My Mind Away From Me Pt. 4

What is wrong with me. Am I that fucked in the head. Do i need attention like a starving child needs nourishment. Are my paranoid delusions just that or do they speak untold truths. Either way i am sick of it. I am sick of wondering, i am sick of being this way, death wont help, so what must i do to strip myself of feelings. Would I be evil if i chose to be completley cold. Chose to ruin all those around me just for the pleasure of watching their faces being ruptured by my malicious cold will. Ahh what i would pay to simply turn off my emotions, go on a liberating spree and then be done. I am so weary of the bullshit and lies and filth in my life. Id like the absolute for once. Because half truths and lies are goin to drive me insane and id prefere to keep my sanity if thats possible. I was so close to being free of pain and misery. But even that was a lie. Are all ppl compulsive liars, do they all lie all the time? And i thought there was a hope for them, back to the old surmise. Humanity as a whole isn't bad but there are way too many vile filth littering this world. Myself included but i am working on that. Not saying i want saintlyness, oh no, i just aspire to be the best me i can be. If thats a charming nice male, or a vile malicious asshole, then so be it. I am tired of being held by the restrictions of this world, of its people and its codes. Is it too much for complete freedom, to act, say and think with no reprecussions. Well maybe not but a world without imposed wills would be nice. Not complete chaos, lords no, just a freedom from feeling and lies. Again is it too much to ask for the truth, is it too much to ask to know without a doubt i am not the only person who thinks like me. To know i matter, but there i go being a slave to my insistent desire to be loved. fuck it. sweet nightmares lil children. reap our sins and feast on our flesh. be all that is great of man.1