kiss of death

As I looked at my phone for the umpteenth time I was not surprised to see I had no messages, I new every one else would be out and I was stuck in here with her. 1

“Even if they do phone your not going out” I could tell by the high pitch tone that she meant it this time. “So get that phone out you hand and get some studding done”2

This had become the sad reality of my pitiful life forced to stay at home on a Saturday night to study. Why? Because she wants me to do my best, that’s all she asks. But my best is more like do what she says, when she says and how she says.3

The fact of the matter is she fell pregnant at sixteen had to drop out of school marry a man she later found that she despised and as this is my fault for being born , so I have to be the big defence lawyer that she always wanted to be, all because she messed up her life.4

Unknowingly to her the doped endued trance I was in, her words only danced right over my head and out the door. As I pulled myself up from the armchair, careful not to look in her eyes I tried to slowly balance myself. “My stuffs up stares” I didn’t want to seem to eager as this would only draw her attention but I didn’t want to put up a fight as I could feel the giggles starting and that’s not what you want to do to a premenstrual, over-worked and under valued woman that’s ready to go for it guns blazing. On my way I grab some crisps, and a can of juice for when the munchies set in. 5

Is I entered my dungeon like room that literally is too small to swing a cat an overwhelming calm swoops over my body. I had made it over the firing zone without being shot. 6

I was actually going to attempt to look at the text book that had been sitting closed on my lap for the past twenty minuets and my phone goes. 7

I sat smiling listening to Jen tell me about the crap night they all had, I had found an inner peace by the time I came off the phone and was glad I had stayed in to study. But as I was on the phone for an hour I give up on the studying and sat the still closed text book on the floor and moved to the open window to finish to perfectly hidden joint then off to sleep knowing not only did I manage to stay out of trouble with her tonight by staying in I managed to escape getting lifted with the police as I would have if I had went out with the low life’s I surround my self with that I call friends.8

I wake with a smile on my face, its Sunday she works on a Sunday so it’s my day to do as I please. See that’s the trouble with being a only child there’s no-one else for them to watch so there eyes are on you 24/7, but not today, today she would be in the office doing overtime of something and I would free. 9

I here the car rev outside as I step out the shower, see they cant just come to the door and say are u ready, they like to make sure the whole street knows their there and watch all the curtains tweak. I pull on my jeans and grab a top from the washing basket, I smell it first just encase there is a stench even to strong for my nostrils, I made that mistake once and they made me hang my top out the window all the way to the shed. I contemplate lipstick but they start peeping so I decide to do my war paint in the car.10

After application I glance at my reflection not a bad job if you take into account the very bouncy conditions. 11

The shed is my refuge, and as I walk through the door I feel happy, the thing is these people are total space cadets, total waste of space but they don’t care, they do what they want and I love that. That feeling of self belief they all have. None of them have ambition none of care about anything but the moment! “That’s what’s life’s all about” john said, he didn’t speak much only a few words of wisdom would penetrate through is lips at the strangest moments. He intrigued me, I was not totally accepted in the shed as I did have ambition and did actually care about tomorrow but they allowed me to live as if I didn’t whilst I was with them. 12

We were only in the door 5 minuets with the groups starting forming, depending on your choice of drug would determine your group and depending what you had on you. 13

As my only vice was a little bit of dope another reason I wasn’t trusted I was always more aware of my surroundings what was going on and with who. John on the other hand was into everything and anything which scared me, as I found myself getting more attracted to him the worse his habit got. I could watch him go in and out of his intoxicating states with pleasure to see the calm on his face, but not tonight. Tonight I felt uneasy.14

On the way here he had somehow managed to fall asleep in the over packed car and speel had taken it upon himself to paint his face with this his kid brothers face paints 18 years old and still stealing this brothers toys, he went for the Kiss look not that I knew this at the time but was latter informed they were big in there time. When he reigned consciousness he showed no emotion, I felt a knot in belly as I watched every point and laugh at him, I gave him a mirror to wipe it off but he stared at his reflection with pain in his eyes, he did nothing just left it for every one to laugh, in the shed no one really noticed most of them were already to wasted. Usually I would try and sit were I could see him in full view, as close as I could get with out invading his group, but tonight I didn’t I stayed back but close enough were I could see his face.15

A lost him for a minute and turned to find him sitting nest to me, “this is not you” “why are you here” my mouth would not work “I was once like you, thought that this was cool these people were cool, but there not” “ I used to sit with she ash heads watching the hard addicts thinking I would never be like that but look at me now I am them I am them and there’s nothing I can do about it don’t let it happen to you please” with that he stood and walked to the other and of the room he fell against the wall and let him self slid down. He looked as if he had given up, 16

I herd what only could be described as a pack of hyenas laughing a group of yobbs had now noticed his painted face as they crowed round taken pictures with there phones for a minute he raised his hands as if he was going to put up a fight but it soon fell to his side, as his eyes drifted over to me I could see a tear stole down his face. 17

I had had enough so I made my excuses and started the long walk home. By the time I got in my feet were sore and all I wanted to do was go to bed. 18

I kept a low profile for the next few days and did as she asked got stuck into some over due studying but as I went into the kitchen something caught my eye in local paper that was neatly folder on the table it read “KISS of DEATH” it went on to say a 19 year old local boy had been found hinging from a tree and had many explanations of why his face was painted like a member of kiss but none of them near to the truth. 19

I reached for my phone, searching for the picture that had been sent the day before. As I looked down I couldn’t believe that this was the last picture I would ever see of john again. 20