In the year 2030, 123456.7890, there was a handsome and extremely intelligent boy named Blake. He was the delight of his Mommy's eye and the love of her heart. He joined the ranks of most loved sons ever born. Blake's grandma and grandpa were just like the cow, over the moon with love and happiness. Just like the cow, Blake would one day fly over the moon. Blake was destined to be an astronaunt.
Blake would one day fly to galaxies not even known when he was born. Blake would be a starship admiral. The name of his ship was the royal PJ. Blake had christened his ship after his favorite sandwich, peanut butter and jelly.
The royal PJ was certainly named appropriately because the starship's mission was to take bananas to faraway galaxies. bananas in the mid-twenty first century were extremely valuable. Blake's orders from the farout council was to exchange bananas for ice cream.
Ice cream had become very hard to find since the earth's cows had jumped over the moon. Although the earth had a plentiful supply of bananas but there was no ice cream to make banana splits. There were plenty of pineapple, chocolate syrup, strawberries, and nuts but no ice cream or whipped cream.
Since there was no ice cream, birthday cakes had been replaced with broccoli. No one wanted to have cake without ice cream. Broccoli had been picked to replace cake because the candles could be held in place and it looked good with the carrots. Carrots had become a favorite for birthdays in place of candy bars. Candy bars were made with milk and the milk was over the moon.
Blake traveled to the Royal PJ from the Farout Council's Chambers by the Cat N' Fiddle shuttle. When Blake arrrived to his starship docked at the Man In The Moon's Space Parking Lot, Blake saw cow after cow jumping over the moon.
Now Blake was very smart and he instantly had the idea to gather the cows and take them back to earth. Blake and his crew became space cowboys. Even their dog Clyde helped to herd the cows. They used the Cat N'Fiddle Shuttle to herd the cows into the great big space train on the lasar railroad. The train carried supplies from earth to the Man In The Moon's Space Parking Lot. The cars had once been used by a circus and there was a giraffe still living in the boxcar. The giraffe licked the cows clean on the trip back to earth. The cows were covered with moon dust.
When the Farout Council heard Blake and his crew had herded all the cows back to earth, they were very happy. No one had ever thought of herding the cows back to earth. The cows were placed in a huge cowpen. Blake was a hero.
Blake was awarded the earth's highest honor, the medal of three scoops. Blake had saved the day. Little cildren everywhere could now have cake and ice cream for their birthdays. Ice cream parlors sprung up all around the world and banana splits were made with lots of whipped cream.
Candy bars could be eaten again. Of course, the children had to eat their broccoli and carrots first because these made them strong and healthy. Blake had eaten all his broccoli and carrots when he was a little boy and he had grown up to be the world's most intelligent and famous astronaunt.
Here comes ice cream, here comes cake, here comes packages to shake. skye 2006
A contest entry
- Children's Stories by Delfishie.
350 points, ended August 31, 2007, 15 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - OPTIONS OPTIONS AND MORE OPTIONS by RedHearts.
400 points, ended October 13, 2007, 19 entries
Honorable winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Childrens Playground by abba12.
190 points, ended October 23, 2007, 19 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 24 of 24
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lol awwww this is cute!
but it does feel very rushed through... it could be a great story but it seems like a quickly written out plot. still a great idea though hehe, i dont want brocolli cakes! -
GREAT! Intelligent Blake brought the Earth's property back to it . I can't imagine living without cows . I love to milk them
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Wow, this was good. Thanks to blake for bringing back the cows. Great story. Loved it!
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I like broccoli. It's the vegetarian's best friend you know? It goes great with rice and cheese. Nummiful!
Well back to my reason for being here in the first place...great story! I think I'm going to print it out and read it to my lil' cousin. She'll just love it. Very creative! -
this is a cute story. It was really imaginative (especially the bit wondering about what would happen if the cows really did jump over the moon). I had a little bit of a hard time getting into the story, I think because of the plot-based writing style. I usually get more into character-based stories, but that's just personal preference.
Nice job with this. -
Cute and Clever!
This is very cute and clever and seems like an excellent children's story. It seems like it would entertain kids from about three to eight, although I liked it at 54. Thanks for entering our contest.
Andy
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awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
I have to say, I was gearing up for a totally mary-sue story about a perfect boy and his perfect life, but GOODNESS, that was HILARIOUS, I totally enjoyed it. The story had a perfect ironic tone to it, unbelievable but so simply said that it became law in the story. I do think the beginning was far slower paced than the middle and end (I liked the beginning pace actually, the solution of the cow-problem was a bit too fast, even for a kid's book.) It was very cute and I'd definitely reread it because it's so fun and easy. I could see this as a children's book with a little boy grinning from ear to ear on the cover riding a cow... ignore me...
. Rewarded 8
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I liked this story, it was different than what I usually read but its good that its different. Its nice for a change once in a while. Very pleasant read. Just a little side note, it was hard to get into the story at first, just a little awkward. But anyways, great story and great job.
. Rewarded 6
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lol. I love this! It is great! :D <3 Mem
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:)
Great story! it was very enjoyable to read and very creative! nice writing as well! i liked this story very fun and entertaining. keep up ithe greak work!
--greeneyes
. Rewarded 4
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I love it! Like everyone else, yes, I agree it's a great and wonderful children's story. This was a very pleasant story (it really made my day nicer). It looks like it would be found in a bed-time storybook, and I can imagine reading it to my future kids.
Wonderful job!
Luv, Imqueen
. Rewarded 6
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hehe
This is a gem of a piece. When I fist started reading it I'll admit that it felt a bit wierd though once it got flowing I understood your choices.
Must agree with everyone else, I makes a great kids story.
. Rewarded 4
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Woot!
Errors:
Paragraph 7 - Laser not lasar
Nice idea, never thought anyone would turn a nursery rhyme into a story quite like that. Quick and quirky. I liked it.
. Rewarded 4
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awesome!
Haha this was very entertaining!! I really enjoyed it, and the whole reference to the song about the cat n the fiddle, hey diddle diddle and the cow jumped over the moon etc. etc. was fantastic. First time I've read a not so serious story in a while, and it was definitely high time for one. I loved it! Where could you have possibly come up with an idea for something like this?? Haha it was great, and you're a fantastic writer. Keep up the good work.
-code named 17. Rewarded 8
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Aw, very cute! This would make an excellent children's story!
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...and just like the cow...Blake would..." (I thought inclusion of the "and" flowed better.)
Royal PJ...fun! (nice original stuff).
Bananas in the mid 21st century...(capital
Bananas for ice cream...more fun! Nice!
"Although the earth had a plentiful supply of bananas BUT there was no..." eliminate the word BUT. Otherwise it's an incomplete sentence. There WERE? plenty of pineapple, etc. I think you mean WAS. Next sentence...forget the whipped cream. The Ice cream is funny and cute enough. Whipped cream seems to be icing on the cake...so to speak!And you really don't need it. Do you? What does it add? (Except for the banana split at the end of the tale.) "Now Blake WAS very smart and he instantly..." How about, Now, Blake, being quite clever (or very smart)" (seems to read better)
I liked it! Tighten it up...you have a neat kid's story. Nice little moral... cute...and original to boot! Excellent.
Good luck,
G
. Rewarded 8
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I love your word play, this is exactly the time of word twisting fun my little cousins enjoy having read to them.
Reading your story made me very happy, I love to read stories that remind me of being little and your short sentences and concise use of phrasing really brings to mind the bluntness of children and how they just blurt stuff out, and how the world seems so simple to them. You really captured this.
In your third to last paragraph, starting 'Blake was awarded . . .' you have written cildren, instead of children. Small typo, I didn't even notice it the first time I read your story.
. Rewarded 8
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very creative, you also have a nice way of playing with words. In a world where everyone's trying to be serious, we need more minds like yours to make us smile every now and then.
. Rewarded 4
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What a cute story. You did really well focusing on little kids and their attention. You had a good moral at the end which is what children's books are all about. The Medal of Three Scoops was a cute idea too.
Smiles,
M.E.. Rewarded 4
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Hmm
Ok... I actually had to read this in a word document after I changed the capitilization. This was way too hard to read on here. When I did read it, I found a really entertaining story. You pulled all kinds of references to various things. I imagined the last line to be sung in that music that they play at weddings(I don't know the name). There were some sentences I considered awkward like... "Although the earth had a plentiful supply of Bananas but there was no ice cream to make banana splits", but overall it detracted little. The main problem for me was the caps, and I think everything else is pretty good.
. Rewarded 4
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wow a holy story in caps. umm that's distracting and makes the reader feel like they're being screamed at. check over your sentence structure
once you get past the whole caps thing it's an interesting story. If you redid it without caps more people might be inclined to read though -
Quite a sweet story in more ways than one!
I think you could make it more interesting if you put some "live" conversations in your story as the reader would feel more involved in the plot. I'm glad you mentioned the children should eat their greens and broccoli up first!!
Ann -
OMGoddess. I love this. This was so cute. I would love to read this to my little girl when she is old enough to understand it. What a wonderful imagination you have. Keep this kind of stoies up.
The only thing I would change would be to take it out of capitals, but that's my opinion.
Thanks for sharing.
~Syren~
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