Think They Know Me

People think that they know me, because I relate to so many in varied ways. The truth is, although I write of beauty and philosophy in a challenging way that only reflects an inner part of my being and not the whole. Actually I use to love people despite of what I saw, though I could see more than they wanted to know. It simply comes from breaking out of a 9-to-5 scenario, travelling to more than just a few countries, and seeking God desperately as a child (for Wisdom and help). 1

Of course when you’re a child you don’t think having young parents can be a disadvantage; mom was only fifteen when she had me. Then both my parents moved away from their families, so I grew up the first and only child for four years before my sister came; then I couldn’t get two inches from her before she cried. My brother came alone when I was almost nine; although the kids in the neighbourhood surrounded me with fun. I loved putting on plays, gathering materials from the neighbourhood for my dad to build a play-house (which was turned into a church for me to preach from time to time), and a Ballet Studio was just across the street where I practiced balancing my feet on top of my toes. And when I wasn’t coming up with great ideas for the kids in the neighbourhood to do, I spent lots of time (latterly) in my closet praying.2

Growing up, though, I never realized that there was a difference between religion and true Believers in Christ. They say you either marry someone like your mom or dad; well, I married one who was regrettably like my mom. But because she was always in and out of the hospital, I ended up staying with other Gospel believing couples who really loved Christ and therefore didn’t know my folks as well as I thought I did. They ending up in divorce by the time I was fifteen, but by that time I was sailing on Holy Spirit glory clouds. This is not to say that my life’s been perfect, yet I have been privileged to travel and be established in some of the greatest churches throughout the USA, with sever spiritual moms who have nurtured me in the ways of God. And though my hurts, misunderstandings, and rebellion took me to the depths of hell, the mercy, grace, and loving-kindness of Father God brought me back (despite the extreme damage done by religion).3

Just six years ago I went back to my home state, and roots in Arkansas, where I was born. Even though I soon learned that there are not just small minded people; there are also whole cultures which have narrow minded ways. Keeping in mind what it cost me to break out of the nine-to-five scenario, the fear of man and travelling halfway around the world. Mom was sick, and my marriage was dead, but I tried to comfort her and help her with the chores, working in her garden. In the end, God extended her life; although she turned on me, because of all the steroids the doctors where pumping her body with.4

So I left Arkansas, after working there for a few years, and travelled to Brownsville Revival Centre, in Pensacola Florida, where I lived six months before travelling on to see my children in Sacramento California. Brownsville is internationally renowned for a mighty move of the power of God, and the longest revival for such a move of God’s power.5

Visiting my children and facing the breakdown of my relationship with them wasn’t easy; as I was aware, after the death of their dad, that they would use me to dump on (to avoid betraying him). Still I had paid such a price already to be with them, from time to time (which they couldn’t possible conceive). And even though their dad was a gangster and drug trafficker, he did have a sense of humour and only buried me to the kids because he couldn’t bare them to mention my name, or live without me.6

Of course all this may be too much for some, but I feel that it’s important to have on my blog to clarify, in a general sense, where I’m coming from. And yes, my kids did break my heart but that was to be expected. Afterwards, I just kept getting something about “the long green mile.” It was just after that movie had come out, but that was about all I knew. So I figured God was trying to tell me that there was something from that movie I needed to know. Sure enough, John Coffey’s character related it best and his words went right through the very core of my being. He said: “He killed them with their love for each other. THAT’S HOW IT IS, EVERYDAY, ALL OVER THE WORLD.” An old adage or cliché, similarly, can be put another way: things are never what they seem, even mild masquerades a cream.7

Returning, in the end, to my X, was more out of necessity rather than choice; still He wanted me back because he needed his strong shield to hide behind, someone to pass the buck. And yet, without real family or wise counsel, it’s easy for a man or woman to dump; rather than to own where the responsibility for their actions lies.8

Still God does answer prayer, perhaps not in the way we think best; but He really does in the end. And He brought, in the midst of great conflict and hell, a wonderful angel-friend into my life. Now, she’s more like family, and Father God help us to clear all the rubbish that was on our plate from many “Do-gooders” who still can’t get real, for all their projections and excuses.9

What I find the most interesting about my life is, about ten years ago God clearly spoke to me and told me to get real, get down, and get into my prayer closet, that His judgement was going to fall over all the face of the earth.10

It’s taken me ten long years of repentance, seven of them with communion and surrender each day, emptying and removing all the distractions, waiting daily for God’s counsel and direction; yet the church thinks that if they preach repentance ever so often they’ve really done well. Rod Parsley is one of the few Pastor-Prophets who preaches like his audience is lost without “Total Surrender.” And they call him THE RAGING PROPHET. What’s more interesting, to me, is the fact when God used Moses (the meekest man on earth) who lead a million across the desert that only a few actually made it to the Promised Land. In the Bible, of the book of Hebrews chapter 4, it warns us to take heed lest we also are hindered from entering into that land and His REST.11

http://www.pfo.org/parsley.htm12

Churches nowadays cater to prestige, the public, the pocket book, instead of what’s on God’s agenda. Multitudes in the valley of decision, and religious leaders are targeted by evil trying to compare themselves with who can out preach the other, or draw the largest crowd. Here what God has to say about it: “They draw near to me with their lips . . . having a form of godliness, but they deny the power thereof.” [Joseph Smith 2:19; see 2 Timothy 3:5] 13

http://www.renewamerica.us/columns/creech/06011214

http://speeches.byu.edu/reader/reader.php?id=678215

Anyway, that’s quite enough about me. It must seem all, a bit, too~ much; that’s for sure. And I suppose it makes me sound self-absorbed; in all actuality, I suppose it comes from the last few years of isolation (minus my dearest friend roommate and friend). So between the scary and the damaged, of all of our lives, here’s the REAL of who I am (generally speaking, that is).16

By Milly Hunter17

Armour4Quill2@yahoo.co.nz18

(4 August 2006 10:25 a.m.)19

Christchurch, New Zealand20