,” I said quietly, almost absently.129

“I’m afraid I don’t know anything, Doctor. I haven’t seen either of them for two days.” He looked down at his nervously twisting hands. “Dr. Watson, although Holmes had started to hold back a little, he still loved James. And James, he loved Holmes more than anything, even if in this last year it has been more as friends than lovers. Please, you have to help them. James will not be able to rest in peace until his murderer is brought to justice - and neither will Holmes.”130

***131

“Why did you not tell me?” 132

I stripped off my snow-dusted coat with harsh movements and flung it over the back of the chair. Angrily throwing my hat down next to it, I folded my arms resolutely across my chest and waited. 133

“Well that will depend on what you are referring to,” Holmes answered easily, moving to pour himself a drink.134

“I thought you were just friends.”135

“I had hoped Robert would have realised that you did not know.” He sighed but made no move to face me. “James and I met after a case about five years ago. We continued to see each other and we eventually became lovers. It lasted for about three years. However this last year, we were both aware that my love truly was placed elsewhere. We decided to become just friends again. He never held it against me. We always remained close, and I loved him. In my own way.” I watched the back of his head intently as he shook it slowly from side to side.136

“Why on Earth didn’t you tell me?” I practically shouted at him. I am ashamed to say that I had lost my temper with him, and even after that highly private confession, I could not simply forget that he had lied to me.137

He spun around to face me. I noted the anger that shone in his eyes; and with a mixture of apprehension, interest and even, of all things, sympathy for Holmes, I waited for an explanation. "And just how would you have liked me to do that? Bring him home for dinner and drinks, introduction following something along the lines of ‘Watson meet the man who shares my bed’, before we disappeared into the bedroom?"138

I pressed my lips tightly together to resist retaliating to the sarcastic and deliberately crude words. “But why? Why him?” I asked fervently.139

“We all need things to hide from the world with - you had your drink, and I had my men,” he said with a nearly malicious tone before continuing. “But if you wish to drop my case, then I shall understand.”140

I realised that Holmes was being highly defensive, clearly feeling vulnerable for the defences to rise so sharply at me, and that I should have given him time and space to calm down, but my anger and hurt had overrun all other logical thought at the time. “Drop your case?” I couldn’t help the incredulous laughter that escaped from my throat before I started shouting. “For someone so observant, you can truly be blind sometimes! I don’t want to drop your case! I promised that I would see you out of this. Damn it, Holmes, I would do anything for you...but I will not be lied to. I will not be treated like an imbecile. Like...like a puppet you can use to carry out your wishes, no questions asked. Doing anything to help you whilst being lied to the whole time...that I will not tolerate. You will treat me with some damned respect Holmes, I deserve it!”141

I stopped and willed my breathing to a normal rate. There was an uncomfortable silence, each of us thinking about the words that had been exchanged. 142

It was Holmes that finally broke our silence, and much to my surprise something close to regret and hurt passed across his features. “I never meant to...”143

“Yes you did, Holmes. Yes you did.”144

“I was going to tell you...” he began quietly, running a tense hand through his dark hair.145

“When? Once you had moved in together?” I had started to calm a little and was already regretting some of things I had said, but I was still too heated to apologise for my appalling words. 146

Holmes looked at me with pain in those sharp eyes of his. Slowly moving over to me, he stopped so that he was so close I could feel his breath on my skin. He raised his hand and I would not have blamed him if he had struck me. Instead he gently took hold of the side of my face and used his thumb to brush away the tears brimming in my eyes that I hadn’t even realised were there. “I am so sorry, my dearest Watson. I never intended to hurt you,” he whispered with such heartfelt emotion that there was no denying he meant it.147

Once the contact was over, he seemed to come back to himself, and again a blush overtook him and he backed away for the door. Only this time, he did so without a word.148

I could not allow him to run away, not now. As soon as Holmes had shut his bedroom door I followed him. Slowly opening the door I stepped in, slamming the door in my wake.149

His eyes widened as he looked up at me from where he sat on his bed. “Do not presume to push me, Watson.” His voice was sharp and held a tone of warning. “Get out. Now.”150

“You’re not escaping this time, Holmes. What was all that about?”151

“All of what?” Holmes said with nearly as much determination as me, but not quite. 152

“The way you blush when you touch me. The way you run away.” I moved closer and took hold of his hand, meeting his eyes firmly. “Talk to me, Holmes. Please, I want to know.”153

Before I knew what was happening, I found myself pressed up against the wall, Holmes kissing me hard. His tongue was hungrily tasting my mouth whilst his hands roamed from my neck, across my shoulders and down my arms. At first I was shocked and I resisted, however, after a mere moment of the heated caresses I found myself unable to resist responding, my mouth and hands as needful as Holmes.154

He finally broke away looking down as if realising for the first time that he was pressed up against me. He then looked up at me, and I found his eyes. 155

“I’m...I...I have to go,” was all I could manage to mutter as I disentangled myself and fled the room. I stopped only long enough to retrieve my hat and coat before leaving our apartments. 156

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Chapter 4:158

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I wandered aimlessly that night. No, that is not quite true, I walked with the hope of sorting my thoughts out, but where I was walking to, I had no idea. The snow was falling and the bitter cold assaulted me through my rather inefficient coat. I vaguely remember telling myself that this is what happens to fools who run out into the snow so late at night.160

The streets were deserted, not another soul in sight. I slowly walked over to the railing and my hands reached out to lean on it so I could look out over the river. The cold had already started to aggravate my shoulder, which was throbbing in protest. 161

With a shake of my head I turned my thoughts to the events of the last two days. I didn’t know where to begin. I was hurt, that much I knew. But by what? The thought that my closest friend enjoyed the company of men rather than women? What could possibly give me that right? Throughout my life, I had always been of the belief that such indulgence was a flaw, some kind of fault, morally wrong. But now? Now Holmes, my dear, remarkable Holmes, had confessed that it was a part of him, how could I possibly continue to think of it in such a manner? 162

I rested my elbows on the railing and brought my hands up to cover my face as I thought back to Holmes kissing me, and the way in which I had kissed him back. I sighed with frustration as I reluctantly admitted to myself that perhaps I wasn’t hurt at the thought of Holmes turning to a man, but at his not turning to me. I let go of the railing, pulling my coat tighter around myself and turned to walk away. 163

Suddenly, I felt a blow of agonizing force strike across the back of my shoulder, already aching from the cold. I fell forward with a grunt of pain and down onto the pavement. The snow was biting into my skin as I readied myself for a second blow, my mind frantically trying to work out what was going on. However, I was thankfully aware of a dog that had started to bark at the disturbance. I heard a muffled curse behind me, then a shuffling sound and I was relieved when I could hear fleeing footsteps.164

I could do nothing but lie there for a few moments, trying to get my breath back. I finally ventured pushing myself up off the snow, and with a hiss of pain I managed to get to a kneeling position. I used the nearby railing to pull myself up the rest of the way. I looked up and down the street, no one was in sight and I knew it was pointless to even consider trying to follow my assailant. Leaning heavily on the rail, with a feeling of anxiousness, worried that Holmes would simply throw me back out into the street after running away from him in such a fashion after lecturing him on the very same thing, I realised that I had only one option. 165

***166

I managed to slowly make my way up the stairs of our rooms at Baker Street. Gently swinging the door to our sitting room open with one hand, I leant heavily in the doorframe and tried to govern my breathing. I saw Holmes sitting on the edge of his chair, his elbows on his knees and his chin resting on his clasped hands as he stared into the taunting fire. 167

“Holmes?” I said rather weakly, yet tried to keep the pain from my voice. 168

His head snapped around to look at me and as his quick eyes assessed my condition he jumped out of his seat. His strong arms wrapped around me to keep me upright just as I started to slump.169

“What happened?” he asked with a concerned frown, his hands feeling me for what I assumed to be blood.170

“Someone hit me from behind,” I replied quietly, my hands clutching him tightly to try and keep myself up.171

His frown deepened at the words and he started to move me with a strength I had always been astonished by. “Let’s get you to bed and have a look at you.”172

He got me to my bed and removed my clothes, I remember reddening slightly at his actions, but he didn’t seem to notice any discomfort on my part, or at least, he disregarded it.173

He turned me over so he could get a look at my back and I heard a sharp intake of breath as he surveyed my shoulder.174

“It’s not so bad, Holmes. It just took me by surprise,” I said quietly as I turned back and carefully sat up. 175

He left the room and when he came back he held brandy and a glass. “It should be checked by a doctor,” he replied firmly as he poured me a glass.176

“I shall allow no such thing, Holmes,” I said sharply but giving him a grateful smile as I took the glass from him, “As you know perfectly well, I am a doctor, and I say that it is fine.” I consumed the contents of the glass in one go.177

He shook his head and put the brandy down by the side of my bed as he sat next to me. “What happened, Watson?”178

I explained as quickly as possible, and watched as his body tensed and his expression darkened.179

“You will not follow up on this case any further,” he said in a carefully controlled tone.180

“So you think it has something to do with our inquiries?” I asked easily.181

He nodded briskly, rubbing the palms of his hands together. “I think it highly probable.”182

“Then all the more reason to follow up on it,” I replied softly, but pointedly.183

“I will not argue with you, Watson. I don’t want you continuing with this. I will not have you put yourself in danger,” he said, glaring at me.184

I met his stare and considered a moment before speaking. “Earlier, you said that you and Mr. Wilkinson ...separated because your love was placed elsewhere. Will you tell me where?”185

Holmes was silent for a moment as he rose slowly from my bed. “That is none of your business,” he replied with a low voice.186

“Oh, but I think that it is, Holmes.” I waited for a moment, but it was evident that a response was not going to be given. I reached down and picked up the brandy, and poured myself another drink. 187

“You shan’t find your answer there,” Holmes commented, but with a gentle edge to his voice.188

“Well, seeing as no answers are forthcoming from you, I may as well try.” I gave him a forced smile. “Now if you’ll excuse me, Holmes, I need to ‘hide from the world’, as you so succinctly put it.”189

His eyes closed for a brief moment and his head dropped slightly before he simply left, closing my door without a word.190

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Chapter 5:192

*******193

The next morning I came down to breakfast, dressed and ready to leave. Apart from a little awkwardness regarding my back, no other discomfort could be seen to be plaguing me...I had long ago learnt to drink without over-zealous affliction in the morning.194

Holmes was silent at the table, reading a newspaper and not so much as giving me a look as he spoke. “I should have thought you would still be in bed, Doctor.”195

“I am perfectly well, Holmes, and ready to visit the next person on the list,” I replied as I walked to the window to look out over the street, a gesture I suspect I have acquired from Holmes.196

“Surely your indulgence has not caused you to lose your memory of our discussion last night,” Holmes commented dryly.197

I turned back to look at him. “Our discussion? You are referring to your instruction I take it?” I replied pointedly.198

“You may call it what you wish, Doctor, but it still stands. You are not to follow up on this case any further,” he said as if instructing a pupil, still without his eyes leaving the newspaper.199

I moved over to him and pushed the newspaper down so I could look at him. “And I meant what I said. I gave you my word. I shall see you out of this, Holmes,” I replied, gently but firmly. I wasn’t angry at his behaviour, more saddened. I realised that a lot had happened over the past few days, and I wasn’t sure if he knew how to manage with it all. I turned and went to leave the room, not expecting an answer.200

“Watson...” Holmes said after me, springing to his feet. He moved over to me and although his features were neutral, I could see a struggle in his eyes. He really wasn’t sure how to conduct himself. He finally laid a slim hand on my shoulder. “Be careful.”201

I gave him a warm smile and a nod before retrieving my rather inadequate coat and hat and leaving the warm surroundings of our rooms to brave the swirling bitterness of the winter morning. 202

***203

The harsh crunch of snow under my heavy footsteps seemed to amplify through my body and assault my seemingly beating shoulder as I walked with quick, decisive steps. Finally reaching my target, I stopped and surveyed the building, I only hoped distaste wasn’t as obviously etched on my features as it was in my mind.204

Over the years, I had been taken to many undesirable locations by Holmes for the purposes of his inquiries. Yet even now I couldn’t quell the dislike that automatically rose in me as I looked upon the brothel Holmes had sent me to.205

Sucking in a harsh breath, I drove myself to walk through the doors, the warmth and oppression of the crowded, noisy room immediately assailing me as unsympathetically as the cold outside had.206

My eyes flittered over the room, and I must confess I couldn’t help but stare slightly. I had been in places like this before, sometimes with Holmes and sometimes for medical purposes...but never alone, and I felt almost bare without Holmes’ support.207

One or two women took the trouble to look up and smile at my entrance, most didn’t bother, already busy. A man suddenly pushed past me to get to the bar, sending me stumbling a step forward as I nervously looked about the place. It must have been painfully obvious to nearly everyone in the room just how out of place I was.208

Pulling Holmes’ list out of my pocket, I hastily looked down it, eager to get this over with as quickly as possible. The name given was simply Annie, and a note beside it in Holmes’ familiar hand assuring that the name would be enough.209

I made my way to the bar myself, apologising along the way when knocking into someone. A man behind the bar came forward, and a definite smirk played over his features as he looked me up and down, assessing me.210

“And what, *Sir*...” he stressed the word with an amused quirk of his eyebrow, “...can I do for you? I’m guessing Brandy to be your poison?” 211

I held up a hand with a polite smile to refuse the drink, knowing it would not be wise after the previous night. “No, I am quite alright, thank you. I’m looking for Annie.”212

His eyes narrowed slightly as he looked at me, his smile still playing across his face. “Now what would *you* know of *her*?” he asked with a thoughtful expression.213

“I’ve been sent by a friend of mine,” I explained shortly, unwilling to share Holmes’ name.214

The blonde bartender laughed and motioned to a girl who couldn’t have been much older than 15 to go and fetch her. She nodded with a slight grin and disappeared upstairs.215

“And who is it I have the pleasure of serving?” the tall barman asked, again that same amusement shining in his eyes. I wasn’t quite sure if I liked his attitude towards me, and I was rather wary of sharing my name with him.216

“Watson,” I replied shortly, giving him a slight, good-natured smile.217

His restless motions around the bar that had been continuing throughout our exchange suddenly ceased as his smile widened. “And would that be a Doctor Watson?” he asked, but keeping his voice respectfully low.218

Once again, I was startled at his knowledge of my name. “Yes...that’s right, but how did you...”219

“Know?” he asked with a laugh, picking up a glass. “There is only one Watson I know of, and that is that police fellow’s companion.” He met my eyes, and his look made it clear that there was a reason for not speaking Holmes’ name and that I should follow suit.220

I nodded and smiled as he handed me a drink anyway. “Tell me, Sir, how much is it that you know of his current situation?”221

“I know that a friend of his is dead...murder is the rumour going about here. Horrible.” He suddenly took a great interest in the glass he was cleaning, more interest than was necessary. “It’s his poor brother my thoughts are with, all they had were each other,” he said slowly before looking back up at me and quirking an eyebrow with a slight smile. “But here’s Annie.” He motioned with his head to the steps.222

I shan’t soon forget that first meeting with Annie. She is perhaps the only other person whom intrigues me nearly as much as Holmes. She hurried down the steps, hands lifting her deep blue skirts just a little as delicate feet sprang on the wooden boards of the stairs. Her hair, that was an unusual shade of auburn, had obviously at some point been pinned upon her head, but as if fighting a losing battle, it was falling away, adding a look of near fluster to her, a disposition I would later find out not to be one of her usual qualities.223

When she reached me, she seemed to realise what kind of state she must be in, but rather than try to rescue the hair, she instead just let it all free, revealing locks that reached past her shoulder blades, and it was a gesture, I must admit, that rather startled me.224

“Madam...” I began, managing to somehow stumble over two words.225

“Yes, Doctor Watson, a pleasure to meet you,” she greeted with a smile and took up my hand, shaking it.226

I was starting to wonder if there was in fact anyone in London who did not know who I was. “Yes...I’m afraid all I know of your name is Annie...” I confessed with some embarrassment.227

“And that is all you need,” she quickly assured. She took a quick look around and then waved over to the bartender. “We shall be upstairs if you need us, Andrew.”228

He nodded back with a wink, and a slight blush overcame me as Annie motioned me to follow her back upstairs.229

We entered a fairly large yet bare room. A dressing table, a cupboard, a table and a bed. Annie chuckled at my look when I realised there were no chairs and she motioned me to the bed. 230

I sat myself down with as much delicacy as possible, still glancing around the room a little nervously. “I am here on behalf of...”231

“Holmes...yes.” She nodded as she sat down at the dressing table, taking her brush up and running it through her hair. “I can’t believe Lestrade has shut him in that house of yours...actually, yes I can believe it of him...” she murmured with a frustrated shake of her head.232

“He is trying to assist...” I assured, clasping my hands together in an attempt to look comfortable.233

“Oh, I’ve no doubt his heart’s in the right place, but that means absolutely nothing when it comes to results,” she replied with an almost disbelieving chuckle as she gathered all her hair up.234

I watched her actions with a moment of fascination. She had quick, delicate hands that managed to tame the pleasantly unusual hair with ease. “It’s on Holmes’ behalf that I’m here. It seems that he hopes you can help in someway.”235

“Oh he does, does he?” she replied with a slightly amused smile, pinning her hair securely to the back of her head. “Well, I’ll say freely now if it were anyone else, I wouldn’t lift a finger to help...although I warn now, there’s not that much I can tell, not that’s useful anyway. Perhaps you should talk to Ja...” she halted, realising that she had been about to say James. “Oh, I am sorry...I meant to say Robert...I always did get their names muddled up, so similar.” She allowed herself a moment before physically straightening and slipping back into her bright, alert nature. “Anyway...as I said...not much I can tell you.”236

I was only just able to hold back my sigh, but I gave a pleasant smile. “Well, then perhaps if you just start with the character of the victim...?”237

Annie arched an eyebrow at me, giving an almost amused smile. “Now where’s the point in that, hm? I thought you were asking on behalf of Holmes...and he already knows the boy intimately.” 238

I looked at her with a touch of frustration that turned to annoyance as I saw the playfulness on her features...just the way her eyes held mine, it was as if she could see right into my very soul, to the things that bothered me, as if, indeed, she was testing me. “Yes...well...I never met the man.”239

“Really?” she replied in a voice that suggested anything but the innocence of the word. “How odd...” Yet she seemed far too knowing.240

I could not stand it any longer, being mocked. I sprang up from the bed, a frown on my darkened features. “Look here, if you’re not going to help me, then say so now...I have more important things to do than sit here and listen to your mocking, thank you very much.” I had tried to keep it as a rebuke, yet the underlying hurt of the past few days managed to seep through into it.241

Annie turned completely to look at me, shock clear on her features. She stood up and moved over, to my surprise taking my hands in hers and meeting my eyes with a soft look. “Oh, Doctor...I am sorry...I was only taking a bit of fun...didn’t mean for you to take it serious like.” 242

It was embarrassment that deepened my frown that time...as I stumbled toward the door, I wondered how many more times I would make a fool of myself. I hurried down the stairs, ignoring her calls to come back and rushed past Andrew so as not to see his surprised look as I ran from the place, running as fast as I could down the icy road away from all of them, including Holmes. 243

*******244

Chapter 6:245

*******246

It was the next day before I finally returned to our rooms, climbing the stairs as quietly as possible so as not to disturb Holmes...yet when I looked into our living room, I found the oddest sight. 247

Holmes was sat cross-legged on the rug, his chin resting on his hands, and his elbows on his knees. Deep lines etched almost painfully into his brow where he stared into the fire...even stranger was the sight of Annie on her knees next to him, her hands resting in her lap as she watched him, talking gently, obviously trying to ease him. 248

“Is something wrong? What’s happened?” I asked with alarm as I moved forward, stripping my coat off.249

“John Watson!” Annie rebuked as she moved over and took hold of my shoulder in a rather rough fashion. “You went and frightened poor Mr. Holmes half to death!”250

I watched her with shock a moment before looking past her to where Holmes had stood up, watching me with a strange shyness, his hands deep in his pockets. “I didn’t think...”251

“No, you men never do...” Annie interrupted with a sigh, resting her hands on her hips as if to say that was another near disaster averted.252

“Where have you been?” Holmes suddenly asked with a quiet voice.253

“Walking. Thinking,” I said with a weak smile.254

Annie, apparently her anger having dissipated, moved forward and took my hands in hers. “Poor Doctor...I meant no harm, I was only playing...”255

“I know,” I assured quickly with a small smile, patting her hand reassuringly. “I just needed some time to think...”256

“And what answers did you find?” Holmes asked, still from his somewhat hidden place.257

I looked over to my friend and met his eyes, letting my fondness show. “That I must keep my promise...that if it were me in trouble you would have had me out of it by now...that I owe you so much...and I have been so selfish.”258

“Selfish?” Holmes asked with as much blinking astonishment as he was capable of. “My dear man, you have already done more than I could possibly have asked of you...you put up with my habits, my shortness, my...”259

“No!” I said hurriedly, moving forward to him. “It’s a pleasure, Holmes...I...you see...” I faltered slightly, my cheeks burning in a blush of frustration at not being able to find the words. Thankfully, the Angel Annie came to my rescue...260

“I hate to interrupt you gentlemen, but there is a murder waiting to be solved, and more importantly, a sentence to be stopped,” she said with a frown.261

Yet, Holmes’ frown was deeper as he sunk back down onto the floor to look darkly into the fire. “This whole thing is absurd! Why on Earth should I want to kill him?”262

“A crime of passion?” Annie suggested, and she must have seen my blush at her words. “John Watson, don’t you dare blush! A man of the world like yourself must have seen all sorts in his time...I’ve heard about you...how you see to working girls free of charge when they’re hurt...”263

Holmes looked up at me with surprise, and all I could do was blush deeper. “Well, if I do not attend them, who will?” I defended myself quietly as I sunk tiredly into my chair. 264

“And a good man you are for it,” Annie said with a firm nod, making a strand of hair fall loose as she sat next to me.265

I watched her with a small, grateful smile, taking my time in searching the beautiful features. “Thank you...” I said softly, meeting her eyes.266

“Quite welcome, Doctor,” she replied with a returning smile, gently touching my hand as we shared a moment of silence.267

“This is getting us nowhere,” Holmes abruptly and hurriedly interjected with a somewhat sharp tone.268

“That barman seemed to know a lot about him and his brother...” I commented, almost as a suggestion.269

“Andrew?” Annie asked with an arched eyebrow before giving a chuckle. “Well of course he does. He was a regular at the weekly card games...”270

I suddenly frowned with confusion, glancing to Holmes for an explanation. “Excuse me?”271

“Some of the lads have a card game on Fridays...they were all a part of the group with him...like Holmes,” Annie replied with a light voice, sitting back a little.272

I looked to Holmes sitting on the floor with mild surprise. “Why did you not tell me about this before?”273

“All of the players are on the list I gave you,” Holmes replied with a touch of defensiveness to his tone. “I should have thought it would be rather quick to discover with the correct questioning.”274

I watched Holmes with disbelief for a moment before standing. “Well, thank you very much, Holmes, for all your help and assistance...” I said with obviously frustrated disdain. “You know, I am beginning to think you don’t actually *want* to solve this...” I said with genuine hurt before leaving, forgetting my coat in my need to be away. 275

***276

Paying a visit on Andrew, the dear man was kind enough to provide me with a list of all those who frequented the game. I found all to be on the list Holmes had previously given me, yet the fact he had neglected to tell me of such a thing both frustrated and hurt me...could he not see that it was a matter of life and death, not only for James Wilkinson, but for him also? And yet, he seemed reluctant to part willingly with any information that could prove crucial in his freedom. I started to wonder if I feared my dear Holmes’ demise more than Holmes himself. 277

I was invited sombrely into the comfortable home of Alexander Greenwood and his music master lodger, Adam Hibbert. 278

“I wish we could have met in better circumstances, Doctor,” Alexander said with a somewhat awkward smile as he urged me to get myself comfortable in a large, green chair with a drink already in hand. 279

“Yes...quite...” I agreed, although once again rather put off by a stranger’s knowledge of who I was. “I am here is hopes of gleaning some information in regards to Mr. Wilkinson.”280

“Well, I’m afraid there is nothing I can tell you,” Alexander replied rather shortly, with the type of firmness in his voice that suggested he would offer little more. “Kind, decent...that’s him...or at least, was.”281

Adam suddenly slapped the palm of his hand down onto the arm of his chair with such force that it startled me. “When will people start telling the truth?” the young, blonde man exclaimed. “If everyone keeps avoiding it, we will never find out who the bastard that did this was...and it is *not* Holmes.”282

“What truth?” I asked quietly, looking between them with determination to understand what had happened.283

“Adam, you cannot speak ill of the dead...” Alexander whispered.284

“It is not speaking ill,” Adam gave an exasperated sigh. “It is speaking the truth.”285

“Truth? What truth?” Alexander asked, turning completely to him. “The truth of a mere few weeks in a whole beautiful lifetime?”286

“Please, Sirs?” I felt almost as if I was intruding upon a private argument.287

Adam gave a long sigh and turned to look at me with regretful eyes. “You must understand, he was one of the...kindest and warmest people you could ever meet...only...the past few weeks...he was...had been behaving...strangely...for him that is.”288

I glanced to Alexander, watching him shift uncomfortably. “I assure you...this is exactly the kind of thing I need to know,” I said in what I hoped was a reassuring voice.289

Adam looked to Alexander, licking his lips nervously. “The last few weeks, he hadn’t been himself. He had started getting himself into debt with us...notes of promise given rather than real wagers of money in games...but when we asked for the debts to be fulfilled, he denied all knowledge of them. Well, we wouldn’t have minded had he said he needed a little longer to pay, but to deny them completely as if we had forged them...well, bad blood was created between some of us with him, although, it pains me to say that...as I said, one of the nicest men you could have ever met...”290

“That certainly seems peculiar in that case...” I nodded with a slight frown, taking my notebook and pencil out to make a note of it. 291

“Especially as he was rich,” Alexander suddenly interrupted. 292

I blinked lightly as I looked back up to him. “Excuse me?”293

“He was rich. Very,” Alexander said with a sigh. “That is why some of us took it so badly when he started denying his debts, because of all of us he was the richest. And...that is why it is so strange that he would even play with notes of promise rather than money in the first place.”294

I frowned as I watched him, nodding with agreement that it made little sense. “Are you sure that these notes are what you think they are?”295

“Of course...” Adam pushed himself up and moved to the desk, searching through a draw until he pulled out a scrap of paper. “Here we are...from...from last week,” he said softly, pain evident on his features.296

I took it with a gentle smile of thanks, and as I glanced over it I had to agree, it was exactly as they said. Absently folding it up and tucking it into my notebook, I looked back to both men with a weak smile. “I appreciate your honesty and assistance, I know it still must hurt.”297

“It does,” Adam said quietly, meeting my eyes so I could see just how true his words were. “But I tell you now, it was *not* Holmes...it was *not*.”298

“I know,” I said softly, standing with a troubled frown. “I know.299

*******300

Chapter 7:301

*******302

I remained silent in our doorway a long time, hands in my pockets as I leant against the frame, watching and listening with near tears. Holmes paced our sitting room, but with graceful, slow and absent steps, his arm sweeping in fluid arcs to draw his bow back and forth across his precious violin. The music he produced was so heartfelt...so mournful.303

“Sounds so melancholy,” I finally spoke, keeping my eyes on him.304

Holmes halted, slowly and gently lowering both violin and bow. A low, weak chuckle came from his throat as he looked down to the bow his slim hand gripped. “My dear, innocent Watson...I have lost my friend...and I have lost my freedom...I may lose my reputation, my work...and then I would lose my mind, if not my life. Yes, my loyal, faithful Watson...my music does sound melancholy.” He laid his instrument back on the mantle piece with resignation before leaning against it to look into the fire with a deep frown.305

“Oh, Holmes...” I whispered with pain at seeing him so. Moving over, I gently laid a hand on his shoulder, stroking softly before hesitantly lowering my head to rest against it.306

“Please, Watson...” a strained whisper came from Holmes. “Please, not out of pity.”307

“No...” I whispered back almost fearfully, reaching out to touch his face to turn to me. “Not out of pity.” I met his eyes with confusion and even fear before leaning forward to brush my lips against his.308

I felt him tense before giving in and reaching up to take a hold of the side of my face, kissing me deeply with a need so strong I leant against him, feeling him sigh into my mouth with relief as tears ran down the side of his face. 309

“Shh...” I whispered against his lips, wrapping my arms tight around him to stroke his back, resting my head against his shoulder. Only when I felt the slight tremor fade did I take his hand, meeting his eyes before gently leading him away and through to my bedroom. 310

“Watson...I...” Holmes began, watching me with fear of his own, looking at me with for once honest eyes as he moved to sit on the edge of the bed with reserved, worried movements.311

I moved to him, sitting next to him carefully before reaching out to his face, tracing my fingers over his features, looking into the uncertain eyes for a long moment. I gently leant forward to kiss him. “I want to...” I whispered. “Not out of pity...out of...want.” I looked down with a deep blush, wondering if I was making a fool of myself in front of the most important person in the world to me.312

Only a moment of tense silence passed before he was kissing me, deeply with a passion that I had only ever seen shine in his eyes, and always elsewhere than at me. I gripped his shoulders desperately, a soft moan escaping into his mouth before I could even find myself again, lost in the intoxication of his kiss and my own want of it. 313

“Holmes...” I whispered heatedly, my breathing harsh as I looked into his eyes, my hands lifting to undo his shirt. 314

His own pale hands reached up to help mine, his eyes never leaving mine as he pulled his shirt off, covering my hands with his and whispering soothing words to me as he urged them to slide over his soft, warm chest, his whispers turning to needful encouragement. 315

My eyes dropped to look at the newly exposed chest, a gentle gasp coming from me as I drank the sight in greedily, my hands tightening gently as they slid down over it to his narrow waste. I leant forward, unable to stop myself as I kissed a nipple, sucking lovingly with curiosity, heat racing through me at hearing Holmes’ muffled whimper as he tipped his head back, his eyes fluttered close. 316

I kissed my way up his beautiful, offered throat, my hands lifting to slide into his hair to keep his head tipped back for me so I could enjoy it, desire driving me with a need to touch and taste every inch of him. I felt his hands sliding over my shirt, his fingers clawing gently at my chest with want before they started undoing it, pulling it off impatiently. He immediately pressed his body to mine, bringing sighs of pleasure to me until a surprised gasp cut them off as his fingers raked over my nipples, sending hot threads of pleasure through me. 317

I leant up to kiss him heatedly with passion of my own as I moaned, unable to stop myself. I was breathing hard as I broke the kiss, meeting his eyes as my hands glided down carefully to his trousers, asking permission with my own eyes. He replied simply by reaching to my own.318

We kept each other’s eyes until we had completely undressed each other. Only then did I let my gaze wander, my hands caressing down over the smooth side and over his hip to his thigh. “So beautiful...” I breathed with awe, my breathing quickening further with the heat of desire burning my skin as I took in his state of arousal. “Beautiful...I never...I never imagined...” I met his eyes with near confusion. 319

He leant forward and quickly kissed me to ease my confusion, his hands sliding down my body, not stopping when I expected them to and instead continued downward, making me kiss him deeper with anticipation. I couldn’t help my loud moan into his mouth as I felt his delicate hand wrap around my own heated arousal. I pressed forward desperately, finding that my hips moved to the hand in gentle rocking movements in my want for the pleasure it sent through me.320

“Holmes...” I moaned with a voice strained with passion and need. “Feels good...” I confessed, wrapping my arm around him as I thrust with need into the blessedly tight hand that offered me so much warmth and pleasure. “I want to make love to you...” I whispered in confession, leaning to kiss lovingly at his neck. “I need to make love to you...”321

I felt rather than heard Holmes’ whimper of pleasure at my words, his hands grasping my hips with near gratefulness before he kissed me more intensely than I have ever been kissed in my life. The heated kiss drew moans and whimpers from both of us, neither of us wanting to pull apart and instead wanting only to deepen and lengthen the feeling, even as I gasped into the beautiful, hot mouth at feeling his body rub so clearly with need against my own. 322

I gave a moan of disappointment as he pulled back, yet sucked in air with need, only then even realising that I needed it. I watched him as he eased me back so I was half laying and half sitting against the bed and head rest. I watched with wonder as he took my hand, lifting it as he moved so he was kneeling over me, a leg either side of my body. An almost primal moan was ripped from my throat as he took my fingers into his mouth, sucking so deeply and intently on them as he looked into my eyes with a desire-darkened gaze. 323

My breathing became hard as I watched him pull my hand down and between his legs, and there was no stopping my gasp as he pushed two of my fingers against the entrance of his body.324

“Holmes...?” I whispered, watching him with confusion even as the tightness and heat that offered such promise against just the very tips of my fingers made my own hardened flesh throb with anticipation and need. 325

“I know what I’m doing,” he whispered back, offering a small smile as he pushed my fingers deeper inside himself, his head dropping forward as he gave such an intoxicated moan that I had to give my own moan of desire at the image of it all, my fingers pushing deeper inside him of their own accord.326

“Oh yes...” Holmes whispered with clear pleasure, his hands gripping my waist as he started to move his hips on the fingers. I gasped and bit my lip against a deep groan as I watched him...such a beautiful, wanton creature...did he truly find pleasure from me?327

I pushed my fingers deeper with a need to see more, starting to slide them in and out of the tight body, rewarded by a whimper. He tilted his hips slightly as if trying to get the right angle before pushing down firmly on my fingers, making him cry out, but it was clear that it was from intense pleasure.328

“Yes...yes, just there...” he could have been begging, but I didn’t care...all I cared about was getting that wonderful reaction from him again, working my fingers inside him with need of my own, watching as his body moved in only the way a body lost in pleasure can. “Now...” he moaned desperately, suddenly pulling my hand away. “I need you now...” He straddled me firmly, his hands resting against my hips as he fixed his eyes on me, moving his hips before suddenly sinking down on my hot, needing arousal.329

I cried out with surprise, my hands gripping his hips as I arched from the tightness and heat that suddenly surrounded me, making me throb and ache with desire and need. It was amazing...I had never felt anything so perfect and blissful in my entire life. “Holmes...Holmes...” I moaned desperately, forcing my eyes to look at him. 330

He leant forward closer to me as his hands gripped my hips, starting to slide on me, moving up and down at an almost painfully slow pace at first that made me groan with such base desire for him. 331

I arched my legs so I could thrust up inside of him, calling his name out with pleasure at the feeling. I watched him with wide, wanton eyes...so beautiful he was, building the hot pleasure inside of me. His head was tipped back in his own pleasure as he moved fast and hard on me with passion born from true need. Bliss was so clear on his features, making his beauty so perfect as I moved my hands firmly on his body. I was so caught up in the beauty of him and the perfection of feeling truly connected and at one with him as we moved together in our pleasure that our climax surprised me, making me cry his name out as I felt him tighten uncontrollably around me and his body writhe in his pleasure. My own body and soul were flooded with the same pleasure so intense that I thought it would force a scream from me. 332

I wrapped my arms firmly around him as I felt his limp, trembling body fall against mine, kissing his neck mindlessly. 333

“I love you,” Holmes suddenly whispered, kissing me deeply. 334

“I love you too, I always have...” I whispered back with awe before giving a moan. “Oh, I have loved you for so long now...” Without warning, I turned us without pulling away so that my body covered his. I kissed him passionately as I suddenly began thrusting desperately and deeply inside of him, the words enough to give me the need to make love to him again, urged on by his blissful and wanton cries of pleasure. 335

*******336

Chapter 8:337

*******338

I woke that next morning with a smile already on my features. My eyes remained closed as I let my tongue run over my lips with a soft moan...I could still taste him. Tears welled up in my eyes as I realised that I was...liberated. With one night of true perfection, I knew that my inhibitions had been broken forever...I was complete.339

“John?” 340

I looked over at Holmes at hearing the whisper, and I couldn’t help my fond smile at the worry and fear on my friend’s...no, lover’s features. For once in our lives, they were so open and honest.341

“Shh...” I whispered back, reaching out to him and stroking his face as I leant over to kiss him lovingly. “I never want this to end,” I confessed. “I have always been devoted to you...from the moment I met you, you had captured me...mind, heart and soul. I love you, Sherlock Holmes, and I always have done...only I needed you to make me see.”342

Holmes watched me with disbelief for several long moments...I cannot remember a time when he has looked so surprised. He finally leant forward and kissed me deeply, caressing my throat. “Thank you,” he whispered on a shaking breath, meeting my eyes.343

I smiled warmly to him, tenderly touching his chin before stealing a soft kiss. “No...no, thank you.” I settled against him, an arm wrapped around his slender waist as he laid his head on my chest, smiling gently at the feeling. “Holmes?”344

“Yes?”345

“Did James Wilkinson owe you money?”346

Holmes’ head popped up to watch me as he quirked an eyebrow. “John Watson, you are laying naked at my side, in my bed...and you are thinking about murder?”347

I gave a weak smile as I blushed. “I...well...”348

“I do declare you are becoming as bad as myself,” he teased softly.349

I chucked at that, watching him. “Well...just...it doesn’t quite make sense...Adam said that not only was he in debt to them, but that he denied all knowledge of it and so refused to pay...yet they also said he was a very rich man and a decent one at that...”350

“He was,” Holmes said with a frown, meeting my eyes. “Are you sure you understand correctly?”351

I pushed myself up with a slight chuckle. “That’s what I asked them...but it seems so.” I stretched over the bed, grimacing at the ache in my shoulder as I caught my discarded jacket up. Holmes moved quickly to get it for me, a gentle hand on my shoulder to ease me back as he passed it to me. Giving a weak but grateful smile as I pulled my notebook out, I caught hold of it and pulled out the note of promise Adam had given me, handing it to Holmes. “Here.”352

Holmes’ brow creased with concentration as he glanced Wilkinson’s note over, and it was only a moment or two later the concentration turned to alarm. “Watson...Watson, where did you get this note?”353

I searched his features, giving a frown of my own in concern. “Adam...it was the note given to him in a card game instead of money.”354

Holmes sprung out of the bed, pulling his clothes on hurriedly. “That note was written by a right-handed man...”355

I gave a confused shake of my head. “But that’s impossible, Mr. Wilkinson was left...handed...” As I said it, I realised the connotation of my words.356

“Exactly.” Holmes moved quickly to the mirror, running his hands through his dark hair to neaten it. “Whoever wrote that note was not James Wilkinson.”357

“Holmes...Holmes, what are you doing?” I asked with concern, pushing myself up to pull my own shirt on. 358

“I need to speak with Adam,” Holmes said firmly.359

“Holmes...you are forbidden from leaving,” I replied just as firmly. 360

“But I cannot simply sit here doing nothing...this whole situation is...”361

“Absurd, I know,” I said with a sigh, moving over to him and resting a careful hand on his shoulder. “Holmes...last night, you said you love me...” My hand slid gently to the back of his neck to caress and pull him closer, meeting his eyes. “You trusted me with your body, heart and soul...now trust me with your life, hm?” I leant forward and kissed him deeply, with all the love I could pour into the caresses of his warm, beautiful mouth. 362

I will never know if it was my words or the kiss that did it, but whichever it was, when I pulled back he gave a weak smile and a small nod of consent.363

“Besides...” I said with a playful smile, moving to press my lips against his ear. “After last night, you most definitely need to bathe,” I whispered, chuckling as I moved off to follow my own advice. 364

***365

I spent the morning speaking with Alexander and Adam, however I could not bring myself to believe any fraud on their part as to the note. Yet...how else could it be explained?366

It was only later that afternoon when sitting with Holmes that it suddenly fell into place.367

Holmes was settled into his chair, bleak ribbons of smoke surrounding him. He looked so grim...I wanted to at least try and cheer him. I poured him a brandy, holding the glass out to him with hope of a smile or at least a glance...but nothing.368

I had long since learnt to keep quiet when he was thinking in fear that I would break his concentration, and so, hoping the opposite to be true when the theory was turned the other way, I started to ramble about various things, wanting to distract him from his brooding. 369

“How did you meet Annie?” I asked with what I hoped was a light and cheery voice.370

“Hm?” Holmes finally looked over to me. “Oh...I met her in the brothel.”371

“What were you doing there?” I replied with a frown of mild confusion. If his interest laid with men...372

“A case.” Holmes met my eyes, seeing my confusion. He gave a chuckle, leaning back almost with resignation of abandoning his thoughts to talk with me instead. “I needed to contact a man. I went to the brothel in disguise.”373

“Disguise?” I watched him with curiosity. “What kind of disguise?”374

Holmes cast his eyes down with an arched eyebrow. “Does it matter?”375

“I am...curious,” I confessed with a chuckle. “And even more so now...come on, Holmes...”376

“A prostitute.” Holmes met my eyes with an almost defiant look that dared me to question it.377

I watched for a long moment with surprise before giving a laugh of astonishment. “You mean like one of Annie’s girls?”378

“Yes...like one of Annie’s girls,” he replied in a tight tone that prepared for mockery.379

Yet, I simply laughed warmly, clapping my hands. “How on Earth did you manage that?”380

Holmes finally relented and gave a slight chuckle. “Any man can appear to be whoever or whatever he wishes with the right disguise, expertise, and the fact that human nature is such that a person will not question that what is in front of them is not what they think it, unless given a very good reason to be suspicious.”381

My laughter suddenly stopped as I stared at him, his words stirring something in my mind. “Of course...” I gave a laugh of disbelief as I stood up, moving away at a run in my need to get to my useless coat and out of the door into the winter afternoon. 382

*******383

Chapter 9:384

*******385

I glanced quietly around our sitting room, rather more crowded than usual. Holmes, Lestrade and two of his men, Annie, Andrew, Robert Kingsley, Alexander Greenwood, Adam Hibbert and myself. This was it...this was the moment that *had* to be right. All those years of hesitation and standing back...now I had finally made a move in life, and for Holmes’ sake, it *had* to be the right one. 386

“Thank you all for coming, I...”387

“I hope it’s worth it, Doctor, I am a busy man, making worthwhile inquiries,” Lestrade interrupted me rather gruffly.388

“Well, the Doctor wouldn’t have wasted his own precious time over nothing, now would he,” Annie scolded him with a frown before turning to look at me and giving an encouraging nod. 389

“Yes...well...quite...” I said with a weak smile, clearing my throat. “As I was saying...I wanted to thank you all for coming. I wanted to share this with all of you. I...believe...I know who the murderer is...” I glanced about the mildly surprised faces, taking a sip of my drink. I kept my eyes away from Holmes, not wanting to see his reaction yet.390

“As you know, I have been making enquiries. However, it seemed such a tangle that I thought I would never manage to work it all out...until Holmes happened to mention something this afternoon that suddenly made it all fall into place.” I frowned slightly with concentration. “And something that Andrew said.” I looked to him as did everyone else in the room. “You see, I do believe that you have known all along who the murderer is.”391

Andrew gave a weak smile and nodded in confession. “Only, I didn’t know how to prove it.”392

“...And so you gave me a somewhat cryptic message to try and point me in the right direction in hopes Holmes or myself may be able to see it through,” I finished with an eager nod and a small smile. “I see that now.”393

“Well?” Annie said expectantly. “What was it?”394

It was then I glanced anxiously to Holmes. This was the part he loved...performing to an eager audience...it merely made me nervous. “His words... ‘it’s his poor brother my thoughts are with, all they had were each other’.”395

People slowly started to look at Robert Kingsley who gave a slight laugh. “It’s obvious he was speaking in terms of grief. Indeed, he was like a brother to me.”396

“No...” I interjected hurriedly, seeing my opening and seizing it with both hands. “No, he was not *like* a brother to you...he *was* your brother.”397

“I have already told you of how father took him in and made him one of the family...” Robert replied, watching me with a frown.398

“Yes...but *why* did he?” I asked with an arched eyebrow before answering for him. “Because he was your father’s bastard son.”399

“That’s ridiculous,” Robert said sharply, his whole body suddenly still.400

“Is it?” I shook my head. “I had never met Mr Wilkinson of course, so it never occurred to me...but something Annie said came back to mind, how she had always muddled yours and his names up, ‘so similar’ she had said. At first, I thought she was referring to the names, which I thought peculiar in itself as James and Robert are nothing alike...then I realised that of course, she wasn’t referring to the names, but to the actual people, that you and James were similar looking. So I asked Annie if she could find a likeness of him for me, and when I saw it I realised he in fact did look remarkably like you.”401

“Yes...” Adam said with a slight frown, thinking on it. “In fact, many of us had thought you truly were brothers when introduced...”402

Robert Kingsley watched me for a moment before lifting his chin and arching an indifferent eyebrow. “And so what if he was?”403

“Well...” I proceeded with a slightly hesitant nod. “I found it strange when Alexander mentioned that he was a rich man...you see, why would a rich young man need to be taken in? Or as we now know, how would a bastard child make such a fortune? I can think of no craft that would allow such, and so there is only one other way...an inheritance.”404

“But a bastard son...” Adam began with a frown, shaking his head with mild confusion. 405

“...Has no claim to any inheritance,” I finished for him with a small smile. “And so, it must have been specifically left to him in a Will...by his late-father, and by passing over the legitimate son.” I glanced back to Robert.406

“That’s preposterous,” he remarked sharply. “My father would never have dishonoured the family name.”407

“Then why was he rich, yet you live in simple lodgings, paid out of what I assume was an allowance Mr Wilkinson provided you with?” I replied with a frown. “But the most convincing part is when you consider what a lone bastard son would have done with his fortune upon his death...leave it to his only family left presumably...his brother.”408

“You can’t prove any of this,” Robert said with a laugh of disbelief. “What? You expect me to offer myself up at such a haphazard theory?”409

“Holmes? Would you?” I looked back to him and he gave me a weak smile as he passed a document to me. I lifted it slightly so Robert could see. “Mr Wilkinson’s last Will and Testament...he gave it to Holmes to glance over and keep it safe. It says quite clearly that upon his death everything should be left to Robert Kingsley. He had not thought it relevant at first, not when it mentioned someone that he had trusted.”410

Robert met my eyes a long moment before narrowing his own. “If Holmes had it, then I wouldn’t have known of its existence.”411

I opened it up, casting my eyes down the page until I touched a signature. “Your mistake was in your eagerness to make sure that you knew the Will was there and legal just in case he had other plans you didn’t know of...in that eagerness, you signed as one of the witnesses.” I held it up so he could see his own signature. 412

A long silence fell upon the room until I took my notebook out, pulling the scrap of paper from between the pages. “And then, there is this...”413

“His note of promise?” Adam asked with surprise.414

“No...” I looked back to Robert. “Mr Wilkinson did not write this note...when Holmes pointed out that it was written by a right handed man, not left, I was confused...until Holmes happened to start talking about the night he met Annie...in disguise. He said that any man could appear to be what he wished, so long as he had the effects and knowledge required. That was when this all fell into place for me. You attended the past four card games in the form of your brother, disguised to pass as him having sent both he and Holmes on chases around London to make sure neither would spoil it. You already looked like him, so it was merely a matter of clothes, height and demeanour...and a man who had fooled so many to think you were a trustworthy friend, well, clearly you more than capable of acting another part than your true nature. The others would have been drinking, the room dimly lit for atmosphere, and no doubt thick with smoke. You started to turn the men against your brother by getting him into debt with them...the handwriting of the note, although disguised, is still akin to your signature on the Will. Of course, Mr Wilkinson having no knowledge of what you were doing, denied the debts, and made the men even more annoyed. Bad blood, Adam called it. It was to make them feel guilty about feeling badly toward him just before he died when he was really a decent person, so that when you killed him, they would keep silent about recent events in fear of speaking ill of the dead, so stunting any attempt of inquiries...and even if it was found out, then you had simply muddied the water and suddenly given several other people motives, even if fairly weak ones.”415

Panic flashed through Robert’s eyes, and I knew that his mind had jumped to another error he had made. “James was right handed...he was right handed...” he whispered desperately as if saying it would make it true.416

“No, no, he was left handed,” I replied grimly. “But your belief that he was right handed explains why you put Holmes’ cufflink in the wrong hand when you tried to implicate him, so immobilizing the only man you thought would see through your smiles and solve the case. I am confident that when Lestrade searches your house, he will find not only your brother’s clothes you used to impersonate him if you have yet to burn them, but also Holmes’ other cufflink.” By the look on his features, it was certain my words were true. 417

“Why, Robert?” Holmes suddenly spoke up, his voice quiet and heavy. “If you needed money that badly, I would have given it you...anything but *this*.”418

“Do you have any idea what it is like to sit and watch as an outsider slowly tears your family apart?” Robert said heatedly, looking up at him with hardened features. “Every time my mother looked at him, she saw the evidence of my father’s betrayal. She was forced to live with that reminder, she couldn’t cope...my father killed her as sure as if he had strangled her with his bare hands. If that wasn’t reason enough to hate him, I saw my own father pick that...that...*bastard* over me! His own, true son! For that farce! Everyone picked him over me...everyone! He even got my money! That was *mine*! And he stole it away from under my nose, smiling and apologising as if he cared, winning everyone over, making everyone think he was so nice! He ruined *everything*! *Everything*!”419

“He never did anything to hurt you!” Holmes suddenly snapped at him. “He would never have done a thing to hurt anyone! It wasn’t his fault that he was a bastard child with a father kind enough to take him in! He loved you, Robert! He loved you and trusted you...it was not his fault that your father didn’t trust you also!”420

“It was!” Robert sprung out of his chair, flinging his glass to the ground. “Everything was fine until he came along! He won him over! He got everyone on his side! Even you! His...his whore! Well I’m not going to rot in a cell on his account! He got what was coming to him for breaking mother’s heart!” He bolted for the door, throwing the table down behind him to trip the policemen who tried to pursue.421

However, nothing was to put Holmes off. Holmes jumped after him, and before even landing he snagged hold of Robert’s jacket, pulling him to crash onto the ground with him. He pinned him to the ground, forcing the struggling man to meet his eyes. “You are right...” Holmes hissed, anger pushing through his usual neutrality. “You will not rot in a cell...I will see you *hang* for this.”422

Holmes backed off for the policeman to get a hold of him, Lestrade stepping in to take control of the situation, quickly ushering his men and his prisoner out of the room, muttering something about sending them to Ireland if they breathed a word of what Robert had said of Holmes. 423

*******424

Chapter 10:425

*******426

“I have a gift for you.”427

I looked up from my book, sitting comfortably in my chair by the fire where I had settled for the wintry night. Giving a smile, I gently lowered my book. “What on earth for? It isn’t Christmas for another month.”428

“It isn’t a Christmas gift,” Holmes said with a weak chuckle. “It is...a gift of gratitude. To say thank you for working on my case, even when I tried to stop you...for being so loyal, for being here for me when I was at my lowest and not running a hundred miles away from me...and for believing in me.”429

I couldn’t help but give a fond, warm smile at his unusually touching words. “Holmes...you have no need to thank me...it was a pleasure. An absolute pleasure.”430

He gave a weak chuckle, watching me a moment before disappearing out of the room. When he returned, he held up the most exquisitely cut long winter coat I had ever seen in my life.431

I gasped slightly, moving over with wide eyes, almost afraid to touch it as my hand went out to feel the wonderful quality of the thick, warm fabric. “Oh, Holmes, you shouldn’t have! It is far too splendid a thing for me!”432

“I saw you every time you returned from the snow after one errand or another.” He quirked an eyebrow with a small smile. “Shivering from that useless coat you have now. You needed one to keep you warm and your shoulder at ease...and I would only ever get the very best for you.”433

“But it is too much! I could never accept...” I began with astonishment.434

“Of course you can,” Holmes interrupted with a snort of disapproval. “You deserve so much more...this is merely a token to show you that I realise that...you were right before, I have dismissed you too often, and I intend upon putting that right now. Now please...accept it and use it to keep warm and well.”435

“I...I don’t know what to say,” I replied, all too aware that my skin was burning in a blush. “Thank you, Holmes...it’s perfect. Simply perfect.” I smiled brightly before reaching into my pocket. “As you started this...well...I have a gift for you also.” I pulled out a small, black box. I carefully opened it to reveal a set of unique handcuffs, similar to the ones I had given him before, but this time set with a different stone. I handed them over with an almost hopeful smile. 436

“Watson...” he breathed with a small, warm smile as he looked at them, a slim finger reaching out to brush gently over one. “They are absolutely...” He searched for a word, and in the end gave a chuckle of resignation as he could only find one. “Beautiful.”437

“The stone is Turquoise,” I said softly, watching with a smile. “The jeweller said that apparently it has powers of protection over the wearer.”438

Holmes glanced up to me and gave a chuckle as he met my eyes. “If you had said that to me a week ago, I would have laughed at you for suggesting I need such a thing...now I shall never let them leave my side...at least then I shall know they are not at any more crime scenes...” He quirked an amused eyebrow.439

I moved closer, taking them from his hand and setting them carefully on the table so I could take his hand instead, my finger softly caressing the palm. “I have done some reading on it...and apparently turquoise is a promoter of love and...sexual energy also.”440

Holmes looked into my eyes a long moment before reaching with his spare hand to touch my chest. “Come to bed with me?” he whispered, his features so beautifully hopeful.441

I smiled warmly, leaning up to kiss him deeply as I let my free hand stroke his face. When I pulled back, I met his eyes with nothing less than devotion. “You never need ask that question, Holmes...for you know that the answer shall always be yes.”442