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Jenny could only imagine what her husband would say when
she broke the news to him. The decision itself had been easy, in her mind there was no other recourse possible, now the hard part had come. As the petite blond neared the entrance to her husband Ted’s office building, she slowed her pace considerably. She had decided to get off the bus a few stops before the one that would let her out in front of the large glass doors looming before her now. They greeted her with the usual cold welcome she was used to before entering the world of investment bankers and lawyers.

At the same time she reached to open the heavy glass doors, Jenny glanced quickly at her tall, slender reflection. She ignored the whistles as if they were for someone else, while the doorman gave the two window washers a look that needed no further warning. Thankful for the air conditioning once inside, she looked back at
Ralph with a smile, a man who truly loved holding doors and smiling
even though it seemed he was invisible to many in the corporate world.

As she neared the elevator, Jenny caught the eye of Ted’s secretary Julie with her husband Rick, drawing a half smile from her but decided not to stop and chat. With the quarterly reports still not out, she and Ted were working 12-hour days at the minimum. If she wasn’t such good friends with Julie she would have suspected her the cause of Ted’s far away looks and their coming apart. Julie was a a good friend not to mention she and Rick were joined at the hip along with their three little ones and another on the way. Julie knew why she was coming into the office this morning, most likely the reason for sneaking out for an early lunch with her husband.

At once a sad smile formed on Jenny’s lips remembering meeting Ted in the very same restaurant and their conversation about how
long they had to wait for a hamburger. Ted, a city boy all his life assured her it was worth the wait. She was new in town, a nurse from a small town, hiding her paranoia in what would be her MO of sometimes sarcastic humor, a defense mechanism which kept her from being pressured to open up herself too much. She laughed even now recollecting finally recognizing him as one of the soldiers she met while serving in Desert Storm. She had called it God’s providence. Before the end of the night she gave him her number as well as her heart, falling in love all over again with this soldier turned lawyer. She also fell head over heels with his passion for life, his sense of humor and the way his green eyes danced as she sang the praises of Coopersville Missouri, where no one had to wait two hours for a hamburger.

Jenny's thoughts were put on hold when a businessman rather rudely asked her if she pressed the arrow up button of the newly installed glass elevators. She pressed it while wondering if Ted would demand she get right to the point since he was a busy man who was being interrupted. Since the incident with Lilly, she started to believe nothing could ever be the same. Pressing the shiny new button seemed a callous reminder to that fact. Her head started to spin as she looked down on the refurbished lobby and lounge, both getting smaller the higher up she traveled to the 15th floor, continuing to rehearse the words carefully chosen to break the news and feeling sick at the same time.

At Julie’s desk, looking the part of a fashion model, a long legged beauty named Tracy gave Jenny a warm smile and wave of her hand, immediately buzzing her husband Ted. She was training to be his new secretary when Julie had to go on permanent maternity leave.

“Mom is here, dad! I mean Mr. Sands, I mean, what do I mean?” she spat out in frustration.

She was practicing her office voice all morning which made Jenny have to stifle a chuckle at the way her daughter brought life to every place she invaded. What her daughter thought was a handicap, her naïve trusting ways, was irresistible to every who knew her.

“Hi mom“, Tracy said a little too perky even for her daughter.

“Hello sweet heart,” giving her a kiss then brushing her daughter’s bangs to the side instinctively.

“Oh mom, I wear them like that to make my face look thinner!“ she moaned.

“Every inch of that face is gorgeous“ Jenny answered feeling a lump in her throat wondering how she would take the news that was her and Julie’s secret alone.

Before she could worry about Tracy any further, Ted was at his door, nodding to Jenny to step into his office.

“I’m not taking any calls while your mom is here Trace“, Ted quipped then threw his daughter a kiss like when she was little, making her blush.

“If Julie comes back before we’re done, tell her the same please” as Jenny shut the door behind them.

Jenny felt nervous sitting across from a man she raised two children with, through his bout with prostrate cancer and what threatened to completely tear them apart, Lilly. That name always came down on her like a hammer and today was no exception. Smart, beautiful and the love of Ted’s life. She knew nothing she could say or do that would make up for the love that Lilly shared with her husband. The accident, he had to have blamed her. Their daughter, cut down at twenty in a head on collision in Rome just as she landed a part on Broadway and about to marry a successful and wonderful young man. Jenny had insisted she and her two daughters take a trip to Italy before the wedding while Ted was busy with the quarterly reports. Ted admitted he had a bad feeling about them taking the trip and tried to persuade them not to go. Jenny and Tracy returned from that trip with Lilly in a pine box.

She remembered it as if it were yesterday, feeling as if she just wanted to keep running and running like Forest Gump but never come home. That was four years ago and though Ted said he didn’t blame her she wondered why he never was the same after that, barring the obvious. Was it possible he could have blamed himself, somehow that thought never occurred to her before…?

“Ted, this isn’t easy what I have to tell you“, she said coming out of her thoughts.

“Just tell me Jen“, he said more pained then angry.

“Maybe I should just leave, this isn’t the time or place, what was I thinking? “ she fired back.

“No, I’m sorry Jen, please go on“ as he put his hand gently on her arm as if to hold her back;

Lilly’s frozen expression seemed almost to accuse her, displayed like a memorial with two other photos, one with her arms around her sister and one family portrait.

“Ted, this will come as a shock to you“, she cautiously began

“Go on, nothing surprises me anymore” sighing wearily while rubbing his eyes.

“I’m pregnant Ted”, she choked out, starting to feel nauseous searching for Ted’s wastebasket.

Ted’s eyes shot wide open as he sunk even lower into his chair.

“Are you alright Ted”?? she asked concerned.

“I thought you had different news, I expected you were here to tell me we were through”

“And let you get away without having to change diapers and answer four o’clock feedings?" she let spill out of her mouth, immediately wanting to retract her usual joke for every occasion.

Ted just stared at her for what seemed an eternity. He then looked at Lilly’s picture as if to silently ask her the question Jenny had not dared.

He put the picture back almost reverently than cleared his throat.

“you know we are in our late forties and” he began to say

“I know Ted but now days older couples” she interrupted

“Let me finish Jen“, quickly interjecting

“I’m sorry” her eyes now fixed on the pattern in the green carpet

“Like I was trying to say“ Ted continued

As she into his eyes again, there was just a hint of the sparkle that used to be there.

“This will mean more to my business then you could ever imagine” he said in an overacted tone, just think we might be able to replace Tracy one day as secretary, she’s really bad you know!" letting out a laugh.

Jenny, hopeful for the first time in years, joined Ted as tears streamed down both their middle-aged faces.

“When you told me this morning you were coming to tell me something, I had a lot of time to think. The thought of losing you well“…. He tried to finish saying what was on his mind, then made her lean down and with a kiss so passionate, she didn’t know if it was the pregnancy or that which made her dizzy again.

“I know where two cheeseburgers have our names written on them, what do you say we celebrate life for a change?“ Ted challenged her.

“We might have a long wait” she said with a playful look in her eye. The same one she had three months ago, a rare occurrence over the past few years, but apparently effective.

“Well if I remember the first time we had to wait there together, we got to know one another enough for you to fall head over heels in love with me” he chided

Jen gave him a playful jab as she walked out of his office in front of him.

He told his young secretary “I’m gone for the day if anyone calls,”
then added “But first Tracy, your boss has something to tell you about a possible replacement for you, we’ll do it over a veggie burger and Perrier of course’ he added.

Tracy was confused, yet so proud to be able to work for one of the most successful lawyers representing Veterans wounded while serving their country.

Ted glanced up at the gold nameplate on his door. As a veteran himself, he thought about another beautiful lady he loved. She was waiting for sons and daughters still overseas, leaving her harbor light on and torch brightly lit. He said a prayer for her, knowing well enough the joy of welcoming home a child and also the pain of receiving one sealed in a box, like his own dear sweet Lilly.