Jade (Part 3)

Prince Tryte insisted that Sir Blake accompany him with his group of men and they road across the open fields of the Northern country till an hour before sunset. Three other groups took South, West, and East. They had reached the border of the black swamp, but took rest before continuing. With small fires to cook, the men ate, fed their horses, and sharpened their blades.
"My Prince," Sir Blake inquired.
"Why don't you practice saying, 'My Lord?'" The Prince replied with a laugh, drawing his sword and scraping it to his dagger. "I'll be one soon."
"Yes, my Prince," Blake replied humbly. "I wanted to know about the horses. There is barely enough firm ground through the swamp for men to walk in a single file... let alone horses."
"We will leave them behind then," Prince Tryte replied.
"Too bad I ain't a horse," one of the men spoke over the crackling flames.
"Excuse me?" Tryte replied.
"There's no excuse for murder," the man rose his voice.
"Murder?" Prince Tryte asked, sheathing his sword and walking towards the weathered soldier.
"You're leading us all to our death," he said. "Haven't you heard of the creatures in that swamp? They'll fly right out of the water and swallow you whole!"
"Utter nonsense," Prince Tryte replied. "What is your name?"
"Kellamity," he answered.
"Well, 'Kellamity,'" said Tryte. "With a name like that it would make sense that you... worry. But keep your legends to yourself! The REST of the men have THEIR heads attached to their necks."

Tryte was anxious to carry on, so the men tied their horses to the few surrounding shrubs and set into the swamp. They walked silently at first, watching the trees become weaker and feeling the ground become softer as they went on. Then, they began to cross a single bridge of dry land through an expanse of gurgling water. And because the sounds of the bubbling made the men feel uneasy, they began to murmur.
"What if what Kellamity said is true?" whispered one.
"Then we're all doomed," the other replied.
"Hush!" Prince Tryte shouted, leading the men with Sir Blake and looking straight ahead.
But as his voice fell dead on the muggy air, they heard splashes. Tryte spun around to a mere twelve men in place of twenty.
"Where are the others?" he asked cooly, but the men just turned their heads towards the ripples - silent.
Suddenly eight ferocious creatures leapt out of the water and across the bridge of land, each swallowing one of the men, including Kellamity. They were like great fish with dragon heads, reminiscent of a crocodile but legless and scaled, shimmering in the red sun. Two times as long as a horse and three times as large, with flapping gill son the sides of their cheeks, they instantly disappeared into the murky water.
"Run!" Prince Tryte shouted, but not soon enough.
The monsters leapt up again eating the other two men and they would have had Sir Blake and Prince Tryte as well, but Blake pushed the Prince to the ground just as the creatures flew over.
Prince Tryte looked up from the ground, astonished, at Sir Blake, who yanked him up. They ran - at last - to the safety of a large island shrouded and blocked from the water by small brittle trees.
"Why, Sir Blake," said Prince Tryte as he caught his breath. "You saved my life."
Blake nodded with a small smile, still feeling shaken.
Then Tryte opened his mouth again, meaning to express his thanks, but all that would come out was, "It's a shame you made me leave the horses behind. If we'd taken them, it's like they would have been eaten in place of some of those men. Maybe more would have survived."
Sir Blake turned his shining eyes to Tryte and let the tears slip out, despite his pride.
"So you've come," a voice suddenly broke the silence.
Prince Tryte turned to see Jade, standing, not far off, beneath a wilting willow. He was not alone. A woman stood at his right and an obsidian griffin, with black spiked armor was at his left.
"Did you not expect me to come?" Prince Tryte replied, approaching him.
"I don't know." Jade replied. "One doesn't trust a snake, so should they expect things of him?"
Prince Tryte looked down at his dark forest-green tunic of snake skin.
"They can expect him to bite!" Prince Tryte replied, drawing his blade.
As it clashed with Jade's, Sir Blake drew his also, only to clang with the sword of the Princess Ivy.
"So you've brought the princess with you," Tryte hissed as he and Jade stood frozen eye to eye. "What good will that do you? If I capture you both..."
"No," Jade smiled. "I will not admit I killed your brother in exchange for Ivy keeping her dignity because she's willing to admit she loves me. You have no blackmail material here."
Tryte pulled his sword away and Jade stepped back.
"What, boy, makes you think you can outsmart me?" He turned towards the Princess. "And there is no evidence that I killed Prince Arrant. I saw you in the castle. I am just a Prince avenging my brother."

Author notes

Part 4: http://storywrite.com/story/49142

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Comments

1 - 5 of 5
  • Kalamina
    May 4, 2007

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    I saw some things that could be changed.

    "Prince Tryte insisted that Sir Blake accompany him with his group of men and they road..."

    There was a spelling mistake here, it should be, "Prince Tryte insisted that Sir Blake accompany him with his group of men and they rode..."

    "They had reached the borders of the black swamp, but took rest before continuing."

    I dont think you can say, "took rest," it would be better if you say, "They reached the borders of the black swamp, but rested before continuing."

    "There's no excuse for murder, the man rose his voice."

    It would sound better if you said, "There's no excuse for murder, the man said, his voice rising."

    Otherwise this was good, I am glad there is still building action, the continuation should be interesting, however, it is strange that you are staying so long from the point of view of the prince, I dont know if you are doing this for affect, but Jade has a very small part so far... it would be nice to see more of his point of view.
    Good job though!

  • Ahava
    October 27, 2006
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    eeeeeee, great job! i didnt find any problems with this story either, thats two for two. keep up the great work. this story is so exciting. off to read part 4 now, so great job and keep writing.


  • Near
    September 20, 2006
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    exallent! I just think that you should've made the part when the men got attacked by the creatures a little longer. But other than that It was relly good!


  • solarman
    August 3, 2006
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    I love the story so far. the only thing that I would change would be the part where the men get attacked by the creatures. It seems to me that the fight should be a little longer (some more description maybe?). I like your Prince Tryte character.

    beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 4.

  • Katie Lazette
    August 2, 2006
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    Excellent

    Bravo, I want to read more. When will you have it all completed.? How many more chapters? Will you list it all when it is completed so we can reread the entire story? I'm sitting on the edge of my chair now. There is one typo. "Why don't your practice saying My Lord?" The Princed, should'nt it be The Prince?

1 - 5 of 5