Found at Last

Found At Last1

This book is based on actual facts, but2

I chose to change the names 3

To protect the innocent.4

Or those that I could not find.5

FOUND AT LAST6

PROLOUGE7

Jennifer had waited for seemed like forever for her graduation to get here. There was only one thing missing…her mother. Jennifer and her brother Kevin and his twin Kasey had been raised with their father.8

For as long as they could remember their father had told them that their mother didn’t want them and that she had been abusive towards them. None of them wanted to believe him, but they had not gotten even so much as a Christmas card from her, in that past sixteen years. They hoped that he was wrong, but they didn’t see how he could be. Even the rest of their family seemed to hate their mother just as much as he did. They kept saying all the same things. 9

For Jennifer, this was an especially happy time, not only was she about to graduate from high school, but her boyfriend had just proposed. She was really feeling the emptiness of not having her mother around to share in these big events. Over the years, they had tried to get their father, aunt, and grandmother to help them find her. Jennifer was pushing even more now, she wanted her mother at her wedding, even if her father was right.10

“Come on dad, please help us find mom. I want both of you to walk me down the aisle. That has been a dream of mine since I was about five or six. I know what you have said over the years, but damn it I don’t care! I want my mother at my wedding! She has just as much right to be there as you do!” she yelled at her father for what must have been the hundredth time. They agreed on nearly everything, except this. They couldn’t agree on this no matter what. 11

Jennifer, Kevin., Kasey, and their adopted sister Tammy, had spent many hours talking trying to come up with ideas on how to find her. The only thing they could come up with was hiring a private investigator to find her, but none of them had the money for that.12

They had begun to think that they would never get to know their mother. It seemed the harder did not deserve them in her life. No matter how hard they tried to get their father to talk about her, the harder he tried to convince them that she was no good and did not deserve them in her life.13

Chapter One14

Rolling over to quiet the insistent buzzing of the alarm, her hand knocks a box off the nightstand, as it dawns on her, that in a little over eight hours, she would be walking down the aisle to “Pomp and Circumstance.” Jenny reached down and picked up the box that had been knocked off. It was a small jewelry box with a note from Tammy. Jenny, I hope you enjoy this little gift. Happy Graduation, Love Tammy. Slowly, she opened the box, and inside found the most beautiful pair of diamond earrings that she had ever seen.15

The day had dawned bright and sunny, a perfect day for an outdoor graduation. Listening, Jennifer could hear the birds singing outside. It seemed that they were trying to add an extra note of happiness to the day just for her. But even with that, she had woke up with an uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach. She had no idea why, but she knew it couldn’t be good, it never was. She had had these feelings before, and they always meant trouble. No matter how hard she tried to ignore it, the feeling just would not go away.16

Please Lord, just let today go smoothly and with no problems, she thinks as she starts the bath water. The uneasy feeling that had settled in her stomach had left her feeling queasy, and nothing she tried seemed to help. She had thought of not going to graduation, but she knew you only got this chance once, and she had to get through the day. 17

Starting the bath water, and getting her gray woolen skirt out, deciding to talk to her sister for a minute, “Tammy” she hollers as she heads for the door. Only to find her standing there, “Thank you for the earrings! I love them. How did you know,”18

“Hey, would you slow down” Tammy says laughing, “I knew you loved mine, and well, I just thought you deserved something special today,” as she gives her a hug. “Now you had better get ready for graduation. And hey, congratulations, you deserve this sis.”19

Still not being able to shake the feeling, that had started out as some butterflies had turned into a feeling of dive bombers attacking from the inside out. This was supposed to be the happiest day of her life so far, and for reasons unknown to her, she had a horrible feeling. Something told her that it was going to be a true bittersweet day for her.20

Looking down at her hand, and seeing her engagement ring, she felt a wave of happiness wash over her. She loved Alex so much and knew that her life was going to be perfect with him. He was kind, loving and just perfect for her. But she also knew that she didn’t have time to think about the future right now, she had to get ready for graduation. 21

The time had finally arrived to leave for graduation. For some reason the dive bombers had started to feel more like 747’s in the pit of her stomach. Jennifer could not figure out why she felt so uneasy, today was supposed to be a wonderful day for her. It was the end of her childhood, and the beginning of her adult life. Even though, she had been helping raise her brothers and sister for the past six years, and had been working for the last two years of high school. She knew that her life was about to change forever. She had waited for this day for what seemed like forever, but somehow she knew that is wasn’t going to be as perfect as she had hoped it would be.22

Gathering with her friends in the choir room, everyone helping each other with their cap and gowns, a feeling of bittersweet happiness fills the room. Finally they hear “Pomp and Circumstance” fill the school, with a final hug here and they begin to line up and get ready to walk the halls of Forest Grove High for the last time.23

After the opening of the ceremony, as they were beginning to call the names of the graduates to come up and get their diplomas, the principle interrupts the ceremony to call for Alicia Johnson to come and take a phone call. Jenny knew she knew the name, but could not put her finger on it, as the saying goes. Finally, all the graduates had been called and received their diplomas, caps went flying up into the air as parents were clapping and the graduates were yelling and looking for their friends so they could make plans to see each other and maybe going to get some pizza or something.24

Hearing someone call her name, Jenny looks around to see who it is and realizes that it is her father, so she makes her way through the crowd, “Let’s go,”25

“Dad, I wanted to go with my friends and hang out for a while,” she tells her father.26

“I am sorry but we have to go right now! They took Latasha to the hospital during the ceremony. Latasha’s mother, Alicia had become like a sister to her since she had been working with her father’s business.27

“That explains the uneasy feeling I’ve had all day.” She tells her father and says she will be right back as she needs to gather up her things and tell her friends that she can not join them, but would call them in a day or so.28

On the way to the hospital, Jennifer tries to figure out what had happened to cause this horrible misfortune on her big day. She knew too, that she needed to go over to the nursing home where she worked. She was the ‘baby’ of the nursing and had promised everyone that she would come over so they could take pictures of her with her cap and gown on.29

Once at the hospital, they found Alicia in tears, Latasha had died on the way there. Nyetta finally knew what the uneasy feeling had been.30

“Alicia she was only nine months old. For god’s sake what the hell happened?” Tammy asked.31

“From what the doctor said, she had about nine adult strength Sudafed’s in her system. Apparently Sonya wasn’t watching her very closely,” Alicia answered through the tears. 32

Three days later, family and friends gather to say their goodbyes to Latasha. Not a soul left the cemetery until the white linen lined coffin was placed in the ground.33

* * * 34

With her wedding just a couple of months away-Jenny was still on the outs with her father about her mother.35

“Dad, I really want mom at my wedding. Why can’t you give me a place to start? I know her name is Lynda, but that is all I know. Why can’t you tell me something else about her? This is really important to me.”36

“Your better off without her in your life. She never wanted you kids anyways. Why do you keep up with that?” He tells her yet again. He had been telling her and the twins that same thing their entire lives.37

“Dad I don’t care! I have always had this dream of both you and mom walking me down the aisle at my wedding. Is that so wrong? For some reason you seem dead set against us even knowing mom. Why is that? Why do you hate her so? All I want is for the two of you to be at my wedding.”38

Jenny was tired of getting this run around. The dream of having both her mother and her father walking her down the aisle had been one that she had since she about five or six. The days were dwindling down and yet she was still no closer to finding her mother than she had been before. She had tried explaining all this to her fiancé and how she felt about it, but for some unknown reason he seemed to be on her father’s side.39

“Alex, how can you side with my father? You are supposed to be on my side. I am going to be your wife in less than a month. I would like think you’d be a bit more supportive of what I want. This is really important to me.”40

“Look, Jenn, maybe your father is right. Did you ever think of that?” Alex asks her.41

Alex wasn’t one hundred percent sure that what he was doing was right, but Jenny’s father was adamant about her never finding her mother, and had been told that if he didn’t agree with her father, he would find a way to stop the wedding. Alex could only hope that she never found out how miserable her father could be. Jenny and her father were real close to each other. That was one of the reasons he had fallen in love with her. She was so devoted to her family, and he really admired that about her. That was something he had never had with his family. 42

Alex decided to talk to Tammy’s boyfriend, Jason, about the position that their father had put him in. He thought that Joe would understand what he was going through, since him and Ann had been together for almost three years. He was right Jason did know, and all he could tell him was to do what he thought was right, but he needed to remember that if he told Jennifer any of it, she wasn’t likely to believe it. She was just to close to her father to see anything bad he might do. Alex knew he was right, but hated being in this position. Over the next couple of weeks Alex tried to help Jenny concentrate on the final arrangements for their wedding.43

The day of the wedding finally arrived. Jenn’s stomach was filled with butterflies. She knew her life was about to change forever. Before the wedding started, Jenny sat down and wrote a letter to her mother, and would later put it in her jewelry box.44

Dear Mom,45

I am writing this letter today, Aug. 10, 1984 because I am about 46

to get married. I really tried to get dad to help me find you so you could 47

be here and make one of my dreams come true. I had dreamt that both 48

you and dad walked me down the aisle today. Well, that is another 49

dream that I can no longer keep alive. I really wish I knew where 50

you were and that you could be here today. I have not given up my 51

dream of finding you someday. Maybe someday I will find that you52

too were looking for us as we are for you. I love you Mom.53

Love, Jennifer Rose54

Having done that, she leaves for the church, wondering if she would ever be able to give that letter to her mom. She would like to think so, but was really unsure of that at this point in time.55

Over the next few months she learned she was pregnant. She couldn’t believe that she was about to become a mom. It seemed that all of her dreams were coming true, except for the dream of having her mother there. She had her step mother, but still it was not the same. She liked, even loved her, but yet she wanted her mom. When she had been growing up, getting married and having a family of her own had been two of her biggest dreams. She knew Alex was going to be a wonderful father. She was hoping that she would be a good mother. She knew that she was prepared both emotionally and physically for a baby, but like all new mothers she was scared. And this only brought home once again the fact of how much she wanted and needed her mother in her life.56

Once again Jennifer and her father had had another fight about her mother. She felt the need to have her mother there for the birth of her first child. She knew her step-mother would be there, but she wanted her mother. She could only hope that one day her father would finally back down and give her what she wanted and needed most in her life, her mother.57

Jenny was still working at the nursing home, and her friends and co-workers were giving her a baby shower before she had to go on leave. She couldn’t believe all that was happening. It all seemed to good to be real. Finally the day arrived that she was to take leave, but she really didn’t want to. She tried talking them into letting her come in and help feed patients in the activity room, but the director of nursing, in the nursing home would not hear of it. She knew that Jenny would need to get the final things ready for the baby. Alex and his father had made a plan that his father would stop by to check on her in the evenings while Alex was at work. One evening while her father-in-law was there her water broke. She wasn’t totally comfortable telling him what happened, so she didn’t say anything. Finally she told him that she was tired and wanted to go lie down for a while before her husband got home. After he left, she called her husband at work, and her doctor. Alex left work, and her doctor told them to meet her at the hospital by six in the morning, unless she went into labor during the night. By the time Alex got home, she was in labor. When they got to the hospital, they told her that they would call the doctor that was on call that evening. Knowing what her doctor had told her, she asked who the on call doctor was. “Dr. Mechlam is on call this evening,” the nurse in ER told her. 58

“That man is NOT delivering my baby,” She told the nurse. “I will go home and deliver it by myself first.”59

“But , but ma’am, he is the one that is on call, we have to call him,” They tell her.60

“No, Cheryl told me that she would come in even if it was her night off. Dr. Mechlam is not delivering this baby!”61

“OK, I will call Cheryl,” the nurse tells her as a contraction hits her. Back in the delivery room, Jennifer asks Alex to call her father and let him know that she was having the baby.62

Early the next morning, she held her beautiful son, AJ in her arms for the first time. For a while after AJ was born, things were ok. Lately however, things weren’t going so well. It seemed like all they did was fight, and Alex had become physically abusive towards her. But believing in her vows, Jenny had decided to stick it out and make it work. She had seen her father go through three broken marriages and was determined that that was not going to happen to her. She firmly believed in her marriage vows, and did not believe in divorce for any reason.63

Knowing in her heart she had made the right decision for her and their son, she does everything in her power to make her marriage work. 64

Putting AJ down for his nap one day, she goes to check the mail, and hears someone calling her name. She looks around, but does not see any one. All of a sudden she hears it again, looking around, she finally sees her uncle, whom she had not seen in years. 65

“Uncle Denny? What are you doing here?” as she runs into his arms. 66

“Just passing through, and well I had to stop and see you, didn’t I?”67

“What do you mean passing through,” as they head back to the apartment. “Would you like a cup of coffee, or soda or something?”68

“Well, I am on a cross country run, and I am about ten hours ahead of schedule, so I thought I would stop and say hi to you and your dad and all. The manager of Albertson’s let me park the truck over there, and so here I am.”69

Jenny couldn’t believe it, Denny and Roy had always been her favorite uncles, and now Denny was here. What a wonderful surprise! Fixing Denny a cup of coffee, they sat down to catch up on the last few years, which seemed like a lifetime to her. A lot had changed, she was married now, had a baby, and well was living a life of hell. 70

She tried not to let her uncle see what happening, she knew how he would react. He had been against the life she led growing up, and told her father what he thought of it. Jennifer knew if Denny knew what she was going through, he was apt to kill her husband, and well she didn’t want that to happen, she did love him.71

They sat talking for what seemed like forever when she finally broke down and started crying. She couldn’t hide it any more. She needed to talk to someone. Her uncle was growing more and more upset with each word said, but Jenny didn’t care, she had to talk to someone. Finally, calming down, sitting on her uncle’s lap, and feeling better having told someone what was happening. She was feeling better, and still sitting on Denny’s lap when her husband came through the door. “What the hell do you think you are doing with my wife on your lap?” Alex almost screams as he walks in and sees them. Picking her up and setting her on the couch, Denny stands up and Alex realizes that he maybe sorry for saying that. This was a big man.72

Pushing Alex up against the wall, “This is my niece, and if she wants to sit on my damn lap, she will.” he tells him. 73

Denny had said just before Alex had got home that he wanted to see the rest of the family while he was there. Jenny figured this would be a good time to do that. Alex didn’t want to go, so Denny, Jenny and AJ went to her father’s house. 74

When they got to Jenny’s father house, Denny stayed behind her, he had wanted to surprise the rest of the family too. Walking in, Jenny hollers for her father, and he answered with the fact that they were in the living room, which was behind the wall of the hall. So she knew that the surprise would work perfectly. She motions to Denny to follow her. Coming around the door to the living room, “Dad, is there anyone you would like to see?” Jenny asks. Not sure what his daughter is getting at, he plays along, “There are a lot of people I would like to see again. Why?”75

About that time, Denny decides to move around the door and see his brother-in-law. “Hey Kevin.” as he reaches out to shake his hand. Finally realizing who it was, Kevin is quite happy, he had not seen him since he left CO six years earlier. They both started talking at the same time, questions being fired at the other. What was going on, why was he here, how everyone in CO was, etc. 76

Jenny knew that they didn’t have too long, as Denny would have to leave again and get back on the road again shortly. They had about an hour, maybe two, to cram six years into. About ten minutes into the visit, Denny asked to speak to Kevin alone. They went outside, so Jenny could stay in the house with the baby. Jenny wondered what Denny was up to. She hoped he wasn’t going to tell her father what had happened. She didn’t want him to know about what she was going through at home. But somehow she had a feeling that that is just what he was doing. She had always been pretty good at those types of things. 77

Jenny had been wrestling with all of this for a while now. She did not believe in divorce, her marriage vows were sacred to her. She had every intention of making this marriage work one way or another. Her father had been divorced four times, and she had promised herself that no matter what, she would not follow in those same foot steps. This would be her first and only marriage.78

* * * 79

The last couple of months things had getting pretty rough at home for Jenny. Alex had begun to be physically abusive, hitting her with a leather belt, and making all kinds of threats. That was just the latest in a line of sexual and emotional abuse that she had been dealing with for months now. 80

“Why in the hell can’t I see my family? Damn it, AJ is their grandson too!” Jenny shouts at Alex, as they get into yet another fight. Grabbing AJ, Alex heads out the door screaming at her, “I don’t have to listen to this shit Jenny!”81

“Damn it Alex, bring my baby back here!” She yells as she remembers the day that they had taken her brother away from them. That was a memory that she had long ago forgot, but all of a sudden, there it was, like yesterday, haunting her once again. She couldn’t believe Alex would do something like that and cause that memory to come back. She had worked hard to forget about that. When Freddie had been taken by the courts, and given back to his mother, it had been like ripping her own baby from her arms. She had raised him almost since birth, and he was four years old when the courts had done that.82

The love that Jenny and Alex once had, seemed to disappear over night. Not sure what to do, she did like she always had, and turned to her father for advice.83

“Dad, I don’t know what to do. I don’t believe in divorce. My marriage vows are sacred to me. I know there are some cases when it’s justified, but I don’t want to become another statistic.”84

“Jenny, I know how you feel, but in this case, I could end up burying you or even you burying AJ. Now is that what you want? This isn’t going to get any better, trust me. I‘ve seen this kind of behavior before.”85

“Yea, I guess your right. But…”86

“Jennifer Rose, do me a favor, and get out NOW! I know you don’t believe in divorce, I really don’t want to bury my daughter, and I don’t want you to have to bury AJ.”87

After a few more weeks, she realizes her father had been right. She didn’t care what he did to her, the beatings, the sexual and emotional abuse, she could and would live with it. But the final straw came when during another fight, Alex pulled a fourteen inch blade butcher knife on AJ and told her that she would never leave the house with him alive. She knew that he was serious, and he was a lot closer to AJ than she was. She would have no chance of getting to DJ before Alex got to him. Reaching for the phone, she calls her father and step-mother to come over, never getting a word out of her mouth, she just set the phone down, so they could hear what was going on. Some how she had managed to do all of it without Alex noticing what she was doing, which she was thankful for. Not five minutes later, Chris and her step-mother came through the door. Chris had been like a big brother to her for the past few years. Never had she been so happy to see them in her entire life! They helped her pack some clothes for her and AJ, and that day they left and never went back.88

Two and a half years after she had married Alex, Jenny was in divorce court, hoping that she would gain custody of AJ. She knew she is was in for the fight of her life, Alex wasn’t one to give up easily. The one thing that she had going for her was the fact that most of Alex’s family was on her side. Some of them had told her that they were willing to go to court and testify for her if it came down to it. They didn’t want AJ to grow up with his father and go through any more abuse. 89

* * * 90

Once again she decided to talk to her father, this time with her grandmother and aunt there and try to get some info on her mother. Jenny had begun to think that her father was keeping this information from them on purpose. She could not understand why, but what she had overheard, and from her grandmother had told her about being adopted, she wanted to find her mother now more than ever.91

“Dad, don’t you think we have the right to hear our mother’s side of the story?” Jennifer asks once again as they share a cup of coffee.92

“Jenny-would you just let it go and forget about it! All I’m trying to do is protect you three. Your mother was…”93

“Dad, we have been through all of this. At least a million times!” Looking over to her grandmother, “Grammy, you never would have told me that you thought I was adopted if you didn’t have a reason to, right? Now, why would you say that if you didn’t believe it?” 94

Her father looked at his mother as if she had three heads, he couldn’t believe she had broken the silence. 95

“Jennifer, I know you want all these answers, and I think your dad should tell you, but remember I will always love you. No matter what you will always be my grand-daughter.” Her grandmother tells her as she looks at her son and says, “If you don’t tell her, I will. This has gone on long enough. I’ve always thought you were wrong in keeping everything from these kids. You are my son, and I love you, but enough is enough.”96

“Sorry Kev, but I agree with mom and the kids. I’ve had it with them asking me questions and having to lie to them.” his sister tells him before he could say anything to her.97

“Mom, sis, I really wish you would just let sleeping dogs lies, as the saying goes. Jenny, would you just let it go and forget about it! All I’m trying to do is protect you three. Your mother was…”98

“Dad, I know. That is what you have always said, but aren’t we old enough to make up our own minds? I have a son of my own now, I can’t imagine my life without AJ. I really would like to find my mother, if for no other reason than to get the medical history from her side of the family.”99

“Oh for heaven’s sake, I can tell you all that. I know all of it, I do have a memory you know.”100

“Dad, you might know about it from the time you two were together, but, you don’t know about what has happened since you divorced, now do you?”101

“Well, no I don’t, but,”102

“Then please answer these questions.” Jenny pleads with her dad.103

Chapter Two104

Having moved back home with her son, Jennifer decides to help her father out in his business. She had experience answering phones, from her school days when she had worked in the office, she also could take AJ to the office with her. It was a family owned and operated business. She had told her soon to be ex-husband that he could come by and see his son there.105

After she had been working there for a month or so, her father had decided that she would be more use running routes for him, which meant that she would have to find someone to baby sit AJ while she was on the road, and that they needed someone in the office. One day a week or so later, Jason introduced them to a friend, Marie. Kevin decided that she would be great in the office in Jenny’s position. Jenny spent the next week training her to do her job. 106

“Marie, where did you get that necklace you are wearing?” Jenny asked her one day, knowing full well where it had come from.107

“Oh this one?” Marie asks as she holds up the necklace with a set of wedding rings on it. “My boyfriend gave it to me. Why?”108

“Cause those were my wedding rings.” she tells her.109

“Your kidding, aren’t you?” Marie asks.110

“No, I’m not.” Jenny tells her.111

Stunned beyond words, Marie didn’t know how to respond to that. She loved the necklace and Alex. “Shit, I didn’t know! Would you like me to take it off?” reaching up to do just that.112

“No, just tuck it into your shirt please.” Jenny asked of her.113

“I think I would feel better if I just took them off.” Marie tells her.114

Shaking her head, Jenny tells her again she didn’t need to, but thought that that was a nice gesture. She wasn’t quite sure how to feel about Alex giving her wedding rings to another woman to wear. But knew that she really had no right to complain about it.115

Alex had decided that he wanted to see AJ one weekend, so he called her and set things up. Jennifer reminded him that he was allergic to Pampers and would need to pick up something other than that for AJ. 116

“I know that damn it, I am his father, remember.” Alex almost yells at her. His terrible temper showing once again. He had been doing everything in his power to put his family back together. Buying her flowers and having them delivered, balloons, anything he could think of, but Jennifer wasn’t budging. She was not going to jeopardize her son anymore. He was more important than that to her. She was terrified to let Alex take him for a weekend visit, but knew she had too. She could only pray that he would come home safe and sound Sunday night. 117

Jenny managed to keep herself busy during the weekend, so she didn’t sit and worry non-stop about DJ. Sunday evening rolled around and Alex brought AJ home. Jennifer was very relieved to see that AJ appeared to be ok. Alex said that he had taken him swimming and that they had had a great time. She was happy to hear that. She really wanted AJ to know his father. She knew what it was like to not know the absent parent. She was still fighting with her father on that subject. 118

When it came time to get AJ ready for bed, she could not believe her eyes. AJ was sunburned over his entire body. She wanted to scream. She had never seen a burn so bad, deciding to leave his pajamas off for the night, she just put his diaper on him and put him to bed, but had a feeling it was going to be a long night. She had been right, she had got about three hours sleep all night. First thing in the morning she was on the phone to the pediatricians office. Making an appointment for later that morning, she didn’t know what to do. AJ spent most of the morning crying like he had the night before.119

In the doctors office later that morning, he asked her what had happened, how AJ had got such a bad sunburn.120

“Alex had him for the weekend and said they went swimming” Jenny answers him. 121

Shaking his head, “I have never seen a baby with such a bad sunburn. He had to have taken him swimming in an outdoor pool with no kind of protection.” he tells her. 122

“What can I do for him? He is so uncomfortable that he is not sleeping at night.” Jenny tells the doctor.123

“Well for one thing, we are going to have to keep him covered up, no short sleeves outside until this is gone.” he had never seen anything that looked so bad.124

“I’m not sure, we are just going to have play this by ear. I want you try aloe vera gel, and if that don’t work, lets try baby oil. We want anything to put moisture back into the skin.” he answers her. “Do you have a long sleeve shirt with you for him?” he asks. 125

“No, it is so hot outside I didn’t think it was a good idea to put something like that on him.” Jenny tells the doctor.126

“Well until this is gone, you have to. Or it’s going to cause more trouble later.” he tells her. “Is there anything else?”127

“Well his father and I am going through a divorce, what about visitation?”128

Shaking his head, “No, I don’t want him to have this baby until this is cleared up.” The doctor answers her.129

“Do you think I could get you to write a note to that effect? Just in case he decides to throw a fit about it. He is being so unpredictable lately. I have no idea how he is going to respond to not being allowed to see him.” She asks him.130

Knowing what was going on, he writes it on a prescription pad and gives it to her.131

Jenny stewed all the way home. She was so mad, she couldn’t believe it! Alex had let AJ get a second and third degree sunburn. It was no wonder that the poor baby was uncomfortable! 132

Later that afternoon, Alex called to see if he could get AJ for the family reunion the next weekend. “No. I don’t think so,” Jenny tells him.133

“Why the hell not?” Alex demands of her. “He is my son too, and my side of the family would like to see him.”134

“Alex, do you realize that when you took him swimming he got second and third degree sunburn?”135

“It is none of your concern what I do with my son when I have him.” Alex tells her getting angry.136

“What the hell do you mean, ‘none of my concern’? Damn it Alex, I was up most of the night last night with him! He is not quite two years old, and got second and third degree sunburn. I can’t take him outside without a long sleeve shirt on in this heat. Damn it, he is so uncomfortable that he is miserable! And I am his mother, I damn well think it is my concern!” she yells through the phone at him.137

“I don’t fucking believe you! You would do anything to keep my son from me. You’re a bitch!”138

Trying to calm down and reason with him, “Alex, if you don’t believe me, call Dr. Pritchard and ask him. I took AJ in there this morning. I have a note from him saying you are not to see AJ until his burn is gone.” Hearing that Jenny was getting upset, Chris had come out to the kitchen to see what was going on. Realizing that she was about to blow her stack, he grabbed the phone from her, “Alex, shut the fuck up and listen for a minute. She did take AJ to the doctors this morning, and he did give her a note saying you are not to see him for a while. She also gave a copy of it to her lawyer. Now back the hell off and leave her alone.”139

“Chris, what the hell business is it of yours? She is still my wife, and AJ is my fucking son. You stay the hell out of it!” Alex yells at him.140

After a few minutes of trying to reason with him, Chris too, gets upset and ends up hanging up on him. There was no reasoning with Alex, no matter what they tried. Jennifer knew that things were only going to get worse now. She knew how mad Alex could get and what he was capable of, and it was nothing short of possible murder. And that scared the hell out of her.141

Chris and Jenny were starting to spend a lot of time together, growing closer and closer. She wasn’t sure she wanted another relationship, but it seemed to be happening none the less. But she also knew that Chris was dating another girl, and they had just had a baby a few months before. Jenny knew that she had to put a stop the budding relationship, but Chris would not let her. Before she realized what had happened, her and Chris were seeing each other, but he was still seeing the other girl as well. Jenny kept trying to get out of the relationship, but he was such a sweet talker that she just couldn’t resist him. 142

* * * 143

About six months into the relationship, Jennifer had had a nightmare, and woke Chris up so she could talk about it. She had not had this nightmare for quite some time, and it really had shaken her up. After talking about it for an hour or so, she fell asleep in his arms. This was the first time that she had felt safe for a while now and slept quite well. Shortly after she fell asleep she was awakened by someone yelling, looking around, she sees Chris’ girlfriend, and thinks, “Oh shit!” She was in no way prepared for this. 144

“Donna?” she asks.145

“Yes bitch! It’s me! What the hell do you think you are doing sleeping with my boyfriend?”146

“Chris,” Jenny says as she shakes him to wake him up. Stirring he looks up and is stunned to see Donna there.147

“Hey Babe,” he starts to say,148

“Don’t fucking ‘Babe’ me! What the hell is going on here?” she screams at him.149

“Donna, she had a nightmare, and we fell asleep talking that is it! I swear!” He told her, but knew by the look on her face that she wasn’t believing a word of it. Storming out, Donna screams that it was over, and he would never see his daughter again. Not willing to let that happen, Jennifer tries to talk to her and explain what had happened. 150

“Donna, listen.” Jenny says as she goes after her. “I had a nightmare. I needed someone to talk to, and Chris was the only one here! You know what this business is, you have helped with it enough.”151

“Yea, well what the hell was the fucking nightmare? Someone chasing you?” Donna asks sarcastically. 152

“No. I was reliving the night Larry was murdered, if you must know. There are times when still today I have that dream.” Jennifer tells her.153

“Who the fuck is that and what the hell does that have to do with you?”154

“Larry? He was my first love that was murdered three years ago.”155

“Yeah, right, you would say anything to get what you want. You’re a fucking whore!” Donna snaps as she whirls around to leave. Only pissing Jennifer off all the more, she reaches out and slaps Donna.156

“Listen you little ungrateful bitch, don’t you ever say anything like that about me, my son and most of all about Larry! I will kick your fucking ass for you!” Jenny was beyond pissed by this time. She was shaking she was so mad. “Until you lose someone like that, you have no right and I do mean NO right to say shit like that!”157

Starting to walk away, almost as an after thought, “And if it matters to you, if you would have watched as I got out of that damn bed, we were both fully clothed, and had blankets between us. Nothing fucking happened, but you believe what ever you want.” Knowing full well that she would anyways.158

Chapter Three159

After a few days, Jennifer got a call from the state asking her to bring AJ in for an interview. Puzzled she asked what this was all about. 160

“We have had a complaint that you are sexually abusing him.” The voice on the other end of the phone told her.161

“You’ve got to be kidding! Like I would do something like that. Can you tell me who made this complaint?” she asked.162

“This complaint came from an Alex Kingsley. Do you know him?”163

“Do I know him? Yes I know him, we are in the middle of an ugly divorce and custody battle.” She tells her.164

“Oh I see, well we have to investigate all of these allegations, ma’am.” the voice from the other end of the phone tells her. They set up an appointment for the next week. Jennifer did not know what to expect from this, but she was fuming! All she wanted to do was call Alex and give him a piece of her mind. She told her father and Chris what the call was all about. Neither of them could believe that he would stoop so low as to do something like that! This was insane! She knew he could do a lot of things, and none of them pleasant, but she never dreamed that he could be that cruel. One thing was sure, she was ready to kill him. How could he be so cruel to put his son through something like this! It was so unfair of him. 165

The day of the appointment arrived, and she wondered what was going to happen when this was all over. She was not looking forward to this, but knew she had to do it. Arriving at the Department of Children Services, she just wanted to keep going and never look back. She tried to explain to AJ what was happening, but didn’t know how to put it into words. This was going to be a long hour. They finally came out and asked for AJ. Jennifer asked if she could go with him but they told her no. She was not comfortable with that, but had to play their damn games for now anyways. She tried to read her book but just couldn’t concentrate on it, and ended up pacing around the office. 166

What is going on back there? Is AJ ok? What are they telling him? She kept wondering as she was walking around the office. After what seemed like forever, they finally brought AJ back out and said they could go. “Well, what did you find out? I mean I think I have a right to know. I am the accused here, and he is my son.” she asks the worker.167

“Don’t worry, Mrs. Kingsley, you have nothing to worry about. These allegations are completely fabricated.” She tells her.168

“Well I could have told you that.” She says as she picks up her bright blue eyed, blonde haired baby boy. He was the apple of her eye, and could never do anything to hurt him. She felt so relieved that this part of the mess was over. She decided to take AJ for an ice cream on their way home. She felt that she needed some time with her son. They spent the afternoon playing at the park and having some fun together. 169

When she finally got home, her father and Chris were mad because she didn’t call them and tell them what had happened at the meeting. After they calmed down enough to listen to her, she explained that her and AJ had gone to the park and for an ice cream. Then she told them that they could find no reason for the allegations made by Alex. They had already known that, but still it seems like the state usually could and would do what ever they wanted to. They knew that only to well from when Latasha had died a couple of years earlier. Alicia had not only lost her youngest daughter to death, but the state had taken the other three as well, on the grounds of neglect and abuse. Or so that is what they had said. Even though she had not been at home when it had happened, Jennifer and the rest of the family had testified to that fact. But being the state, that made no difference to them. They knew everything. This was all so unfair. 170

* * *171

Jennifer wondered what Alex’s next tactic would be in this ugly battle. So far there had been all of his different attempts to put the family back together, there had been the sunburn on AJ, now the allegations of sexual abuse. She couldn’t help but wonder what the next move would be, it turned out that she didn’t have long to wait for that. The next day Alex’s lawyer called her and asked if she had an attorney because Alex had filed for a divorce. Relieved she asked her father if his lawyer handled divorce cases. He wasn’t sure, but they called him and set up an appointment for the next day. He took the case, but once he found out who Alex’s lawyer was, warned them to be in for a fight. It turned out that he had hired one of the best lawyers in the state to represent him. So from there on, she prepared herself for a hell of a fight. Not knowing what to expect, she just wanted to get her divorce and be free of this whole thing. 172

The next day she got a phone call from her sister-in-law. “Do you know what your husband, my brother did?”173

“Uh, no how would I know that? We are separated, and he filed for a divorce. I know that.”174

“Well I just came over to the apartment to check on him and had to call an ambulance. He tried to kill himself. He took a whole bottle of tranquilizers with a six pack of beer. Now how do you feel?”175

“Look, Nancy, I am sorry he did that, but, I am not going back! He tried to kill his son, your nephew. I can not and will not take that kind of chance! And if that bothers you then I am sorry. But you are not going to make me feel guilty about this.” As she herself is fighting to conceal the fear that she feels and tears in her eyes. She could not believe that Alex would try to do this. She knew now for sure that she could and never would go back. She could not picture her son finding his father dead some morning. Hanging up with Nancy, she slides down the wall, hit’s the floor with her fist and just starts bawling, for the first time since this whole thing started. Wondering what had happened, Tammy comes in and finds her sister hysterically bawling. “What happened sis?” 176

“Nancy just called. Said that Alex tried to commit suicide. Can you believe that? What the hell did I ever do to deserve this shit?” she answers her sister through the tears. 177

“Chris” Tammy hollers, “You had better come help here!” 178

Coming into the kitchen, he sees Jenny is in a mess and asked Tammy what had happened. Tammy tells him, as he is trying to calm her down.179

“That son of a” Chris starts to say,180

“Shut the fuck up! He is the father of my son!” Jenny screams at him before she realized what she had said. Which in the end, caused a fight between her and Chris. Though right then she really didn’t care! It was all getting to her and she just wanted to run away from everyone and everything! But she knew she couldn’t. She had to somehow stay in control for AJ. She wasn’t sure how at that moment, but knew she had to.181

She called Nancy later that day to see how Alex was doing. She said he was doing ok, but they were admitting him to Cedar Hills Mental Hospital, at least for a week for observation. Jenny was relieved to hear that, she really didn’t want to tell her son that his father killed himself. It was going to be bad enough trying to explain why daddy hadn’t called for a visit as it was. She called the hospital to see if she could bring AJ up to see his father, they had told her that patients were not allowed visitors for the first week. She would have to call back at the end of the first week and see if he was stable enough for that. She could not believe this. This divorce was going to drag on for a very long time at this rate! She just wanted it over and to try to put her life back together. She knew she had to somehow for the sake of her son. At the end of that first week she called the hospital to see if she could bring AJ in to see his father. As it turned out the doctor felt that would actually help Alex. As that is the reason he tried to commit suicide in the first place. The only thing was that he did not want her to say anything derogatory about the incident. Jenny promised that she wouldn’t, she just wanted to bring AJ up in hopes of helping Alex. Yes, she had an ulterior motive, she was hoping that by doing this it would help him recover and they could move ahead with the divorce. She had already called her lawyer and told him what was going on and he told her that they would have to stop the proceedings until Alex was out of Cedar Hills. No judge would sign the divorce papers while he was in there. He had explained it to her, but she really didn’t understand all that legal mumble-jumble. All she knew was that her divorce was on hold and she didn’t like it. 182

The day arrived that she was to take AJ up to the hospital to see his father, and she had butterflies in her stomach. She knew that it wasn’t going to go as well as she wanted it to, whenever she had those feelings, something went horribly wrong.183

Arriving at the hospital, she wonders what is going to happen. Things were going well for the first half hour or so, then it hit. And boy did it hit, Alex asks her how she feels having to bring AJ to see him in a fucking mental hospital? She tried to change the subject as the doctor had asked her to if Alex brought that up, but he wasn’t going to let that go. She tried several times to change the subject and was so thankful when AJ started getting fussy because he was late getting his nap, and suggested that she take him home so he could have his nap. That is when Alex really lost it, and tried to hit her again, just as a doctor happened to walk by and see what happened and told Jenny that she would have to leave. Boy was she so grateful for that. She could not believe that he would try to hit her there, with so many people around. She was just glad that someone had seen it, and stopped it. She didn’t want her son to see his father hit her. She had been able to keep him from it before and really didn’t want to let him see it happen now. She knew that it could have been a lot worse, but she really wasn’t sure how. This was not what she wanted, to have her son see what his father was capable of. Even though they were divorcing she wanted her son to know his father.184

Alex called her the next week to see if she would bring AJ back out to the hospital, for another visit. Jennifer really didn’t want to, but agreed to it. It was really important to her for AJ to know his father. She had been fighting with her father all her life to find out where her mother was. She did not want her son to go through that. She knew those feelings all to well. The emptiness, loneliness and the general pain of the not knowing. It was really a life of hell, one that she would not wish on her worst enemy, let alone her son. 185

Following his release from the hospital, the divorce proceedings were once again started, which Jennifer was grateful for.186

Chapter Four187

Jenny had been delivering papers for her father’s business for about six months when it was decided that she would take over the routes in southwest Portland. She hated driving in Portland and they knew that. But she agreed to give it a try, wondering who would show her this route, and how long it would take for her to learn it. The following week she went on the Willamette Route with her step mother. It was going to be an easy route. If they got their papers on time, she could have it done and be back by the time AJ got up for breakfast. But of course that meant getting up at two o’clock in the morning, and that was a thought that she did not like. 188

Jennifer had been calling her step mother, Mom, for a while now, and saw this as an opportunity to ask her what she knew of the situation with her mother. 189

“Mom, what do you know about my real mother?”190

“I don’t know much, because your father just won’t talk about it. Why is it so important to you to find her? Every time you bring this up, it really upsets him. It hurts him. He thinks he has done something wrong by you. Why can’t you let it drop.”191

“Mom, I love you, but I really want to find my real mother. I don’t know if you can understand this, but, it’s like. Well, it’s like there is an emptiness inside of me. A hole, an emptiness that just won’t go away. I feel like, in some ways, an orphan of sorts. The only way this is going to end is if I find my real mother.”192

“Jenn, I do understand, but, why can’t you think about your father’s feelings? He really wants you to just leave this alone. I think it brings up some painful memories for him, and he really just wants to forget about it.” her mother says as they pull up to the next stop on the route.193

Jenny couldn’t believe it, her step mother was now on her father’s side as well. This was getting crazy. No one would talk to her about her mother. At one time, she thought her step mother was on her side, it had seemed like it just a few years ago. Now all of a sudden she was stalling, this wasn’t fair. 194

She had no idea where to go from here with this. The more questions that she asked, the harder the walls were that she hit. No one was talking and all she knew of her mother was that her name was Lynda, and she lived somewhere on the East Coast. That was not much to go on, but she was more determined now than ever to find her mother. 195

* * *196

About a week later, Jenny needed gas in her van, and stopped at the station where her brother Kevin Jr. worked. They were talking for a minute, when he asked her if she had talked to Alex lately.197

“No, why?” she had a feeling that she wasn’t going to like what she was about to hear. 198

“You know the family shirts that Grammy made for us?”199

“Uh, you mean the red flannel ones, right?”200

Shaking his head, “Yep, those are the ones,” he said. “Well he came in here a couple of days ago, with a girl. He had that shirt on, and I told him to take it off.”201

“When he refused, I told him again ‘Take it off, or else!’ Well there was no way that he was going to take that damn shirt off.”202

“Jr. what did you do? You know we are going through a divorce, don’t do anything to make me look bad or screw things up for me, please.”203

“Oh don’t worry about that sis, all I did was pull him out of the car, and took the shirt off his back and hand it to the girl that he was with, and told him that he no longer had the right to wear that shirt. He was no longer a part of this family.” he answered her.204

“Jr. you didn’t.” not knowing whether to laugh or cry. She couldn’t believe her ears. She only wished that she had been there to see that. 205

“How did he react to that?” Jenny asked more to herself than her brother.206

“Like a scared chicken,” he answers her. “Right down to shaken in his boots.”207

“Now I wish I would have seen that!” Laughing so hard that tears were rolling down her cheeks. This was too funny! For the next several hours, every time she thought of that all she did was laugh.208

It finally got to the point that Jennifer had to make everyone promise to leave Alex alone till her divorce became final. She knew that Kevin Jr., and Chris and her father were all ready to kill Alex for everything that they had put her through. All Jenny wanted was for her divorce to go through, and get it over with. She finally told them that “Open Season” would open after she had the signed divorce papers in her hands. She made them all promise that they would leave Alex alone until then. None of them were happy about it, especially Chris and her brother. But they did understand where she was coming from. 209

Before she realized it the divorce proceedings had been started and stopped at least a dozen times by Alex. Never was she sure why he was doing this, but every time she turned around, her lawyer was calling her and telling her he had gotten a call from Alex’s lawyer. This was getting old, and she was tired of the fighting. She finally told her lawyer that if that call came again to let Alex’s lawyer that she was starting the proceedings and they would go through. She was not stopping them for any reason. She wanted this divorce and that was all there was to it.210

A week later, Alex’s mom called, “Hi Jenny. Would it be all right if Tony and I take AJ to the zoo next weekend?” she asks.211

“I think that would be great. AJ loves going with you and Tony. Do you want to pick him up here? Or do you want me to drop him off somewhere?” Jenny answers her soon to be ex -mother-in-law. 212

“No, we will pick him up around nine on Saturday if that is ok?” Knowing that AJ would love this outing with his grandma and great-uncle, she felt that that would be fine. 213

Jenny had AJ ready to go by eight thirty, and they were watching cartoons on television when Becky and Tony got there to pick up AJ. 214

“Hi Mom, Tony. AJ has been looking forward to this since you called me last week.” She tells them as she answers the door.215

“Well so have we.” Tony says as he picks AJ up and gives him a hug. Tony had babysat AJ for quite a while before Alex and her had separated. They adored each other! They were more like best friends instead of great uncle and nephew. Jenny was so glad that Tony and Becky were still a part of AJ’s life. She really wanted to make sure that AJ knew both sides of the family. 216

“When do you think you will be back?” Jenny asked them, more out of curiosity than worry. She knew AJ was going to be more than safe with them. But as a mother, she liked knowing about what time to expect her son home.217

“Some time after dinner, if that is ok? Maybe around six or seven?” Becky says.218

“That’s fine mom. I just like knowing, that’s all.” She tells them. “Well AJ, are you ready to go with Grandma and Uncle Tony?” She asks her son as she gives him a hug.219

This was the first time that Jenny would have some time alone in what seemed like forever. Her family was gone and she was home alone for a while. She decided that she would take a much needed bubble bath and relax after they left. She wasn’t likely to get another one for a while.220

Enjoying having the day to herself, she just relaxed and did some reading, catching up on letters and decided to make chicken and dumplings for dinner. This was nice she was thinking along about one thirty that afternoon when the silence was interrupted by the phone ringing.221

“Is this Mrs. Jennifer Kingsley?” The voice asked that was on the other end of the phone. Her heart immediately stopped. That was never good when someone answered her like that.222

“Yes, this is she,”223

“Mrs. Kingsley, this is Officer Johanson from Aloha Police Department. Do you have a son named AJ?”224

“Yes. Why? What has happened to him?” she asked him, almost afraid to hear the answer to her question.225

“Mrs. Kingsley, is your husband an Alex Kingsley?” he answers with yet another question.226

Now she was starting to panic. “Yes, we are going through a divorce. Why?” She demands.227

“OK, now that we have that answered, did your mother in law, Becky Kingsley have your son today?”228

Almost screaming into the phone, “YES! Now what the hell is going on?”229

“Well it seems that your husband, has taken off with your son. And no one knows where230

he went with him.”231

“What the hell are you talking about?” Jenny was getting really scared now. She knew Alex could do almost anything and he usually did.232

“Mrs. Kingsley, some one will be there in a half an hour to get a picture and statement from you.” he tells her.233

Just as she hangs up with him the phone rings again, and it is her mother in law telling her about Alex taking AJ. When she asked how it happened, Becky tells her that they had stopped at Grandma’s for a while, and Alex showed up, asked if he could show his son something, and the next thing they knew he was gone with AJ. 234

“OK mom, calm down. Aloha P.D. just called me, and they are coming over now. I don’t blame you, Alex is good at doing things like this. Thanks for calling them, Mom. It will be fine. Don’t worry about it.” Jenny told her mother in law to try to calm her down but convince herself that all would be fine as well.235

Jenny hangs up with her mother in law and calls Chris to come over, she no longer wanted to be alone. Her son was out there somewhere with his father and who knew what was going to happen.236

Shortly after Chris got there the phone rings once again, and it is Becky. She said that Alex had showed up with AJ. She said that Alex had just taken AJ up to Dairy Queen to get some ice cream. Jenny told her that she would be there in a half hour to pick up AJ, and asked her to please call the police back and let them know that Alex had brought AJ back safe and sound.237

Chapter Five238

Wondering how things were going to turn out once the divorce became final, Jennifer decided to talk to her father again and try to get more information on her mother. “Dad, I am tired of these games. I want to know where my mother is, who she is, all of it. I am going to find her one way or another, with or without your blessings. So you might as well tell me and get it over with.”239

“Jennifer, we have been over this about a million times. Just let it go. She is no one that you want to know.” her father tells her.240

Finally deciding that she would have to find another way to find her mother, not knowing how, but she would figure it out. That seemed to be all she could think of lately, was finding Lynda, her mother. She didn’t have much to go on, but somehow, she promised herself she would find her.241

“Alright, I give for now, dad, but I will not give up, I am going to find her one day. Whether you like it or not.” Jennifer tells her father. More determined than ever.242

Jennifer got a call the next day from her lawyer, telling her that her divorce was finally final. For the first time in a long time, she felt relieved. She had full custody of AJ, and Alex was allowed visitation on every other weekend, every other holiday and every other birthday. She was not happy about it, but she had no choice. When Chris heard the news, he went to the calendar and circled the day, writing OPEN SEASON ON ALEX on the day. Jennifer was not happy about that, but she understood where he was coming from, she was just as upset over the events of the last year as he was. 243

* * *244

Jennifer decided that it was time to call Kasey and Kevin and for the three of them to have a talk and see what they could come up with to find their mother. They decided to meet at Shari’s where they could be alone to talk. They had had enough of their father’s interference on this subject. None of them really had any idea where to start. They sat there drinking coffee for about two hours and were no farther with their plans or ideas than they had before they started. 245

“Oh guess what,” Kasey interrupts the conversation, “John asked me to marry him. Of course I said yes!”246

Jennifer couldn’t believe it, “Kasey, are you sure about this? He is not the man you think he is.”247

“Jenn, can’t you be happy for me? Please” Kasey tells her.248

“Alright, I just want you to be happy.” never believing for a minute that she would be. Jenn knew that John could be abusive and had a few screws lose, and that was being nice, she thought. 249

Six months later, Kasey and John were married, in the same church that Jenn had been married in. The day of Kasey’s wedding came and they were all at the church when Kasey realized that one of her brides maid’s hadn’t shown up. Not realizing what she got herself into, Jenn agrees to stand in for the no show. Wondering who she would walk down the aisle with, she is glad that she had worn a long gown today. “Kasey, who am I walking down the aisle with?” as she is trying to do something with her hair in a hurry, so she looks like this was not a last minute thing. 250

“Oh that would be Bill” Kasey answers her sister. Jennifer thought she would fall over dead on the spot. How could Kasey do that to Bill? 251

“You’ve got to be kidding! Kasey, you and Bill dated for two years! Do you really think he likes this whole thing?” Jennifer almost yelled at her sister.252

“Look sis, I don’t like this any more than you do, but one of John’s groomsmen didn’t show either, and he asked Bill to stand in for him.”253

“Why don’t you just do without the two of us. Wouldn’t that make more sense?” Jennifer asked her. This was insane, they had three others standing up with them already, they really didn’t need her and Bill.254

“Sis, just do this for me, please” Kasey begs her sister. Reluctantly, Jenny agrees to stand in. She was not happy about it, but she would do it for her sister.255

Three days after the wedding, Kasey tells the family she was pregnant. “What?” they asked almost in unison. Jenn was the first one to realize that she had been pregnant before the wedding. “Kasey, how far along are you?”256

“About three months,” she answers thinking that she pulled one over on all of them. Jennifer could not believe it. Things were crazy enough, and Kasey gets pregnant then gets married. Oh well that is the way life goes, Jenn thought to herself.257

Jennifer was beginning to understand what her grandmother had been talking about when she talked to her last week. Her grandmother was talking in riddles, and not really telling her anything, but she knew something was up. Kasey had moved back home and wasn’t speaking to her grandmother. Although no one really knew why. Jennifer decided to call her grandmother later in the day and get some answers. She had a feeling however, that she wasn’t going to like what she was going to hear. 258

After talking to her grandmother, she was right, she didn’t like it one bit. Kasey had gotten her grandmother to pay for a correspondence class on art for her, and had run her phone bill up, way up. And if that wasn’t enough, she had gotten their grandmother to buy her a whole new wardrobe! This was insane, their grandmother couldn’t afford all that, she was living on a fixed income as it was, and had been sick for a while now. But Jennifer knew if she confronted Kasey about it all she would is lie to her. Kasey was real good at that. 259

Chapter Six260

A few days later, Jennifer was heading out of town with Chris to help him move his brother and his family back up to the area, when the call came in. Her grandmother had passed away. Jennifer felt so alone in the world right then. She didn’t have the money to fly back to Colorado, and her father said that he was going to have to borrow some so he could go back for his mother’s funeral. She knew that she couldn’t ask him to borrow enough for her to go back too, so she said she would just continue with her plan. Tammy was watching AJ for that weekend, and she knew that she wouldn’t be much good to him, so she decided to continue on, she really had no choice anyways. 261

* * *262

Kasey couldn’t believe it, Jennifer wasn’t going to come home and mourn for her grandmother. What kind of a granddaughter would do that? She called her sister and left a message for her. “Jennifer, what do mean by not coming home? I thought you loved grandma?” Realizing that Jennifer was not going to answer her, and deciding to wait, Kasey hangs up. She would talk to her sister when she got home Sunday night. 263

All Jenny could do was cry. This was not the way it was supposed to be. She should be in Colorado, she should be there to say goodbye to her grandmother and for her father. This was not fair at all! Her grandmother had helped raise them and now she was gone. Over the past few years she had gotten quite close to her grandmother. The one thing that she was very thankful for was that she had talked to her grandmother a few days ago and did tell her how much she loved her. She knew her grandmother had been sick for a while but wasn’t really sure with what.264

Later that night she called Tammy to check on A.J. She really wanted to make sure he was ok. She knew Tammy wouldn’t let anything happen to him, but for her peace of mind after getting that call about her grandmother, she needed to make sure that her son was ok. After Tammy put her fears to rest, she decided that she wanted to be alone for a while, and told Chris that she was going to go for a walk.265

“Jenny do you think that is a good idea? I mean, you don’t this area? What if you get lost?” He asked knowing that when she was in this kind of mood, she really didn’t pay attention to where she was or anything else.266

“Look Chris, I just need some time to think, and want to be alone. I mean I should be on that plane heading for Colorado. It was my grandmother that died. I’ll be ok.” Jenny tells him as she heads out the door. She had no intention of going that far away from this house. She just wanted to think about her grandmother for a while. She knew this was the worst time of the year for this happen. Her father’s birthday had only been three days ago, and the holidays were just around the corner. There couldn’t be any worse time for this to happen.267

After about an hour, she heard footsteps behind her, getting scared, she picked up her speed, and so did who ever was behind her. Deciding to head back to the house, she looks up and realizes she had no idea where she was. 268

“Jenny, it’s only me,” she hears from behind her, and instantly recognizes Chris voice, she almost fell over with relief, as the tears start falling again. 269

“Oh, Chris. Why grandma? I feel awful. I want to call her, I want to talk to her again. I miss her so much already!” Jenny says between the tears, sobbing into Chris’ shoulder. She was relieved to have him with her at this moment. After she calmed down a bit, “How long have you been behind me, Chris?”270

“Since you left the house. I didn’t want you walking around out here alone, so I decided to follow you.” he answered her. “Hope you don’t mind.”271

“Actually I am kinda glad you did that.” she says as she wipes her eyes.272

“Come on Jenn, let’s go back to the house and get some rest. You’ve had a long and tiring day, and we have to finish up tomorrow and head back to Hillsboro.” Chris says putting his arm around her waist and heading her back to his brother’s house. There was nothing like walking in the moonlight with your loved one to calm one down, Jenny realizes as they were walking back. 273

“Chris,” Jenny says as they were walking,274

“Hmm” he answers her.275

“Thanks for following me. It is no wonder I love you. You are the best.” she tells him as they stop for a kiss. Feeling the desire building in them, “Come on let’s get back,” she says, as she rubs her hand along his groin area, feeling alive for the first time all day. 276

Realizing what was happening, he starts to play along, rubbing his hand along her breasts, “God, Jenn, you are the most beautiful woman in this world. I love you too,” as he nuzzles her neck. They both decide to hurry back to his brother’s house knowing that when they got there, they would be alone, as Chris had said that Bill and his wife had already gone to bed. They were heading that way when he left to follow Jenn. Neither of them could hardly wait to get back to the house. Stopping every few feet to steal a kiss and rub each other, it seemed like they would never get back to the house. By the time they got back to the house they could hardly keep their hands off of each other. It was like something had taken over their bodies and they were going to give into it right there on the street, if they didn’t get back there as fast as they could. Jenny wasn’t sure what had happened all of a sudden, but all she knew was that she felt alive for the first time all day.277

CHAPTER SEVEN278

After returning to Hillsboro, all Jenny wanted to do was pick up her son, go home and 279

relax. She really wanted and felt like she needed to have her son close to her. She was really feeling the emptiness of not having her grandmother around. 280

“Hi Tammy. Where is A.J.?” She asked her sister when she got there. 281

“He’s sleeping in Derrick’s room. Why don’t you leave him here for tonight?” She asks Jenny as she goes to get her a cup of coffee, knowing that no matter the time day or night, Jenny could drink coffee, and relax. “Come on sis, I know you have had a rough weekend, and tomorrow is not gonna be any better. In fact, I have bedding out for you, just crash here tonight. Then tomorrow you and AJ can go home.”282

“Tammy I don’t want to put you out, I can take AJ home tonight. We’ll be ok,” Jenny says, as she heads to get her son.283

“Jennifer Rose, listen to me,” Tammy says, knowing that as soon as Jenn was alone all she was going to do was cry herself to sleep anyways. “I know you think you just want to be alone, but right now is not the time for that. You have had a hard weekend, and with grandma dieing, you really don’t need to be alone. Stay here tonight.” Tammy tells her as she hands her the cup of coffee.284

Not wanting to fight with her sister, Jenny gives in, and as soon as she did, the tears that she thought had dried up, were once again there. 285

Feeling like a kid again, Jenny realizes that she had lost the only mother figure she had had growing up. Not only had her grandmother basically raised her, she was the only real role mother Jennifer had ever had. This was a nightmare as far as Jenny was concerned. She was recently divorced, and her ex-husband was, like most ex’s she had heard of, causing her problems, it seemed like her life was falling apart, and now her grandmother had just died. She so wanted to go back to a time when life was simple. It had only been a couple of years since Larry had been murdered and she was still getting used to that. Now her grandmother had died and it was because she had spent so much on her sister, and she couldn’t afford to have the treatments that she needed to stop the cancer. Jennifer was really hurt, angry, and just mad at the whole world right now. 286

She finally gave into Tammy, and stayed the night there.287

Her father and step mother would be back from Colorado sometime in the next couple of days. Jennifer had talked to them the night before and her father had told them that he was bringing some things back from her grandmother for each of the kids. She wondered what it was, but really didn’t care she hurt way to much too. 288

Jennifer had begun writing poetry and had already wrote a tribute in memory of her grandmother,289

GRAMMY 290

ANOTHER WORD FOR LOVE 291

In memory of292

Mrs. Leah Osborne293

Grandparents are special people. Some grandparents,294

Like mine, help raise their grandchildren.295

Grandparents are full of love, helpful hints and an ear296

When needed.297

My grandma was a strict disciplinarian, but she did298

It with a love that never ended. Grandma was a mother,299

A sister, a best friend and a grandmother to all of 300

Her grandkids and kids. Grandma was always there when she301

Was needed, no matter what time, day or night.302

Grammy always had an encouraging word for everyone she303

Came in touch with throughout her life. Anyone that304

Knew her, always had a kind word to say about here.305

Yes, she had her down falls, but she was a special306

Kind and warm hearted woman.307

A WOMAN TO BE CHERISHED AND REMEMBERED FOREVER!308

Grammy we love you now, always, and forever.309

Generous310

Resourceful311

Astounding 312

Memorable313

Meaningful314

Young at heart315

She thought she would get a frame and put that in there for her father. And then send copies to her aunts. She really hoped that they would all like it and appreciate it. It was the only thing that she could do to honor her grandmother’s memory. 316

* * *317

Finally, falling into an exhausted sleep, Jenn tosses and turns all night long. She hadn’t had a decent night’s sleep for the past few nights. She found herself dreaming about Larry and her grandmother every time she shut her eyes, which made for a fitful nights sleep. After having Chris with her for the past couple of nights to help her through, she was beginning to think that they ought to find a place together. She decided that she would talk to him about it the next day.318

The next day, Jenn is woken up by AJ jumping on her. He was so excited that his mom was home. 319

Chapter Eight320

Jenn knew she had a long road ahead of her, she had to somehow deal with the loss of her grandmother, and yet raise her son, the best that she could. Hoping Chris was up, she decided to call him, and go for coffee. She wanted to talk to him about her idea. She knew that was the only way she was going to be able to find any stability right now. Having the love of her life with her every day. 321

She finally gets a hold of him, and they decide to meet at Shari’s for coffee. Shari’s Diner had always been one of her favorite places to go for coffee and talking. The atmosphere there was that of long ago. So homey and had the feel of an old town charm to it. One could sit there for hours and never realize that they had been there that long. 322

“Morning Beautiful” Chris says as he meets her at the door.323

Leaning in to give him a kiss, “Morning Babe.” Looking for a place to sit, where they can be off by themselves. Jenn really didn’t want to be interrupted. She wasn’t to sure how Chris was going to react to this idea. Finding a table off by themselves, “OK Jenn, what is so important that it couldn’t wait a few more hours?”324

“Chris, how long have we been dating now? Almost a year and a half right?”325

“Ummm, yeah sounds about right. Why, what are you saying? Are you wanting to break up or something?”326

“No, nothing like that, what I had in mind is a lot different than that. I was wondering how you felt about finding a house or apartment together? I mean, while we were helping your brother move back up, having you there beside me every night, gave me so much comfort, I felt safe, for the first time in a long time. I felt as though, someone really does care, and that my feelings and thoughts do matter. I want that feeling all the time.”327

“Jenn, what brought this on? It is not like you to be this impulsive. I mean I have thought about that for a while now, but never thought you would even consider it, unless we were married, with the way you were brought up and all.”328

“Yeah I know, and I probably shouldn’t be thinking this way, but, after loosing Grandma, and all the pain this weekend, I just want to know that someone, that you, are always there for me. I need to know that I will never be alone. Can you understand that?”329

“Yeah I guess so. I just never thought I would here those words out of your mouth. What are we gonna tell your parents? I mean you dad is gonna blow his stack at this, ain’t he?”330

“I don’t give a damn what he says Chris. Him and Cindy lived together for almost three years before they got married. So should that really make a difference? I mean if he can do it, and claim, how God fearing he is, then why can’t I?” Jenn answers him, as she fixes her coffee.331

“Wow, Jenn, you really are serious about this aren’t you?” as he takes a sip of his coffee.332

“Yes Chris I am. I want to feel loved, needed and wanted, besides as a mother.” she answers him as she sips her coffee as well.333

“Ok, then if you are sure this is what you want, what do you say we start looking today? Right now even.”334

“I am all for that!” She answers almost jumping out of the seat to hug him. She couldn’t believe her ears, she was so excited and happy. 335

Wondering if she was finally gonna be happy, have everything she ever wanted. A home, and a family. What more could a girl ask for? Nothing as far as she was concerned.336

“Where shall we look first?” Chris asks as they leave Shari’s. He had a place in mind, but wasn’t gonna tell her that just yet. He wanted to make sure she knew what she was getting into. She had moved back home with her parents when she divorced Alex. This was gonna be something different for her. 337

“Geeze, I don’t know, never thought about that.” She answers with a laugh.338

“OK, let’s see, how about in Hillsboro? I saw a sign out on my way over here, what do you think? Wanna take a look and see?”339

“OK, lets see what you are talking about.” She answered him. “Should I follow you or leave my car here?”340

“Tell you what, why don’t take your car back to Dad’s and then we can take mine from there. How does that sound?”341

“Ok, I will meet you there. Hey Chris, know something?”342

“Hmmmm”343

“I love you.” as she kisses him and gets in her car. 344

Looking a bit puzzled by this new development, he smiles and gets into his car and follows her back to her dad’s place. He was certainly glad that it was happening, just a bit amazed by the sudden change in her. He never thought he would see this happening, she had been raised with a very strict Christian background, and this certainly didn’t fit into that raising, one bit. 345

They were at her dad’s place by now, and he was ready to show her the house he was talking about. 346

“Jenn are you sure about this?” He asks one more time before they leave to see the house. 347

“Yes Chris, I have thought a lot about this. Since we got back from down south. I mean I had been toying with the idea for a while before that, but just didn’t think I could do it. Then after what happened, I know I need to do this for me, and be happy. And to have you come home to me every day, well that is what I want.” 348

“Well Ok then, let’s go, shall we?” Chris answers her with his own question and a kiss.349

Nodding her head, she gets into his car, and they head for Hillsboro. 350

Jenn couldn’t believe she was finally gonna have everything she had hoped for in life. Maybe things would begin to look up, and she would finally start feeling better about her shelf. Her first marriage had fallen apart, and now maybe she could find some sort of happiness. At least that is what she was hoping for anyways. 351

* * *352

When they got to the house, Jenn could hardly believe her eyes. It was a ranch style, with a white picket fence, a large yard and garage. It was beautiful. Just as she was getting out of the car to look around back, another car pulled into the driveway.353

“Chris, who is that?” Jenn asks, feeling a bit nervous. 354

“Oh that is the realtor. I called them on the way to your dads house.” He answers her with a smile on his face.355

“Chris, you’re the greatest!” as she throws her arms around him and hugs him in happiness. “I thought for sure we were gonna have to wait to see the inside!” 356

Laughing at her child like actions, he is glad he made that call, “Well come on what are we waiting for? Christmas?”357

* * * *358

The house was gorgeous, a sunken living room, three large bedrooms, two bathrooms, both full bathrooms! Everything she could have hoped for!! She wasn’t crazy about the yellow shag carpet in the house, but knew that they could change that at some point. Jen knew this was the house she wanted. She was hoping that they could make it work. 359

Much to her delight and surprise, by the time they were finished, they were set to start moving in next week.360

Chapter Nine361

It finally seemed that things were beginning to look up for Jen. Even though she had just lost her grandmother, the rest of her life seemed to coming together. She couldn’t believe how lucky she was. 362

Deciding that she might as well break the news to her father, she heads home to begin the long and tiring process of packing. What a job that was gonna be, her things, AJ things, then she would be helping Chris too. She couldn’t wait till this move was done.363

* * * *364

After two weeks, they have finally got moved into the new house, and life begins to settle down, once again. Not feeling quite right, Jen decides she needs to go to the doctors. All she knew was that she was drained and tired, and had a three year old that she had to keep up with. 365

Knowing that Jenn was anemic, and that her grandmother had died of breast cancer, the doctor decided to run a battery of test on her. He wanted to make sure that nothing was seriously wrong. He told Jenn the results would be in in a few days, and to go home and not worry. 366

Jenn was worried about the results, and Chris could see that when he got home. He spent the evening trying to take her mind off of it, but soon realized that that was not gonna happen none to easily. 367

A few days later, as promised, the doctor called her with the results of the test.368

Everything was normal, in fact, he said he had never seen results as this before. The only one that she should worry about was the one that had come back positive. 369

“Positive? For what, doctor?” Jenn asked him.370

“Oh, well I decided since everything else looked so good, I would run one more test. I wanted to see what would be causing these symptoms, and well the only one that came back positive, was the one that says you are six weeks pregnant.”371

Jenny thought she had heard him wrong, “Excuse me? How can that be? I am on the pill, and haven’t missed a single dose.”372

He checks his info, and sees that she has been on the pill for the past three years, but also notices that she was just getting over a bout of bronchitis about five weeks ago. “Jenny, you are just getting over bronchitis, right? I am certain you were on anti-biotics for it, right? Well, my dear, they will counter act the pill. That is how that happened.”373

Jenny was stunned, she had not planned on having another baby, at least not yet. She wanted to wait another year or two. She was not sure how to react, yes, she wanted another baby, but just not yet. Nevertheless, knowing that she was pregnant and there was nothing she could do, she decides to wait a few days before telling Chris, just so she could get used to the thought herself. 374

* * *375

She decided she would plan a special meal for Chris to break the news to him. It consisted of baby corn, baby ribs, baby potatoes, baby carrots, and juice, knowing that she could not have wine for the next few months. She thought that would be a fun way to tell him they were going to have a baby. Now that she had had a few days to get used to the idea, she was getting excited, and could hardly contain her excitement. She was ready to start getting things ready for this baby. She knew they had a lot of things to do, decide on a name, shop for clothes, and everything. She was hoping Chris would be as excited as she was about this baby. 376

She was sure this would change Chris’s mind about their relationship. He said he wanted to marry her, but still he kept stalling. She knew she loved him with every fiber of her being. This was it, this would solidify their relationship. She was sure of it. 377

Chapter Ten378

The next day, Alex called and wanted A.J. for the weekend, Jenn knew that she had to let him have him because of the divorce decree, but still did not like the idea. She told A.J. he would be spending the weekend with his daddy, and he seemed ok with it. Jenn had a sick feeling in her stomach about this visit though, she seemed to have a sixth sense about her, which always warned her when something was wrong. She had learned to listen to her gut instincts, but she also knew Alex would find any way to gain custody of AJ if she did not let him go. Therefore, she just bit her lip and got things ready for AJ’s visit with his dad. When Alex showed up to pick AJ up that weekend he introduced his new girlfriend Cathy to Jenn and AJ. 379

The weekend went by fairly quickly and before Jenn realized it, it was time for Alex to bring AJ home. She had always allowed an extra half hour for him to get there with AJ. Finally, she heard his car pulling into the driveway, she went out to meet them like she always did, and was in no way prepared for what she heard. 380

“Jenn, when do you plan on signing custody over to us?” Alex asked.381

“What makes you think I am going to sign custody over to you?” Jenn asked her ex-husband.382

“AJ says you are pregnant. You know you cannot take care of two kids, let alone love two kids. I want full custody of AJ.” Alex tells her.383

Shaking her head, “you have to be kidding me,” she tells him. “I will never give you custody of AJ.” she could not believe her ears. Who did he think he was? 384

“Look, Jenn.” he answers her, “you know as well as I do, you can not handle one kid, let alone two, and you will never be able to love more than one. We will take AJ and you can have visitation rights” he tells her.385

“Take me to court then. I will never willingly give up my son.” She tells him as she heads back into the house. This was crazy, she could not believe it! Where did he get off telling her such a thing.386

* * *387

Monday morning came and so did a phone call from the lawyers office, “We need to meet” he tells her.388

“I know, I was just about to call you.” she tells her lawyer. She could not believe it, it had been less than eighteen hours since Alex had dropped off AJ and already, he had been to his lawyer and trying to take AJ away from her because she was pregnant. She could only hope that Alex did not have a leg to stand on. She did not think he did, but with this state, one could never be sure. She had learned that when Alicia lost her kids after Latasha had died. 389

* * 390

Jenn decided it was time to confront her father again about her mother. This time she decided to have Kevin and Kasey there too. She knew if they were ever going to, get anywhere with this search, they would have better luck if they all ganged up on their father as one. It seemed he could not fight against the three of them. For some reason, he always backed down easier when it was the three of them against him. She called Kevin and Kasey and told them what she wanted to do. For once in their lives, they agreed with Jennifer. What a lucky break, she thought. They set it up for Kevin to pick up their father and take him to Shari’s for coffee, the girls would be there waiting for them. This just had to work. Jennifer was running out of ideas on how to find her mother. She had no other ideas left. She had tried everything she could think of up to this point, but she was bound and determined that she was gonna find her one way or another.391

At the restaurant, they cornered their father. They did not bargain, however, on what he would have to say this time. Never had the three of them felt as betrayed as they did sitting there with their father. 392

“You know, if all you wanted to know where your mother was, all you had to do was ask. All I know is that she is in New Hampshire,” he told them. 393

“When did you find this out?” Jenny asked him, stunned tremendously. How could he do this? He had known how important it was to her, to them, to find her. This was really beyond anything she could have imagined. It was a good thing she was sitting down, or she would have fallen over. This was the first break they had gotten from their father.394

“Why haven’t you told us this before now?” they ask in unison. 395

“Look, kids. I know you have been asking these questions all your lives, and well you girls are married, well you are Kasey, anyways. I am just tired of the fighting over it. I still do not think that you should care about her, but I guess that is your choice,” he tells them. Not sure how she should be feeling, Jennifer asks for the check, and leaves the restaurant.396

She could not wait to get home and tell Chris about this latest development. 397

Chapter Eleven398

Jennifer decides she needs a few minutes alone to digest this new information. Heading for her favorite spot, a nature park, full of wildlife and plants, she knows she can just sit there and think, and forget the world for a while. She could not believe this was happening. All her life, Jenn had tried to get her father to tell her where her mother was at least, and now out of the blue, he said she was in New Hampshire. This was unbelievable. How could he do this to them? His own kids? Then it dawned on her, that she was not his daughter. She had no idea whose daughter she was. Sometimes she wondered if this whole thing was not consuming her entire life, but she knew she had to know. If not for herself for her son and her unborn child. They had a right to know about the family history. 399

She had been sitting there lost in thought for what seemed like maybe ten minutes, when she heard someone calling her name. 400

“Oh Chris” she answers him. “I just needed a minute to clear my mind.”401

“Jenny, you left Shari’s almost two hours ago. Are you ok?”402

“Chris, I am so sorry. I didn’t realize I had been here that long. Dad told us that our mother is in New Hampshire, and I just…Oh hell I don’t know how to feel. I mean I am glad to know that much, but he said if we had asked him that years ago, he would have told us. Chris we have been asking him our entire lives. This is crazy.”403

“Wait a minute. He said she was in New Hampshire? Honey that is great news! Did he say where in New Hampshire? Or how long he has known?”404

“No. All he said was that she was in New Hampshire. From the way he said it, he has known for a very long time. Chris why would he keep this from us? I mean he has known for a long time, I wanted to find my mother.”405

“Did you ask him?” as he is just trying to get through the shock of this new information and comfort her. This is hard to digest even for him. He had known for a while that her father could be deceitful and do things that would only benefit him. But this was a bit low even for him, he thought. “How are the twins handling this new information?”406

“I don’t know, after he told us that, I had to get out of there. I felt as if I had an elephant sitting on my chest.” 407

“Let’s head home and call Kevin.” Chris says taking her by the hand and pulling her up.408

* *409

She knew her life had just changed forever, but she was not sure, if it was gonna have the happy ending she had always wanted. Now that she knew her mother was in New Hampshire, would that be the break they needed to find her? Or would it just prove to be another dead end? She wasn’t sure what was gonna happen now, but she knew things were gonna be different. 410

“Hi Trisha, is Kevin there?” she asks as his girl friend answers the phone. “OK”411

waiting for Kevin to come to the phone, she lets her mind wonder some more.412

“ Hi Kevin, I just wanted to check on you. How are you doing? How is Kasey doing? Listen I am sorry I left like I did, but I couldn’t breathe. I felt as if I had an elephant on my chest.” Listening to what happened after she left, she couldn’t believe what had transpired. It seems that Kevin and Kasey both told their dad that they were ashamed to be his kids, and left about ten minutes after she did. They just left him there alone to think about what he had done to them. 413

It suddenly hit Jennifer, with this new information, she might have her mother back in her life before she had her second child. As many times as she had dreamed of this, now she was wondering if it had been such a good idea. She knew others that had been looking for someone, found them, and had been let down. 414

Now she wondered what was going to happen with her. Would she like having her mother in her life?415

* 416

Jennifer had been helping with her father’s business for months, and she was getting uncomfortable, delivering papers. They had made sure she had a rider to carry the papers for her. Today, she really didn’t even want to be out there, it was raining, and she just plain felt miserable. It seemed to take a lot longer to deliver the papers today than normal, she was not sure why, maybe it was the rain, or maybe it was because she didn’t feel good. 417

Chapter Twelve418

The rain soaked ground, looked like it had been raining for three months, when in fact, it had only been raining since about midnight. Jennifer was going to go lay down, and hope that she would feel better after a nap. Deciding she would take a shower before her nap, to see if that would help her feel any better, she falls as she gets out of the van, she is covered from head to toe, with mud. In the shower, Jenny realizes that something is not right. Finishing up, she lets out a scream, there is blood running down her leg. 419

Jennifer had never been so scared in her life. She had already had one miscarriage, and didn’t think she could handle another one, not now, not ever. She had never felt so helpless. This baby meant the world to her, and Chris seemed to be happy about it.420

Laying there, she prayed like never before. She prayed for her baby, for herself, for Chris, and she prayed that now that she had a lead on her mother, that her dreams would come true.421

Carmel had left a message for Chris everywhere, but still had not heard from him. she didn’t know if he had run into problems delivering the papers or if he had had an accident or something, but she could not worry about that right now, she had her hands full trying to keep Jennifer calm.422

When the bleeding hadn’t stopped in an hour, Carmel took her into the Emergency Room. After the IV’s were started, and they got her into a room, her doctor came in to check her out, and suggested they move her to Emanuel Hospital in Portland. More because they had the special care if the baby delivered early. They had given her potossin to stop the labor. They still were not sure what had started the labor. None of the tests that had been done so far showed why she started bleeding like she was. She wondered if the fall had had something to do with it. She was almost sure it had. Her first pregnancy was perfect, AJ had been delivered with no problems, and right on time. She also wondered if the fact that she had miscarried the second baby, if that had something to do with this now. 423

They still had not found Chris, so they were gonna move her to Portland without him even knowing it. She didn’t want to go, but she knew she had to, for the baby. She had made Carmel swear she would tell Chris and make him come up the minute he got back. 424

She was worried about AJ, the only time she had been away from him was the weekend she had gone away to help Chris move his brother back up, and that was the weekend her Grandmother had died. This was not gonna be fun. She didn’t know how she would handle it. Her son, and the baby she was carrying were her life! She loved being a mother. It was her biggest joy in life.425

Carmel still hadn’t been able to find Chris and wasn’t sure what to do. She knew Jennifer would need him now more than ever, and yet he was nowhere to be found. She finally called Kevin Sr. and asked him if he had any idea where she should look for Chris. 426

“Did you page him? That is what I usually did when I needed him? Why what is wrong?”427

“I had to take Jennifer into the Emergency Room, as she fell and started bleeding, they were sending her to Emanuel Hospital in Portland.”428

“Oh my God! What happened? Is she ok? Is the baby ok?”429

“For now, but she really wants Chris, and I have called everyone I could think of, and been paging him for the past two hours, and still I can’t seem to find him anywhere.”430

“Well you keep trying, I am on my way to the hospital. I had better not see that son of a bitch anywhere between here and there. I will kill him.”431

“Kevin, keep your cool. Jennifer is gonna need all the support she can get right now. She is scared to death.”432

“I bet she is. I am on my way up there, you keep looking for Chris.” hanging up the phone, he couldn’t believe it! What was wrong with Chris. He thought he loved Jennifer, and when she needed him most, he was nowhere to be found. Some guy that was. At least Alex had been there for her when AJ was born. 433

Reaching the hospital, he learned they had already moved his daughter to Portland, so he headed for there, and still with no sign of Chris. 434

At the hospital, he learned that they had stopped the labor, but his daughter was gonna be there till she delivered the baby. They were hoping they could hold off for at least three weeks. He had no idea how his daughter was going to handle that. She was such an active person. Always on the go… This was going to be a form of inhumane torture for her.435

* * * *436

“Chris, where the hell have you been?” Carmel laid into him the minute he walked through the door. “I have been trying to find you for about five hours now”437

“Just lay off. I’ve had a rotten day” he snaps.438

“Well it’s about to get worse for you. I had to take Jennifer to the Emergency Room and they transferred her to Portland. She slipped in the mud and started bleeding.”439

“Oh is that. What? Is she ok? Is the baby ok?” Chris is near panicking with worry by this time. “I’m gonna grab a quick shower and head up there.” on his way to the shower. 440

“Chris, Kevin is up there. I called him looking for you. You might want to tread lightly. He was pretty mad when I couldn’t find you.”441

“Thanks I will.”442

Chapter Thirteen443

Alex had heard through the grapevine that Jennifer was in the hospital, and thought that this would be the perfect chance for him to try to take AJ from her. He did not want anyone watching his son, it was bad enough that his mother had full custody of him. Now that she was in the hospital, he was going to try for custody. He was sure Becky would make a wonderful mother for his son. He loved watching her with the kids she babysat. One way or another he was gonna get custody of his son, there was no way he was gonna let Jennifer raise him. Just the thought of it horrified him. 444

He had put a call into his lawyer explaining the situation, and the lawyer had said he wasn’t sure if the courts would take AJ from his mother just because she was in the hospital, but he would try if he really wanted to do that.445

* * 446

Laying in the hospital bed, Jennifer had plenty of time to think. This is all she needed right now. She knew once Alex found out, there would be another fight. But she really couldn’t worry about that, she had to fight for her baby’s life. This just was not fair! She had been fighting this fight for what seemed like forever already, and now she was gonna be helpless in it. Oh, Chris had better not let her down. He had better pull through like he said he would. Jennifer knew she would never forgive him if he let Alex take AJ, and she loved him dearly. That would be a pivotal point in their relationship, and she hated to put that much pressure on him, but didn’t know what else to do. Jennifer was already going stir crazy, and she had only been here for about seven hours and already her mind was on over drive.447

“Jenn, how are you doing? What did the doctors say? How is the baby?” Chris says coming through the door of her hospital room.448

“Chris, oh thank God. So far everything is ok. They stopped the labor, but want to give me a shot of something to help mature the baby’s lungs, incase I do deliver him early. I’m scared Chris. What about AJ? Who is going to watch him?”449

Laughing at her, Chris crawls up on her bed, pulls her into his arms, “hey beautiful, would you just slow down. Right now all you need to worry about is making sure we have a healthy baby. OK? I will deal with AJ and Alex if he starts anything. You just worry about you and that baby of ours.” as he gives her a kiss and just lays there holding her.450

Giving into her emotions, she just starts bawling like the baby she was carrying, which was not like her. She was normally a rock for everyone. But things were just getting to be too much for her. She knew she had to stay strong, but right now she just wanted to be held and cared for like a baby.451

After crying for what seemed like forever, Jennifer finally composes herself enough to ask about AJ. Learning that AJ was doing just fine, she falls into an exhausted sleep. 452

Chris held her a little while, then quietly slips out to head home. He wanted to be there as much as possible with AJ so that Alex wouldn’t try anything. But some how was afraid that he would anyways. 453

Arriving home, AJ meets him at the door, with all kinds of questions about mommy. He seemed to be just as scared as the rest of them. Trying to calm him down, he realizes the only way a little guy of four years old is gonna be satisfied, is by going to see his mom for himself. 454

“How about if I take you to see mommy tomorrow sport? We’ll get lunch and maybe some ice cream some where?” Chris tells him as he tucks him into bed. “Why don’t you spend the night in here with me?”455

* * 456

“Mommy, Mommy” AJ comes running into the room. “Are you okay? What’s wrong? How’s my baby?”457

Laughing at him, Jennifer is so happy to him. She had only been there since yesterday, but already it felt like an eternity to her.458

“Hi Baby. How’s mommy’s big boy?” He had already crawled onto her and bed and was snuggling in her arms. AJ adored his mother, she was always taking him places, and would play dinosaurs with him! That was his favorite thing to do with his mom. When Jennifer had learned she was pregnant, she had told AJ that this was his baby to help her with, help her feed him, change him, everything. It seemed he had not forgotten that either.459

“Oh, AJ do you know how much I love you?” she asked her son. “Listen baby, mommy has to stay here till she has the baby. I guess the bag that feeds the baby, has ripped away from the wall that it is attached to. They have to make sure the baby is getting his food. But both the baby and mommy are okay. We both are going to be fine.”460

Noticing the look on Chris’ face she quietly mouths the words, “I’ll explain later” Nodding he understands that she will going to give him more detail when AJ was not there.461

“Hey AJ, did you tell Mommy what you had for lunch?” Chris asks, trying to lighten the mood.462

“Oh mommy. Daddy took me to Chuck E. Cheese. We played games and had pizza for lunch!” he tells his mom bouncing on the bed with excitement. Then daddy got you these and me ice cream. You are lucky mommy! You are in the ice cream hosipital!” as he hands his mom a bag of yogurt clusters.463

“Ice cream. you got ice cream and all I got was these?” Jenn teases her son. 464

Laughing at his mom, “Yep and it was yummy! It was chocolate.”465

“Thanks Chris” she tells him, feeling for the first time it might me okay after all. They visited for a while longer, before Chris decided it was time to take AJ home, as he noticed Jenny was looking pretty tired. 466

“I love you Bug-A-Boo. You be a good boy.” She tells her son as they were leaving. She knew her son was scared, but also knew that he would be okay.467

For the next three weeks, she read book after book, did word puzzles, craft projects watched television and laid there. She was going crazy. Family and friends took turns coming into see her. All of them worried about her and the baby. At least once a week someone brought AJ with them. It was getting old, the same thing everyday. 468

On Monday of the fourth week, she went into labor, knowing she was still two months early, she was terrified. The nurses started watching her even more closely.469

“I need to call Chris” she told the nurse “he needs to be here! He said he would be with me when the baby was born”470

“Okay” her nurse said, “But tell him to hurry. We are letting you deliver this baby, this time.”471

Jennifer called home looking for him, but no one seemed to know where he was. Carmel told her that she would page him, and use the 911 for an emergency. Knowing there was nothing she could do, but have her baby, she resigned herself to doing just that. 472

Checking on her progress, the nurse calls the doctor to meet them in the delivery room. She realized that baby going to be here in less than thirty minutes. Jenn had been in the delivery room for about ten minutes when she had to push. The nurse kept telling her, “No, the doctor is not here yet.”473

But when Jenn couldn’t wait, she thought she had to “pass gas” the turned around just in time to catch the baby. “You have a beautiful baby boy” she said as she caught him with the blanket, just before he landed on the floor.474

“Ryan Marshall” Jenn says through her tears.475

“Is that his name? That is an awful big name for such a little guy” her nurse answers her.476

Well she had done it, had her baby, no Chris, and no doctor there She wasn’t sure what the birth certificate would say with no doctor present.477

Chapter Fourteen478

Finally she was back in her room, and Ryan was in the neo-natal intensive care unit, she calls home to tell everyone the news, and ask to talk to Chris. She couldn’t believe it, Chris still had not answered his page and it had been almost two hours. There was nothing she could do, and she knew it, but she was not happy.479

A few hours later, her father showed up to see her and the baby. Jennifer was so happy to see someone that she just bawled in his arms for several minutes. She was emotionally drained by this time. They would not let her down to the neo-natal intensive care unit yet, so she had not even seen her son. 480

Kevin told his daughter that he had stopped by, and the baby looked pretty good from what he could tell. He had been outside the window looking in for a minute before he had gone to her room. They had not told him anything, as they did not know who he was. 481

* * 482

Jennifer finally fell into a troubled sleep, wondering about her mother, and had a dream about her. When she woke up, she knew she had to find her mother, had to have her back in her life. The dream had left her with a deep desire of desperation to have her mother in her life. She was laying there thinking about her mother, when Tammy came in to visit, and see how Ryan was doing. Jennifer was glad for the distraction. The same thoughts had been playing like an unwelcome movie in her mind. What if her mother did not want her in her life? What if her father had been right, and she was abusive? What if her mother was dead? There were just too many questions, and no answers at the moment. 483

“Hey Jenn,” her sister says as she came into the room. “It looks like you lost weight in the past day.” kidding her sister. 484

“Hey Tammy,” smiling at her sister, and feeling relieved from the never-ending movie in her mind. “Is AJ behaving himself?” She just couldn’t stop thinking either one of her boys. Her beautiful baby boys, now she had two of them. 485

“Jenn, you need to stop worrying about AJ, and concentrate on you and Ryan right now. I have things under control with AJ. He is fine.” They had been sitting there visiting for about an hour, when low and behold, here comes Chris. 486

“Hey Babe” he says as if nothing had happened. 487

“Well look what the cat dragged in” Tammy speaks up before Jenn could get a word in. “You have some nerve, you know that? Jenny had Ryan about five hours ago”488

“What? We have a baby boy? How is he? Where is he?” the questions were flying out of his mouth like there was no tomorrow. He couldn’t believe he had missed the birth of his son. 489

“Thank you for asking Chris, I am doing fine” Jenn tells him sarcastically. 490

“Oh good.” he responds to her.491

“Chris, where the hell were you?” Tammy snaps. “Jennifer needed you, and you were no where to be found.”492

“Just lay off! Let me talk to Jenn” Chris snaps back. They were getting into a rather heated argument, so much so, that it brought the nurse in, to quiet them down. 493

Chris felt Tammy had no right talking to him the way she was. She may be Jenn’s sister, but he was the father of her baby, and the man that loved her, and as far as he was concerned, that out weighted the “kinship of sisters.” 494

Tired of their bickering, Jenn tells them both that she is tired and wants to go to sleep. Tammy felt bad that she had snapped in front of her sister, knowing that she had a lot on her mind. Giving her sister a hug, she tells her to hang in there, and that she would bring AJ in the next day to see her. 495

Chris unhappy with what Jenn had just said, said he was going to go see Ryan, and come back for a minute before he left. He just wanted to be rid of Tammy. He would have to deal with her enough before Jenny came home, and he knew it. He also knew that when he got back to Jennifer’s room, he had better have a good reason for not answering his page. He surely could not tell her the truth. 496

Chapter Fifteen497

After returning home from the hospital, Kasey calls her to see how she was doing. Jennifer a bit taken back by this as she had not come to the hospital even once. Kasey did not drive, but she could have rode up with someone when they were going up. 498

Jennifer and Kasey had never been close, she was not really sure, unless it was the fact that Jennifer had taken many beatings for things that Kasey and her twin brother, Kevin Jr. had done. Jennifer tried everything in her power to be close to her sister, but it just never worked out that way. She was closer to Tammy, and she was not related by blood at all. She had just change