I said NO!

I went to tj's house with crystal and tim ended up being there. Well we went into the room and we put a blanket over the window so no one could look in at us and so it would be dark. crystal was over on the other bed with tim doing god knows what and i was laying laying in the other bed across form the with tj. tj got up and went towards the closet and got a bottle of liqure and took a swig of it. im not sure what kind it was but he kpet getting up and taking drinks of it. he would aske me if i wanted any but i would always say no because i didnt like to drink around them. We were laying there and were making out the he unbottoned my pants and started to massage my clit. that didnt bother me cuz he has done it before but then he started taking my pants off and i said no. i knew exactly what he was tryen to do he was tryen to give me oral. we had talked about it before and he new my thoughts on it. i personaly dont liek the thought of a guys head being by my vagina but thats me. he kept tellen me it will only take 10 mins. come on let me. i kept sayen no, fighting him with my pants that i wanted up and he wanted down. i was even pushing his head awya from my lower body. he grabed my hands and i couldnt fight no more. i knew he was to strong for me to beat so i gave up the fight. while he was doing oral i had so many thoughts in my head. i didnt understand why he wouldnt listen to me and why he force me to do omething i wasnt ready for yet. it didnt feel good it felt wiered for it being my first time and all. and i also thought why the hell wasnt crystal helping me or tim. were they just not listening or what the hell were they doing that they wouldnt ask what was going on. finally he stopped and i grabbed my phone and checked the time. i pulled up my pants and he got up and tryed to kiss me but i backed away. i turned on the light and he left the room to go smoke a cig. crystal looked at me and tim looked at me and asked me what was wrong. and i explained and told them. tj walked back in and i told him that it was ready for me nd crystal to go home. he was drunk off his ass but him and tim insisted that they walk us to walmart were crystals cousin was picking us up at. why'll we were walken he kept tryen to put his arms around me and he could abrely walk. i didnt want him to even touch me. i was pissed at him makeing me do something i didnt wanted or i wasnt ready for. finally her cousin showed up and i got in the car and she took me home. i went straight to my room ad sat there. i called my best friend and explained what happened. i stayed with him for another month in a half then his friend raped my best friend and my mom made me tell the cops everything that we did. now im in the process of going to court for the 2nd time for what he did to me that night. i think to myself every day... is it really that big of deal. i understand that he took advantege of me and he was 5 years older then me but its not like he raped me or .. did he??1