Found at Last

Found At Last1

This book is based on actual facts, but2

I chose to change the names 3

To protect the innocent.4

Or those that I could not find.5

FOUND AT LAST6

PROLOUGE7

Jennifer had waited for seemed like forever for her graduation to get here. There was only one thing missing…her mother. Jennifer and her brother Kevin and his twin Kasey had been raised with their father.8

For as long as they could remember their father had told them that their mother didn’t want them and that she had been abusive towards them. None of them wanted to believe him, but they had not gotten even so much as a Christmas card from her, in that past sixteen years. They hoped that he was wrong, but they didn’t see how he could be. Even the rest of their family seemed to hate their mother just as much as he did. They kept saying all the same things. 9

For Jennifer, this was an especially happy time, not only was she about to graduate from high school, but her boyfriend had just proposed. She was really feeling the emptiness of not having her mother around to share in these big events. Over the years, they had tried to get their father, aunt, and grandmother to help them find her. Jennifer was pushing even more now, she wanted her mother at her wedding, even if her father was right.10

“Come on dad, please help us find mom. I want both of you to walk me down the aisle. That has been a dream of mine since I was about five or six. I know what you have said over the years, but damn it I don’t care! I want my mother at my wedding! She has just as much right to be there as you do!” she yelled at her father for what must have been the hundredth time. They agreed on nearly everything, except this. They couldn’t agree on this no matter what. 11

Jennifer, Kevin., Kasey, and their adopted sister Tammy, had spent many hours talking trying to come up with ideas on how to find her. The only thing they could come up with was hiring a private investigator to find her, but none of them had the money for that.12

They had begun to think that they would never get to know their mother. It seemed the harder did not deserve them in her life. No matter how hard they tried to get their father to talk about her, the harder he tried to convince them that she was no good and did not deserve them in her life.13

Chapter One14

Rolling over to quiet the insistent buzzing of the alarm, her hand knocks a box off the nightstand, as it dawns on her, that in a little over eight hours, she would be walking down the aisle to “Pomp and Circumstance.” Jenny reached down and picked up the box that had been knocked off. It was a small jewelry box with a note from Tammy. Jenny, I hope you enjoy this little gift. Happy Graduation, Love Tammy. Slowly, she opened the box, and inside found the most beautiful pair of diamond earrings that she had ever seen.15

The day had dawned bright and sunny, a perfect day for an outdoor graduation. Listening, Jennifer could hear the birds singing outside. It seemed that they were trying to add an extra note of happiness to the day just for her. But even with that, she had woke up with an uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach. She had no idea why, but she knew it couldn’t be good, it never was. She had had these feelings before, and they always meant trouble. No matter how hard she tried to ignore it, the feeling just would not go away.16

Please Lord, just let today go smoothly and with no problems, she thinks as she starts the bath water. The uneasy feeling that had settled in her stomach had left her feeling queasy, and nothing she tried seemed to help. She had thought of not going to graduation, but she knew you only got this chance once, and she had to get through the day. 17

Starting the bath water, and getting her gray woolen skirt out, deciding to talk to her sister for a minute, “Tammy” she hollers as she heads for the door. Only to find her standing there, “Thank you for the earrings! I love them. How did you know,”18

“Hey, would you slow down” Tammy says laughing, “I knew you loved mine, and well, I just thought you deserved something special today,” as she gives her a hug. “Now you had better get ready for graduation. And hey, congratulations, you deserve this sis.”19

Still not being able to shake the feeling, that had started out as some butterflies had turned into a feeling of dive bombers attacking from the inside out. This was supposed to be the happiest day of her life so far, and for reasons unknown to her, she had a horrible feeling. Something told her that it was going to be a true bittersweet day for her.20

Looking down at her hand, and seeing her engagement ring, she felt a wave of happiness wash over her. She loved Alex so much and knew that her life was going to be perfect with him. He was kind, loving and just perfect for her. But she also knew that she didn’t have time to think about the future right now, she had to get ready for graduation. 21

The time had finally arrived to leave for graduation. For some reason the dive bombers had started to feel more like 747’s in the pit of her stomach. Jennifer could not figure out why she felt so uneasy, today was supposed to be a wonderful day for her. It was the end of her childhood, and the beginning of her adult life. Even though, she had been helping raise her brothers and sister for the past six years, and had been working for the last two years of high school. She knew that her life was about to change forever. She had waited for this day for what seemed like forever, but somehow she knew that is wasn’t going to be as perfect as she had hoped it would be.22

Gathering with her friends in the choir room, everyone helping each other with their cap and gowns, a feeling of bittersweet happiness fills the room. Finally they hear “Pomp and Circumstance” fill the school, with a final hug here and they begin to line up and get ready to walk the halls of Forest Grove High for the last time.23

After the opening of the ceremony, as they were beginning to call the names of the graduates to come up and get their diplomas, the principle interrupts the ceremony to call for Alicia Johnson to come and take a phone call. Jenny knew she knew the name, but could not put her finger on it, as the saying goes. Finally, all the graduates had been called and received their diplomas, caps went flying up into the air as parents were clapping and the graduates were yelling and looking for their friends so they could make plans to see each other and maybe going to get some pizza or something.24

Hearing someone call her name, Jenny looks around to see who it is and realizes that it is her father, so she makes her way through the crowd, “Let’s go,”25

“Dad, I wanted to go with my friends and hang out for a while,” she tells her father.26

“I am sorry but we have to go right now! They took Latasha to the hospital during the ceremony. Latasha’s mother, Alicia had become like a sister to her since she had been working with her father’s business.27

“That explains the uneasy feeling I’ve had all day.” She tells her father and says she will be right back as she needs to gather up her things and tell her friends that she can not join them, but would call them in a day or so.28

On the way to the hospital, Jennifer tries to figure out what had happened to cause this horrible misfortune on her big day. She knew too, that she needed to go over to the nursing home where she worked. She was the ‘baby’ of the nursing and had promised everyone that she would come over so they could take pictures of her with her cap and gown on.29

Once at the hospital, they found Alicia in tears, Latasha had died on the way there. Nyetta finally knew what the uneasy feeling had been.30

“Alicia she was only nine months old. For god’s sake what the hell happened?” Tammy asked.31

“From what the doctor said, she had about nine adult strength Sudafed’s in her system. Apparently Sonya wasn’t watching her very closely,” Alicia answered through the tears. 32

Three days later, family and friends gather to say their goodbyes to Latasha. Not a soul left the cemetery until the white linen lined coffin was placed in the ground.33

* * * 34

With her wedding just a couple of months away-Jenny was still on the outs with her father about her mother.35

“Dad, I really want mom at my wedding. Why can’t you give me a place to start? I know her name is Lynda, but that is all I know. Why can’t you tell me something else about her? This is really important to me.”36

“Your better off without her in your life. She never wanted you kids anyways. Why do you keep up with that?” He tells her yet again. He had been telling her and the twins that same thing their entire lives.37

“Dad I don’t care! I have always had this dream of both you and mom walking me down the aisle at my wedding. Is that so wrong? For some reason you seem dead set against us even knowing mom. Why is that? Why do you hate her so? All I want is for the two of you to be at my wedding.”38

Jenny was tired of getting this run around. The dream of having both her mother and her father walking her down the aisle had been one that she had since she about five or six. The days were dwindling down and yet she was still no closer to finding her mother than she had been before. She had tried explaining all this to her fiancé and how she felt about it, but for some unknown reason he seemed to be on her father’s side.39

“Alex, how can you side with my father? You are supposed to be on my side. I am going to be your wife in less than a month. I would like think you’d be a bit more supportive of what I want. This is really important to me.”40

“Look, Jenn, maybe your father is right. Did you ever think of that?” Alex asks her.41

Alex wasn’t one hundred percent sure that what he was doing was right, but Jenny’s father was adamant about her never finding her mother, and had been told that if he didn’t agree with her father, he would find a way to stop the wedding. Alex could only hope that she never found out how miserable her father could be. Jenny and her father were real close to each other. That was one of the reasons he had fallen in love with her. She was so devoted to her family, and he really admired that about her. That was something he had never had with his family. 42

Alex decided to talk to Tammy’s boyfriend, Jason, about the position that their father had put him in. He thought that Joe would understand what he was going through, since him and Ann had been together for almost three years. He was right Jason did know, and all he could tell him was to do what he thought was right, but he needed to remember that if he told Jennifer any of it, she wasn’t likely to believe it. She was just to close to her father to see anything bad he might do. Alex knew he was right, but hated being in this position. Over the next couple of weeks Alex tried to help Jenny concentrate on the final arrangements for their wedding.43

The day of the wedding finally arrived. Jenn’s stomach was filled with butterflies. She knew her life was about to change forever. Before the wedding started, Jenny sat down and wrote a letter to her mother, and would later put it in her jewelry box.44

Dear Mom,45

I am writing this letter today, Aug. 10, 1984 because I am about 46

to get married. I really tried to get dad to help me find you so you could 47

be here and make one of my dreams come true. I had dreamt that both 48

you and dad walked me down the aisle today. Well, that is another 49

dream that I can no longer keep alive. I really wish I knew where 50

you were and that you could be here today. I have not given up my 51

dream of finding you someday. Maybe someday I will find that you52

too were looking for us as we are for you. I love you Mom.53

Love, Jennifer Rose54

Having done that, she leaves for the church, wondering if she would ever be able to give that letter to her mom. She would like to think so, but was really unsure of that at this point in time.55

Over the next few months she learned she was pregnant. She couldn’t believe that she was about to become a mom. It seemed that all of her dreams were coming true, except for the dream of having her mother there. She had her step mother, but still it was not the same. She liked, even loved her, but yet she wanted her mom. When she had been growing up, getting married and having a family of her own had been two of her biggest dreams. She knew Alex was going to be a wonderful father. She was hoping that she would be a good mother. She knew that she was prepared both emotionally and physically for a baby, but like all new mothers she was scared. And this only brought home once again the fact of how much she wanted and needed her mother in her life.56

Once again Jennifer and her father had had another fight about her mother. She felt the need to have her mother there for the birth of her first child. She knew her step-mother would be there, but she wanted her mother. She could only hope that one day her father would finally back down and give her what she wanted and needed most in her life, her mother.57

Jenny was still working at the nursing home, and her friends and co-workers were giving her a baby shower before she had to go on leave. She couldn’t believe all that was happening. It all seemed to good to be real. Finally the day arrived that she was to take leave, but she really didn’t want to. She tried talking them into letting her come in and help feed patients in the activity room, but the director of nursing, in the nursing home would not hear of it. She knew that Jenny would need to get the final things ready for the baby. Alex and his father had made a plan that his father would stop by to check on her in the evenings while Alex was at work. One evening while her father-in-law was there her water broke. She wasn’t totally comfortable telling him what happened, so she didn’t say anything. Finally she told him that she was tired and wanted to go lie down for a while before her husband got home. After he left, she called her husband at work, and her doctor. Alex left work, and her doctor told them to meet her at the hospital by six in the morning, unless she went into labor during the night. By the time Alex got home, she was in labor. When they got to the hospital, they told her that they would call the doctor that was on call that evening. Knowing what her doctor had told her, she asked who the on call doctor was. “Dr. Mechlam is on call this evening,” the nurse in ER told her. 58

“That man is NOT delivering my baby,” She told the nurse. “I will go home and deliver it by myself first.”59

“But , but ma’am, he is the one that is on call, we have to call him,” They tell her.60

“No, Cheryl told me that she would come in even if it was her night off. Dr. Mechlam is not delivering this baby!”61

“OK, I will call Cheryl,” the nurse tells her as a contraction hits her. Back in the delivery room, Jennifer asks Alex to call her father and let him know that she was having the baby.62

Early the next morning, she held her beautiful son, AJ in her arms for the first time. For a while after AJ was born, things were ok. Lately however, things weren’t going so well. It seemed like all they did was fight, and Alex had become physically abusive towards her. But believing in her vows, Jenny had decided to stick it out and make it work. She had seen her father go through three broken marriages and was determined that that was not going to happen to her. She firmly believed in her marriage vows, and did not believe in divorce for any reason.63

Knowing in her heart she had made the right decision for her and their son, she does everything in her power to make her marriage work. 64

Putting AJ down for his nap one day, she goes to check the mail, and hears someone calling her name. She looks around, but does not see any one. All of a sudden she hears it again, looking around, she finally sees her uncle, whom she had not seen in years. 65

“Uncle Denny? What are you doing here?” as she runs into his arms. 66

“Just passing through, and well I had to stop and see you, didn’t I?”67

“What do you mean passing through,” as they head back to the apartment. “Would you like a cup of coffee, or soda or something?”68

“Well, I am on a cross country run, and I am about ten hours ahead of schedule, so I thought I would stop and say hi to you and your dad and all. The manager of Albertson’s let me park the truck over there, and so here I am.”69

Jenny couldn’t believe it, Denny and Roy had always been her favorite uncles, and now Denny was here. What a wonderful surprise! Fixing Denny a cup of coffee, they sat down to catch up on the last few years, which seemed like a lifetime to her. A lot had changed, she was married now, had a baby, and well was living a life of hell. 70

She tried not to let her uncle see what happening, she knew how he would react. He had been against the life she led growing up, and told her father what he thought of it. Jennifer knew if Denny knew what she was going through, he was apt to kill her husband, and well she didn’t want that to happen, she did love him.71

They sat talking for what seemed like forever when she finally broke down and started crying. She couldn’t hide it any more. She needed to talk to someone. Her uncle was growing more and more upset with each word said, but Jenny didn’t care, she had to talk to someone. Finally, calming down, sitting on her uncle’s lap, and feeling better having told someone what was happening. She was feeling better, and still sitting on Denny’s lap when her husband came through the door. “What the hell do you think you are doing with my wife on your lap?” Alex almost screams as he walks in and sees them. Picking her up and setting her on the couch, Denny stands up and Alex realizes that he maybe sorry for saying that. This was a big man.72

Pushing Alex up against the wall, “This is my niece, and if she wants to sit on my damn lap, she will.” he tells him. 73

Denny had said just before Alex had got home that he wanted to see the rest of the family while he was there. Jenny figured this would be a good time to do that. Alex didn’t want to go, so Denny, Jenny and AJ went to her father’s house. 74

When they got to Jenny’s father house, Denny stayed behind her, he had wanted to surprise the rest of the family too. Walking in, Jenny hollers for her father, and he answered with the fact that they were in the living room, which was behind the wall of the hall. So she knew that the surprise would work perfectly. She motions to Denny to follow her. Coming around the door to the living room, “Dad, is there anyone you would like to see?” Jenny asks. Not sure what his daughter is getting at, he plays along, “There are a lot of people I would like to see again. Why?”75

About that time, Denny decides to move around the door and see his brother-in-law. “Hey Kevin.” as he reaches out to shake his hand. Finally realizing who it was, Kevin is quite happy, he had not seen him since he left CO six years earlier. They both started talking at the same time, questions being fired at the other. What was going on, why was he here, how everyone in CO was, etc. 76

Jenny knew that they didn’t have too long, as Denny would have to leave again and get back on the road again shortly. They had about an hour, maybe two, to cram six years into. About ten minutes into the visit, Denny asked to speak to Kevin alone. They went outside, so Jenny could stay in the house with the baby. Jenny wondered what Denny was up to. She hoped he wasn’t going to tell her father what had happened. She didn’t want him to know about what she was going through at home. But somehow she had a feeling that that is just what he was doing. She had always been pretty good at those types of things. 77

Jenny had been wrestling with all of this for a while now. She did not believe in divorce, her marriage vows were sacred to her. She had every intention of making this marriage work one way or another. Her father had been divorced four times, and she had promised herself that no matter what, she would not follow in those same foot steps. This would be her first and only marriage.78

* * * 79

The last couple of months things had getting pretty rough at home for Jenny. Alex had begun to be physically abusive, hitting her with a leather belt, and making all kinds of threats. That was just the latest in a line of sexual and emotional abuse that she had been dealing with for months now. 80

“Why in the hell can’t I see my family? Damn it, AJ is their grandson too!” Jenny shouts at Alex, as they get into yet another fight. Grabbing AJ, Alex heads out the door screaming at her, “I don’t have to listen to this shit Jenny!”81

“Damn it Alex, bring my baby back here!” She yells as she remembers the day that they had taken her brother away from them. That was a memory that she had long ago forgot, but all of a sudden, there it was, like yesterday, haunting her once again. She couldn’t believe Alex would do something like that and cause that memory to come back. She had worked hard to forget about that. When Freddie had been taken by the courts, and given back to his mother, it had been like ripping her own baby from her arms. She had raised him almost since birth, and he was four years old when the courts had done that.82

The love that Jenny and Alex once had, seemed to disappear over night. Not sure what to do, she did like she always had, and turned to her father for advice.83

“Dad, I don’t know what to do. I don’t believe in divorce. My marriage vows are sacred to me. I know there are some cases when it’s justified, but I don’t want to become another statistic.”84

“Jenny, I know how you feel, but in this case, I could end up burying you or even you burying AJ. Now is that what you want? This isn’t going to get any better, trust me. I‘ve seen this kind of behavior before.”85

“Yea, I guess your right. But…”86

“Jennifer Rose, do me a favor, and get out NOW! I know you don’t believe in divorce, I really don’t want to bury my daughter, and I don’t want you to have to bury AJ.”87

After a few more weeks, she realizes her father had been right. She didn’t care what he did to her, the beatings, the sexual and emotional abuse, she could and would live with it. But the final straw came when during another fight, Alex pulled a fourteen inch blade butcher knife on AJ and told her that she would never leave the house with him alive. She knew that he was serious, and he was a lot closer to AJ than she was. She would have no chance of getting to DJ before Alex got to him. Reaching for the phone, she calls her father and step-mother to come over, never getting a word out of her mouth, she just set the phone down, so they could hear what was going on. Some how she had managed to do all of it without Alex noticing what she was doing, which she was thankful for. Not five minutes later, Chris and her step-mother came through the door. Chris had been like a big brother to her for the past few years. Never had she been so happy to see them in her entire life! They helped her pack some clothes for her and AJ, and that day they left and never went back.88

Two and a half years after she had married Alex, Jenny was in divorce court, hoping that she would gain custody of AJ. She knew she is was in for the fight of her life, Alex wasn’t one to give up easily. The one thing that she had going for her was the fact that most of Alex’s family was on her side. Some of them had told her that they were willing to go to court and testify for her if it came down to it. They didn’t want AJ to grow up with his father and go through any more abuse. 89

* * * 90

Once again she decided to talk to her father, this time with her grandmother and aunt there and try to get some info on her mother. Jenny had begun to think that her father was keeping this information from them on purpose. She could not understand why, but what she had overheard, and from her grandmother had told her about being adopted, she wanted to find her mother now more than ever.91

“Dad, don’t you think we have the right to hear our mother’s side of the story?” Jennifer asks once again as they share a cup of coffee.92

“Jenny-would you just let it go and forget about it! All I’m trying to do is protect you three. Your mother was…”93

“Dad, we have been through all of this. At least a million times!” Looking over to her grandmother, “Grammy, you never would have told me that you thought I was adopted if you didn’t have a reason to, right? Now, why would you say that if you didn’t believe it?” 94

Her father looked at his mother as if she had three heads, he couldn’t believe she had broken the silence. 95

“Jennifer, I know you want all these answers, and I think your dad should tell you, but remember I will always love you. No matter what you will always be my grand-daughter.” Her grandmother tells her as she looks at her son and says, “If you don’t tell her, I will. This has gone on long enough. I’ve always thought you were wrong in keeping everything from these kids. You are my son, and I love you, but enough is enough.”96

“Sorry Kev, but I agree with mom and the kids. I’ve had it with them asking me questions and having to lie to them.” his sister tells him before he could say anything to her.97

“Mom, sis, I really wish you would just let sleeping dogs lies, as the saying goes. Jenny, would you just let it go and forget about it! All I’m trying to do is protect you three. Your mother was…”98

“Dad, I know. That is what you have always said, but aren’t we old enough to make up our own minds? I have a son of my own now, I can’t imagine my life without AJ. I really would like to find my mother, if for no other reason than to get the medical history from her side of the family.”99

“Oh for heaven’s sake, I can tell you all that. I know all of it, I do have a memory you know.”100

“Dad, you might know about it from the time you two were together, but, you don’t know about what has happened since you divorced, now do you?”101

“Well, no I don’t, but,”102

“Then please answer these questions.” Jenny pleads with her dad.103

Chapter Two104

Having moved back home with her son, Jennifer decides to help her father out in his business. She had experience answering phones, from her school days when she had worked in the office, she also could take AJ to the office with her. It was a family owned and operated business. She had told her soon to be ex-husband that he could come by and see his son there.105

After she had been working there for a month or so, her father had decided that she would be more use running routes for him, which meant that she would have to find someone to baby sit AJ while she was on the road, and that they needed someone in the office. One day a week or so later, Jason introduced them to a friend, Marie. Kevin decided that she would be great in the office in Jenny’s position. Jenny spent the next week training her to do her job. 106

“Marie, where did you get that necklace you are wearing?” Jenny asked her one day, knowing full well where it had come from.107

“Oh this one?” Marie asks as she holds up the necklace with a set of wedding rings on it. “My boyfriend gave it to me. Why?”108

“Cause those were my wedding rings.” she tells her.109

“Your kidding, aren’t you?” Marie asks.110

“No, I’m not.” Jenny tells her.111

Stunned beyond words, Marie didn’t know how to respond to that. She loved the necklace and Alex. “Shit, I didn’t know! Would you like me to take it off?” reaching up to do just that.112

“No, just tuck it into your shirt please.” Jenny asked of her.113

“I think I would feel better if I just took them off.” Marie tells her.114

Shaking her head, Jenny tells her again she didn’t need to, but thought that that was a nice gesture. She wasn’t quite sure how to feel about Alex giving her wedding rings to another woman to wear. But knew that she really had no right to complain about it.115

Alex had decided that he wanted to see AJ one weekend, so he called her and set things up. Jennifer reminded him that he was allergic to Pampers and would need to pick up something other than that for AJ. 116

“I know that damn it, I am his father, remember.” Alex almost yells at her. His terrible temper showing once again. He had been doing everything in his power to put his family back together. Buying her flowers and having them delivered, balloons, anything he could think of, but Jennifer wasn’t budging. She was not going to jeopardize her son anymore. He was more important than that to her. She was terrified to let Alex take him for a weekend visit, but knew she had too. She could only pray that he would come home safe and sound Sunday night. 117

Jenny managed to keep herself busy during the weekend, so she didn’t sit and worry non-stop about DJ. Sunday evening rolled around and Alex brought AJ home. Jennifer was very relieved to see that AJ appeared to be ok. Alex said that he had taken him swimming and that they had had a great time. She was happy to hear that. She really wanted AJ to know his father. She knew what it was like to not know the absent parent. She was still fighting with her father on that subject. 118

When it came time to get AJ ready for bed, she could not believe her eyes. AJ was sunburned over his entire body. She wanted to scream. She had never seen a burn so bad, deciding to leave his pajamas off for the night, she just put his diaper on him and put him to bed, but had a feeling it was going to be a long night. She had been right, she had got about three hours sleep all night. First thing in the morning she was on the phone to the pediatricians office. Making an appointment for later that morning, she didn’t know what to do. AJ spent most of the morning crying like he had the night before.119

In the doctors office later that morning, he asked her what had happened, how AJ had got such a bad sunburn.120

“Alex had him for the weekend and said they went swimming” Jenny answers him. 121

Shaking his head, “I have never seen a baby with such a bad sunburn. He had to have taken him swimming in an outdoor pool with no kind of protection.” he tells her. 122

“What can I do for him? He is so uncomfortable that he is not sleeping at night.” Jenny tells the doctor.123

“Well for one thing, we are going to have to keep him covered up, no short sleeves outside until this is gone.” he had never seen anything that looked so bad.124

“I’m not sure, we are just going to have play this by ear. I want you try aloe vera gel, and if that don’t work, lets try baby oil. We want anything to put moisture back into the skin.” he answers her. “Do you have a long sleeve shirt with you for him?” he asks. 125

“No, it is so hot outside I didn’t think it was a good idea to put something like that on him.” Jenny tells the doctor.126

“Well until this is gone, you have to. Or it’s going to cause more trouble later.” he tells her. “Is there anything else?”127

“Well his father and I am going through a divorce, what about visitation?”128

Shaking his head, “No, I don’t want him to have this baby until this is cleared up.” The doctor answers her.129

“Do you think I could get you to write a note to that effect? Just in case he decides to throw a fit about it. He is being so unpredictable lately. I have no idea how he is going to respond to not being allowed to see him.” She asks him.130

Knowing what was going on, he writes it on a prescription pad and gives it to her.131

Jenny stewed all the way home. She was so mad, she couldn’t believe it! Alex had let AJ get a second and third degree sunburn. It was no wonder that the poor baby was uncomfortable! 132

Later that afternoon, Alex called to see if he could get AJ for the family reunion the next weekend. “No. I don’t think so,” Jenny tells him.133

“Why the hell not?” Alex demands of her. “He is my son too, and my side of the family would like to see him.”134

“Alex, do you realize that when you took him swimming he got second and third degree sunburn?”135

“It is none of your concern what I do with my son when I have him.” Alex tells her getting angry.136

“What the hell do you mean, ‘none of my concern’? Damn it Alex, I was up most of the night last night with him! He is not quite two years old, and got second and third degree sunburn. I can’t take him outside without a long sleeve shirt on in this heat. Damn it, he is so uncomfortable that he is miserable! And I am his mother, I damn well think it is my concern!” she yells through the phone at him.137

“I don’t fucking believe you! You would do anything to keep my son from me. You’re a bitch!”138

Trying to calm down and reason with him, “Alex, if you don’t believe me, call Dr. Pritchard and ask him. I took AJ in there this morning. I have a note from him saying you are not to see AJ until his burn is gone.” Hearing that Jenny was getting upset, Chris had come out to the kitchen to see what was going on. Realizing that she was about to blow her stack, he grabbed the phone from her, “Alex, shut the fuck up and listen for a minute. She did take AJ to the doctors this morning, and he did give her a note saying you are not to see him for a while. She also gave a copy of it to her lawyer. Now back the hell off and leave her alone.”139

“Chris, what the hell business is it of yours? She is still my wife, and AJ is my fucking son. You stay the hell out of it!” Alex yells at him.140

After a few minutes of trying to reason with him, Chris too, gets upset and ends up hanging up on him. There was no reasoning with Alex, no matter what they tried. Jennifer knew that things were only going to get worse now. She knew how mad Alex could get and what he was capable of, and it was nothing short of possible murder. And that scared the hell out of her.141

Chris and Jenny were starting to spend a lot of time together, growing closer and closer. She wasn’t sure she wanted another relationship, but it seemed to be happening none the less. But she also knew that Chris was dating another girl, and they had just had a baby a few months before. Jenny knew that she had to put a stop the budding relationship, but Chris would not let her. Before she realized what had happened, her and Chris were seeing each other, but he was still seeing the other girl as well. Jenny kept trying to get out of the relationship, but he was such a sweet talker that she just couldn’t resist him. 142

* * * 143

About six months into the relationship, Jennifer had had a nightmare, and woke Chris up so she could talk about it. She had not had this nightmare for quite some time, and it really had shaken her up. After talking about it for an hour or so, she fell asleep in his arms. This was the first time that she had felt safe for a while now and slept quite well. Shortly after she fell asleep she was awakened by someone yelling, looking around, she sees Chris’ girlfriend, and thinks, “Oh shit!” She was in no way prepared for this. 144

“Donna?” she asks.145

“Yes bitch! It’s me! What the hell do you think you are doing sleeping with my boyfriend?”146

“Chris,” Jenny says as she shakes him to wake him up. Stirring he looks up and is stunned to see Donna there.147

“Hey Babe,” he starts to say,148

“Don’t fucking ‘Babe’ me! What the hell is going on here?” she screams at him.149

“Donna, she had a nightmare, and we fell asleep talking that is it! I swear!” He told her, but knew by the look on her face that she wasn’t believing a word of it. Storming out, Donna screams that it was over, and he would never see his daughter again. Not willing to let that happen, Jennifer tries to talk to her and explain what had happened. 150

“Donna, listen.” Jenny says as she goes after her. “I had a nightmare. I needed someone to talk to, and Chris was the only one here! You know what this business is, you have helped with it enough.”151

“Yea, well what the hell was the fucking nightmare? Someone chasing you?” Donna asks sarcastically. 152

“No. I was reliving the night Larry was murdered, if you must know. There are times when still today I have that dream.” Jennifer tells her.153

“Who the fuck is that and what the hell does that have to do with you?”154

“Larry? He was my first love that was murdered three years ago.”155

“Yeah, right, you would say anything to get what you want. You’re a fucking whore!” Donna snaps as she whirls around to leave. Only pissing Jennifer off all the more, she reaches out and slaps Donna.156

“Listen you little ungrateful bitch, don’t you ever say anything like that about me, my son and most of all about Larry! I will kick your fucking ass for you!” Jenny was beyond pissed by this time. She was shaking she was so mad. “Until you lose someone like that, you have no right and I do mean NO right to say shit like that!”157

Starting to walk away, almost as an after thought, “And if it matters to you, if you would have watched as I got out of that damn bed, we were both fully clothed, and had blankets between us. Nothing fucking happened, but you believe what ever you want.” Knowing full well that she would anyways.158

Chapter Three159

After a few days, Jennifer got a call from the state asking her to bring AJ in for an interview. Puzzled she asked what this was all about. 160

“We have had a complaint that you are sexually abusing him.” The voice on the other end of the phone told her.161

“You’ve got to be kidding! Like I would do something like that. Can you tell me who made this complaint?” she asked.162

“This complaint came from an Alex Kingsley. Do you know him?”163

“Do I know him? Yes I know him, we are in the middle of an ugly divorce and custody battle.” She tells her.164

“Oh I see, well we have to investigate all of these allegations, ma’am.” the voice from the other end of the phone tells her. They set up an appointment for the next week. Jennifer did not know what to expect from this, but she was fuming! All she wanted to do was call Alex and give him a piece of her mind. She told her father and Chris what the call was all about. Neither of them could believe that he would stoop so low as to do something like that! This was insane! She knew he could do a lot of things, and none of them pleasant, but she never dreamed that he could be that cruel. One thing was sure, she was ready to kill him. How could he be so cruel to put his son through something like this! It was so unfair of him. 165

The day of the appointment arrived, and she wondered what was going to happen when this was all over. She was not looking forward to this, but knew she had to do it. Arriving at the Department of Children Services, she just wanted to keep going and never look back. She tried to explain to AJ what was happening, but didn’t know how to put it into words. This was going to be a long hour. They finally came out and asked for AJ. Jennifer asked if she could go with him but they told her no. She was not comfortable with that, but had to play their damn games for now anyways. She tried to read her book but just couldn’t concentrate on it, and ended up pacing around the office. 166

What is going on back there? Is AJ ok? What are they telling him? She kept wondering as she was walking around the office. After what seemed like forever, they finally brought AJ back out and said they could go. “Well, what did you find out? I mean I think I have a right to know. I am the accused here, and he is my son.” she asks the worker.167

“Don’t worry, Mrs. Kingsley, you have nothing to worry about. These allegations are completely fabricated.” She tells her.168

“Well I could have told you that.” She says as she picks up her bright blue eyed, blonde haired baby boy. He was the apple of her eye, and could never do anything to hurt him. She felt so relieved that this part of the mess was over. She decided to take AJ for an ice cream on their way home. She felt that she needed some time with her son. They spent the afternoon playing at the park and having some fun together. 169

When she finally got home, her father and Chris were mad because she didn’t call them and tell them what had happened at the meeting. After they calmed down enough to listen to her, she explained that her and AJ had gone to the park and for an ice cream. Then she told them that they could find no reason for the allegations made by Alex. They had already known that, but still it seems like the state usually could and would do what ever they wanted to. They knew that only to well from when Latasha had died a couple of years earlier. Alicia had not only lost her youngest daughter to death, but the state had taken the other three as well, on the grounds of neglect and abuse. Or so that is what they had said. Even though she had not been at home when it had happened, Jennifer and the rest of the family had testified to that fact. But being the state, that made no difference to them. They knew everything. This was all so unfair. 170

* * *171

Jennifer wondered what Alex’s next tactic would be in this ugly battle. So far there had been all of his different attempts to put the family back together, there had been the sunburn on AJ, now the allegations of sexual abuse. She couldn’t help but wonder what the next move would be, it turned out that she didn’t have long to wait for that. The next day Alex’s lawyer called her and asked if she had an attorney because Alex had filed for a divorce. Relieved she asked her father if his lawyer handled divorce cases. He wasn’t sure, but they called him and set up an appointment for the next day. He took the case, but once he found out who Alex’s lawyer was, warned them to be in for a fight. It turned out that he had hired one of the best lawyers in the state to represent him. So from there on, she prepared herself for a hell of a fight. Not knowing what to expect, she just wanted to get her divorce and be free of this whole thing. 172

The next day she got a phone call from her sister-in-law. “Do you know what your husband, my brother did?”173

“Uh, no how would I know that? We are separated, and he filed for a divorce. I know that.”174

“Well I just came over to the apartment to check on him and had to call an ambulance. He tried to kill himself. He took a whole bottle of tranquilizers with a six pack of beer. Now how do you feel?”175

“Look, Nancy, I am sorry he did that, but, I am not going back! He tried to kill his son, your nephew. I can not and will not take that kind of chance! And if that bothers you then I am sorry. But you are not going to make me feel guilty about this.” As she herself is fighting to conceal the fear that she feels and tears in her eyes. She could not believe that Alex would try to do this. She knew now for sure that she could and never would go back. She could not picture her son finding his father dead some morning. Hanging up with Nancy, she slides down the wall, hit’s the floor with her fist and just starts bawling, for the first time since this whole thing started. Wondering what had happened, Tammy comes in and finds her sister hysterically bawling. “What happened sis?” 176

“Nancy just called. Said that Alex tried to commit suicide. Can you believe that? What the hell did I ever do to deserve this shit?” she answers her sister through the tears. 177

“Chris” Tammy hollers, “You had better come help here!” 178

Coming into the kitchen, he sees Jenny is in a mess and asked Tammy what had happened. Tammy tells him, as he is trying to calm her down.179

“That son of a” Chris starts to say,180

“Shut the fuck up! He is the father of my son!” Jenny screams at him before she realized what she had said. Which in the end, caused a fight between her and Chris. Though right then she really didn’t care! It was all getting to her and she just wanted to run away from everyone and everything! But she knew she couldn’t. She had to somehow stay in control for AJ. She wasn’t sure how at that moment, but knew she had to.181

She called Nancy later that day to see how Alex was doing. She said he was doing ok, but they were admitting him to Cedar Hills Mental Hospital, at least for a week for observation. Jenny was relieved to hear that, she really didn’t want to tell her son that his father killed himself. It was going to be bad enough trying to explain why daddy hadn’t called for a visit as it was. She called the hospital to see if she could bring AJ up to see his father, they had told her that patients were not allowed visitors for the first week. She would have to call back at the end of the first week and see if he was stable enough for that. She could not believe this. This divorce was going to drag on for a very long time at this rate! She just wanted it over and to try to put her life back together. She knew she had to somehow for the sake of her son. At the end of that first week she called the hospital to see if she could bring AJ in to see his father. As it turned out the doctor felt that would actually help Alex. As that is the reason he tried to commit suicide in the first place. The only thing was that he did not want her to say anything derogatory about the incident. Jenny promised that she wouldn’t, she just wanted to bring AJ up in hopes of helping Alex. Yes, she had an ulterior motive, she was hoping that by doing this it would help him recover and they could move ahead with the divorce. She had already called her lawyer and told him what was going on and he told her that they would have to stop the proceedings until Alex was out of Cedar Hills. No judge would sign the divorce papers while he was in there. He had explained it to her, but she really didn’t understand all that legal mumble-jumble. All she knew was that her divorce was on hold and she didn’t like it. 182

The day arrived that she was to take AJ up to the hospital to see his father, and she had butterflies in her stomach. She knew that it wasn’t going to go as well as she wanted it to, whenever she had those feelings, something went horribly wrong.183

Arriving at the hospital, she wonders what is going to happen. Things were going well for the first half hour or so, then it hit. And boy did it hit, Alex asks her how she feels having to bring AJ to see him in a fucking mental hospital? She tried to change the subject as the doctor had asked her to if Alex brought that up, but he wasn’t going to let that go. She tried several times to change the subject and was so thankful when AJ started getting fussy because he was late getting his nap, and suggested that she take him home so he could have his nap. That is when Alex really lost it, and tried to hit her again, just as a doctor happened to walk by and see what happened and told Jenny that she would have to leave. Boy was she so grateful for that. She could not believe that he would try to hit her there, with so many people around. She was just glad that someone had seen it, and stopped it. She didn’t want her son to see his father hit her. She had been able to keep him from it before and really didn’t want to let him see it happen now. She knew that it could have been a lot worse, but she really wasn’t sure how. This was not what she wanted, to have her son see what his father was capable of. Even though they were divorcing she wanted her son to know his father.184

Alex called her the next week to see if she would bring AJ back out to the hospital, for another visit. Jennifer really didn’t want to, but agreed to it. It was really important to her for AJ to know his father. She had been fighting with her father all her life to find out where her mother was. She did not want her son to go through that. She knew those feelings all to well. The emptiness, loneliness and the general pain of the not knowing. It was really a life of hell, one that she would not wish on her worst enemy, let alone her son. 185

Following his release from the hospital, the divorce proceedings were once again started, which Jennifer was grateful for.186

Chapter Four187

Jenny had been delivering papers for her father’s business for about six months when it was decided that she would take over the routes in southwest Portland. She hated driving in Portland and they knew that. But she agreed to give it a try, wondering who would show her this route, and how long it would take for her to learn it. The following week she went on the Willamette Route with her step mother. It was going to be an easy route. If they got their papers on time, she could have it done and be back by the time AJ got up for breakfast. But of course that meant getting up at two o’clock in the morning, and that was a thought that she did not like. 188

Jennifer had been calling her step mother, Mom, for a while now, and saw this as an opportunity to ask her what she knew of the situation with her mother. 189

“Mom, what do you know about my real mother?”190

“I don’t know much, because your father just won’t talk about it. Why is it so important to you to find her? Every time you bring this up, it really upsets him. It hurts him. He thinks he has done something wrong by you. Why can’t you let it drop.”191

“Mom, I love you, but I really want to find my real mother. I don’t know if you can understand this, but, it’s like. Well, it’s like there is an emptiness inside of me. A hole, an emptiness that just won’t go away. I feel like, in some ways, an orphan of sorts. The only way this is going to end is if I find my real mother.”192

“Jenn, I do understand, but, why can’t you think about your father’s feelings? He really wants you to just leave this alone. I think it brings up some painful memories for him, and he really just wants to forget about it.” her mother says as they pull up to the next stop on the route.193

Jenny couldn’t believe it, her step mother was now on her father’s side as well. This was getting crazy. No one would talk to her about her mother. At one time, she thought her step mother was on her side, it had seemed like it just a few years ago. Now all of a sudden she was stalling, this wasn’t fair. 194

She had no idea where to go from here with this. The more questions that she asked, the harder the walls were that she hit. No one was talking and all she knew of her mother was that her name was Lynda, and she lived somewhere on the East Coast. That was not much to go on, but she was more determined now than ever to find her mother. 195

* * *196

About a week later, Jenny needed gas in her van, and stopped at the station where her brother Kevin Jr. worked. They were talking for a minute, when he asked her if she had talked to Alex lately.197

“No, why?” she had a feeling that she wasn’t going to like what she was about to hear. 198

“You know the family shirts that Grammy made for us?”199

“Uh, you mean the red flannel ones, right?”200

Shaking his head, “Yep, those are the ones,” he said. “Well he came in here a couple of days ago, with a girl. He had that shirt on, and I told him to take it off.”201

“When he refused, I told him again ‘Take it off, or else!’ Well there was no way that he was going to take that damn shirt off.”202

“Jr. what did you do? You know we are going through a divorce, don’t do anything to make me look bad or screw things up for me, please.”203

“Oh don’t worry about that sis, all I did was pull him out of the car, and took the shirt off his back and hand it to the girl that he was with, and told him that he no longer had the right to wear that shirt. He was no longer a part of this family.” he answered her.204

“Jr. you didn’t.” not knowing whether to laugh or cry. She couldn’t believe her ears. She only wished that she had been there to see that. 205

“How did he react to that?” Jenny asked more to herself than her brother.206

“Like a scared chicken,” he answers her. “Right down to shaken in his boots.”207

“Now I wish I would have seen that!” Laughing so hard that tears were rolling down her cheeks. This was too funny! For the next several hours, every time she thought of that all she did was laugh.208

It finally got to the point that Jennifer had to make everyone promise to leave Alex alone till her divorce became final. She knew that Kevin Jr., and Chris and her father were all ready to kill Alex for everything that they had put her through. All Jenny wanted was for her divorce to go through, and get it over with. She finally told them that “Open Season” would open after she had the signed divorce papers in her hands. She made them all promise that they would leave Alex alone until then. None of them were happy about it, especially Chris and her brother. But they did understand where she was coming from. 209

Before she realized it the divorce proceedings had been started and stopped at least a dozen times by Alex. Never was she sure why he was doing this, but every time she turned around, her lawyer was calling her and telling her he had gotten a call from Alex’s lawyer. This was getting old, and she was tired of the fighting. She finally told her lawyer that if that call came again to let Alex’s lawyer that she was starting the proceedings and they would go through. She was not stopping them for any reason. She wanted this divorce and that was all there was to it.210

A week later, Alex’s mom called, “Hi Jenny. Would it be all right if Tony and I take AJ to the zoo next weekend?” she asks.211

“I think that would be great. AJ loves going with you and Tony. Do you want to pick him up here? Or do you want me to drop him off somewhere?” Jenny answers her soon to be ex -mother-in-law. 212

“No, we will pick him up around nine on Saturday if that is ok?” Knowing that AJ would love this outing with his grandma and great-uncle, she felt that that would be fine. 213

Jenny had AJ ready to go by eight thirty, and they were watching cartoons on television when Becky and Tony got there to pick up AJ. 214

“Hi Mom, Tony. AJ has been looking forward to this since you called me last week.” She tells them as she answers the door.215

“Well so have we.” Tony says as he picks AJ up and gives him a hug. Tony had babysat AJ for quite a while before Alex and her had separated. They adored each other! They were more like best friends instead of great uncle and nephew. Jenny was so glad that Tony and Becky were still a part of AJ’s life. She really wanted to make sure that AJ knew both sides of the family. 216

“When do you think you will be back?” Jenny asked them, more out of curiosity than worry. She knew AJ was going to be more than safe with them. But as a mother, she liked knowing about what time to expect her son home.217

“Some time after dinner, if that is ok? Maybe around six or seven?” Becky says.218

“That’s fine mom. I just like knowing, that’s all.” She tells them. “Well AJ, are you ready to go with Grandma and Uncle Tony?” She asks her son as she gives him a hug.219

This was the first time that Jenny would have some time alone in what seemed like forever. Her family was gone and she was home alone for a while. She decided that she would take a much needed bubble bath and relax after they left. She wasn’t likely to get another one for a while.220

Enjoying having the day to herself, she just relaxed and did some reading, catching up on letters and decided to make chicken and dumplings for dinner. This was nice she was thinking along about one thirty that afternoon when the silence was interrupted by the phone ringing.221

“Is this Mrs. Jennifer Kingsley?” The voice asked that was on the other end of the phone. Her heart immediately stopped. That was never good when someone answered her like that.222

“Yes, this is she,”223

“Mrs. Kingsley, this is Officer Johanson from Aloha Police Department. Do you have a son named AJ?”224

“Yes. Why? What has happened to him?” she asked him, almost afraid to hear the answer to her question.225

“Mrs. Kingsley, is your husband an Alex Kingsley?” he answers with yet another question.226

Now she was starting to panic. “Yes, we are going through a divorce. Why?” She demands.227

“OK, now that we have that answered, did your mother in law, Becky Kingsley have your son today?”228

Almost screaming into the phone, “YES! Now what the hell is going on?”229

“Well it seems that your husband, has taken off with your son. And no one knows where230

he went with him.”231

“What the hell are you talking about?” Jenny was getting really scared now. She knew Alex could do almost anything and he usually did.232

“Mrs. Kingsley, some one will be there in a half an hour to get a picture and statement from you.” he tells her.233

Just as she hangs up with him the phone rings again, and it is her mother in law telling her about Alex taking AJ. When she asked how it happened, Becky tells her that they had stopped at Grandma’s for a while, and Alex showed up, asked if he could show his son something, and the next thing they knew he was gone with AJ. 234

“OK mom, calm down. Aloha P.D. just called me, and they are coming over now. I don’t blame you, Alex is good at doing things like this. Thanks for calling them, Mom. It will be fine. Don’t worry about it.” Jenny told her mother in law to try to calm her down but convince herself that all would be fine as well.235

Jenny hangs up with her mother in law and calls Chris to come over, she no longer wanted to be alone. Her son was out there somewhere with his father and who knew what was going to happen.236

Shortly after Chris got there the phone rings once again, and it is Becky. She said that Alex had showed up with AJ. She said that Alex had just taken AJ up to Dairy Queen to get some ice cream. Jenny told her that she would be there in a half hour to pick up AJ, and asked her to please call the police back and let them know that Alex had brought AJ back safe and sound.237

Chapter Five238

Wondering how things were going to turn out once the divorce became final, Jennifer decided to talk to her father again and try to get more information on her mother. “Dad, I am tired of these games. I want to know where my mother is, who she is, all of it. I am going to find her one way or another, with or without your blessings. So you might as well tell me and get it over with.”239

“Jennifer, we have been over this about a million times. Just let it go. She is no one that you want to know.” her father tells her.240

Finally deciding that she would have to find another way to find her mother, not knowing how, but she would figure it out. That seemed to be all she could think of lately, was finding Lynda, her mother. She didn’t have much to go on, but somehow, she promised herself she would find her.241

“Alright, I give for now, dad, but I will not give up, I am going to find her one day. Whether you like it or not.” Jennifer tells her father. More determined than ever.242

Jennifer got a call the next day from her lawyer, telling her that her divorce was finally final. For the first time in a long time, she felt relieved. She had full custody of AJ, and Alex was allowed visitation on every other weekend, every other holiday and every other birthday. She was not happy about it, but she had no choice. When Chris heard the news, he went to the calendar and circled the day, writing OPEN SEASON ON ALEX on the day. Jennifer was not happy about that, but she understood where he was coming from, she was just as upset over the events of the last year as he was. 243

* * *244

Jennifer decided that it was time to call Kasey and Kevin and for the three of them to have a talk and see what they could come up with to find their mother. They decided to meet at Shari’s where they could be alone to talk. They had had enough of their father’s interference on this subject. None of them really had any idea where to start. They sat there drinking coffee for about two hours and were no farther with their plans or ideas than they had before they started. 245

“Oh guess what,” Kasey interrupts the conversation, “John asked me to marry him. Of course I said yes!”246

Jennifer couldn’t believe it, “Kasey, are you sure about this? He is not the man you think he is.”247

“Jenn, can’t you be happy for me? Please” Kasey tells her.248

“Alright, I just want you to be happy.” never believing for a minute that she would be. Jenn knew that John could be abusive and had a few screws lose, and that was being nice, she thought. 249

Six months later, Kasey and John were married, in the same church that Jenn had been married in. The day of Kasey’s wedding came and they were all at the church when Kasey realized that one of her brides maid’s hadn’t shown up. Not realizing what she got herself into, Jenn agrees to stand in for the no show. Wondering who she would walk down the aisle with, she is glad that she had worn a long gown today. “Kasey, who am I walking down the aisle with?” as she is trying to do something with her hair in a hurry, so she looks like this was not a last minute thing. 250

“Oh that would be Bill” Kasey answers her sister. Jennifer thought she would fall over dead on the spot. How could Kasey do that to Bill? 251

“You’ve got to be kidding! Kasey, you and Bill dated for two years! Do you really think he likes this whole thing?” Jennifer almost yelled at her sister.252

“Look sis, I don’t like this any more than you do, but one of John’s groomsmen didn’t show either, and he asked Bill to stand in for him.”253

“Why don’t you just do without the two of us. Wouldn’t that make more sense?” Jennifer asked her. This was insane, they had three others standing up with them already, they really didn’t need her and Bill.254

“Sis, just do this for me, please” Kasey begs her sister. Reluctantly, Jenny agrees to stand in. She was not happy about it, but she would do it for her sister.255

Three days after the wedding, Kasey tells the family she was pregnant. “What?” they asked almost in unison. Jenn was the first one to realize that she had been pregnant before the wedding. “Kasey, how far along are you?”256

“About three months,” she answers thinking that she pulled one over on all of them. Jennifer could not believe it. Things were crazy enough, and Kasey gets pregnant then gets married. Oh well that is the way life goes, Jenn thought to herself.257

Jennifer was beginning to understand what her grandmother had been talking about when she talked to her last week. Her grandmother was talking in riddles, and not really telling her anything, but she knew something was up. Kasey had moved back home and wasn’t speaking to her grandmother. Although no one really knew why. Jennifer decided to call her grandmother later in the day and get some answers. She had a feeling however, that she wasn’t going to like what she was going to hear. 258

After talking to her grandmother, she was right, she didn’t like it one bit. Kasey had gotten her grandmother to pay for a correspondence class on art for her, and had run her phone bill up, way up. And if that wasn’t enough, she had gotten their grandmother to buy her a whole new wardrobe! This was insane, their grandmother couldn’t afford all that, she was living on a fixed income as it was, and had been sick for a while now. But Jennifer knew if she confronted Kasey about it all she would is lie to her. Kasey was real good at that. 259

Chapter Six260

A few days later, Jennifer was heading out of town with Chris to help him move his brother and his family back up to the area, when the call came in. Her grandmother had passed away. Jennifer felt so alone in the world right then. She didn’t have the money to fly back to Colorado, and her father said that he was going to have to borrow some so he could go back for his mother’s funeral. She knew that she couldn’t ask him to borrow enough for her to go back too, so she said she would just continue with her plan. Tammy was watching AJ for that weekend, and she knew that she wouldn’t be much good to him, so she decided to continue on, she really had no choice anyways. 261

* * *262

Kasey couldn’t believe it, Jennifer wasn’t going to come home and mourn for her grandmother. What kind of a granddaughter would do that? She called her sister and left a message for her. “Jennifer, what do mean by not coming home? I thought you loved grandma?” Realizing that Jennifer was not going to answer her, and deciding to wait, Kasey hangs up. She would talk to her sister when she got home Sunday night. 263

All Jenny could do was cry. This was not the way it was supposed to be. She should be in Colorado, she should be there to say goodbye to her grandmother and for her father. This was not fair at all! Her grandmother had helped raise them and now she was gone. Over the past few years she had gotten quite close to her grandmother. The one thing that she was very thankful for was that she had talked to her grandmother a few days ago and did tell her how much she loved her. She knew her grandmother had been sick for a while but wasn’t really sure with what.264

Later that night she called Tammy to check on A.J. She really wanted to make sure he was ok. She knew Tammy wouldn’t let anything happen to him, but for her peace of mind after getting that call about her grandmother, she needed to make sure that her son was ok. After Tammy put her fears to rest, she decided that she wanted to be alone for a while, and told Chris that she was going to go for a walk.265

“Jenny do you think that is a good idea? I mean, you don’t this area? What if you get lost?” He asked knowing that when she was in this kind of mood, she really didn’t pay attention to where she was or anything else.266

“Look Chris, I just need some time to think, and want to be alone. I mean I should be on that plane heading for Colorado. It was my grandmother that died. I’ll be ok.” Jenny tells him as she heads out the door. She had no intention of going that far away from this house. She just wanted to think about her grandmother for a while. She knew this was the worst time of the year for this happen. Her father’s birthday had only been three days ago, and the holidays were just around the corner. There couldn’t be any worse time for this to happen.267

After about an hour, she heard footsteps behind her, getting scared, she picked up her speed, and so did who ever was behind her. Deciding to head back to the house, she looks up and realizes she had no idea where she was. 268

“Jenny, it’s only me,” she hears from behind her, and instantly recognizes Chris voice, she almost fell over with relief, as the tears start falling again. 269

“Oh, Chris. Why grandma? I feel awful. I want to call her, I want to talk to her again. I miss her so much already!” Jenny says between the tears, sobbing into Chris’ shoulder. She was relieved to have him with her at this moment. After she calmed down a bit, “How long have you been behind me, Chris?”270

“Since you left the house. I didn’t want you walking around out here alone, so I decided to follow you.” he answered her. “Hope you don’t mind.”271

“Actually I am kinda glad you did that.” she says as she wipes her eyes.272

“Come on Jenn, let’s go back to the house and get some rest. You’ve had a long and tiring day, and we have to finish up tomorrow and head back to Hillsboro.” Chris says putting his arm around her waist and heading her back to his brother’s house. There was nothing like walking in the moonlight with your loved one to calm one down, Jenny realizes as they were walking back. 273

“Chris,” Jenny says as they were walking,274

“Hmm” he answers her.275

“Thanks for following me. It is no wonder I love you. You are the best.” she tells him as they stop for a kiss. Feeling the desire building in them, “Come on let’s get back,” she says, as she rubs her hand along his groin area, feeling alive for the first time all day. 276

Realizing what was happening, he starts to play along, rubbing his hand along her breasts, “God, Jenn, you are the most beautiful woman in this world. I love you too,” as he nuzzles her neck. They both decide to hurry back to his brother’s house knowing that when they got there, they would be alone, as Chris had said that Bill and his wife had already gone to bed. They were heading that way when he left to follow Jenn. Neither of them could hardly wait to get back to the house. Stopping every few feet to steal a kiss and rub each other, it seemed like they would never get back to the house. By the time they got back to the house they could hardly keep their hands off of each other. It was like something had taken over their bodies and they were going to give into it right there on the street, if they didn’t get back there as fast as they could. Jenny wasn’t sure what had happened all of a sudden, but all she knew was that she felt alive for the first time all day.277

CHAPTER SEVEN278

After returning to Hillsboro, all Jenny wanted to do was pick up her son, go home and 279

relax. She really wanted and felt like she needed to have her son close to her. She was really feeling the emptiness of not having her grandmother around. 280

“Hi Tammy. Where is A.J.?” She asked her sister when she got there. 281

“He’s sleeping in Derrick’s room. Why don’t you leave him here for tonight?” She asks Jenny as she goes to get her a cup of coffee, knowing that no matter the time day or night, Jenny could drink coffee, and relax. “Come on sis, I know you have had a rough weekend, and tomorrow is not gonna be any better. In fact, I have bedding out for you, just crash here tonight. Then tomorrow you and AJ can go home.”282

“Tammy I don’t want to put you out, I can take AJ home tonight. We’ll be ok,” Jenny says, as she heads to get her son.283

“Jennifer Rose, listen to me,” Tammy says, knowing that as soon as Jenn was alone all she was going to do was cry herself to sleep anyways. “I know you think you just want to be alone, but right now is not the time for that. You have had a hard weekend, and with grandma dieing, you really don’t need to be alone. Stay here tonight.” Tammy tells her as she hands her the cup of coffee.284

Not wanting to fight with her sister, Jenny gives in, and as soon as she did, the tears that she thought had dried up, were once again there. 285

Feeling like a kid again, Jenny realizes that she had lost the only mother figure she had had growing up. Not only had her grandmother basically raised her, she was the only real role mother Jennifer had ever had. This was a nightmare as far as Jenny was concerned. She was recently divorced, and her ex-husband was, like most ex’s she had heard of, causing her problems, it seemed like her life was falling apart, and now her grandmother had just died. She so wanted to go back to a time when life was simple. It had only been a couple of years since Larry had been murdered and she was still getting used to that. Now her grandmother had died and it was because she had spent so much on her sister, and she couldn’t afford to have the treatments that she needed to stop the cancer. Jennifer was really hurt, angry, and just mad at the whole world right now. 286

She finally gave into Tammy, and stayed the night there.287

Her father and step mother would be back from Colorado sometime in the next couple of days. Jennifer had talked to them the night before and her father had told them that he was bringing some things back from her grandmother for each of the kids. She wondered what it was, but really didn’t care she hurt way to much too. 288

Jennifer had begun writing poetry and had already wrote a tribute in memory of her grandmother,289

GRAMMY 290

ANOTHER WORD FOR LOVE 291

In memory of292

Mrs. Leah Osborne293

Grandparents are special people. Some grandparents,294

Like mine, help raise their grandchildren.295

Grandparents are full of love, helpful hints and an ear296

When needed.297

My grandma was a strict disciplinarian, but she did298

It with a love that never ended. Grandma was a mother,299

A sister, a best friend and a grandmother to all of 300

Her grandkids and kids. Grandma was always there when she301

Was needed, no matter what time, day or night.302

Grammy always had an encouraging word for everyone she303

Came in touch with throughout her life. Anyone that304

Knew her, always had a kind word to say about here.305

Yes, she had her down falls, but she was a special306

Kind and warm hearted woman.307

A WOMAN TO BE CHERISHED AND REMEMBERED FOREVER!308

Grammy we love you now, always, and forever.309

Generous310

Resourceful311

Astounding 312

Memorable313

Meaningful314

Young at heart315

She thought she would get a frame and put that in there for her father. And then send copies to her aunts. She really hoped that they would all like it and appreciate it. It was the only thing that she could do to honor her grandmother’s memory. 316

* * *317

Finally, falling into an exhausted sleep, Jenn tosses and turns all night long. She hadn’t had a decent night’s sleep for the past few nights. She found herself dreaming about Larry and her grandmother every time she shut her eyes, which made for a fitful nights sleep. After having Chris with her for the past couple of nights to help her through, she was beginning to think that they ought to find a place together. She decided that she would talk to him about it the next day.318

The next day, Jenn is woken up by AJ jumping on her. He was so excited that his mom was home. 319

Chapter Eight320

Jenn knew she had a long road ahead of her, she had to somehow deal with the loss of her grandmother, and yet raise her son, the best that she could. Hoping Chris was up, she decided to call him, and go for coffee. She wanted to talk to him about her idea. She knew that was the only way she was going to be able to find any stability right now. Having the love of her life with her every day. 321

She finally gets a hold of him, and they decide to meet at Shari’s for coffee. Shari’s Diner had always been one of her favorite places to go for coffee and talking. The atmosphere there was that of long ago. So homey and had the feel of an old town charm to it. One could sit there for hours and never realize that they had been there that long. 322

“Morning Beautiful” Chris says as he meets her at the door.323

Leaning in to give him a kiss, “Morning Babe.” Looking for a place to sit, where they can be off by themselves. Jenn really didn’t want to be interrupted. She wasn’t to sure how Chris was going to react to this idea. Finding a table off by themselves, “OK Jenn, what is so important that it couldn’t wait a few more hours?”324

“Chris, how long have we been dating now? Almost a year and a half right?”325

“Ummm, yeah sounds about right. Why, what are you saying? Are you wanting to break up or something?”326

“No, nothing like that, what I had in mind is a lot different than that. I was wondering how you felt about finding a house or apartment together? I mean, while we were helping your brother move back up, having you there beside me every night, gave me so much comfort, I felt safe, for the first time in a long time. I felt as though, someone really does care, and that my feelings and thoughts do matter. I want that feeling all the time.”327

“Jenn, what brought this on? It is not like you to be this impulsive. I mean I have thought about that for a while now, but never thought you would even consider it, unless we were married, with the way you were brought up and all.”328

“Yeah I know, and I probably shouldn’t be thinking this way, but, after loosing Grandma, and all the pain this weekend, I just want to know that someone, that you, are always there for me. I need to know that I will never be alone. Can you understand that?”329

“Yeah I guess so. I just never thought I would here those words out of your mouth. What are we gonna tell your parents? I mean you dad is gonna blow his stack at this, ain’t he?”330

“I don’t give a damn what he says Chris. Him and Cindy lived together for almost three years before they got married. So should that really make a difference? I mean if he can do it, and claim, how God fearing he is, then why can’t I?” Jenn answers him, as she fixes her coffee.331

“Wow, Jenn, you really are serious about this aren’t you?” as he takes a sip of his coffee.332

“Yes Chris I am. I want to feel loved, needed and wanted, besides as a mother.” she answers him as she sips her coffee as well.333

“Ok, then if you are sure this is what you want, what do you say we start looking today? Right now even.”334

“I am all for that!” She answers almost jumping out of the seat to hug him. She couldn’t believe her ears, she was so excited and happy. 335

Wondering if she was finally gonna be happy, have everything she ever wanted. A home, and a family. What more could a girl ask for? Nothing as far as she was concerned.336

“Where shall we look first?” Chris asks as they leave Shari’s. He had a place in mind, but wasn’t gonna tell her that just yet. He wanted to make sure she knew what she was getting into. She had moved back home with her parents when she divorced Alex. This was gonna be something different for her. 337

“Geeze, I don’t know, never thought about that.” She answers with a laugh.338

“OK, let’s see, how about in Hillsboro? I saw a sign out on my way over here, what do you think? Wanna take a look and see?”339

“OK, lets see what you are talking about.” She answered him. “Should I follow you or leave my car here?”340

“Tell you what, why don’t take your car back to Dad’s and then we can take mine from there. How does that sound?”341

“Ok, I will meet you there. Hey Chris, know something?”342

“Hmmmm”343

“I love you.” as she kisses him and gets in her car. 344

Looking a bit puzzled by this new development, he smiles and gets into his car and follows her back to her dad’s place. He was certainly glad that it was happening, just a bit amazed by the sudden change in her. He never thought he would see this happening, she had been raised with a very strict Christian background, and this certainly didn’t fit into that raising, one bit. 345

They were at her dad’s place by now, and he was ready to show her the house he was talking about. 346

“Jenn are you sure about this?” He asks one more time before they leave to see the house. 347

“Yes Chris, I have thought a lot about this. Since we got back from down south. I mean I had been toying with the idea for a while before that, but just didn’t think I could do it. Then after what happened, I know I need to do this for me, and be happy. And to have you come home to me every day, well that is what I want.” 348

“Well Ok then, let’s go, shall we?” Chris answers her with his own question and a kiss.349

Nodding her head, she gets into his car, and they head for Hillsboro. 350

Jenn couldn’t believe she was finally gonna have everything she had hoped for in life. Maybe things would begin to look up, and she would finally start feeling better about her shelf. Her first marriage had fallen apart, and now maybe she could find some sort of happiness. At least that is what she was hoping for anyways. 351

* * *352

When they got to the house, Jenn could hardly believe her eyes. It was a ranch style, with a white picket fence, a large yard and garage. It was beautiful. Just as she was getting out of the car to look around back, another car pulled into the driveway.353

“Chris, who is that?” Jenn asks, feeling a bit nervous. 354

“Oh that is the realtor. I called them on the way to your dads house.” He answers her with a smile on his face.355

“Chris, you’re the greatest!” as she throws her arms around him and hugs him in happiness. “I thought for sure we were gonna have to wait to see the inside!” 356

Laughing at her child like actions, he is glad he made that call, “Well come on what are we waiting for? Christmas?”357

* * * *358

The house was gorgeous, a sunken living room, three large bedrooms, two bathrooms, both full bathrooms! Everything she could have hoped for!! She wasn’t crazy about the yellow shag carpet in the house, but knew that they could change that at some point. Jen knew this was the house she wanted. She was hoping that they could make it work. 359

Much to her delight and surprise, by the time they were finished, they were set to start moving in next week.360

Chapter Nine361

It finally seemed that things were beginning to look up for Jen. Even though she had just lost her grandmother, the rest of her life seemed to coming together. She couldn’t believe how lucky she was. 362

Deciding that she might as well break the news to her father, she heads home to begin the long and tiring process of packing. What a job that was gonna be, her things, AJ things, then she would be helping Chris too. She couldn’t wait till this move was done.363

* * * *364

After two weeks, they have finally got moved into the new house, and life begins to settle down, once again. Not feeling quite right, Jen decides she needs to go to the doctors. All she knew was that she was drained and tired, and had a three year old that she had to keep up with. 365

Knowing that Jenn was anemic, and that her grandmother had died of breast cancer, the doctor decided to run a battery of test on her. He wanted to make sure that nothing was seriously wrong. He told Jenn the results would be in in a few days, and to go home and not worry. 366

Jenn was worried about the results, and Chris could see that when he got home. He spent the evening trying to take her mind off of it, but soon realized that that was not gonna happen none to easily. 367

A few days later, as promised, the doctor called her with the results of the test.368

Everything was normal, in fact, he said he had never seen results as this before. The only one that she should worry about was the one that had come back positive. 369

“Positive? For what, doctor?” Jenn asked him.370

“Oh, well I decided since everything else looked so good, I would run one more test. I wanted to see what would be causing these symptoms, and well the only one that came back positive, was the one that says you are six weeks pregnant.”371

Jenny thought she had heard him wrong, “Excuse me? How can that be? I am on the pill, and haven’t missed a single dose.”372

He checks his info, and sees that she has been on the pill for the past three years, but also notices that she was just getting over a bout of bronchitis about five weeks ago. “Jenny, you are just getting over bronchitis, right? I am certain you were on anti-biotics for it, right? Well, my dear, they will counter act the pill. That is how that happened.”373

Jenny was stunned, she had not planned on having another baby, at least not yet. She wanted to wait another year or two. She was not sure how to react, yes, she wanted another baby, but just not yet. Nevertheless, knowing that she was pregnant and there was nothing she could do, she decides to wait a few days before telling Chris, just so she could get used to the thought herself. 374

* * *375

She decided she would plan a special meal for Chris to break the news to him. It consisted of baby corn, baby ribs, baby potatoes, baby carrots, and juice, knowing that she could not have wine for the next few months. She thought that would be a fun way to tell him they were going to have a baby. Now that she had had a few days to get used to the idea, she was getting excited, and could hardly contain her excitement. She was ready to start getting things ready for this baby. She knew they had a lot of things to do, decide on a name, shop for clothes, and everything. She was hoping Chris would be as excited as she was about this baby. 376

She was sure this would change Chris’s mind about their relationship. He said he wanted to marry her, but still he kept stalling. She knew she loved him with every fiber of her being. This was it, this would solidify their relationship. She was sure of it. 377

Chapter Ten378

The next day, Alex called and wanted A.J. for the weekend, Jenn knew that she had to let him have him because of the divorce decree, but still did not like the idea. She told A.J. he would be spending the weekend with his daddy, and he seemed ok with it. Jenn had a sick feeling in her stomach about this visit though, she seemed to have a sixth sense about her, which always warned her when something was wrong. She had learned to listen to her gut instincts, but she also knew Alex would find any way to gain custody of AJ if she did not let him go. Therefore, she just bit her lip and got things ready for AJ’s visit with his dad. When Alex showed up to pick AJ up that weekend he introduced his new girlfriend Cathy to Jenn and AJ. 379

The weekend went by fairly quickly and before Jenn realized it, it was time for Alex to bring AJ home. She had always allowed an extra half hour for him to get there with AJ. Finally, she heard his car pulling into the driveway, she went out to meet them like she always did, and was in no way prepared for what she heard. 380

“Jenn, when do you plan on signing custody over to us?” Alex asked.381

“What makes you think I am going to sign custody over to you?” Jenn asked her ex-husband.382

“AJ says you are pregnant. You know you cannot take care of two kids, let alone love two kids. I want full custody of AJ.” Alex tells her.383

Shaking her head, “you have to be kidding me,” she tells him. “I will never give you custody of AJ.” she could not believe her ears. Who did he think he was? 384

“Look, Jenn.” he answers her, “you know as well as I do, you can not handle one kid, let alone two, and you will never be able to love more than one. We will take AJ and you can have visitation rights” he tells her.385

“Take me to court then. I will never willingly give up my son.” She tells him as she heads back into the house. This was crazy, she could not believe it! Where did he get off telling her such a thing.386

* * *387

Monday morning came and so did a phone call from the lawyers office, “We need to meet” he tells her.388

“I know, I was just about to call you.” she tells her lawyer. She could not believe it, it had been less than eighteen hours since Alex had dropped off AJ and already, he had been to his lawyer and trying to take AJ away from her because she was pregnant. She could only hope that Alex did not have a leg to stand on. She did not think he did, but with this state, one could never be sure. She had learned that when Alicia lost her kids after Latasha had died. 389

* * 390

Jenn decided it was time to confront her father again about her mother. This time she decided to have Kevin and Kasey there too. She knew if they were ever going to, get anywhere with this search, they would have better luck if they all ganged up on their father as one. It seemed he could not fight against the three of them. For some reason, he always backed down easier when it was the three of them against him. She called Kevin and Kasey and told them what she wanted to do. For once in their lives, they agreed with Jennifer. What a lucky break, she thought. They set it up for Kevin to pick up their father and take him to Shari’s for coffee, the girls would be there waiting for them. This just had to work. Jennifer was running out of ideas on how to find her mother. She had no other ideas left. She had tried everything she could think of up to this point, but she was bound and determined that she was gonna find her one way or another.391

At the restaurant, they cornered their father. They did not bargain, however, on what he would have to say this time. Never had the three of them felt as betrayed as they did sitting there with their father. 392

“You know, if all you wanted to know where your mother was, all you had to do was ask. All I know is that she is in New Hampshire,” he told them. 393

“When did you find this out?” Jenny asked him, stunned tremendously. How could he do this? He had known how important it was to her, to them, to find her. This was really beyond anything she could have imagined. It was a good thing she was sitting down, or she would have fallen over. This was the first break they had gotten from their father.394

“Why haven’t you told us this before now?” they ask in unison. 395

“Look, kids. I know you have been asking these questions all your lives, and well you girls are married, well you are Kasey, anyways. I am just tired of the fighting over it. I still do not think that you should care about her, but I guess that is your choice,” he tells them. Not sure how she should be feeling, Jennifer asks for the check, and leaves the restaurant.396

She could not wait to get home and tell Chris about this latest development. 397

Chapter Eleven398

Jennifer decides she needs a few minutes alone to digest this new information. Heading for her favorite spot, a nature park, full of wildlife and plants, she knows she can just sit there and think, and forget the world for a while. She could not believe this was happening. All her life, Jenn had tried to get her father to tell her where her mother was at least, and now out of the blue, he said she was in New Hampshire. This was unbelievable. How could he do this to them? His own kids? Then it dawned on her, that she was not his daughter. She had no idea whose daughter she was. Sometimes she wondered if this whole thing was not consuming her entire life, but she knew she had to know. If not for herself for her son and her unborn child. They had a right to know about the family history. 399

She had been sitting there lost in thought for what seemed like maybe ten minutes, when she heard someone calling her name. 400

“Oh Chris” she answers him. “I just needed a minute to clear my mind.”401

“Jenny, you left Shari’s almost two hours ago. Are you ok?”402

“Chris, I am so sorry. I didn’t realize I had been here that long. Dad told us that our mother is in New Hampshire, and I just…Oh hell I don’t know how to feel. I mean I am glad to know that much, but he said if we had asked him that years ago, he would have told us. Chris we have been asking him our entire lives. This is crazy.”403

“Wait a minute. He said she was in New Hampshire? Honey that is great news! Did he say where in New Hampshire? Or how long he has known?”404

“No. All he said was that she was in New Hampshire. From the way he said it, he has known for a very long time. Chris why would he keep this from us? I mean he has known for a long time, I wanted to find my mother.”405

“Did you ask him?” as he is just trying to get through the shock of this new information and comfort her. This is hard to digest even for him. He had known for a while that her father could be deceitful and do things that would only benefit him. But this was a bit low even for him, he thought. “How are the twins handling this new information?”406

“I don’t know, after he told us that, I had to get out of there. I felt as if I had an elephant sitting on my chest.” 407

“Let’s head home and call Kevin.” Chris says taking her by the hand and pulling her up.408

* *409

She knew her life had just changed forever, but she was not sure, if it was gonna have the happy ending she had always wanted. Now that she knew her mother was in New Hampshire, would that be the break they needed to find her? Or would it just prove to be another dead end? She wasn’t sure what was gonna happen now, but she knew things were gonna be different. 410

“Hi Trisha, is Kevin there?” she asks as his girl friend answers the phone. “OK”411

waiting for Kevin to come to the phone, she lets her mind wonder some more.412

“ Hi Kevin, I just wanted to check on you. How are you doing? How is Kasey doing? Listen I am sorry I left like I did, but I couldn’t breathe. I felt as if I had an elephant on my chest.” Listening to what happened after she left, she couldn’t believe what had transpired. It seems that Kevin and Kasey both told their dad that they were ashamed to be his kids, and left about ten minutes after she did. They just left him there alone to think about what he had done to them. 413

It suddenly hit Jennifer, with this new information, she might have her mother back in her life before she had her second child. As many times as she had dreamed of this, now she was wondering if it had been such a good idea. She knew others that had been looking for someone, found them, and had been let down. 414

Now she wondered what was going to happen with her. Would she like having her mother in her life?415

* 416

Jennifer had been helping with her father’s business for months, and she was getting uncomfortable, delivering papers. They had made sure she had a rider to carry the papers for her. Today, she really didn’t even want to be out there, it was raining, and she just plain felt miserable. It seemed to take a lot longer to deliver the papers today than normal, she was not sure why, maybe it was the rain, or maybe it was because she didn’t feel good. 417

Chapter Twelve418

The rain soaked ground, looked like it had been raining for three months, when in fact, it had only been raining since about midnight. Jennifer was going to go lay down, and hope that she would feel better after a nap. Deciding she would take a shower before her nap, to see if that would help her feel any better, she falls as she gets out of the van, she is covered from head to toe, with mud. In the shower, Jenny realizes that something is not right. Finishing up, she lets out a scream, there is blood running down her leg. 419

Jennifer had never been so scared in her life. She had already had one miscarriage, and didn’t think she could handle another one, not now, not ever. She had never felt so helpless. This baby meant the world to her, and Chris seemed to be happy about it.420

Laying there, she prayed like never before. She prayed for her baby, for herself, for Chris, and she prayed that now that she had a lead on her mother, that her dreams would come true.421

Carmel had left a message for Chris everywhere, but still had not heard from him. she didn’t know if he had run into problems delivering the papers or if he had had an accident or something, but she could not worry about that right now, she had her hands full trying to keep Jennifer calm.422

When the bleeding hadn’t stopped in an hour, Carmel took her into the Emergency Room. After the IV’s were started, and they got her into a room, her doctor came in to check her out, and suggested they move her to Emanuel Hospital in Portland. More because they had the special care if the baby delivered early. They had given her potossin to stop the labor. They still were not sure what had started the labor. None of the tests that had been done so far showed why she started bleeding like she was. She wondered if the fall had had something to do with it. She was almost sure it had. Her first pregnancy was perfect, AJ had been delivered with no problems, and right on time. She also wondered if the fact that she had miscarried the second baby, if that had something to do with this now. 423

They still had not found Chris, so they were gonna move her to Portland without him even knowing it. She didn’t want to go, but she knew she had to, for the baby. She had made Carmel swear she would tell Chris and make him come up the minute he got back. 424

She was worried about AJ, the only time she had been away from him was the weekend she had gone away to help Chris move his brother back up, and that was the weekend her Grandmother had died. This was not gonna be fun. She didn’t know how she would handle it. Her son, and the baby she was carrying were her life! She loved being a mother. It was her biggest joy in life.425

Carmel still hadn’t been able to find Chris and wasn’t sure what to do. She knew Jennifer would need him now more than ever, and yet he was nowhere to be found. She finally called Kevin Sr. and asked him if he had any idea where she should look for Chris. 426

“Did you page him? That is what I usually did when I needed him? Why what is wrong?”427

“I had to take Jennifer into the Emergency Room, as she fell and started bleeding, they were sending her to Emanuel Hospital in Portland.”428

“Oh my God! What happened? Is she ok? Is the baby ok?”429

“For now, but she really wants Chris, and I have called everyone I could think of, and been paging him for the past two hours, and still I can’t seem to find him anywhere.”430

“Well you keep trying, I am on my way to the hospital. I had better not see that son of a bitch anywhere between here and there. I will kill him.”431

“Kevin, keep your cool. Jennifer is gonna need all the support she can get right now. She is scared to death.”432

“I bet she is. I am on my way up there, you keep looking for Chris.” hanging up the phone, he couldn’t believe it! What was wrong with Chris. He thought he loved Jennifer, and when she needed him most, he was nowhere to be found. Some guy that was. At least Alex had been there for her when AJ was born. 433

Reaching the hospital, he learned they had already moved his daughter to Portland, so he headed for there, and still with no sign of Chris. 434

At the hospital, he learned that they had stopped the labor, but his daughter was gonna be there till she delivered the baby. They were hoping they could hold off for at least three weeks. He had no idea how his daughter was going to handle that. She was such an active person. Always on the go… This was going to be a form of inhumane torture for her.435

* * * *436

“Chris, where the hell have you been?” Carmel laid into him the minute he walked through the door. “I have been trying to find you for about five hours now”437

“Just lay off. I’ve had a rotten day” he snaps.438

“Well it’s about to get worse for you. I had to take Jennifer to the Emergency Room and they transferred her to Portland. She slipped in the mud and started bleeding.”439

“Oh is that. What? Is she ok? Is the baby ok?” Chris is near panicking with worry by this time. “I’m gonna grab a quick shower and head up there.” on his way to the shower. 440

“Chris, Kevin is up there. I called him looking for you. You might want to tread lightly. He was pretty mad when I couldn’t find you.”441

“Thanks I will.”442

Chapter Thirteen443

Alex had heard through the grapevine that Jennifer was in the hospital, and thought that this would be the perfect chance for him to try to take AJ from her. He did not want anyone watching his son, it was bad enough that his mother had full custody of him. Now that she was in the hospital, he was going to try for custody. He was sure Becky would make a wonderful mother for his son. He loved watching her with the kids she babysat. One way or another he was gonna get custody of his son, there was no way he was gonna let Jennifer raise him. Just the thought of it horrified him. 444

He had put a call into his lawyer explaining the situation, and the lawyer had said he wasn’t sure if the courts would take AJ from his mother just because she was in the hospital, but he would try if he really wanted to do that.445

* * 446

Laying in the hospital bed, Jennifer had plenty of time to think. This is all she needed right now. She knew once Alex found out, there would be another fight. But she really couldn’t worry about that, she had to fight for her baby’s life. This just was not fair! She had been fighting this fight for what seemed like forever already, and now she was gonna be helpless in it. Oh, Chris had better not let her down. He had better pull through like he said he would. Jennifer knew she would never forgive him if he let Alex take AJ, and she loved him dearly. That would be a pivotal point in their relationship, and she hated to put that much pressure on him, but didn’t know what else to do. Jennifer was already going stir crazy, and she had only been here for about seven hours and already her mind was on over drive.447

“Jenn, how are you doing? What did the doctors say? How is the baby?” Chris says coming through the door of her hospital room.448

“Chris, oh thank God. So far everything is ok. They stopped the labor, but want to give me a shot of something to help mature the baby’s lungs, incase I do deliver him early. I’m scared Chris. What about AJ? Who is going to watch him?”449

Laughing at her, Chris crawls up on her bed, pulls her into his arms, “hey beautiful, would you just slow down. Right now all you need to worry about is making sure we have a healthy baby. OK? I will deal with AJ and Alex if he starts anything. You just worry about you and that baby of ours.” as he gives her a kiss and just lays there holding her.450

Giving into her emotions, she just starts bawling like the baby she was carrying, which was not like her. She was normally a rock for everyone. But things were just getting to be too much for her. She knew she had to stay strong, but right now she just wanted to be held and cared for like a baby.451

After crying for what seemed like forever, Jennifer finally composes herself enough to ask about AJ. Learning that AJ was doing just fine, she falls into an exhausted sleep. 452

Chris held her a little while, then quietly slips out to head home. He wanted to be there as much as possible with AJ so that Alex wouldn’t try anything. But some how was afraid that he would anyways. 453

Arriving home, AJ meets him at the door, with all kinds of questions about mommy. He seemed to be just as scared as the rest of them. Trying to calm him down, he realizes the only way a little guy of four years old is gonna be satisfied, is by going to see his mom for himself. 454

“How about if I take you to see mommy tomorrow sport? We’ll get lunch and maybe some ice cream some where?” Chris tells him as he tucks him into bed. “Why don’t you spend the night in here with me?”455

* * 456

“Mommy, Mommy” AJ comes running into the room. “Are you okay? What’s wrong? How’s my baby?”457

Laughing at him, Jennifer is so happy to him. She had only been there since yesterday, but already it felt like an eternity to her.458

“Hi Baby. How’s mommy’s big boy?” He had already crawled onto her and bed and was snuggling in her arms. AJ adored his mother, she was always taking him places, and would play dinosaurs with him! That was his favorite thing to do with his mom. When Jennifer had learned she was pregnant, she had told AJ that this was his baby to help her with, help her feed him, change him, everything. It seemed he had not forgotten that either.459

“Oh, AJ do you know how much I love you?” she asked her son. “Listen baby, mommy has to stay here till she has the baby. I guess the bag that feeds the baby, has ripped away from the wall that it is attached to. They have to make sure the baby is getting his food. But both the baby and mommy are okay. We both are going to be fine.”460

Noticing the look on Chris’ face she quietly mouths the words, “I’ll explain later” Nodding he understands that she will going to give him more detail when AJ was not there.461

“Hey AJ, did you tell Mommy what you had for lunch?” Chris asks, trying to lighten the mood.462

“Oh mommy. Daddy took me to Chuck E. Cheese. We played games and had pizza for lunch!” he tells his mom bouncing on the bed with excitement. Then daddy got you these and me ice cream. You are lucky mommy! You are in the ice cream hosipital!” as he hands his mom a bag of yogurt clusters.463

“Ice cream. you got ice cream and all I got was these?” Jenn teases her son. 464

Laughing at his mom, “Yep and it was yummy! It was chocolate.”465

“Thanks Chris” she tells him, feeling for the first time it might me okay after all. They visited for a while longer, before Chris decided it was time to take AJ home, as he noticed Jenny was looking pretty tired. 466

“I love you Bug-A-Boo. You be a good boy.” She tells her son as they were leaving. She knew her son was scared, but also knew that he would be okay.467

For the next three weeks, she read book after book, did word puzzles, craft projects watched television and laid there. She was going crazy. Family and friends took turns coming into see her. All of them worried about her and the baby. At least once a week someone brought AJ with them. It was getting old, the same thing everyday. 468

On Monday of the fourth week, she went into labor, knowing she was still two months early, she was terrified. The nurses started watching her even more closely.469

“I need to call Chris” she told the nurse “he needs to be here! He said he would be with me when the baby was born”470

“Okay” her nurse said, “But tell him to hurry. We are letting you deliver this baby, this time.”471

Jennifer called home looking for him, but no one seemed to know where he was. Carmel told her that she would page him, and use the 911 for an emergency. Knowing there was nothing she could do, but have her baby, she resigned herself to doing just that. 472

Checking on her progress, the nurse calls the doctor to meet them in the delivery room. She realized that baby going to be here in less than thirty minutes. Jenn had been in the delivery room for about ten minutes when she had to push. The nurse kept telling her, “No, the doctor is not here yet.”473

But when Jenn couldn’t wait, she thought she had to “pass gas” the turned around just in time to catch the baby. “You have a beautiful baby boy” she said as she caught him with the blanket, just before he landed on the floor.474

“Ryan Marshall” Jenn says through her tears.475

“Is that his name? That is an awful big name for such a little guy” her nurse answers her.476

Well she had done it, had her baby, no Chris, and no doctor there She wasn’t sure what the birth certificate would say with no doctor present.477

Chapter Fourteen478

Finally she was back in her room, and Ryan was in the neo-natal intensive care unit, she calls home to tell everyone the news, and ask to talk to Chris. She couldn’t believe it, Chris still had not answered his page and it had been almost two hours. There was nothing she could do, and she knew it, but she was not happy.479

A few hours later, her father showed up to see her and the baby. Jennifer was so happy to see someone that she just bawled in his arms for several minutes. She was emotionally drained by this time. They would not let her down to the neo-natal intensive care unit yet, so she had not even seen her son. 480

Kevin told his daughter that he had stopped by, and the baby looked pretty good from what he could tell. He had been outside the window looking in for a minute before he had gone to her room. They had not told him anything, as they did not know who he was. 481

* * 482

Jennifer finally fell into a troubled sleep, wondering about her mother, and had a dream about her. When she woke up, she knew she had to find her mother, had to have her back in her life. The dream had left her with a deep desire of desperation to have her mother in her life. She was laying there thinking about her mother, when Tammy came in to visit, and see how Ryan was doing. Jennifer was glad for the distraction. The same thoughts had been playing like an unwelcome movie in her mind. What if her mother did not want her in her life? What if her father had been right, and she was abusive? What if her mother was dead? There were just too many questions, and no answers at the moment. 483

“Hey Jenn,” her sister says as she came into the room. “It looks like you lost weight in the past day.” kidding her sister. 484

“Hey Tammy,” smiling at her sister, and feeling relieved from the never-ending movie in her mind. “Is AJ behaving himself?” She just couldn’t stop thinking either one of her boys. Her beautiful baby boys, now she had two of them. 485

“Jenn, you need to stop worrying about AJ, and concentrate on you and Ryan right now. I have things under control with AJ. He is fine.” They had been sitting there visiting for about an hour, when low and behold, here comes Chris. 486

“Hey Babe” he says as if nothing had happened. 487

“Well look what the cat dragged in” Tammy speaks up before Jenn could get a word in. “You have some nerve, you know that? Jenny had Ryan about five hours ago”488

“What? We have a baby boy? How is he? Where is he?” the questions were flying out of his mouth like there was no tomorrow. He couldn’t believe he had missed the birth of his son. 489

“Thank you for asking Chris, I am doing fine” Jenn tells him sarcastically. 490

“Oh good.” he responds to her.491

“Chris, where the hell were you?” Tammy snaps. “Jennifer needed you, and you were no where to be found.”492

“Just lay off! Let me talk to Jenn” Chris snaps back. They were getting into a rather heated argument, so much so, that it brought the nurse in, to quiet them down. 493

Chris felt Tammy had no right talking to him the way she was. She may be Jenn’s sister, but he was the father of her baby, and the man that loved her, and as far as he was concerned, that out weighted the “kinship of sisters.” 494

Tired of their bickering, Jenn tells them both that she is tired and wants to go to sleep. Tammy felt bad that she had snapped in front of her sister, knowing that she had a lot on her mind. Giving her sister a hug, she tells her to hang in there, and that she would bring AJ in the next day to see her. 495

Chris unhappy with what Jenn had just said, said he was going to go see Ryan, and come back for a minute before he left. He just wanted to be rid of Tammy. He would have to deal with her enough before Jenny came home, and he knew it. He also knew that when he got back to Jennifer’s room, he had better have a good reason for not answering his page. He surely could not tell her the truth. 496

Chapter Fifteen497

After returning home from the hospital, Kasey calls her to see how she was doing. Jennifer a bit taken back by this as she had not come to the hospital even once. Kasey did not drive, but she could have rode up with someone when they were going up. 498

Jennifer and Kasey had never been close, she was not really sure, unless it was the fact that Jennifer had taken many beatings for things that Kasey and her twin brother, Kevin Jr. had done. Jennifer tried everything in her power to be close to her sister, but it just never worked out that way. She was closer to Tammy, and she was not related by blood at all. She had just changed her name to theirs, to get away from the abuse she had taken at home. As far as Jennifer was concerned, Tammy was more of a sister than Kasey ever thought of being. 499

“Hi Kasey” Jennifer says answering the phone. This was the last thing she needed right now. She had come home from the hospital, but Ryan was still there. The doctors had said he was going to be there for a few weeks more than likely, till he could eat on his own, right now he was being fed intravenously. They were guessing that that would take about two weeks or more. 500

Listening to what her sister had to say, she realized she was glad for the distraction for five minutes. At least during that time, she had a short break from the worrying she had been doing about her son. 501

“Have we heard any more on where mom is?” Jennifer decides to ask her. After Kasey tells her no, she just feels like bawling. She really could use her mother right now. Her baby was in the hospital, and she felt so alone. Something told her, if she could just talk to her mother, then she would not feel as alone. Yes, she had Chris, but he seemed to be gone more than he was at home lately, and she did not like it one bit. For some reason,502

Chris was not talking to her like he used to. She talked with Kasey for a few more minutes, then decided she wanted to call the hospital and check on Ryan. She hated being away from her son. She may be a lot of things to a lot of people in her life, but as far as she was concerned her first priority was always her children. She had decided she was going to be calling the hospital at least three to five times a day, and it had been almost three hours since she called to check on Ryan. She knew she would be going back up there in a couple of hours to see him, but she did not care. Calling the hospital, she learned that they wanted to move Ryan over to St. Joseph’s Hospital, as they had had a set of premature twins born, and did not want to separate them, and the neo-natal intensive care unit was over full now. Ryan could make the trip by ambulance and would have a nurse with him. They assured her that it would be completely safe for her son. 503

Jennifer was not sure what to think or feel about this. She completely understood the reason they wanted to move him, but why her son? In the end she agreed to the move, and said she would meet the ambulance at St. Joseph’s. Little did she know, that was not going to be as easy as it sounded. She needed to find a babysitter for AJ, and someone that knew where St. Joseph’s was. The logical one, Chris, because he was the driver on that side of town, was nowhere to be found. Jennifer had paged him as soon as she had gotten off the phone with the hospital, and he still had not called her back. She had gotten a hold of Tammy, and she had agreed to come pick AJ up to spend the rest of the day with her and Derek. Jennifer knew if it took the rest of the day and night, Tammy wouldn’t mind, AJ would be safe. 504

Jennifer was getting restless, it had been almost two hours since she had given the okay for them to move Ryan, and still Chris had not called her back. So she pages him one more time, and calls her friend Jerry, he also knew that side of Portland, and she knew she could count on him. He had become more like a baby brother to her in the past couple of years. She knew if he was not busy, that he would take her up there with no questions asked. She hated to ask this of him, it was not his responsibility, he should not have to do it. He had his own life, and had just begun a new relationship with a young lady that he adored. 505

Jerry agreed to take her up to the hospital but said it would have to wait a couple of hours as he was covered head to toe in grease. His girlfriend’s car had broke down, and he was trying to fix it for her. Jennifer understood, but was not happy. Would she ever find a way to that hospital and her son? She was wondering.506

Chris still had not called her back, and AJ was with Tammy, and she was home alone, so she decided to fill the tub and try to relax for a while. All kinds of thoughts were racing through her head as to why Chris had not returned her call, and none of it was good. Several people had been telling her that he had another girlfriend, but she just didn’t believe that. Not for one minute. They had been together for a while now, and she loved him more than anything. Him and AJ, and now Ryan, were her world. She would step in front of a gun shot for anyone of them. 507

After her bath, she called the hospital to see if Ryan had been transferred yet, and hearing that he had, she asked for the number of the other hospital to call and check on him. The nurse was a bit confused as to why she needed that, as she thought Jennifer was going to meet them at the other hospital. Jennifer explains what had happened, and the nurse was totally sympathetic. It was almost like they had bonded in the short time, that she had been caring for Ryan. Jennifer adored this nurse, and was really wishing that she could do something to thank her for all her help and understanding. 508

Finally, Jerry shows up to take her up to the hospital, but was wondering if they would let her in, as the normal visiting hours had been over for about an hour by this time. 509

“They want to let me in, or they are going to have one very upset and mad mommy on their hands. And right now, they really don’t want to tell me I can not go in and see my son.” She told him, between her teeth. She was furious that Chris had still not answered his page and it had been like five hours since the last page. She was going to see her son one way or another tonight, and it didn’t matter how she got there, she would have hitch hiked if she thought she could have made it. Chris was going to have some explaining to do when he did get home. 510

It took them almost an hour to reach the hospital, with the traffic they had had to fight through. By the time they got to the hospital, it was getting dark out, and she knew she was going to be in for a fight to get in, which made her all the madder. Heading in, she was stopped by a security guard, “Excuse me ma’am, visiting hours are over, and no one is allowed in.”511

“What do you mean? I can’t go and see my son? Well you had better get your gun out, because I mean to go in and see him. I could not get here earlier today when they brought him in. And I AM going to see him now.” She tells this idiot that stopped her. Seeing the look on his face, Jennifer is sure he wouldn’t give her any more trouble. To her surprise, “I am sorry ma’am but hospital policy is that no one comes in after seven p.m. As visiting hours end at eight.” She could not believe it. 512

“Look I don’t know who you are, but I want to speak to the doctor in the neo-natal intensive care unit, then when I get done speaking with him, I expect you to have your supervisor here for me to speak with. I am going to see my son, and you or God himself is not going to stop me.” 513

Realizing that this woman was not joking, he calls the neo-natal unit, and explains to them that there is a woman out front demanding to be let in, to see her son. He answers all their questions, and tells her, to take the elevator across the lobby to the third floor, and someone would meet her there. 514

Finally, Jennifer thinks as she is walking across the lobby. “Sis, remind me to never tell you, you can’t do something.” Jerry says as they are walking to the elevator. On the third floor, a nurse is waiting as the doors open. After confirming who this “mad woman” is she shows them the way to the neo-natal unit. Telling Jerry he would have to wait in the waiting room as he was not the father of the baby. Jennifer feels it is necessary to explain why she was here so late, and promised she would not stay longer than fifteen minutes. The nurse did not look to happy, but did say that that did sound logical to her. While spending a few minutes with her son, she had been allowed to hold him for the first time this time, the nurse had snuck up on them, and snapped a picture as both her and Ryan were sleeping in the rocking chair. The flash woke Jennifer with a startle. Looking down at her son in her arms, she smiles, and realizes it probably would be best if she went home and got some sleep herself. Telling the nurse she would call and check on Ryan when she got home, before going to bed, she gets ready to leave, and the nurse stopped her, and gave her the picture. What Jennifer had not realized at first was that was the second picture she had taken, and one of them was already in Ryan’s isolate. Thanking the nurse, she goes to find Jerry, who had also fallen asleep while he was waiting. Deciding to stop at the local Seven-Eleven store down the street for coffee, they head back home. Jennifer had already shown her picture to Jerry, and was beaming, she didn’t think she needed coffee, but it sure sounded good. 515

As they pull into the driveway, Jennifer sees Chris’ van there, so she knew he had finally gotten home, and that just fueled her anger with him even more at the moment. She had thought she had calmed down, but realizing she had not, she asked Jerry to take her to the store real quick to get a couple of things so she could calm down again. She was going to teach Chris a lesson. They went to the store, and when they got back, Jenn went in and laid down on the couch and fell into an exhausted sleep. It was the first night that she didn’t even want to be in the same room with Chris. He had let her down this time, and it hurt. She was wondering if what she had been told was true. She didn’t want to think so, but she was too tired to think about it right now.516

The next morning she woke up to the smell of coffee filling the house. She couldn’t believe it, thinking Chris had gotten up before her, and had made the coffee. Chris was a hard sleeper, and never woke before her. Looking around, she sees AJ and Derek watching Power Rangers, and eating a doughnut. Smiling, she realized Tammy had brought AJ home and made coffee. She was lucky to have a sister like Tammy. Wondering out to the kitchen for a cup of coffee, “Thank you Tammy. I really could use a cup of that coffee.” She tells her sister as she pours herself a cup of coffee. She had left AJ watching television so she could talk to her sister for a few minutes over coffee. 517

They were still sitting there talking when the phone rings, and it was Kevin Sr. looking for Chris. They had a van break down and needed him to go after it. 518

* * * 519

She had been going up to the hospital nearly every day, and they were talking about an overnight. Ryan was starting to feed from the bottle and improving daily. He was eating three times a day from the bottle, and if he could eat from a bottle overnight, with no problems, then he would be allowed to go home. Jennifer was excited about that. Ryan was three weeks old and she was more than ready to bring him home. AJ was looking forward to having his brother come home. Chris and her had been arguing about him never being around, but Jennifer put her foot down, and said that he could do the overnight with her and their son. He had tried to get out of it, but she wouldn’t let him. Tammy had agreed to keep AJ again that night. 520

Chapter Sixteen521

The entire family had been in and out, helping with Ryan, as he still needed constant care, and was on a heart monitor, for sleep apnea. They had pretty much settled into a routine, of who would be there and when, when out of the blue, Kevin Jr. called to see if he could stop by. He had been the only one that had not stopped by. They had had a falling out, when he had said she had not cared about their grandmother when she passed away. She knew he said it out of anger and hurt, but it had cut to the core of her soul, as she didn’t come back, knowing she couldn’t do anything, or even go to the funeral. She wasn’t sure about him stopping by, but had agreed to let him. She hated the fact that they had not spoken in so long, and that he had yet to see his new nephew. He would not tell her on the phone why he wanted to stop by. 522

“AJ” she calls her son, “Uncle Kevin is coming for dinner tomorrow.” she tells him and asks what they should have. She had a feeling she already knew what her son was going to say. He loved her spaghetti and meatballs, and that is all he ever asked for, and this time was no exception. 523

“Okay spaghetti and meatballs for four” she says as she pokes him in the stomach playfully. 524

After doing the shopping for dinner, she put the boys down for naps, deciding that while they napped, she would grab one herself. It had been a trying few weeks with a busy four year old, and a new born with health concerns. Now with Kevin stopping by, she was on edge more than ever. 525

* * * 526

Kasey had insisted that Kevin tell their sister the news. She had thought it would be the best way to get Kevin and Jennifer talking again. Kevin was still uncertain about it. He knew Jennifer was not one to “forgive and forget” that easily. He had wanted to call her many times, but could never quite bring himself to call her. They had been closer than he was with his own twin. Him and Jennifer were more like twins than him and Kasey. They liked the same music, and were on the same wavelength. He really regretted what he had said when their grandmother had died. But, he had been hurt, and angry at the world too. It just did not seem fair, she had been the only mother that they had really known. 527

The next morning, Jennifer gets up bright and early, so as to get the sauce going, as it had to simmer all day, to taste good. This wasn’t something that you could throw together an hour before dinner time and expect it to taste it’s best. Having got the sauce into the slow cooker, she enjoys a cup of coffee, while waiting for AJ and Ryan to wake up. Ryan had slept through the night for the first time since he came home, and the monitor had not gone off, so she had had a good night’s sleep the night before. Looking at the clock, she decides to check on the boys, and maybe grab a quick shower. Chris had left already but would be back before dinner. He had promised AJ he would be home in time for dinner. With the sauce going, and the boys still asleep, Jenn did get a quick shower in, and by the time she was out, AJ had gotten up and got his breakfast and watching “The Magic School Bus” Ryan was just starting to stir when she came out. her day had begun once again.528

“Mommy.” AJ calls her, “Why is Uncle Kevin coming over? You two don’t like each other.” AJ asked his mother, like he had been thinking on it quite hard and was very serious as he asked. Jennifer couldn’t believe that her little man, was thinking such grown up thoughts. 529

“Well Bug,” she says as she sits down to feed Ryan, “it seems that he wants to talk about something and didn’t want to do it on the phone.”530

Taking that as logical “Oh. OK” AJ answers as he scampers off to see if he could spy anything with the telescope that Chris had gotten him. He was going to be an astronaut when he grew up, and had made sure everyone knew that. 531

All day long, Jennifer kept wondering what Kevin wanted. When talking to Tammy and Kasey, neither of them would say if they knew what it was about. Finally it was almost time for Kevin to show up. Jenn had started another pot of coffee, and was just finishing up the salad when she heard a car in the driveway. 532

“AJ. I think Uncle Kevin is here” she calls her son as the doorbell rings. She almost got knocked over by her son as he come running down the hall for the door. He loved his uncle, and this was the first he had seen him for a while. He had seen him when they had family gatherings, but he had never been to his house. Grabbing his mother by the hand, he drags her to the door.533

“Hi Jennifer” 534

“Kevin” she said, a bit colder than she had intended. She still had not forgiven him for what he had said, he realized, and decided he had better start with apologizing for that. 535

“Listen sis, I am sorry for what I said. I was just hurt and angry. Gram was the only mother we had ever had.” He tells her. 536

“I know Kevin. I was too. But what difference does that make. I guess you forgot I had feelings too. I couldn’t do anything here, that is the only reason I continued going on. I would have done the same thing as you were doing. Nothing, at least there, I was busy. I had something to help keep my mind off of it.” She answers her brother. 537

Kicking his foot in the sand, “I know Jenn. I just lashed out at everyone that night. You seemed to get the brunt of it. I am really sorry.” 538

By this time, AJ was trying to pull his uncle in to show him what Chris had bought him. He was bound and determined he was going to have his uncle back, and that he would come around more often. He had made up his mind to that fact, and had not told his mother, but was going to do it. 539

Jennifer, laughing at her son, “Do you want to show Uncle Kevin something?” she asks him.540

“Yep.” pulling him down the hall.541

“Okay, but not to long. We have about twenty minutes until dinner will be done. She had not told Kevin what they were having. “Kevin, come into the kitchen when you are done in AJ’s room.” she tells him as he disappeared into the doorway, “I’ll have the coffee poured.” 542

Thinking this was going okay so far, she heads for the kitchen, still wondering what Kevin had wanted to talk to her about. He had not given her one little clue yet. 543

After the coffee was poured, she sits down to wait for her brother. She could hear AJ’s excitement as he was showing Kevin the telescope. Smiling, she realized what her son was up to. Finally, it looked like things were going her way. She had her brother back, she knew their mother was in New Hampshire, and she had her boys. What more could she ask for. Kevin comes into the kitchen, to talk with his sister. He had built up the courage while he was with AJ. He knew it was now or never.544

“Jenny,” he begins, “Has Kasey called you?”545

“Nope, and I really don’t expect her too, why?” 546

“Damn,” he muttered under his breath, but Jenny still heard him. “I was just hoping she would tell you something, that is all.” he answered.547

“What has she gone and done now?” Jennifer said as much to him as herself. She always hated it when Kasey would put Kevin on the spot like this. He was not very good at this kind of thing, and it really showed. He was shaking as he picked up his coffee.548

Running into the room, AJ asks, when dinner would be ready. “You still have a few minutes to wait AJ. Go play, and I will call you when it is time to eat. Let Uncle Kevin and mommy talk.” She tells her son. They had just started talking again, when the phone interrupted them again.549

“Chris where are you?” she asks him. After listening to him, her blood was starting to boil. “Chris, you promised AJ you would be home for dinner. What do you propose I tell him.” she asks him.550

Kevin couldn’t believe it. “Sis why do you put up with his shit?” he asks when she hangs up the phone.551

“Kevin don’t start with that please.” she tells him. Knowing his sister well enough to know that she was going to come unglued if he did, he let it drop. They would talk about that later, he decided. 552

“So, Kev, What did you want to talk about?” 553

Shaking his head, he knows that it is not the best timing, but it might be just what Jennifer needed to calm her down and distract her for a few minutes. 554

“Well…..” he begins, not really sure how to tell her.555

“How is your coffee sis?” he stalled for a minute.556

“Fine, now come on Kevin out with it!”557

Chapter Seventeen558

He knew Jennifer was not going to take the stalling for too long. She had never been very good at that kind of thing, and with Chris having called to say he would not be home for dinner, now was not the time to keep her waiting.559

“Okay sis, here goes. Kasey’s in-laws hired a private detective to find mom. They called her day before yesterday, and they had found her.”560

“What? Where is she? How is she?” Jennifer was about to come out of her skin. She couldn’t believe it. This was great! 561

Laughing at his sister’s reaction, he knew everything was going to be ok. Well he had done it. He broke the news, and now was glad that he had been the one to do so. This is what he needed after all. 562

“If you would calm down for a minute, sis, I can answer you.” He tells her as he is laughing at her reaction. Wiping the tears from her eyes, she jumps up to get the bread out of the oven. She couldn’t believe it. They had done it. They had found their mother. It seemed almost to good to be true. 563

“Kevin, would you get AJ for dinner, while I put it on the table?” she asks, as Ryan had just gone back to sleep, and she didn’t want to wake him. She knew AJ was going to be disappointed because Chris was not home, but there was nothing she could do about that. The three of them would enjoy dinner, then she would get more information from Kevin. After dinner and the kitchen had been cleaned up, Jennifer gives her son a bath and gets him ready for bed. She wanted to get all that kind of stuff done, so she and Kevin could talk without being interrupted. She had told AJ that he could show Kevin how the telescope worked after dark, but then it would be bedtime. He had had a long and busy day. After several minutes, she went in to tuck AJ into bed. As soon as his head hit the pillow, AJ was sound asleep. 564

“OK Kevin, come on, I want details.” she said to her baby brother that stood almost a foot taller than her. She always thought that was crazy. He was almost two years younger than her, but stood a lot taller than her. 565

“Yes Jennifer the wait is finally over. We have mom back.” he says as she fills their cups with coffee. Jennifer could drink coffee till the minute before she went to bed and it never kept her up. Kevin knew this had to be his last cup, or he would never sleep tonight. 566

“Have you talked to her Kevin? What is she like? Why haven’t we heard from her all these years?” Jennifer was firing questions at him, like there was no tomorrow. 567

Laughing at his sister, “OK Jenn slow down,” he tells her. “Yes, I have spoke with her. From what I can tell, she is great, and as far as not hearing from her, you are not going to like the answer to that. From what mom said, Dad threatened her, and would not let her contact us at all. So she just stayed away, hoping that we would be safe and come looking for her one day.”568

Jenn almost fell out of her chair, “Why would dad do that? That does not sound like him.” She was stunned with that information. She could not believe their father would do such a horrible thing. She loved him, but that low, even for him, and she knew he could be low with some of the things that he had done before. 569

“Kevin do you have a phone number for mom? Can we call her?” Jennifer asks. She had waited for twenty years, and didn’t want to wait another second to hear her mother’s voice. 570

“Yes Jenn, I have her number right here.” he says as he reaches into his pocket to get the number that was like gold to them. “Before you talk to her sis, I am going to warn you, she is hard to understand over the phone. She has some sort of speech problem, and well it is just hard. OK?” Telling her as he dials their mother’s number.571

“Hi Mom.” he said when she answered the phone. “Yes mom.” Jennifer is on the edge of her seat with anticipation by this time. “Yes mom, she is right here. She wants to talk to you.” Handing the phone to his sister, so they could talk. He hears Ryan stirring, and goes to tend to him while his sister talks to their mother. 572

“Mom. Is that really you?” Jennifer asks as the tears are falling uncontrollably. They spent the next several minutes talking. Not even sure, what they were talking about, she didn’t even care. It was her mother’s voice, sweet as a robin’s song on a spring day in her ear. That was all that mattered to her. She had her babies, and now she had her mother. What more could a girl ask for? 573

Kasey had spent the entire evening trying to reach her brother, and so far had had no luck with it. It had dawned on her just a while ago, that Kevin was supposed to be at Jennifer’s telling her they had found their mother. She wondered how that was going, as her daughter comes running out from her bedroom, “Mommy, let’s call grandma. I want to go see grandma.” Kasey was surprised to hear her daughter, as she was just thinking about her mother. 574

“I tell you what Snuggle bug. We will call grandma tomorrow. It is getting late out there, and you need to get to get to bed.” She tells her as she picks her up and carries her back to bed. “and when we are talking to her, you can ask her when would be a good time for us to come out there ok?” She knew this was hard on the kids, it had been hard on her too. She had spent her entire life not knowing her mother, and now that she had found her, she wanted to go out there just as badly as the kids. But right now, she didn’t have that kind of money, so it would have to wait a while longer.575

Jennifer realized that now she had her mother back, she had everything. There was nothing left in her life that she needed. This is what it was all about, family. But she still couldn’t figure why her father would have been so horrible. She had decided she was going to confront him with that. Even knowing some of the things he had done in the past, this was an entirely new low for him. He had always been one that would holler about how important family was, that family needed to stick together and help each other. 576

Chapter Eighteen577

Jennifer had begun seeing her father through different after that. She knew she had to meet her mother, to see if what she had been told all those years was true. 578

“Dad,” Jennifer said as she went into the office, “Guess what? I talked to Mom last night.” she told her father, as she watched his face go from his normal, happy, full of life look, to one of dismay and turn almost ashen white. She could tell just by the look on his face that this was not going to be a pretty conversation, and had a feeling that she was not going to like what she was going to hear. 579

“Oh” he replied. “How did it go?” hoping that his secrets were still safe. He really didn’t think she was going to tell her anything. 580

“Dad, now that we know where our mother is, don’t you think it is time to tell us everything? You know we are going to ask her.” Jennifer was hoping with a reason like that her father would come clean. 581

“Jenn, why do you push these issues? Aren’t I good enough? Wasn’t I a good dad?” he answered her with more questions.582

Jennifer had to check her tongue, as she almost said that she didn’t think keeping their mother out of their lives with threats was “being a good dad” Or letting her grandmother smack her around, when it was Kevin or Kasey that had done something wrong, was “being a good dad.” The list went on and on like that, but she really didn’t want to get into that at the moment. She just wanted to know why he had kept their mother out of their lives with lies all these years. She didn’t think she was going to get the answers, but she had to try. 583

The next day, Kevin had an lunch meeting at Shari’s, when he almost fell out of his booth. Chris and some girl had come in, and they were kissing and hanging all over each other. Kevin was about as mad as the “mad hatter” He waited to see where they would be seated, and then was going to excuse himself for a minute to speak with Chris. He couldn’t believe he would do this to Jennifer. She trusted everyone to a fault, and had in no way, ever even thought about so much as hurting a fly. She was almost a saint in his eyes, and he had no intention of letting Chris or anyone else hurt her. 584

Asking to be excused for a minute, Kevin went over to where Chris was sitting.585

“Chris, may I speak with you for a minute?” Kevin says as he almost pulls him out of the booth. After they were outside in the parking lot, “Chris what the hell are you doing?” Kevin asks him.586

“What are you talking about Kevin?” Chris said using the innocent schoolboy, act that he had perfected over the years. He knew it worked with Jennifer, it always worked with the girls. He couldn’t live without girls, and lots of them in his life. Jennifer had been an easy target, just coming out of a bad marriage, and so gullible. He had it made. 587

AJ had begun to ask lots of questions as to why Chris was never home any more, and Jennifer had been doing her best to avoid answering him. She would just find a way to change the subject. She had a feeling deep down, what was going on, but really didn’t want to believe it. She loved Chris with every fiber of her being. There is nothing that she would not do for him. Kevin had been coming around quite a bit lately, and really had become his sister’s confidant.588

“Sis,” Kevin begins, “I know you don’t want to talk about this, but I think it is time we did just that.” He said as they sat down for a cup of coffee. “Why do you put up with Chris? You know he is cheating on you right?”589

“Where did you get that idea Kev?” she asks her brother. 590

“Oh come on sis, you really can’t be that blind.” he tells her, knowing that “Love is blind” as the saying goes. He really couldn’t believe that she had no idea. “Jenn, I saw Chris with another girl today, they were all lovey-dovey, all over each other.” Kevin tells his sister, as she sat there looking like her entire world had just fell in around her ears. 591

Jennifer could not believe what she was hearing. Chris…cheat…another girl… 592

“What? Where? When? Who?” Jenn kind of stammers out. This was beyond words. Didn’t he realize she would have given her life for him and/or the boys. She loved them all! Kevin knew his sister well enough to know that she was going to be in shock for a while, so he poured them both some more coffee, while she was digesting the news. Kevin didn’t mind being the one to tell Jenn about their mother, but hated to be the one to tell her this. This was beyond words. He had never seen his sister looking like this. She had gone from her normal cheerful self, to one that was very sullen and almost looked green with fear. Kevin was so happy that the boys were with Tammy at that moment. Tammy had taken them so that Derek could have someone to play with for a while, and so that Jenn could get a few Christmas presents without the boys around. 593

Chapter Nineteen594

Deciding this was a time when she needed her mom, Jenn remembered that Kevin had given her the phone number, and calls her mom. This is what mom’s are for, right? she thinks as she is dialing the number. She was thrilled that she could actually call her mom, and talk about this with her. She wasn’t sure how to feel. The man she adored, that she loved more than anything was seeing another woman. She was so glad that she had her mom to talk to now more than ever. She must have spent about an hour on the phone with her mother, and felt a bit better afterwards. She was ready to confront Chris, and decided she needed Tammy to keep the boys that night if at all possible so her and Chris could be alone to talk. Tammy agreed to keep them over night, but would have to bring them home on her way to take Derek to the doctors around eight in the morning. Jenny said that would be fine. She knew Tammy had enough diapers and formula for Ryan as she always over packed for him. 595

She was sitting in a darkened living room, stewing when Chris finally came home around midnight. Chris thought he was safe, that Jennifer was in bed, sound asleep, little did he know what was waiting for him when he opened the door. 596

“Hello Chris.” Jennifer said as he started past her.597

“Hi Jenn,” he said almost as if he was dreaming, before it dawned on him, that he had been caught. “Jennifer” he said sitting down, reaching for her, to pull her into his arms.598

“Chris, where have you been? It is almost midnight” she said pulling away from him. 599

“Oh, Jenny, you are not going to believe this. I got stuck behind this truck that broke down, so I stopped to help him, then he offered to take me to dinner. We got to talking and before we realized it, it was 11:30.” 600

“Oh.” Jennifer said, “Who was with you this afternoon when Kevin saw you? You know that young girl that, as Kevin said, she was quite beautiful, and looked as if you could hang the moon in the sky and take her at any minute” Jennifer said through the tears that had once again began to fall. 601

Chris knew he had better think quick, and come up with something good. He had been trying all night and couldn’t think of anything. “Jenn, I am tired, I just want to go to bed, cuddle up next to you, and go to sleep” Hoping that would pacify her. 602

“No, Chris. We are going to talk about this.” Jenny answered him. “I want to know who she is, and why? Were you with her the day I had Ryan? Is that why you never answered your page?”603

Feeling like the world had just collapsed around him, Chris just falls onto the couch. “Jenn” he started to say, and falls asleep almost immediately. Jennifer could not believe it. The nerve of him. Reaching over to wake him up, she has a better idea, going to the kitchen, she gets a jar of mayonnaise out of the refrigerator. She remembered his mother had said that always woke him up like nothing else could. She decided to give it a try. She was gonna talk to him tonight. Whether he liked it or not. Putting the mayonnaise on his back, she thought he was going to go through the roof.604

“What the hell do you think you are doing?” Chris came flying up from the couch.605

“I said we were going to talk about this and that is what I meant.” Jenn tells him as she sets the jar of mayo down. Deciding to keep it handy, just in case she needed it again. 606

“Oh come on Babe, do you really think I would do anything to hurt you? I love you.” Chris said as he reaches for Jenn. He knew if he could get her into his arms that it would be ok. Her resolve to talk would be gone, and he would be home free. Nothing would have to change. He had been doing this for quite a while now, and really loved it. It was almost two A.M. and he was tired, and had to be up in another three hours to help move mail, he just wanted to get some sleep. Melissa had been amazing today, and he was exhausted. Just the thought of Melissa made him shiver with anticipation of the next time they would be together. He just had to make this work out with Jenny. He had already lost contact and visitation with his other kids, he didn’t want to loose these two too. It was hard to believe that he wanted these boys in his life, and he was going to do whatever it took to keep them there. He couldn’t love AJ any more if he had been his own flesh and blood. AJ had been calling him “daddy” for a while now, and he liked it. He didn’t want to loose that. He thought it was great that another man’s son was calling him ‘daddy’ He hadn’t been able to see his kids. Their mother’s didn’t want them seeing him while he was with Jennifer. They thought she was a bit of a bitch. 607

* * * *608

Jennifer had found out how much she enjoyed being able to call her mother any time she wanted to. It was great. She had grown fairly close to her mom in the many phone conversations, and was really beginning to feel the need to meet her. To find out for herself if what her father had told her was true or not. But she had not figured out how to do that. Living on assistance right now, and having to stay home with the boys, really didn’t leave her any extra money for anything. Ryan needed constant care. She was glad that she did not have to many extra medical expenses. With the holiday season approaching, she really wanted to be able to spend them with her mother. That would be a dream come true for her. She had told her mother how she felt, and she had said, it would be great to have her kid’s home for the holidays. She had been wondering what traditions her mother had. Did she have a turkey and all the fixings, or was it a ham and the trimmings for that. Did she have a real fir tree, or a fake one? What was her favorite Christmas carol? Did they go to midnight mass? What? Maybe someday Jennifer would get that dream, now that they had mom back in their lives. 609

She went to the mailbox the next day, and found a surprise. There was a letter from her mom. She felt the tears once again welling up in her eyes. This was the first letter from her mom, since they had found her. She wasn’t sure what to expect, but knew it was going to be something great. No matter how small, it was perfect. She couldn’t wait to open it. Going into the house, getting a cup of coffee, she sits down to open the letter. Inside she found a two hundred dollar money order. She couldn’t believe it. She called Kevin and Kasey to find out if they got a letter from mom too. They both had and each of them said there was two hundred in there for them too. Jennifer couldn’t contain herself. She called her mother and asked why the money. 610

“I want you to take that money and do something fun with it. It is not to be used on any bills or anything like that.” Her mother told her. Jennifer wanted to cry. 611

“Where did you get the money mom?” Jenny asked her.612

“That was from your grandmother’s estate. We sold part of the property, and decided that you kids needed some of the money. Just so you would have something from your grandmother.” 613

Jennifer could not believe what she was hearing. “Do you mean Grandma Wade?” she asked.614

“Yes honey.” Jennifer was amazed. She still had that baby blanket that Grandma had made for her. She had used that blanket as a pillowcase for many years. 615

Chapter Twenty616

As the days turned into weeks, into months, Jennifer and Chris seemed to settle back into a routine, and seemed to be getting along better. Chris had managed to be home more with her and the boys. Jennifer hoped that she was not being lulled into a false sense of security. 617

Being able to talk to her mom, and sending letters back and forth, Jennifer realized that life was good. It was everything that she had dreamed of. Now the only thing that she needed was to be able to “go home” for the holidays. 618

* * *619

They were planning Ryan’s second birthday party, when Jennifer hadn’t been feeling to good, and went in for a checkup. She was stunned when she left the doctor’s office. She was pregnant again, but had been on the pill. How in the world? It made no sense to her. Telling Chris that they were going to have another baby was not going to be easy. Even though things were going better, she wasn’t sure that it would be the best thing in the world, to bring another baby into this relationship. They had been together for almost three years now, and he had been cheating on her. But Jennifer knew that she could not abort the baby or give it up. Those were not options as far as she was concerned. She really hoped this pregnancy was easier than Ryan’s had been. One pre-mature delivery due to complications was more than enough for her. Maybe she would get lucky this time and have that little girl she had dreamed of. Chris had two other daughters that he never saw, and she always wanted a little girl to spoil. She could just see it, the little velvet dresses, and long curly hair that framed an angelic face. She was already getting excited at the possibility. But like with her other two pregnancies, she would not know until she had the baby. She liked it better that way.620

Telling Chris did not go as easily as Jennifer had hoped it would. He did not seem to want this baby, but he knew that Jennifer would never get rid of the baby either. So he had to just deal with it. He was sure it was going to cost him more time away from Melissa, but what could he do? He had to keep Jennifer happy at least for now. He couldn’t risk her leaving him right now, and loosing the boys. They had come to mean the world to him, and now he had another baby on the way. This would be his fifth child, and if he could keep Jennifer in his life, then he would at least see these ones. He never saw his other children. He could not understand why their mothers would not let him see his children, but he had to respect their decisions. 621

Chris knew he had to tell Melissa about Jennifer being pregnant, and that it would mean he would have to spend more time with her till after the baby was born. This was not going to be good. He was hoping he would not loose Melissa over this. He had been with her off and on since high school. 622

* * *623

The first one Jennifer had to call was her mother. She could not wait to tell her she was going to have another grandbaby. She would tell the rest of the family about it after she told her mother. She had never been able to tell her mother anything first till now. She could not believe it, the excitement she felt was beyond words. While talking with her mother, she learned her step dad was not feeling to well, and had to go to the doctors the next day, and he was not telling Jennifer’s mother what for. Jennifer made her mother promise her to call the minute she knew anything. Jennifer had never met them and yet already felt so close to them that she knew she would be devastated if anything happened to either one of them. They talked about her brother and uncle that lived with them for a while and things in general, before Jennifer had to go to fix dinner. She hadn’t even decided what they were having yet, but knew it was going to be something simple. 624

After dinner, Jennifer put AJ in the tub, and told him about the new baby. AJ was so excited. This would give him another baby brother or sister. He loved being a big brother. He thought that was the greatest thing on earth! 625

“Am I going to have another brother, Mommy? Or is it going to be a sister?” he asked as he sort of crinkled his nose up at the thought of a girl. 626

Laughing at his reaction, Jennifer tells her son, “I don’t know. We will just have to wait till the baby gets here to find that out.” His reaction had better than she had hoped for, and much better than Chris’. Chris would just have to get used to the idea. He was going to be a daddy again whether he liked it or not. Jennifer knew that the dream of spending the holidays with her mother, would have to wait for another year at least. The doctors would never let her go to New Hampshire while she was pregnant. Not after she had had such a difficult pregnancy with Ryan. Her mother understood, and said that there would be another year. It seemed that no matter what happened, nothing ever upset her mother. 627

Jennifer and Kevin had become close once again. Jennifer really liked that, because she knew she would be able to count on him if she ever needed him. 628

* * *629

Learning that Jennifer was pregnant again, Alex went back into court to try to take AJ from her. There was no way he was going to let her keep having babies and keep AJ. He belonged with him and Becky. 630

“Jennifer, I want AJ this weekend. We are going to a family reunion and think it would be a good idea to for him to see some of my family.” Alex tells her. 631

Knowing she did not have a choice, she agreed to let Alex pick him later that afternoon. The court order from the divorce said that she had to let Alex have him every other weekend, and every other holiday which also included birthdays. This had been the first time that Alex had called and asked for AJ in almost two months. She couldn’t believe that he had not wanted time with his son. AJ was an amazing little boy. He had a great outlook on life, and was so full of joy and happiness that it was contagious. He always brought smiles to everyone he came in contact with. 632

“AJ,” Jennifer calls to her son, “Your dad is coming over to pick you up for the weekend. You are going to see Great-Grandma, and Grandma, and Uncle Robbie” she tells him. She knew he adored his Uncle Robbie. He was actually his great uncle, but that didn’t matter. Uncle Robbie had baby-sat him many times, and they always had fun together. She felt confidant that with Great-Grandma, Grandma and Uncle Robbie there AJ would be safe. 633

“Mom, I don’t want to go. I don’t like Becky, she is mean.” AJ tells her.634

“I know Bug-A-Boo” she said as she pulled her son into her arms. “But you have to. That is what the court said. And besides, Grandma and Uncle Robbie are going to be there too.” She tells him trying to comfort her son. Whenever Alex wanted AJ this is what happened. He asked, she said ok, and AJ had a fit. He hated spending time over there. Jennifer knew there was more to the story than just that, but she had no idea what. AJ would never tell her. Chris had tried to get it out of him, but he had no luck either. 635

Alex picked AJ up later that day. Jennifer heard Becky yelling from across the parking lot, but could not make out what she was saying. 636

“Do you have a car seat for AJ?” Jennifer asked her ex-husband.637

“What the hell do you think I am? A moron or something, Jenn?” he snaps at her. “Of course I have a car seat. Give me some fucking credit, would you?” as he takes AJ by the hand and heads for his car. 638

Jennifer had a bad feeling about this weekend, but knew she had to let him go. Calling after her son, “I love you Bug. I will see you Sunday afternoon.” She tells him as he goes with Alex. She could not have been more surprised when there was a knock at the door, if someone had told her she won the lottery. It was a courier from the courts delivering a summons for her to appear in court on a matter concerning custody of AJ. She knew then what this visit was all about. Alex was going to use it to try some more of his underhanded tricks to take AJ from her. She should have guessed. She decided then, that from then on, she would not be alone when Alex dropped off or picked up AJ, and if it came down to it, she would find a friend with a video camera to record the exchange every time. This was getting old, and very quickly. She wasn’t sure which one of her friends had a video camera, but was going to find out. 639

Chapter Twenty-One640

Alex brought AJ back on time Sunday afternoon, but did not realize that Jennifer had friends watching from the window. He was too absorbed in what he wanted to tell her, “Jenn, AJ said you are going to have another baby?” Alex asks her.641

“Yes, Alex. What does that matter?” 642

“Well Becky and I think that three kids are to much for you, so go pack AJ things and sign this paper giving us custody. We will take AJ from you, then you and Chris will have just the other two.”643

“You have got to be kidding me?” Jenn replies to her ex-husband. “I have custody of AJ and it is going to stay that way. The judge said you could have him every other weekend, and every other holiday. That is what you get.”644

“Jenn, you know you are not capable of handling three kids. Becky and I will take AJ off your hands, and you can come and see him when you are not too busy with the other two kids.”645

Jenn almost slapped him over that statement. She could not believe what she was hearing. This was insane. But then again, Alex had been hospitalized at Cedar Hills before their divorce. Maybe he needed to go back, she thought. 646

“I will see you in court tomorrow, Alex” as she turns to leave.647

“You fucking bitch” Alex said as he grabbed her, and started to raise his hand to hit her.648

“Alex you really don’t want to do that.” She tells him. “You will regret it if you hit me.”649

“Why? What the hell do you think you can do?” He asked her. “I’ll tell you what the hell you are going to do. You are going to give me AJ, and forget about him. I am his father and he belongs with me.”650

Not realizing that Jennifer had friends watching from her window, he smacked her in the face, and was getting ready to do so again, when suddenly there were several people around her pulling him off of her. Tammy had taken AJ into the house, and had him busy in the bedroom, away from the scene outside. Jennifer had doled out who was to do what if something like this had happened. She knew her son was safe and was in his bedroom, busy with his “Leap Frog” Ryan was in there with AJ and Tammy. The rest of them were outside with her. She knew every one would back her up the next day. 651

She had no idea what had happened that weekend, but had a feeling that it had not been good not after that confrontation with Alex. All she really wanted to do was get inside to AJ and make sure he was okay. Tammy had him busy and she knew he would be okay till she got in there. 652

The next morning, walking into the courthouse, Jennifer had this feeling that this was going to get ugly. Little did she know at that time that Alex’s family was there too. Seeing them, her heart dropped to her toes. She was positive that they were there for Alex. As she sat there listening to each one of them, she could not believe her ears. None of them wanted AJ living with Alex and Becky. They had seen Becky abusing the children that she baby sat for, and didn’t want AJ caught in the middle of it.653

“Mr. Kingsley,” the judge began, “I am not sure that you see the gravity of this situation. Your family has just testified that your wife, has been seen abusing children that she baby-sits for. Do you understand what that implies in this hearing?” 654

“I don’t know what they are talking about.” Alex tells him. “My wife would never hurt a fly, let alone a child. We want AJ, and think that Jennifer being pregnant with another baby, shows irresponsibility. And we are willing to take AJ out of that home and give him a home with two parents.”655

“I see. Mr. Kingsley, I am sorry, but that is not going to happen. AJ will stay with his mother. And if you don’t watch it, you will loose your right to unsupervised visitations. I will not place a child in a home where there is any kind of abuse going on. And furthermore, if I see your name on my docket again, in this matter, I will find something on you or your wife, to make sure that you will never see him again. I am tired of you using this court as a playground anytime that you want to. Am I making myself perfectly clear.” The judge says.656

Feeling relieved, Jennifer knew that the judge meant every word of what he had said. It appeared that she won, and would not have to worry about Alex dragging her to court every time she turned around. It was time to celebrate. Jennifer decided to take AJ and Ryan out for ice cream afterwards. “Tammy, meet me at Dairy Queen with the boys please. We are going to celebrate with the biggest banana split they have.” Jennifer tells her sister when she called her afterwards. 657

“I take it, you won.” Tammy replied.658

“Oh boy, did I ever. I will explain when you get there.”659

Chapter Twenty-Two660

So far this pregnancy had been going ok. There had been no signs of complications, and she was beginning her third trimester. Jennifer called her mother almost once a week to make sure things were going okay out there. Her stepfather was continuing to see his doctor regularly, but still would not say what was going on. Jennifer did not like that at all. But she was three thousand miles away. Once again the holidays were fast approaching, and Jennifer found herself wondering what they were like at her mother’s. There was one Christmas carol, that every time she heard it, made her sit there and cry. It really made her want to be with her mother during this time of year even more. Just as she was thinking about it, turning the radio on in the car, they began to play it, “I’ll be home for Christmas, you can count on me” Jennifer had to pull over to the side of the road, as the tears began to fall once again. This was one dream that she was not going to give up on. One day she would spend them with her mother. That was a promise she had made herself a long time ago. 661

Once again things seemed to be going fairly well at home. Chris had been going to the doctors with her for the checkups. Today they were scheduled for an ultra-sound. Her doctor wanted to make sure things were going well. 662

“Do you want to know what it is?” She asked. 663

“No. I want to be surprised.” Jennifer tells her. 664

Chris had changed his mind, and never told Jennifer, “Yes, I want to know.” 665

“No, we don’t want to know.” Jennifer told her again. “Chris, we agreed, we would not find out.”666

“Jenn, I think we need to know.” he tells her.667

“No. I like the element of surprise” she tells him once again. “Besides we only have a few more months, and the baby will be here. I have a feeling with the way this baby is laying it is going to be a little girl anyways. I am carrying this one so differently than I did either AJ or Ryan.” 668

What Chris had not told her, was that he had figured out how to read the ultra-sounds and already knew it was a boy. So he made a deal with her, that if it was a girl, she could name her, and if it was a boy, he got to name the baby. Jennifer was not to sure of that, but agreed. After all she would be the one filling out the birth certificate when the baby was born. A few days before her next check-up, she felt something sticky on her leg. Knowing what happened with Ryan, she calls her doctor immediately. She was hoping she was not miss carrying now. Her doctor told her to meet her at the Emergency Room. She knew she had to get to Tammy’s first and drop off the other boys. Once again fear was building up in her. Chris was working on a van at the garage her father used for repairs. She called him too, only to find out that he was not there. She couldn’t believe it. Where was he now? She left a message, and headed out the door. She had to concentrate on herself and her baby. 669

In the Emergency Room, her doctor tells her they are sending her back up to Emanuel Hospital, she had all the signs of her placenta tearing away again. She could not believe it. Once in her room up there, knowing what to expect, up to a point, she called her mother and told her. Jennifer could hear the fear in her mother’s voice. She wanted to get to her daughter but right now there was no way that she could either. There was no one that could watch her brother, he needed constant supervision. He had been born with Cerebral Palsy. He had no way of communicating with others. He would only use his “voice box” part of the time. Her mother made her promise her that she would call at least once a day. 670

Jennifer still had not heard from Chris, and all she could think was that he was with another girl somewhere. At that moment in time, she wanted to put her hands around his neck and throttle him. How could he do this to her again? She hoped that someone would find him and he would get up here pretty soon. 671

Jennifer called Tammy and checked on her boys. This was just not fair, why did she have to be the one that was going through this again. The next day when the doctor came in to check on her, her heart fell to her toes, the doctor told her this had better be her last baby. If she were to get pregnant again, they may loose her or the baby or both. It was highly unlikely that they would be able to save both of them. Jennifer had always dreamed of having lots of children. She loved them, and that dream was just crushed. She knew she had to do what ever it took to save her life, and that of her kids. She had not spoken with Chris yet, but told the doctors that she would have her tubes tied after this baby was born. She was not going to risk it again. Chris had finally showed up, and seemed quite happy with the news that Jennifer was not going to be able to have any more kids. He did not understand that she had wanted a large family and this meant that that dream had been shattered. Again, the rest of the family took turns bringing AJ in to see his mother. Jennifer was wondering how long she was going to be there this time. The last time, she laid in that bed for three weeks. She didn’t think she could do it again. God must be punishing her for something awful to allow this to happen two times, she thought. She had always thought she had been a fairly good person. She finally asked to see the hospital chaplain, to see if that would help her feel any better. 672

She was on the phone with her mother a couple of days later, when she went into labor again. Telling her mother she would call her back after the baby was born, she rings for a nurse. Chris just came into the room to visit her, when the nurse said they were about to have a baby. Jennifer was relieved that Chris was there this time. Jennifer had decided if it was a girl she would name her Angelina Jeanne. Chris had decided that his son would be named Yahoo Ronald. They had watched the movie Young Einstein, staring Yahoo Serious the night before, and Chris loved it! Jennifer told him, “No, you are not naming this baby Yahoo. Think of what he would go through in school. Ronald Michael is fine, but NOT Yahoo.” there was no way she was going to let that happen. 673

Two hours later, Ronald Michael made his debut into the world. Like Ryan, he was almost two months premature, and would have to spend some time in the neo-natal unit, but appeared to be breathing fine on his own. His doctor came into her room a few hours later to tell her that Ronald had been born with only one kidney. They did not foresee any problems as there were a lot of people in the world that did just fine with only one kidney. 674

Again Jennifer went home without her baby, but had the other two boys that kept her busy. She knew it would not be long and Ronald would be home with her and his brothers. She settled into a routine of calling the hospital three or four times a day to check on her son, and spending time with her other boys. She was arranging things with family to help her out when Ronald came home, she already knew it was going to be rough for a few weeks. A five year old that never slowed down, a two year old, that wasn’t talking yet, but was always on the go, and a new baby. 675

Jennifer was hoping that since she had the baby now, that when the holidays came this year, she may be able to get to New Hampshire and spend them with her mother. She would just have to wait and see. Having all three of her boy’s home finally, Jennifer was a very tired little lady as each day drew to a close. Even though others were stopping by, things were still crazy. She had no idea that things were going to be that crazy. It seemed things just kept getting crazier by the day. 676

Having to take Ronald into the doctors for a checkup, Jennifer was not prepared for what the pediatrician was about to tell her, “Jenn, I want you to call this doctor and set up an appointment for Ronald with him. He is a cardiologist and I think Ronald needs to be looked at. I am not sure what I am hearing but I would like to check and make sure.” 677

“What is it doctor?” Jennifer asks not liking what she was hearing. This did not sound good at all. 678

“I don’t mean to scare you, but something does not sound right to me. It may be nothing.” he tells her. “Just please do this, and have him send me the results.” 679

Jennifer became terrified. What was wrong with her son, her beautiful baby boy. What had she done to deserve this? This was not fair. Ronald was only a baby. Arriving home, she tells Chris and her father that she had to take him to a heart doctor. She calls the cardiologist and sets the appointment up. The only thing she did not like was that it was in Portland. She hated driving in Portland. She was hoping Chris would take her, he knew that part of town like the back of his hand. 680

The morning of the appointment arrived, and Chris promised he would be home before it was time to leave for the appointment. He had to pick something up for Jennifer’s father. He left his car for her to use, and took hers. Jennifer had no idea why, unless it was because his car was better on gas, the only problem with that was his car was a standard, and Jennifer hated driving a standard. She waited as long as she could for Chris to get back, and he never showed. She would have to take his car and go to Portland alone. 681

After the doctor ran all the test, he asked her to wait so he could go over the preliminary results with her, then he would fax them over to her pediatrician. Ronald became quite fussy after the test were done. He hated them pulling the electrodes off of him. 682

The nurse calls her to go back to the doctor’s office, telling her he would join her shortly. Jennifer was not sure if this was good or bad. She could not read these doctors and nurses like she could the ones in Hillsboro. They all seemed to have plastic masks on that made them look stiff. 683

“Do you mind if I call you Jennifer?” the doctor asks coming in to the office.684

“No, not at all.” Jennifer replies, feeling comfortable for the first time since she had arrived there that morning. 685

“I don’t know how to tell you this, Jennifer. Ronald was born with what is called Pulmonary Stenosis. What that is, is his pulmonary valve is smaller than it should be. He is not getting the amount of blood through it that he should.”686

Jennifer turned white as ghost. This could not be happening to her baby. “What does that mean? Is he going to have to have surgery?” She asks the doctor.687

“Eventually yes. We will have to go in through his thigh and up through his abdomen and insert a balloon into the valve, blow it up to open it. But he is a bit to small to do that right now. We have to let him get a bit bigger. Don’t worry, it is a very simple day procedure. He is in and out in a few hours.” He tells her. Seeing the fear for her son’s life all over face, he assures her he in no immediate danger. 688

Heading back, Jennifer is fighting the tears. She didn’t want to go home, so instead she went over to her father’s. At least she would be able to talk to someone. She had not realized how upset and scared she was till someone helped her out of the car. She had fallen over on to the horn, crying hysterically. Getting her and Ronald inside, her father made her a cup of coffee, and asked her what in the world was going on. Through the sobs, she tells him that Ronald was going to need heart surgery. She had already managed to accept the fact that he had one kidney and that one seemed to work over time. It seemed she was always changing him. 689

Chris came in as they were talking, and caught part of the conversation. Filling him in, Jennifer realized that his attitude changed, and he seemed to grow quite cold. She could not understand this change in him all of a sudden. She didn’t have to wait long to find out. 690

Later that day, they were at home when Chris cornered Jennifer. “Jenn, whose baby is that?”691

Jennifer thought she was going to fall over. She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. He was accusing her of cheating on him, and she knew it was the other way around. “You have to be joking Chris! Ronald is yours. Why would you say such a thing? I love you, and you are the only one I have been with!”692

This was just to much. She knew he had cheated on her, and here he was accusing her of cheating on him. Just because Ronald was not one hundred percent perfect. This was insane. She left the room before she said something she knew she would regret later. 693

She went into the bedroom and called her mother to tell her. She was scared and was not afraid to admit it. Talking with her mother, she seemed to calm down. She had begun to realize that her mother seemed to have a soothing effect on her. She turned to her mother for everything. But isn’t that what they were for? 694

Chapter Twenty-Three695

Chris began to spend more time away from home once again. Jennifer tried talking to him, but nothing seemed to work. He was not listening to her at all. She was beginning to feel as if this relationship was not going to have the “happily ever after” ending to it. 696

“Mom, what am I going to do?” talking with her mother again. They spent a lot of time on the phone, and sending letters back and forth. They seemed to be as close as a mother and daughter could be, even if they had never met. 697

Knowing she could not tell her daughter what to do, but only give advice, Lynda suggest some time apart, that maybe Jennifer should come out for a visit. 698

“Mom, I would love to bring the boys out to meet you, but I don’t have the money to do that.” This was just not fair. They both wanted to see the other, but neither of them had a way to do so just yet. They spent the next hour talking.699

“I love you Mom” Jennifer says as they hang up. It felt good to be able to talk to her mother. It seemed they were on the phone at least once a week, if not more.700

* * *701

Finally, Jennifer had to go back to work, so she started looking for a baby sitter. Tammy couldn’t do it all the time, as she was beginning a class for accounting. She was great with numbers, and could do almost any math problem in her head within seconds. It always had amazed Jennifer, as she struggled with math, and always had a calculator handy. Jennifer finally found a young woman to baby-sit. She seemed to be a nice young woman, and Chris said he knew her mother. That she was a hard worker, and loved children. Chris saw her as the perfect answer to their problem. After Jennifer agreed, they dropped the bomb that she had in no way been prepared for. This young woman, had no home. She would have to live with them. Jennifer was not too sure about this idea. But really had no choice at the moment. She had told her father she would take her route back the next week. She wanted to take this week, and see how Kelly handled the boys. She would test her, by coming and going two or three times during that week, see how things went. Showing her how to check the leads on Ronald’s monitor, and how to make his formula. He had been allergic to almost all formulas they tried him on. They seemed to find one, if mixed a certain way he was able to keep down. So far, Ronald had been the one that really had the health issues, and had to watched the closest. Jennifer kept hoping and praying that he would outgrow all of it. She wanted him to have a normal life. One like AJ had, running and playing, and dong the typical boy stuff. Ryan was just starting to do all that too. She loved watching those two playing together. Things seemed to go ok with Kelly, so Jennifer started relaxing with her around. She had some reserves about her, but they seemed to be unfounded. Settling into a routine, life seemed to be as normal as it could be with three boys, a boyfriend that she adored, and a live in babysitter. 702

* * *703

Coming home one day, Jennifer was shocked beyond words at what she found. There were people all over house passed out. Beer cans everywhere, and someone had vomited in three different places. She was furious! She called Tammy to come pick up her boys asking if she had class that day, and if not if she would keep them for the day. They agreed to meet up the block. Jennifer got her sons ready to go to their aunt’s for the day, telling her she would call her later and update her. 704

Going back home, she had made up her mind that everyone of them in that house was going to pay one way or another. This time when she went back inside she smelled something that she missed the first time, and grew even more furious. Someone had dumped her favorite perfume all over themselves. A seventy-five dollar bottle of French perfume that had been given to her as a gift after Ryan had been born. 705

Hollering as she went through the door, she was determined everyone of them was going to get up and clean her house. She started banging pots and pans in their ears and blaring the music. She knew they would hate it, and would have hangover s but she did not care. This was her home, and she was not going to have things like this around her children. She did not drink, and was not going to allow Kelly or anyone else to have parties here. As they all began to wake up, her temper begins to flair. 706

“What the hell happened here? And whose fucking idea was it?” she yelled. 707

Not a one of them answered her, yet they all tried to get her to quiet down. Jennifer was having no part of being quiet. She intended to make everyone of them regret having that party in her home, around her boys. She was yelling at the top of her lungs, and banging around, and making sure they heard every word. Seeing some of them try to sneak out and get away from her, she throws cups in their direction, “Get your asses back here, and help clean up your fucking mess! I did not make this mess, you assholes did, and I am not cleaning it alone. In fact, I should not do it at all!” Jenn hadn’t been this furious since she tried to put that kids head through the side of a school bus. He had been harassing her and would not leave her alone. She finally blew her stack, and made sure he knew she was not about to take any more. He had decided to leave her alone after that. Chris comes out of the bedroom to see what the racket was all about.708

“It’s about time you got your ass out of bed!” Jenn snaps at him. “What the hell happened here?” 709

Not sure how to answer her, he tries to avoid her and her questions, but did not think that was going to be to easy to do. He had never seen her this mad. “Where the hell is Kelly and whose idea was this fucking party. She had been up working all night, and was in no mood for this. She worked with her father one day a week and four nights a week worked in a nursing home on the graveyard shift. There was no reason she should have to come home to this. 710

“I have no idea what happened here Babe” Chris said trying to appease her. “Have you looked in Kelly’s room for her?” he asked her. 711

“No I came in found this, and every one of these dumb asses passed out, called Tammy, had her meet me up the block, and took the boys over there for the day.” Jenny tells him. She was ready to pass out. It seemed that Chris had no idea what had happened either. Finally deciding to get some sleep, she tells them all, that when she gets up a few hours she expects to find the house the way she left it when she went to work the night before, and that she expected someone to go rent a steam cleaner and clean her carpets. She didn’t even want to see or smell a trace of that party, and if they were smart not a one of them would be there when she got up. She went into lay down, and could hear someone arguing with Chris. They did not feel that they should have to clean up the mess as it was not their home. 712

“If you know what is good for you, you will do what Jenny said” he tells them. “She is pissed. I have never seen her this angry.” Smiling to herself, she settles down for a nap. She had decided to set the alarm so that she would get up two hours later to check on their progress. She was going to make sure they cleaned their mess. 713

Chapter Twenty-Four714

Jennifer had gotten used to taking Ronald in for cardiograms, and such by now. The doctor was surprised at how well he was holding his own, and decided that they would just monitor his progress. He would see him once a year till the surgery had to be done. For some reason, Jennifer found that reassuring. She felt like she could relax a bit, and not worry so much. Once again, Jennifer found herself thinking about the holidays with her mother. It seemed that since they had found her, it was more important than ever to spend at least one holiday season with her. She had been wondering how to do that. She wanted to know her mother, and wanted her boys to know their grandparents. It had been almost six years since she had first heard her mother’s voice. One way or another she was going to spend Christmas with her mother.715

Her mother and stepfather agreed to send her some money so they could come home for Christmas. They worked on the plans for over two months. Jenn could not be more happy and ready for Christmas to arrive. She was finally going to get her wish. Christmas with her mother, stepfather, brother and uncle. 716

The day finally arrived for them to head out. Games and things to occupy the boys, snacks and clothes all in the car, and ready to go. Starting out, everything seemed perfect. Christmas music on the radio, Chris, and the boys all heading for New Hampshire. If everything went according to plan they should be there day after tomorrow. They had only made it about fifty miles when the car broke down. Jennifer could not believe this. 717

“I thought you said the car was all set to go Chris.” she said.718

“I checked it, and everything looked fine.” he told her. He knew how much she had been looking forward to this trip, but really did not want to go himself. He wanted to spend Christmas with his parents. “We might as well turn around, so we can get back before it gets too dark, and I can look at it in the morning.” 719

Jennifer agreed, but was heart broken. She would call her mother when they got back and tell her so she would not worry. 720

“Hi Mom.” Jennifer said when her mother answered the phone. Instantly her mother knew something was wrong. She could hear it in her daughter’s voice. 721

“We had to turn around mom, the car broke down, and it is too late to find parts tonight. Chris is going to find out what is wrong and get the car fixed tomorrow, then we will be on our way.”722

Her mom was more than understanding, and didn’t want her daughter on the road with a car that was not running safely. They had waited twenty two years already, one or two more days was not going to make that much of a difference.723

Jennifer could not believe this was happening. She had waited her whole life to spend Christmas with her mom, now that she the chance to go, she couldn’t. She was really hoping it was only a day or so delay. That same feeling she had the day she graduated was growing in her gut once again. She had a feeling it wasn’t going to happen again this year. 724

Chris had not seemed to happy about spending the next few days driving and more time with Jennifer’s newly found family. He was not one to welcome any kind of interruptions into his life. 725

Melissa had been giving him a hard time about taking Jennifer to New Hampshire. She wanted to spend Christmas with him., and thought Jennifer was being incredibly unfair by asking him to take her out there.726

Kelly had agreed to house sit while they were gone. There was nothing she would not do for Chris. 727

“Kelly, you here?” Jennifer said coming through the door. 728

“What are you doing back?” she asked coming out of her room. 729

“The car broke down. Chris is gong to have to look at it tomorrow and we’ll try again” Jennifer said. “Help me put the boys to bed.”730

* * 731

Jennifer had just got out of the shower, after checking on the boys, she went to find Chris. She just wanted to be held, she had been so excited and now felt as if the world was out to knock her off the edge of it. When she found Chris and Kelly, they grew quiet rather quickly. Jennifer suddenly felt sick to her stomach, she had seen this one too many times.732

“What’s going on here?” she asked, knowing they weren’t going to tell her the truth. She had a feeling she already knew.733

“Jenn, you need to relax” Chris said as he takes her in his arms, leaving Kelly to storm out of the room. 734

It seemed she was always coming in behind Jennifer. She hated that. Since she had moved in there as the baby sitter, she had fallen head over heels in love with Chris and said he loved her, but would not leave Jennifer. He wanted to be a part of the boys lives. Kelly had agreed to living this way until the boys were a bit older. 735

* *736

Jennifer had been right, they needed to order some parts for the car, and it was going to take two weeks for them to come in. This was horrible, she felt as if her world had just been crushed.737

“Hi mom,” Jennifer said when her mother answered the phone. “No, we can’t get there. We have to order parts for the car, and they won’t be in for at least two weeks.”738

Chapter Twenty-Five739

Chris ended up getting his way, they spent Christmas with his family. Jennifer did her best to enjoy herself. She had been looking at Chris’ sister, Laurie, trying to figure out where she knew her from. Try as she might, she couldn’t figure it out.. Laurie’s daughter had taken to her cousins and they were all playing with the Lego’s that Grandma and Grandpa had gotten for them. It was a seven thousand piece set, that was to stay there so they would have something to play with when they came over. 740

“How old is AJ?” Laurie asked Jenn. She had the feeling she knew Jennifer from somewhere too.741

“He’s five,” Jenn answered her. “How old is Ashley?”742

“Just turned five,” Laurie tells her. They spent the next several minutes talking, when they figure out how they knew each other. They had shared a hospital room when AJ and Ashley were born. It dawned on them then just how small this world truly is. 743

* *744

Jennifer walked in on Chris and his father as they were talking, “Chris, what do you think you are doing? Jennifer is the best thing that has happened to you. How long do you think she is going to put up with your games?”745

“Dad, I can handle Jenn.” he said, thinking he had Jennifer wrapped around his little finger so tightly she would never be able to break free. He could have his cake and eat it too, and he liked it that way.746

“Chris, think about it,” he began, “You have been through, how many girls from the time you were fifteen. To be honest with you, I lost count after fifty. When are you going to grow up and make an honest woman of Jennifer. She is the mother of your sons.”747

By this time Jennifer had heard enough, she quietly backed out of the room before she was seen. She didn’t want to intrude on what Peter was trying to do for her. She hadn’t realized how much Chris’ parents liked her before this. 748

Hearing what Chris’ father was saying made Jennifer realize that she did have someone on her side. This might make Chris, realize what he had. Jennifer was going to find a way to get Peter aside and thank him for his support. 749

Maybe this was going to be a decent Christmas after all, she thinks as she heads back to the kitchen to help Chris’ mother with dinner. 750

* *751

She found that Chris’ parents were understanding and accepting of her. Jenny hoped that she deserved the approval and acceptance they were showing her. She found that the more time her and Laurie spent talking, she enjoyed her company. Jenny found herself hoping that she would find a friend in her soon to be sister in law. Chris had proposed and bought her the most beautiful diamond a girl had ever seen. 752

Jennifer had agreed to marry him, because she wanted her boys to have a father. She adored Chris, and thought they could make it work. She knew for that to happen they would have to move and start over somewhere. She was hoping that maybe one day, she would be able to move to New Hampshire. 753

Chapter Twenty-Six754

Jennifer kept trying to get Chris to set a date for the wedding, but he never wanted to. He always had something more important to do. Jennifer had begun to wonder if he would ever be ready to set the date. All she could do, was wait patiently, and hope that one day he would be ready to set the date. She had been ready the day he asked her to marry him. They had come through so much by this time that Jennifer knew they could conquer anything. 755

Jennifer had not been at all prepared for what happened next. She had thought for quite sometime that there was more to the relationship between Chris and Kelly then they had let on. She just had no proof, that is until she picked up the mail one day, and saw an envelope from the state addressed to Chris. She was not sure what it was all about but she knew she would find out one way or another. She had sometime before Chris got home from his job at the track, to think about what she wanted to do. The more she thought on it, the madder and more scared she got. 756

She decided the best thing to do would just be hand the papers to Chris, and make sure he opened them with her there. She knew this was not going to be pretty so she prepared herself for a fight. 757

Jennifer had decided that she would stand by Chris in whatever it was, after all she did love him with her whole heart. He was the father of her boys, even though he still thought Ronald belonged to someone else. 758

Never once would he do things with Ronald, like he would the other two boys. Taking them to the track where he worked and letting them drive the cars. He would let Ryan help fix cars, and AJ would get to go on trips with him. 759

Ronald had noticed the differences and felt it. He was always asking Jennifer,760

“Why doesn’t daddy love me? Why won’t he take me with him?” Jennifer had found little ways to appease Ronald for the time being, but knew it would not be so easy as her son got older. Ronald was a very sensitive child, and with his several health problems, and his stuttering, she could only do so much for him. He needed his father’s love, yet was never allowed to feel it. Never had been allowed to know it. Chris always kept his distance from Ronald. AJ seemed to sense something, and once in a while would push Chris to take Ronald with them. 761

AJ had become Ronald’s ambassador. Always looking out for him, and making sure Chris and he did spend time together. Jennifer was so proud of AJ and the way he stuck up for his baby brother. She was thinking that she had the perfect idea of telling her son that when she had had the baby, that it was “his baby” to help mommy with. It seemed to make an unbreakable bond between her boys. She knew they would always be there for each other, no matter what happened in there lives. 762

Seeing that Chris was coming up the driveway, Jennifer prepares herself for the fight that she was sure was about to happen. In some ways she was ready and other ways, she was not. With papers and coffee in hand, she goes to meet him. 763

“Hey Babe” Chris says as Jennifer comes out to meet him. 764