------------2
Endless Hallways3
The morning sun peeked in through the slightly tinted window. The light leaked across the floor, crept up the side of the twin size bed, and landed in Kenny’s peaceful eyes. He let out a morning moan as he turned over to face the other way. Half awake, he opened his eyes for a second before closing them in hopes of welcoming the sandman’s touch once again. A thought crossed his placid mind and he quickly opened his eyes again.4
‘My walls aren’t white,’ he thought as he looked at smooth white walls. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to look around the room or not, after all, he could still be dreaming. He looked down at the comforter that surrounded him, it was also unusually white. He quickly sat up and looked about the room. The walls, the ceiling, the floor, even the furniture was all white. 5
“Where the hell am I?” He mouthed, slightly whispering in the silent room as he sat up. He looked to the boarded up window. There was a slight crack between the boards, only wide enough for sunlight to escape through. He swung his legs over the edge of the bed, wearing nothing but boxer-shorts. His semi-erection from his dream began to fade as worry set in. 6
He stood, listening to his young joints pop and advanced across the small, white room to the white dresser. He pulled the handles on the top drawer hoping to find some clothes he could put on in there. He sighed in relief as he saw the clothes he fell asleep in the previous night. 7
‘At least I have some clothes,’ he thought. Kenny quickly pulled on his jeans and his black sleeveless muscle shirt that wasn’t quite long enough to cover his long, thin torso. He looked around for shoes, but found none. Kenny sighed and approached the white door in the cube of a room. He turned the handle, opened it, and stepped out into the white hall. 8
*****
Alison walked warily toward the noise she heard echoing down the endless hallway. She couldn’t quite make out what it was, but as she got closer, she could see a young girl sitting on the floor crying. She stood in front of the girl for a moment, silent, before squatting down and gently placing a hand on the girl’s shoulder. The girl jumped a little at the touch before looking into Alison’s sweet face and wrapping her arms around the older girl in a safe embrace. Alison held the young girl feeling safer herself. She later found out the girl’s name was Anita, and she was just as alone as Alison.9
*****
“Look George, there’s another woman.” Terry whispered to the older man, in his early fifties. The man and the young girl followed the old woman into another endless hall. 10
“Ma’am?” George spoke up. It was clear he had frightened the woman, as she was ghostly white when she turned around. 11
“Oh my goodness, you frightened me half to death! Though, I must admit it is nice to see another face. I’ve been walking about these halls for nearly an hour trying to find someone, or something.”12
“I’m George.” The man extended his dark hand causing a great contrast when the old woman’s pale one took it. “And this is Teresa.” He introduced the twelve year-old girl.13
“Terry,” the girl corrected, staying close to the dark man.14
“I’m please to meet you both, truly. I’m Claudia,” replied the woman, who appeared to be in her mid seventies.15
“You’re welcome to join us, Claudia.” George offered his arm, and escorted the old woman while Terry cautiously led the way down the monotone hall. 16
******
Kenny was breathless from running down the hall. His bare feet hurt and stung. He stopped by a pair of double doors and bent down, holding his knees, and caught his breath. When his side stopped hurting, and he could breathe at a semi-regular pace he slowly opened a door and entered the large room. It appeared to be a cafeteria. The décor was in white, of course; white flooring, ceiling, walls, chairs, tables, everything. 17
“Not one for color, I guess.” Kenny muttered to himself as he walked through the room. He glanced around. His eyes caught a bright green neon envelope taped to the opposite wall. He quickened his pace, against the wish of his lungs and legs, and stared at the envelope for a minute. He reached up and carefully pulled it from the wall, tape still stuck to it. He heard a door slam shut and defensively turned around, clutching the bright envelope close to him. He saw a girl his age, and a younger girl, about twelve. He walked toward them as the older girl led the younger one, who stayed hidden behind her new friend. 18
“Who are you?” Kenny asked, almost accusingly. 19
“I’m Alison, and this is Anita. Do you know what’s going on?” Asked the older girl, trying to keep her voice steady.20
“My name’s Kenny. I don’t know what happened, I just woke up here. I found this taped to the wall.” They were now within feet of each other. He looked at her face and in her eyes for a moment. He couldn’t help but notice how attractive she was. He began to present the envelope, but retracted when he heard yet another door slam. 21
Kenny quickly turned as the young girl moved behind Alison once again. They all looked in the direction of the slam and saw another small group of people. 22
“Stay here,” he told Alison as he began to walk toward the third set of double doors in the room.23
“You don’t have to protect me.” Alison snapped back and followed Kenny, keeping Anita close to her. 24
Kenny ignored her comment and kept walking. He could distinguish a young girl, the same age as Anita, an older man, perhaps in his late forties or early fifties, and an old woman in her seventies. 25
“Look George!” The young girl shouted and pointed in Kenny’s direction. “More people, maybe they can help us.”26
The man looked and frowned a little as he saw they were just kids, still in their teen years. 27
“Do you know what’s going on here?” Kenny asked George, hoping the man would know in all his years of experience. 28
“No, I don’t. I was hoping to find someone who could tell us something. What’s your name, son?” George spoke, having an unexplained sense of responsibility for the other five members of their conjoined group.29
“Kenny and this is Alison and Anita,” he said, introducing the girls. 30
“Hi, I’m Terry.” Terry walked over to Anita and introduced herself, in hopes of calming the other girl some.31
“It’s a pleasure. This is Terry, and Claudia,” George introduced them.32
Kenny was a little uneasy at how calm they seemed, but he supposed there really was no sense in getting overly dramatic, not just yet, anyway.33
“What are you holding, son?” George noticed the bright green enveloped Kenny still clutched in his hands.34
“I found it taped to the wall over there.” Kenny had forgotten about the envelope. He handed it to George. The man opened it and pulled out a white sheet of paper. He began to read it aloud.35
“‘The game has begun,’ that’s all it says.” 36
“That’s it? There’s no explanation of what the hell we’re doing here, where the hell we even are, or how we got here?” Kenny exclaimed and ripped the note from George’s hand. 37
“It has to be some kind of riddle,” Claudia said. She was old, but her mind was still quick and sharp. 38
“We have to search the building; we have to find a way out.” Kenny’s instinctive sense of dominance became prominent. 39
“What about who left this?” Alison asked. “Somebody had to have left this here for us to read.”40
“Okay, we’ll split up and search the building and meet back here in an hour.” George took control, regardless of Kenny’s internal need for it.41
“I want to go with you, George,” Terry piped in. The young girl had grown a peculiar fondness of the man over the past few hours. 42
“Will you and Alison be okay alone?” George asked Kenny, intending on taking both young girls, and Claudia with him.43
“Yeah, we’ll be fine,” Alison spoke up. 44
“Okay, back here in an hour,” Kenny repeated. George, Claudia, Anita, and Terry left through the double doors George had entered through.45
“Shall we?” Kenny asked Alison. He knew it was stupid in such a circumstance they were in, but he couldn’t help but admit to himself that he was glad he would be alone with Alison. 46
“Yeah, let’s go out those doors,” she pointed to the set of doors Kenny entered. 47
They walked down the white halls, sometimes turning down and adjacent one. They stopped to rest for a moment, sitting on the hard white tiles down a hall. The building seemed endless and they had to be careful to remember where they had turned, so they would be able to find their way back to the cafeteria. 48
They sat next to each other against a wall. They exchanged a bit of small talk here and there, but nothing much.49
“Kenny, I’m scared.” Alison finally broke the silence. “Where are we? What’s happening to us?” She had known the boy for less than an hour, but already trusted him.50
“I don’t know, Alison. I just don’t know.” Kenny put his arm around Alison’s shoulders and gently rocked her, hoping to comfort her some. 51
She flashed him a smile, silently thanking him for comforting her. “Ready to go?” She asked.52
“Yeah, sure, whenever you are.” Kenny replied and began to stand up. He held out his hand, and helped Alison up. He checked his watched and spoke up again. “We should go back now; it’s been about a half hour.” The two retraced their paths back to the cafeteria.53
*****
Anita and Terry talked and made friends, keeping each other too occupied to think about what’s really happening, while George and Claudia conversed on what was going on. 54
“Stay here, I’ll check it out.” George said, as they stumbled upon a door. The only rooms they knew of where the bedrooms they woke up in and the cafeteria. George opened the door and slowly walked in. After a moment he came back out.55
“It appears to be a lady’s restroom,” he announced to Claudia and the girls.56
“Oh goodness, I really need to go!” Claudia stated as she pushed past George. “You go on ahead and meet the others. I’ll be there in a bit.” She told them and continued into the restroom. 57
George took the girls and began heading back to the cafeteria. They had been walking around the never ending halls for about thirty minutes. He wasn’t sure if Claudia would be able to find her way back or not, but he didn’t know how long she would be, and was afraid when Kenny and Alison didn’t see them, they would go looking for George, Claudia, and the girls. 58
*****
Alison burst into a mad laughter at what Kenny said, as did he. It made him feel good to know he could still laugh in such a situation, and still make other people laugh. They went around a corner and saw the doors to the cafeteria. Kenny checked his watch; right on time. Alison was still giggling slightly and smiling at Kenny as she pushed past the door into the large room. 59
Alison stopped laughing immediately and stared ahead of her. She couldn’t move, scream, or even breathe. 60
“What is it?” Kenny asked, still smiling, noticing the abrupt silence from his new friend. He followed her gaze forward and let out a shocked gasp. 61
“Oh my god!” he exclaim as he doubled over and used every bit of his energy to calm the muscle spasms happening within him and prevent himself from throwing up. He turned his head to look up again, not believing what he saw the first time, and quickly turned back down, having to the fight the spasms all over again. 62
He turned around the other way and stood straight again, avoiding looking at the scene that was displayed in front of the young man. He moved in front of Alison’s view. Her face was red as she moved her tearing eyes to greet Kenny’s. She tried to form words from her mouth, but it wouldn’t work. Kenny wrapped his arms about her, turning so the neither of them had to face the hideous site After a moment he guided her back against the wall where she slid down and sat, hugging her knees tightly to her chest. 63
He sat down beside her, completely blocking any view she would have if she were to turn her head. He was tempted to turn and look again, but didn’t dare. He moved closer to Alison and held her tightly. Her face was buried in his shoulder, half on the sleeveless shirt; half on his bare skin. It wasn’t long before his shoulder was wet with tears. It seemed like an eternity they sat there in silence. 64
An ear-splitting scream echoed throughout the room, causing Kenny to jump nearly out of his skin. It was Anita. She, George, and Terry had returned from their search. Kenny and Anita were now separated from George and the girls by a forest of hanging flesh.65
In the center of the large room, all of the tables and chairs had been moved to clear a large circle. In this circle, hanging from the ceiling, were the bits and pieces that were left of Claudia Anne Macbeth, age seventy-five, widow of fifteen years, mother of three sons and two daughters, grandmother to twelve grandsons, and eight granddaughters, and great-grandmother to one great-grandson, and two great-granddaughters. 66
What could only be described as large chunks of flesh from the woman hung on what appeared to be heavy fishing line. There were twenty-five to thirty pieces, everything from pieces of skin that had been ripped from the body, to individual organs, and bare bones. The woman’s head hung directly in the center of the spiral-shape. It was held up higher than all the other pieces so it was sure to be seen.67
Alison had stared at it for a long time before Kenny adverted her eyes. She knew of the horrors in that circle. One of Claudia’s fragile legs had been skinned, with the skin hanging by, while the other leg was nothing but bone. All of the bones had sharp, jagged edges. There were no fancy tools used in this slaughter. One of her forearms had been skinned, only to have the skin replaced, inside out. Intestine was tied around the skin to keep it on. Fishing line was tied around the earring in the woman’s left ear lobe, and was the only thing holding her head up. The piercing was slowly pulling out of the dead flesh and would soon let go and drop the half skinned, severed head to the white floor below. 68
The first question Alison’s mind asked itself was, ‘where was all the blood?’ She never questioned who could do such a thing, or who actually did it, only the lack of blood. Not a spot of blood could be seen littering the white décor of the perfectly white building. As she stood staring at the butchered human parts, she noticed the heart. It started beating with the fishing line entering one valve and exiting another to hold it up. She could hear it beating. That’s when she realized what had happened and looked into Kenny’s deep green eyes with her teary, puffy ones. 69
Alison didn’t notice the scream from the other side of the room. Kenny jumped just as she was pulling away. 70
“I heard it beat… I saw it, too…” Alison whispered. But Kenny’s attention was turned to the screaming twelve year-old, and he didn’t hear her.71
Kenny’s head snapped around, forcing him to look in the direction of the gruesome butcher. He focused on looking past it and saw the two twelve year-old girls crying with the fifty year-old man holding them, and trying to calm them. 72
“Stay there,” Kenny shouted across the large room. His voice echoed off the walls. He turned back to Alison and held out his hand. “Come on,” he said in a soft, soothing voice. Her blank face turned and looked up at his hand. She thought for a moment before taking it, and allowing him to help her to a standing position. They stayed close to the walls, facing the white walls, not daring to look back. 73
“I’ve seen some horrifying things in my time, but never anything that even amounts to this horror scene,” George told Kenny as Kenny and Alison got closer. Kenny looked back at Alison and realized she kept her eyes closed the entire time. She was led only by the tight grasp she still had on Kenny’s soft hand. 74
Anita and Terry buried their faces in George’s broad chest. He held them tight in his arms, gently rubbing their backs, and spoke softly. Kenny nodded toward the door George and the girls had just entered, and George nodded his approval back. Kenny led Alison toward the door, and held it open as she blindly walked through. He held it open for George with the girls still attached to him, before exiting through it himself, and quietly closing it. 75
They sat in silence outside the white doors, in the endless hall. George sat leaning against a wall with a twelve year-old girl on either side, and Kenny and Alison sat against the opposite wall. The silence was broken by the deep gurgling sounds in Kenny’s stomach. His face grimaced as he held his belly for a moment, remembering had he not eaten since he had woken, none of them had, and he had not eaten dinner the previous night. He looked at his watch. It was a little past six-thirty. 76
Everyone turned their heads to look at Kenny and his talkative stomach. He felt a little bashful, and his face turned a light pink as his stomach growled again. It was as if Kenny’s gurgling stomach reminded everyone else that they had not eaten since they had woken.77
“George, I’m hungry,” Terry told him as she looked in his deep brown eyes.78
“I know, honey. We all are,” he replied with a hopeless smile. 79
They began to search the building again. After a few more failing hours, they all began to grow tired. It was agreed that at no point would any of them be alone, they would stay in at least a group of two, and that’s just what they did. 80
*****
“My room was right down here,” Kenny told Alison as she followed him. Life was showing itself in her, again, and Kenny was glad of that. He was beginning to worry about her. It was decided that George would take the girls back to his room for the night, and that Kenny and Alison would go back to Kenny’s room. It was closer to where they were than Alison’s. They agreed to meet in the morning, at the place they had separated.81
George had grown fond of the girls over the day. They reminded him of his granddaughters, and he was glad to have that familiar feeling in such a frightening place. Anita and Terry looked to him for protection, and knew they would receive it. The three of them had created a peculiar bond over the day. He sat on the white dresser in his room, as he watched them peacefully fall asleep on the bed. They wouldn’t allow him to turn out the light, not that he would’ve anyway. In this kind of situation, anyone, even twelve year-olds, and a fifty year-old man, would be afraid of the dark. 82
*****
Kenny opened the door for Alison and allowed her to walk in. She quickly moved to his bed, and sat against the wall with her knees pulled up to her chest. She buried her face in her arms and began to cry. She had been holding it in since they left the cafeteria. She didn’t want to cry in front of the girls and scared them. She didn’t want them to know that nothing would be alright. They would be stuck there, and slowly killed off one by one. No one even knew why, or who was behind it. It all felt like a horrible dream that she just couldn’t wake up from. 83
Kenny closed the door tightly behind him. He thought about pushing the dresser over in front of it, so that no one would be able to get in, but thought better of it. What if they needed out in a hurry? What if George and the girls needed in?84
He turned around and saw Alison quietly sobbing in her arms and knees. He felt something tug inside of him, making his eyes water a little. He fought it back though. How would he ever be able to tell Alison it would all be okay if he showed just how scared he really was? 85
He sat on the bed next to her, wrapped his arms around her, leaned his head on her shaking shoulders, and gently rocked her back and forth. He couldn’t tell her it would be okay anyway. He knew it was a lie, and he knew she would know it was a lie. 86
“We’re all going to die, aren’t we?” She asked in a shaky voice.87
“Don’t say that,” he told her as calmly as he could. He picked his head up to see her eyes looking at him. Again, he couldn’t help but marvel at how beautiful she was. Her eyes were red, as were her puffy checks, Tears traced down her face. But still, she was beautiful. It was an eternity she looked into his eyes, hoping he would make it all go away. He was almost ashamed of himself that he couldn’t make it go away. He wanted to, and he tried, but it was no use.88
Without thinking, Alison leaned in and kissed Kenny’s lips hard. He was surprised, and almost pulled back before giving in. He could feel the wetness from her tears on his face. She forced her tongue between his dry lips, and found his. Her hands ran through his hair, holding his head tightly so he would not escape. He still wasn’t sure what had just happened, but let the beautiful girl do whatever she pleased to him. She ran her hands down his back to the bottom seam of his shirt that had risen up some. She moved her hands under his shirt and ran them back up the front of his torso, feeling the slight definitions of the muscles in his stomach and chest. 89
Alison ran her hands back down his torso, hooked her thumbs around the bottom of his shirt, and brought her hands back up, pulling his shirt up with them. She broke the kiss just long enough to pull the shirt off over his head. She gently tossed it across the room, and attacked his lips once again. He was her puppet on a string, and would let her do what she pleased. Everything was happening so fast and so slow that Kenny wasn’t sure what was even happening. 90
Alison grabbed his hand and placed it on her breast, encouraging him to massage it. He felt his pants grow tight around his hardening erection and suddenly knew what was happening. She guided his other hand to the first button on her blouse. Kenny nervously fumbled with the buttons, but soon had them all unbuttoned. He gently slid it off her shoulders and reached around her back to unhook her bra. 91
She pushed him back against the soft white sheet on the bed and held him tightly, pressing her bare breasts firmly against his chest. He could feel her erect nipples against him, and grew even harder. She could feel him through his thick jeans and adjusted her hips over him, causing him to moan through their kiss. She lifted her body off of him some, and once again grabbed his hands. She gently slid them down her soft stomach and left them at the metal buckle of her belt, warmed by their body heat. He went to work unfastening her belt and pants as he pulled his lips from hers.92
“I’ve never done this before,” Kenny told Alison.93
Alison smiled. “Me neither,” she replied and put her lips back on his. 94
He hooked his thumbs in the waistband of her pants and gently pulled them down as she went to work on his. Kenny pushed her pants down to her knees, and she kicked them off from there. Alison slowly pulled the zipper down over his impressive erection. He wriggled out of his pants, underneath of her, before rolling over so that he was on top. He gently ran his hands over the inner area of her thighs, enjoying the feel of her smooth skin. He hooked his thumbs around the elastic panty line on her hips and pulled them down. She did the same with his boxer-shorts, revealing the pole that held the tent. She grabbed his hand in one hand and placed it on her breast, and his erect member in her other hand, gently guiding it inside of her. 95
*****
Kenny’s watched beeped at the hour waking him some. It was just any other day. He moaned a little with morning tiredness and sighed, not wanting to wake up. It occurred to him that he was nude, and then he remembered why and he remembered who the body heat was coming from. A content sigh escaped him as a smile grew on his face and he opened his eyes. He lay on the side of the bed against the wall, on his side, facing her, and she lay on her side, facing him. He tucked a strand of hair gently behind her ear before leaning in to plant a soft kiss on her forehead. 96
Kenny remembered what woke him, and looked it his watch. It was just past eight. They were meeting George and the girls at eight-thirty. His watch brought back the reality of it all. He had forgotten where he was and what had happened the previous day until he checked his watch. He only knew who he shared his bed with, and why. He hated to do it, but he knew he had to wake Alison. 97
He gently stroke her cheek with his finger. She slowly began to rouse. He smiled at her as she opened her eyes. She smiled back, sighed, and stretched a little. 98
“We should get dressed,” he softly said. He planted a soft kiss on her smooth lips and patiently waited for her to move off the bed, so that he could. 99
Alison sat up on the edge of the bed keeping the blanket wrapped around her waist, and he arms subtly covering her breasts. He slowly sat up, feeling intense hunger cramps in his stomach. He took a deep breath at the pain, and held it in for a moment allowing the cramp to pass. Alison turned her head towards him, not quite facing him.100
“Could you,” she began, feeling foolish for asking. “Could you turn around?”101
“Why?” Kenny was confused, only hours before he was inside of her and now she didn’t want him to see her?102
“Just,” she began and paused, not knowing what to say. “Please?” she asked.103
“Yeah, sure,” he agreed, hearing the distress in her voice. He rolled on his side slightly, and faced the wall, bearing with the hunger cramps again. He wondered if anyone else was as hungry as he was. 104
Alison walked around the room, nude, trying to collect her articles of clothing. Kenny could hear her moving around and then she was silent. 105
“Can I look?” He asked, turning his head some.106
“Yes, thank you.” Alison whispered. Kenny turned to face the rest of the room. Alison was standing in front of the bed, facing the wall, buttoning the last button of her blouse. 107
He scooted to the other edge of the bed and sat for a moment, light-headed. He stood, leaving the blanket behind on the bed, and crossed the room to fetch his boxer shorts. Alison backed up to sit on the edge of the bed while she watched the fine nude body cross the small room. She gently clutched her angered stomach. Kenny bent down to snatch the piece of clothing off the floor. A cool breeze fluttered around his waist and between his legs causing him to shiver and become oddly, slightly aroused. 108
He stepped into the shorts and pulled them up, covering himself, before turning to face the rest of the room, once again. He looked around for a moment before looking at Alison.109
“Have you seen my pants?” He asked. He saw the thoughtful look on her face, and wondered what he had interrupted before asking his question. Alison pointed to a corner of the room by the foot of the bed. “Thanks,” told her, and watched her go back into deep thought.110
She didn’t plan on kissing him and definitely didn’t plan on going as far as they had gone. Even before kissing him, she could tell Kenny was interested in her. Now, though, she saw love in his eyes and smile when he woke her. ‘No, it was just lust. A sixteen year-old boy doesn’t fall in love with a girl after knowing her for only one day, no matter what they did,’ she silently told herself. Love, lust, whatever it was, he was a nice boy, and she didn’t want to hurt him. 111
Kenny pulled up his pants and found his shirt. He held his shirt and checked his watch.112
“We should go,” he told Alison, offering a hand to help her off the bed. 113
“Okay,” she said, taking his hand.114
Kenny led her to the door and opened it for her, allowing her to exit the room first. Once they were in the endless white halls, and knew they were going in the right direction, Kenny pulled his black sleeveless muscle shirt over his head and down over his long torso. Alison’s eyes were distracted by his movements, and moved to watch him for a moment. She longed to run her hands over the fine hairs on his stomach again, to feel his muscles rippling under his skin, to feel the heat coming off of his body, warming her own, inside and out. She cursed herself and looked forward again.115
*****
George roughly woke Terry in a panic.116
“Terry? Terry,” he called. The girl awoke. Before she could say anything he asked his question. “Terry, where’s Anita?”117
The girl finally realized what was going on and quickly sat up. 118
“I don’t know. She was here last night.” The girl replied.119
“She didn’t tell you if she was going anywhere?” George asked, desperate. Terry shook her head. “Okay, come on. We have to go meet Kenny and Alison, and then we’ll go look for her.” He began to calm himself down for the girl. George led Terry out of the room. He looked back and sighed, blaming himself for falling asleep while he promised to watch over them. They began the journey down the long halls to meet the young lovers.120
*****
“Hey Kenny?” Alison addressed him. He was walking a pace or two a head of her, but made sure she was still following him as often as he could.121
“Yeah?” He slowed down a bit, so she could catch up with him. Her tone was sad and regretful. He walked close to her, in hopes of comforting her.122
She hated how sweet he was. He was quiet, and patiently waiting for her to say whatever was on her mind. He truly cared about her, and she hated him for it. She had only known him for one day, one lousy, hellish day, so why did this hurt her, too? She fought with herself over what she was about to say. In the end, she knew they wouldn’t be able to form a relationship, not a lasting one at least, if they ever got out of this mess. She wanted to get it over as quickly as she could for the both of them, so she could stop leading him on. Or was she only leading herself on?123
“Listen, Kenny,” she paused, finding the words to say. 124
They approached a set of doors to the cafeteria. Morbid curiosity forced Kenny’s head to turn and gaze in the window. Alison was looking down at the ground. She finally found the words, and opened her mouth to speak.125
“It’s gone,” Kenny spoke before Alison could get anything out of her parched mouth. She pushed her thought aside and questioned Kenny. “Look,” he said, pointing to the window. A look of sheer terror overcame Alison’s face as she shook her head. “It’s okay, there’s nothing in there but chairs and tables.” He encouraged her to look. By now he had stopped and was looking the window. He stepped closer to the window. “There’s another green letter,” he breathed, and the window fogged. “We better go meet George, Anita, and Terry before they start to worry.” He pulled Alison with him.126
“So, what was on your mind earlier?” Kenny asked the girl in a warm tone. 127
“What?” She wasn’t sure what he was talking about at first. “Oh, yeah. Nothing.”128
“Sure?” he asked.129
“Yeah, I’m sure. It was nothing.” She told him, and gave him a smile, telling him not to worry. She hated herself. Her body betrayed her mind and lied to the boy. 130
*****
“Have you seen Anita?” George bombarded Kenny and Alison as soon as they rounded the corner.131
“No, why, what happened?” Alison asked.132
“I don’t know. I fell asleep, and when I woke up, she was gone. She didn’t tell either of us she was leaving”133
“We’ll find her.” Kenny said in a confident tone. He knew it wasn’t likely that they would find her, alive anyway. “We have to go back to the cafeteria.”134
George seized up at the gruesome request. Terry’s face held the same expression that inhabited itself on Alison’s face when Kenny first asked her to look in the window.135
“There’s nothing in there but tables and chairs,” he reassured them. “And another green letter taped to the wall where I found the first one.”136
Kenny led the group of four back to the cafeteria. He took no time to look in the window before entering the door. He took a few steps in the room and stopped abruptly. His stomach gurgled, growled, and cramped as he looked forward. He silently cursed his aching belly. George, Terry, and Alison followed Kenny’s gaze forward. Between them and the green envelope taped to the wall was a large buffet table full of delicious food. Kenny heard another stomach gurgle. Terry soon pushed her way past the others and ran toward the buffet table.137
“Terry, wait!” Kenny called. He and George ran after her.138
“Don’t eat anything” George warned.139
They caught up to the girl and prevented her from touching anything. Alison was soon standing with them again. The girl brought the rest of them closer to the food. Kenny’s mouth began to water as his stomach cramped again, worse this time. He clutched his stomach, but wasn’t able to hold in the groan. 140
“You okay, there, son?” George asked him.141
“Yeah, I’m just hungry.” Kenny replied with a hopeless smile. Alison moved over to Kenny and gently placed her hand on his back, hating herself every second.142
“We all are.” She told him. 143
“Why can’t we eat it, George?” Terry asked.144
“Because, it may not be safe.” He told her. “Let me check it out, some.”145
“It’s so weird,” Kenny spoke up, again. “We just came by here five minutes ago, and none of this was here. It can’t be possible to put all this food out in that time.” Kenny approached the wall and ripped the envelope from the wall.146
“What’s this one say?” Alison question, concern rising in her voice. 147
Kenny carefully opened the envelope and unfolded the sheet of paper, identical to the one they received the previous day. 148
“George promised he would watch her, but George fell asleep.” Kenny paused for a moment before reading the line at the bottom of the page. “Enjoy your meal.”149
Kenny pulled the paper away and looked at the table once again. George’s face was blank. He knew they wouldn’t see Anita alive again, and he blamed himself. Alison looked at Kenny, and Terry gazed at the green envelope Kenny held in his hand. He dropped the envelope as he doubled over and gagged. Alison looked at the table where Kenny’s eyes had been fixed. She swallowed hard, turned, and buried her face in George’s arm. George didn’t have the heart to look at the table. Terry knew what she would find if she looked. She had understood the last line of the note better than any of them.150
Kenny’s gaze fell upon a platter of sausage links. As he looked closer, he noticed they weren’t all sausage links. None of them were sausage links. Ten, short, severed fingers, fried in their own blood lay upon the plate. A bowl of red grapes sat on the table, causing a contrast between the innocent green eyes that were mixed among the tiny fruit. A small dish was filled with Anita’s small, mint-like teeth. Her naked hands sat with a plate full of pancakes, and her ears, sewn together and baked, sat upon a plate of croissants. Her tongue, fried to a thin crisp, lay with the bacon strips. Kenny couldn’t look any more. He doubled over and gagged. He had no fear of throwing up his stomach contents, as there was nothing to throw up. He felt light-headed and fell over.151
He lay on the ground for a moment, catching his breath, and allowing his stomach to settle. Alison rushed to his side and made sure he was okay. She had to admit it to herself; she cared about the boy, but nothing more. “Yeah, I’m alright” he replied holding his head and slowly getting to his feet. “What kind of sick fuck would do such a thing to a little girl?” He asked, his voice was quivering and his face grew red. 152
“George, can we leave, I want to go home.” Terry looked pleadingly into the eyes of the older man. Tears filled his eyes, he was truly scared. They all were. 153
“I’ll take you home as soon as I can, Terry. I promised. But right now you have to stay with us, and we all have to stay together.” Terry wrapped her arms around him, hugging him. He held the girl for a while, comforting not only her, but himself as well. 154
“Are you okay?” George asked Kenny, hoping he wouldn’t fall again. 155
“Yeah, I’ll be fine. I’m just a little light-headed,” he replied. George then led the group back out into the endless white halls. They moved quickly, trying to take paths they had not yet searched. They were determined to find an exit. After awhile it seemed as though they were getting no where. They were merely going in circles in the large maze of endless halls. They took a break and sat, leaning against the walls. 156
Each had their own way of distracting themselves from the situation that was happening around them. Terry made it to be a game, and kept the details of the rules at bay. George kept his mind on his family, his sons and daughters and his grandchildren. Kenny kept his attention focused on Alison. He wasn’t ready to accept it yet, but he thought he was falling in love with her. He thought about what happened between them the previous; the pain and the pleasure, and he thought about what might happen when they got out of this hellish torture. Alison hated to admit, but she thought about Kenny and the previous night, as well. She denied any chance there was that she was falling for him, and that’s what scared her the most. After all, who was she denying it to? Only to herself, which meant she was also accusing herself. 157
Kenny sat against the wall next to Alison. He smelled a sweet fragrance radiating from her. He tried not to notice, but couldn’t help. He recognized the scent from the previous night. It was almost undetectable, but his nose still caught hold of it. He felt his pants grow tight and looked down. He quickly pulled his knees to his chest, hoping no one noticed the erection forming. He cursed his body for acting in such a way at such a time. He had tasted blood and desperately wanted more. He changed his thought pattern in hopes that he would be able to put his legs down without feeling exposed. It eventually worked, and soon after, they started moving again. 158
“There has to be some kind of door, somewhere,” Alison desperately said. They were all tired and exasperated. 159
“The only rooms we’ve even come upon were the six bedrooms, the cafeteria, and that restroom. It’s just endless hallways. What kind of building is this?” Kenny said to no one in particular. His seized up, his head began to spin and he had to lean against the wall. “Whoa, hold on a minute,” he spoke up.160
“You okay, son?” George asked. Alison walked over to Kenny and helped hold him up. 161
Kenny closed his eyes and leaned against the wall and Alison. He suddenly felt very weak and began to lose his footing. Alison felt this, and slowly helped him to sit on the ground. 162
“Kenny? Kenny?” Alison called. His face was dazed and confused. 163
After a moment the room stopped spinning and he was able to realize what was happening. He saw three concerned faces carefully watching him. 164
“Kenny, are you okay?” Alison asked most concern of them all. She saw him coming around.165
“Yeah, I’m sorry about that. It happens when I don’t eat. I’m actually quite surprised it just now happened. Help me up, would you?” He began to stand. Alison offered her hand, and helped pull him to his feet. She wrapped his arm around her shoulders and helped him walk. He insisted on walking by himself, but she wouldn’t let him. She was worried about him and something inside of her liked having his arm around her. She cursed and hated that something. 166
George was a few paces ahead of the rest of them. George turned a corner and a wall dropped behind him. Kenny and Alison walked right into it. 167
“What the hell?” Alison questioned, rubbing her head where it smacked the hard brick wall. 168
“Where the fuck did that come from?” Kenny asked, nearly stumbling to the ground. 169
“George!” Terry shrieked. He had been separated from the group. Terry beat against the wall and began to cry. She knew she wouldn’t see him alive again. Even when they stayed awake, and stayed together, they were still being separated. She turned to the closest person to her. Terry pushed Kenny against the wall that dropped from the ceiling, burying her face deep in his chest. Kenny felt the front of his shirt quickly get damp, and then soaked with the young girls tears. 170
Alison was spent. She knew there was no more use in crying, no one would take pity on them. This wasn’t a fairy tell where they would be rescued at the last moment and taken home to their loving families. Even if some miracle happened, and they were rescued, Alison had no loving family to go home to. She suspected her family didn’t even realize she was gone. 171
Her father was abusive to her mother. Her mother, in turn, was abusive to her. Alison rarely stayed three consecutive nights at home. She had a good friend that always welcomed her when things where getting the worse. For the past year she had been fighting with social services. Her friend’s parents welcomed her to live with them permanently, but her parents always fought to get Alison back. The only way she could escape her family was to be put in foster care. Her friend’s finances weren’t good enough for them to become her legal guardian over her parents. Alison refused to go into foster care, and decided to just wait the two remaining years with her abusive family.172
Terry released her grip on Kenny and he slowly slid against the wall to the floor. He had given up. There were all going to be killed, one by one, without ever knowing why or by whom, and he didn’t care anymore. There was no way any of them would find a way out of here. He was weak from hunger, and wasn’t sure how much longer he could go on anyway. He hadn’t passed out yet, but he was getting close. Kenny had a slight disorder causing him so suddenly get light headed and pass out if he didn’t eat every few hours. He wasn’t sure why he hadn’t passed out yet, but he dared not question it. 173
“Kenny, get up. Let’s go, please. I want to go home. I really, really want to go home,” Terry tugged on Kenny’s hand and begged him. “Please, I can’t do it by myself; I’m scared.” Kenny allowed Terry to pull his arm, he was in a daze.174
Alison was pulled out of her daze by the whine from the girl. She saw Terry pulling Kenny’s hand, and bent down by his side.175
“Come on, Kenny. Let’s find a way out of here,” she told him, not ready to negotiate with him. She lifted his other arm around her shoulder, held it tightly, and pulled him to his feet. This put a gravity pull on his thought trail and brought him back down to reality. He stood with Alison’s helped, and they slowly began to walk back the way they had come. 176
It was late and they decided to sleep in Kenny’s room during the night. The three of them fit on the small twin-sized bed, all wrapped in each other’s arms. Terry lay closest to the wall, facing the wall. Alison squeezed next to Terry and wrapped her arms around the girl, promising not to let go for any reason all night. Kenny snuggled next to Alison on the outside edge of the bed. His stomach and chest were held tightly against her back. His face was buried in the nape of her neck and her scent was overwhelming. 177
Kenny thought about when he held Alison this way the previous night. There had been no binding clothes between their bodies. Their sweat mixed, along with their scents. He felt her bare backside pressing tightly against his stomach and chest, the sweat forming a weak glue binding their skin together. There was no small girl held in Alison’s arms and they were free to hold his own. He gently kissed the back of her neck as exhaustion from their passion set in and he began to drift to sleep. 178
This time was so much different. Clothing formed territorial boundaries between their young bodies. A third party was with them. Kenny didn’t have enough energy to stay awake long, he fell asleep soon after he had his arm around Alison. 179
*****
“Kenny, wake up. Kenny?” Alison called as she gently pushed his hair from his face. She called his name a few more times and he began to stir. 180
Kenny clutched his stomach and moaned with pain. The stomach cramp passed. Kenny opened his eyes and saw Alison looking at him. She smiled when he opened his eyes; glad she was able to wake him. He smiled back at her, letting her know he was okay. It was a lie, but at this point the truth wouldn’t help any. 181
“Where’s Terry?” He asked, not seeing the young girl. 182
“Don’t worry, she’s right there.” Alison pointed toward the foot of the bed. Kenny smiled when he saw her. He took his time sitting up and took even longer to stand. His head spun and his arms involuntarily flailed around, trying to catch a hold of anything to steady himself. Alison quickly reached out to grab and steady him. He held onto her for support. She was beginning to grow weak of hunger, herself, and wasn’t sure what help she would be to the boy today. 183
“Are you going to be okay?” She asked with much concern.184
“Yeah, let me just catch my balance and I’ll be fine.” He tried to give her a comforting smile, but it didn’t quite turn out that way. “Let’s go,” he suggested.185
Alison nodded and helped Kenny out the door. Terry followed closely. Once out of the door, Alison put Kenny’s arm around her shoulders to help him walk. He felt her body give in a little at his weight, shook his head, and took his arm back. She looked at his questioning. 186
“I’ll be fine, really.” He told her and propped himself against the wall. He guided himself along the wall as they slowly moved down the endless hallways. 187
Again, it felt like they were going in never ending circles. The halls were identical. It was impossible to tell how many times they had passed by the same areas. They turned a corner, walked a few paces, and realized they had turned to a dead end. The small, shrinking group slowly turned to begin walking back the way they came. They all simultaneously stopped as they heard the same noise they had heard the day before when the wall dropped from the ceiling, separating them from George. 188
Kenny leaned against the wall, closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Just as he opened his eyes to turn, not wanting to see what he knew would be there, he heard Terry yell and her small feet pitter-patter down the hall toward the dead end. 189
“George!” she yelled. Alison and Kenny tried to call her back, but it was no use. “He’s still alive.” She yelled, again.190
“Terry!” Alison and Kenny yelled in unison, trying to call her back to them. When she would come back, they turned and used all of their energy to run after her. 191
George was suspended in the air by thick wires. A wire ran down around his neck, just loose enough so he could barely breathe. Large meat hooks attached to the wire held him up. There was one buried deep in his back, just barely missing puncturing a lung. One in either arm, hooked in the fleshy muscle of his biceps. A hook in each hand held them up, making him like a marionette. Hooks in each thigh held those up as well. Blood ran down every extremity 192
Terry ran her heart out. She knew, just knew if she got there she could save him. A look of sheer terror came upon his face as he noticed the girl coming to him. He tried to tell her to get back, go away, but nothing came out. The only sounds that had escaped his throat in the past several hours were the cries of help, and screams of pain, muffled by the thick walls, as the tips of the sharp hooks made their way through his skin, tore through his muscle and tissue, and suspended him in the air. 193
Terry slowed as she approached him. She could hear Alison and Kenny running and calling after her, but she didn’t care. She knew they wouldn’t let her save George, and she wasn’t going to let them stop her. She stopped a few feet in front of George. He had almost bled to death and was barely hanging on. 194
Kenny and Alison watched as the wall that had revealed George, dropped back down behind Terry, trapping her with George. They stopped running almost immediately. Kenny leaned against the wall, catching his breath, and trying to make his head stop spinning. His legs grew very weak and he slid down along the wall. Alison bent over and held herself up by her knees, catching her breath. 195
“Why didn’t she listen?” Kenny gasped between his heavy breaths. “Fuck!” he yelled. 196
Alison didn’t say anything until she could breathe at a somewhat-normal rate. She looked up at the wall and noticed a third green envelope. “Look,” she said and pointed to it. 197
“What’s it,” Kenny began, and panted some more before finishing his question. “Say?” He asked. His head was pounding and the dizziness was overwhelming. He fought back the black-out, knowing it was right on him. He couldn’t pass out now, not now!198
Alison slowly opened the letter with trembling hands. “Live bait is so much more fun,” she read. She dropped the paper to the ground and sat next to Kenny for a moment. “He set it up,” she said, stating the obvious. They knew from the moment they heard the sound of the wall opening that it was a trap. 199
Kenny and Alison lost all hope of every finding a way out. They already knew there was no hope to begin with, but pretended to have it for each other. They had no energy, no strength, and no will power to continue walking. They had truly given up. They knew that if they moved, not only would then fail to find an exit, but they were sure the body of that twelve year-old girl would be gruesomely displayed somewhere and they were bound to stumble upon it. 200
Alison and Kenny sat next to each other against the wall, holding each other, and silently thinking. Alison finally accepted her true feelings toward Kenny. She wasn’t sure why, but she wanted to tell him. She turned her head to face him. He had blacked out. He was still breathing, and showed no signs of being in true danger, not from natural causes, at least. She watched him sleep for awhile, admiring how strong he tried to be for everyone. She placed a gentle kiss on his lips and hoped he would wake soon. She was beginning to feel lonely, and fear comes with loneliness. 201
*****
Kenny was leaning against the hard white wall when he woke up. He turned his head to the side and saw Alison’s loving eyes looking at him. There was something peculiar about her eyes though. They looked unusually glazed over. He looked at her for a moment. She didn’t move, didn’t change her expression, and didn’t even blink. He looked down and saw a small puddle of blood they were sitting in. The dark liquid covered her arm that sat next to him. He lifted it and saw a deep, wide cut on her wrist. 202
Kenny looked around in a panic. He wasn’t in the white hall he had become so accustomed to. He was in a small steel room. The walls were covered in blood. Someone had cut her wrist and left her in the room to slowly bleed out, and then repositioned her to sit with Kenny. He cried out, truly knowing it was over now. He wrapped his arms around the dead body beside him and held her tightly, tears streaming from his face. A corpse was all he had left to hang onto. 203
The room began to heat up to an uncomfortable temperature. He cried out as the wall he was leaning against burnt his backside. His legs and buttocks soon began to burn. He quickly stood up, his bare feet burned on the hot steal flooring. He cried out as the skin on his feet burned, leaving intense blisters that soon burned off. 204
‘I’m being cooked!’ He cried in his mind. He quickly stripped his jeans and stood on the thick material, insulating what was left of the soles of his feet from the fiery floor beneath. He watched as his skin everywhere reddened. His eyes burned and he could barely see. He watched as the skin of his former young lover bubbled, blistered, and cook. The smell of her frying filled his nose. He screamed as his pants heated up and scorched the bottom of his feet. He could now smell his own flesh cooking. 205
Kenny cried in unbelievable pain of his feet frying to his jeans. It wasn’t long before all of the tissue was dead and he had no feeling in his feet. Blisters began to form on his cooking skin. He cursed and cried. Pain touched every part of his being, He watched as his skin began to blacken in areas. His hair and nails began to melt, and he cried. He couldn’t feel his fingers anymore as the tissue cook thoroughly. His stomach cramped, but he barely felt it through the rest of his pain. His shirt and boxer-shorts had melted to his skin. He prayed that death come soon as he cried ear-splitting shrieks of pain. He soon received his wish. His body had had enough. He passed out, and fell onto the scorching floor. His eyes popped out and fried to the slick floor. The skin on his face melted off as his blood sizzled on the hot grill-like flooring. 206
Kenny’s body burned to a fine crisp, lying next to a large matter of burnt flesh, which could only be Alison. The room cooled off and a final green envelope was placed on the burnt corpse of Kenny. Inside the envelope was a letter just like all the others. On the letter was written, “Death is the finish.” 207
Author notes
This was written for a contest, and my first piece of this nature. What do you think?
A contest entry
- Violent, Gruesome, Sick, Nasty and Fun Horror (not for kids) by SlickNick.
300 points, ended December 2, 2006, 3 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - DISTURB AND TERRIFY ME by Pray For Me.
195 points, ended December 29, 2006, 8 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Let's Play A Game... by roars-in-public.
413 points, ended April 22, 2007, 28 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Kill me! by QueenWolf.
450 points, ended February 1, 2007, 16 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Im A Sick One With A Smile by Zaedyns Mommy.
125 points, ended March 21, 2007, 7 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
So, what did you think?
Comments
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EEWWWW
Nasty stuff that, nasty stuff...Great writing thouhg...sort of brings to mind the movie Dream Hunter...i think thats what its called anyway...
keep it up!
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oh my god
let me just say, I wont be able to go to sleep for a while. I've never had something that I read that terrified me so. I mean, movies yeah, but the describtion was so detailed, that I saw every scene in my mind. great write, honestly. -
gogogogogogogo
WOOOOOO YEA! BLOOD! GORE! DUHNUHNUHNUHNUH
YEA!
so good.
but the end was like, soso.
like, i like the part where his face and eyeballs went cooky fried yummyyummy,
but wouldnt he have blown up> lol
would have been cooler
no offense plz
and yea more between terry and co.
and i also have wild imagination so im probably gonna have nightmares for a long time, but it was worth it ^.^

beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 3, dialog: 5, characters: 4.
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reminds me of saw2
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Whoa!
I loved it! It was one of the best (and longest) stories I have ever read. It was awesome and exciting! I love it! -
I loved this, good luck in the contest.
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congratulations!!!
This is your first attempt? It doesn't seem so, though, with the calibre and writing. Congratulations yet again!
And you DID terrify me... ah, I can't choose which kind of death I hated most, or which one is the "mildest." I don't really read horror or suspense stuff (my imagination makes it incredibly difficult to sleep at night) and wah... I'll just pray and hope that I won't have to dream about anything that happened here.
There was this one paragraph where you repeated burn a number of times... kinda repetitive BUT I honestly don't know if burn has a synonym that can be substituted since BURN is the perfect word
Thank for this read, despite it being gory ^_^ -
WOW!
That is all I can say. This piece took my breath away and the supense made me want to read more. I appluade the author. KEEP WRITING!!

beginning: 3, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 4.
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Gory but good
That was disgusting... But for some reason I read the entire thing. And well, I kind of liked it...
Syd
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Excellent, Disturbing, and Awesome
Thanks for entering my contest. I think you did a fine job writing it. I totally loved it and it was of my interest.
The story was sick, riveting, well written, disturbing, and most importantly, it was GORY. I love gore. The story was also very detailed. The characters were structered very well and I liked how the characters disappeared. The death scenes were very satisfying to me and so was the blood. Good luck in the contest.
Just out of curiousity, what inspiried you to write this story? Any movies that did? I would love to know. It kind of souns like some horror movie. It would be nice if it was one day turned into a movie. I'd love to see it.
Keep writing!
October -
Riveting
StickNick said it all. The story is mezmerizing in its creepy, bizarre aspect. I was reminded constantly of the movie The Cube, where a group of people awake to find themselves trapped in a gigantic maze comprised of thousands of cube-shaped chambers. The main difference between the movie and your story is that in the movie, when people died, it was due to the array of mind-bogglingly sophisticated traps distributed across the different chambers. And the eerie part was, the poor saps trapped inside didn't know which chambers had the traps and which didn't; their only hope was to solve the cryptic number messages that laced the entraces to each cubic chamber. But, you can imagine how that turned out.
Anyways, I just have to say, your story blew me away. I love survival stories, and this one is of the highest order. You developed the characters and the plot well, not shying away from acknowledging each person's thoughts. And the pacing was pacing was perfect. My interest was peaked the whole way through.
That said, the mystery of it all began to seem a little bit contrived toward the end with the opening and closing brick wall. The other stuff I could buy, because it simply had to do with people wandering off or disappearing, but having the place, whatever it was, directly impede and separate them in that manner was a bit "Oh, c'mon."
All in all, the story is expertly written and executed. I was hoping Kenny would make it out in the end, if not with Alison then by himself at least. But then again (spoiler alert) the only person that made it out of the cube was the mentally challenged guy, fittingly chosen as his handicap would prevent him from telling anyone about the experience.
beginning: 5, language: 4, plot: 5, ending: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 4.
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Excellent Story!
Creepy, atmospheric, touching, disturbing and, most important of all, gory, sick and violent. Overall, your story fits perfectly into the mold of my contest but- is that enough for it to win? So far, this is the only entry in the contest but I'm still hoping for more.
Let's look at the story: I detected a few nods to Silent Hill, the videogame (or is that just coincidence?), Saw, Hostel and, obviously, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. I'd say you've mastered this vein of violent horror stories; I easily pictured this as a movie. I actually found the claustrophobic atmosphere you conjured to be more interesting and involving than its more violent and explicit parts. The ending, even so, is easily the high point of the whole affair; expertly described and painfully tragic and violent.
As for the characters: Kenny and Alison are perfectly structured characters and George and Claudia both receive the needed realism to bring their supporting roles into focus. It wouldn't hurt, though, for Terry and Anita to be a little more fleshed-out. You already had a long story (which actually didn't bother me since you held my attention throughout), and I wouldn't have minded if you had added a bit more depth to their characters.
On a whole: Excellent story! You placed a few neat touches here and there to bring out the twist I wanted; for example, when Kenny and Alison are laughing about something Kenny said, it's fun to imagine what that could have been. Congrats for the touches!
So good luck! I will await more stories (both for my contest and from you, lol) with bloody patience...
beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 4.
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Excellent story!
Creepy, atmospheric, touching, disturbing and, most important of all, gory, sick and violent. Overall, your story fits perfectly into the mold of my contest but- is that enough for it to win? So far, this is the only entry in the contest but I'm still hoping for more.
Let's look at the story: I detected a few nods to Silent Hill, the videogame (or is that just coincidence?), Saw, Hostel and, obviously, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. I'd say you've mastered this vein of violent horror stories; I easily pictured this as a movie. I actually found the claustrophobic atmosphere you conjured to be more interesting and involving than its more violent and explicit parts. The ending, even so, is easily the high point of the whole affair; expertly described and painfully tragic and violent.
As for the characters: Kenny and Alison are perfectly structured characters and George and Claudia both receive the needed realism to bring their supporting roles into focus. It wouldn't hurt, though, for Terry and Anita to be a little more fleshed-out. You already had a long story (which actually didn't bother me since you held my attention throughout), and I wouldn't have minded if you had added a bit more depth to their characters.
On a whole: Excellent story! You placed a few neat touches here and there to bring out the twist I wanted; for example, when Kenny and Alison are laughing about something Kenny said, it's fun to imagine what that could have been.
Congrats for the touches!
So good luck! I will await more stories (both for my contest and from you, lol) with bloody patience...
beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 4.








